" . . . and now, a man who wants to check your home for radon . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Following the monologue, Dave introduces Paul and the CBS Orchestra and then makes his way over to the desk. The camera stays on the band. During this time, Executive Producer Barbara Gaines gives Dave a late-breaking note. Dave grabs her by the arm and won't let her go. Director Jerry Foley delayed going back to Dave as long as he could but then is left with no choice. We cut to Dave with a tight hold on Ms. Gaines. Barbara tries mightily to free herself from the grasp, but Dave keeps hold, sharing the TV screen with the camera-shy Gaines.

Amy Winehouse was hospitalized yesterday in London. She has since been released and is now recovering at home. Amy's publicist has released this statement.
Announce:

"Amy Winehouse would like to assure her fans that she's doing well after her most recent stay in the hospital. Amy would like everyone to know that this incident had nothing to do with illicit narcotics. She was mauled by the raccoon that lives in her hair.
A message from Amy Winehouse."

Do we have any submarine captains in the audience? Dave saw something he thinks might interest them.
Announce:

"Russian scientists have successfully descended to the bottom of Siberia's Lake Baikal, the world's deepest lake, reaching a depth of 5,500 feet. What did they find at such a staggering depth . . . . . . (exuberant) . . . . President Bush' poll numbers! Do you have a submarine joke you'd like to see on the show?
Sent it to:
Cap'n Dave's Submarine Showdown.
New York, New York 10019.
Ahoy!!!"

"After two thrilling mummy films, adventurer Rick O'Connell is back! Join our hero as he travels through hundreds of miles of treacherous desert, only to discover his most mysterious, horrifying mummy yet. . . . ."
(cut to show of Larry King)
"'The Mummy.' Opens this Friday."

During the commercial break, P&theB perform James Brown's "Sex Machine."

ACT 2:
It's summer. It's hot. It's time to play a new game, "Hot Enough For You?" We head over to Rupert's "Hello Deli" to say hello to Rupert. Dave questions Rupert's working hours and suggests a few ideas to make the Hello Deli the place to go to while visiting Manhattan. Ideas: free soda, free mugs, free sandwiches, T-shirts for $1 during the Midnight Special. Rupert quickly calculates the financial benefits of "free" and pretends the idea is worth considering.
Dave has Rupert go fetch a contestant to play "How Enough For You?" It's Bob Lubin of Cayuga Falls, Pennsylvania.
Dave asks if he is sure Cayuga Falls is in Pennsylvania. Bob says he is pretty sure. What brings Bob to New York City? Bob is here to have surgery done on his elbow.
How to play "Hot Enough For You?"
-Bob will go outside and try to determine the temperature.
What are we playing for? Alan: "A new robotic massage chair!"
And what is today's temperature? 92 degrees.
We are ready:
Bob:
- "So I have to guess the current temperature?" - yes.
- "The 'feel like' temperature or the actual temperature?" - actual temperature.
- "Do I get anything extra if I also guess the barometric pressure?" - Sure.
- "How will I know if I'm right or not?" - Dave will tell him.
- "And if I'm right, I win a thermometer? - no
- "Why no thermometer?" - the thermometer is built right into the chair.
- "Does the chair have lumbar support?" - Yes, pretty sure
- "How will it look in my den?" - Dave has no idea
- "Do I get any time outs?" - no
- "Where was the chair made?" - that's enough; let's forget the whole thing.

The girls bring in the Hello Deli deli platter.
- "Where's the chair? Do I get the chair?" - no

Dave tells Bob, "I don't know if your friend or family ever told you but you're a pain in the ass."

We go to commercial. I hope the chair ends up in the free box.

During the commercial break, Bruce Kapler sang Van Morrison's "Domino"

KEVIN COSTNER
It's been 11 years since Kevin Costner was last here. What's Kevin like to do for his summers? Kevin spends time at the beach in Santa Barbara. And he is active at the beach. Kevin likes to go spear fishing. With a spear fishing gun? No spear gun; more of a poke and jab spear. What's the biggest fish he ever landed with a spear? Costner says he once nailed a 59-pound halibut. At first I was impressed, but the better question would have been "What's the smallest fish you ever landed with a spear?" It's easy to spear a 59-pound halibut, but has Costner ever speared a guppy? Now that would be impressive. How about a shark? Ever spear a shark? Kevin hasn't, and says it's important to figure out what not to poke. Ahhh, words to live by.
Kevin also likes to hunt. He says when in the water or in the wilderness, you become part of the food chain. Most people don't realize that. Kevin admits to a guilty pleasure of watching newbies trying to befriend the animals in the wild. He likes watching the stupid. That bear over there . . . . no, that's not Yogi Bear, that's a wild bear. That moose is not Bullwinkle. It'll kill you if you get in the way.
Kevin has a place in Colorado. He got married there and the reception included a rodeo. The guests took part in a cow-penning competition which entertained for hours. From a crowd of 20 cows, you would have to pen 3 chosen cows while you rode on horseback. Hmmm, I don't think I could get that one past my wife; a rodeo for a wedding reception. But I think Kevin had the right idea. What sounds like more fun . . . . cow-penning or the Hokey-Pokey?
Kevin's new film, "Swing Vote" opens this Friday. One man's vote --- Kevin's --- will decide the next President of the United States. It's how we should all feel.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Pamela Anderson; from 'Pineapple Express' actor James Franco; and musical group Atmosphere.
The Late Show! Home of the 2008 Summer Olympics.
We'll be right back."

ACT 6
BOB SARLATTE
Bob will celebrate his 25th year as the field announcer for the San Francisco 49ers. Dave is impressed with Bob's physical appearance and wonders how he keeps in such great shape. Does he go to some "swanky gym by the airport?" No. Bob goes to the Olympic Club in San Francisco. He mentioned the Olympic Club twice, I think in hopes of getting a free year membership. The club has a bunch of old guys as members who can't remember each other's names. Greetings usually consists of, "Hey! There's the man!" and "There he is!"
How does Bob spend his free time? Bob says he likes to head down to Mexico to drink and screw around with a lot of his cop friends. Good idea. Bob says he likes to go to Mexico because he's learned to like Mariachi music. And no matter what song you hear from a Mariachi band, it always ends the same way. Bob gives an example, which is picked up by Paul.
And Bob became a hero not too long ago, saving the life of a pair of fallen men. He saw two floppy overweight fellows drinking much too much at an outdoor seaside bar and being egged on by his friends. Bob later found them beached, mere inches from the incoming tide. Bob dragged them to safety. I've always heard that when you come across something like that you should leave it alone because the mother will smell you and then ignore it.

ACT 7:
LOW vs DIAMOND: From their CD, "Low vs Diamond," Low vs Diamond performed "Heart Attack."

And that was our show for Tuesday, July 29, 2008.



There's a book called "Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do (and What It Says About Us.)" by Tom Vanderbilt. One of the things he found was drivers who look for the "best" parking spot at the mall spend MORE time getting to the store than those who simply take the first empty spot they see. Ahhhhh, yes. That is going on my refrigerator, and a copy in the glove compartment. I've had "discussions" with my wife about this . . . many times. I'll be giving this book a look-see, touted in Tuesday's USA Today.

I was watching The Who in concert on the VH-1 Classic channel the other day. As with most concerts I watch on the TV, each camera shot lasted no more than 2 seconds. Want to see Roger Daltrey? . . . . . there he is! There he goes! Peter Townshend . . . there he . . . oh, darn, he's gone. What's with constant camera cuts when broadcasting a concert? I wish the director would keep his grubby fingers off the concert and just show the concert. Let the show be the show! There's no need to "create" action when Roger Daltrey and Peter Townshend are on stage. THEY are the action. Stop the distraction.

It's all the talk at Sardi's! Tom Stoppard's "Rough Crossing" continues with sellout crowds at the Dragon Theatre in Palo Alto through Aug. 3. Great reviews, good audience reaction. Directed by Dave Sikula, "Rough Crossing" plays Thursday-Saturday at 8pm and Sunday at 2pm through Aug. 3 at the Dragon Theatre, 535 Alma St., Palo Alto. Tickets are $20/$25. Don't just sit there, get there!

At the Springsteen concert Sunday night, I said to the guy next to me, "I hear Southside Johnny might show up tonight." (That joke is for me)

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Cedar Rapids, Iowa, it's Katyna Smith.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com