DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Mary-Kate Olsen; Jim Gaffigan; and Gavin DeGraw. PLUS:A Message from the State Department; a Top Ten List; a Visit From Lyle the Intern; Mark Odgers Leaps Over 10 Interns and Dunks a Basketball; and Tonight’s Show is Delivered to the Museum of Television and Radio.
“ . . . and now, Treasury Secretary under Nixon . . . . David Letterman.
ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave took another LATE SHOW Applause Poll to hear how many in the audience would vote for Barack Obama and how many would vote for John McCain. Wednesday night he first asked how many would vote for Obama. Tonight he asked for McCain first. I don’t know if Dave did this purposely but I believe it’s the proper way to get a valid reading. Wednesday night’s audience clearly sided with Barack Obama. Tonight it was closer, but it was still Obama. But it may have been even closer than you think since the Barack supporters were more enthusiastic. 100 loud Barack supporters sound greater than 100 quiet McCain supporters but when the tally count is made, it’s still 100-100.
Even the most tepid supporter for candidate A is equal to the most fervent and vociferous supporter for Candidate B when it comes to the vote count.
Tonight on 53rd Street, once again, is Mark Odgers. Mark is from Columbus, Ohio but now lives on 77th Street. Sounds like he moved from Columbus, Ohio to Columbus Avenue.
Last Friday on our show, Mark leaped over 10 interns. Tonight he will be attempting to jump over 10 interns again AND slam dunk a basketball. We take a look at our cowering half-score of interns. Don’t feel bad for them. They’re getting credit for this. At the end of the line is a basketball hoop Mark will dunk the basketball.
Dave reads off the weather conditions and announces today’s Celebrity Birthday: Star of “Will & Grace,” Sean Hayes is 38 years old today.
OK, we’re ready. Mark goes into deep thought and then races down 53rd Street towards the line of interns. At the last second, Mark pulls off to the side. What happened? Mark says a cloud drifted in front of the sun and it freaked him out. Wow! What a showman!
Mark tries again. He runs west towards the Hudson, jumps onto a trampoline, grabs a basketball from one of the interns, does a flip over the 10 credit-earning college students, and then slam-jam dunks the basketball through the hoop. Good for two points!
Success, and no one got hurt. Nice job, Mark.
Not sure what we can do next time with Mark but we’ll think of something.
ACT 2:
Before continuing, Dave gives a shout-out to anyone about to have hip replacement surgery. Back where I watch the show, we look around not knowing where Dave is going with this. He knows something or someone, but nobody else does.
President Bush announced he will lift sanctions on North Korea, a country he once dubbed as “evil.” It’s all covered in the official announcement from the State Department. Announce: “In a remarkable turnaround, President Bush has decided to lift key trade sanctions against North Korea after they fulfilled an important step in the denuclearization process. As a result, we can also announce that North Korea will be removed from the notorious ‘Axis of Evil’ and added to the less severe, but equally annoying, ‘Axis of Assholes.’
The U.S. State Department: Tastes so good cats ask for it by name.”
Dave revisits: “If you’re having the hip replacement surgery, you’re OK just as long as the power saw doesn’t wake you up.”
Dave catches a glimpse of himself in the monitor. He says sarcastically, “I look fabulous, don’t I?” His hair is here and there. “I look like I did when I was drinking.”
I missed what led up to this next line out of the blue: “No, dad, why would she want to steal your socks?” I imagine Dave is speaking the line of a son or daughter trying to soothe the suspicions of his or her dad in the hospital. Dad thinks the nurse is stealing his socks.
And when you get the hip replacement, you can’t cross your legs for 6 weeks. And you have to get one of those grabber-things to help you get stuff, you know, like a grocer uses to get something off the top shelf.
TOP TEN: Ways Kim Jong-Il Can Improve His Image. 8. Open popular pizza chain “Papa Jong’s” 4. Adopt new catchphrase: “I’m a bad wittle dictator.”
At the end of the Top Ten animation, we find Lyle the Intern sitting in the guest chair. He brought a martini for Dave. Lyle is smoking a cigarette. You can watch Lyle's segment in its entirety simply by clicking on the appropriate link in the "Late Night on the Late Show" column to the right.
ACT 3: MARY-KATE OLSEN: She was only 6 months old when she started show business on the Full House. How’d she get the gig with her sister? Mary-Kate says her mother took them to the audition and they didn’t cry. Dave exclaims, “That’s why I hired Paul!”
Mary-Kate and her twin sister Ashley turned 22 recently and they went to Nashville to see a bunch of concerts and rented out a huge RV to travel around Tennessee.
On my 22nd birthday, I drank a quart of beer in my parent’s basement.
Mary-Kate’s new movie, “The Wackness,” opens in select cities on July 3rd. In the movie, she makes out with Sir Ben Kingsley. It is mentioned that Dave and Sir Ben are of similar age. Dave giggles and says, “You kissed an old guy.” Mary-Kate laughs and says, “Gandhi.” How many people can say they did that?
Mary-Kate went to the same high school as Spencer Pratt. Spencer is on the MTV show, “The Hills” and was on our show just the other day. Dave is a fan of “The Hills” and wonders how a guy that young can be so slimy already. I don’t know . . . . Los Angeles?
ACT 4:
Dave shows a photo of Paul in his big shades and compares it to a photo of Kojak, Telly Savalas. There is quite the likeness. As Dave and Paul compare the two, the screen suddenly goes to static. After a few seconds, we cut to our videotape editor Tom Catusi taking a tape out of the machine. He exits the building and the camera follows him walking the streets of New York City. Tom makes his way to the Paley Center for Media. He takes the elevator to his destination. He enters a gentleman’s office. Tom drops off the tape of tonight’s show at the Museum of Television and Radio. Tom leaves. Dave calls out to Tom, wanting to know what’s going on. TOM: “Tonight’s show was so good, I wanted to drop it off at the Museum of TV and Radio for safekeeping.” DAVE: “ . . . . . Tom . . . . are you being sarcastic?” TOM: “Yes.”
ACT 5: ANNOUNCE: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, Morgan Freeman, from ‘The Big Bang Theory,’ actress Kaley Cuoco, and musical group Wild Sweet Orange.
The Late Show – we guarantee you’ll laugh or your next viewing is on us.
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: JIM GAFFIGAN: From the TBS comedy series, “My Boys.” He’s also about to go on tour, “The Sexy Tour,” starting July 11th in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Jim talks about camping. He doesn’t like it much, but his wife says it’s a tradition in her family.
“Camping . . . it was a tradition in everyone’s family till they invented houses.” Jim says his parents never took him camping because his parents loved him.
Jim likes hammocks. It’s the lazy man’s throne. It’s like a giant net to catch lazy people. Hammocks . . . sold in the sporting goods section. Doesn’t quite make sense, does it?
What kind of activities does Jim like? He likes bowling. Any sport you can play and eat at the same time is fine with Jim. Heck, bowling even built an ashtray right into the equipment. But it’s not the most hygienic sport. You wear shoes that have been worn by thousands and you put your fingers into holes that have never been cleaned.
Jim Gaffigan . . . very funny man.
ACT 7: GAVIN DEGRAW: From his self-titled CD, Gavin DeGraw performed “In Love With A Girl.”
And that was our show for Thursday June 26, 2008.
We tried a new format tonight. Dave did the Active-Live piece in the ACT 1 from the monologue mark. How long will that last? I don’t know. Just something we tried to see how it went.
My girls are headed to New Haven, Connecticut this week to compete in the D2 National Basketball Tournament. I have no idea what to expect. The team played very well this year, winning many games by 20, but they were also on the other end of some games by 20. But the games don’t really matter. They’ll be staying at a hotel that has an indoor pool.
While I’m in Connecticut, I’ll be picking up some fireworks. They’re illegal in New York, but you can buy them at K-Mart in Connecticut. Does that make any sense? The fireworks are nothing big; just some shooting sparks from a bunch of different-shaped cones. And sparklers. Lots and lots of sparklers. I give the sparklers to the parents in the neighborhood. I tell all of them that there will be one child who burns her finger; don’t let it by yours. They know the dangers but greedily grab at the sparklers anyway.
Back in my day, we’d have cherry bombs, ash cans, and M-80s. And you’d always hear about one kid from the other neighborhood who lit an entire brick of firecrackers at once.
Here’s something to do at home. The commercial breaks you see on the TV while watching the LATE SHOW are the same length every night.
1st break: 3:40.
2nd break: 4:15
3rd break: 3:20
4th break: 2:55
5th break: 2:00
6th break: 3:10
And while we are taping, we stick to those times even though we don’t really have to. The first commercial break you see at home is 3:40, and the break we take here is also 3:40. We try to keep true to time. But when we have a guest who remains for two segments, the breaks here at the theater are much shorter. You may see a 3:20 break at home between the ACT 3 and ACT 4, but here at the theater if the guest remains, it could be only 30 seconds. So the next time a guest stays out for two ACTS (Morgan Freeman Friday night), you can tell how long OUR break was by listening to the music Paul is playing in and out of commercial. And if you’re really that interested in that kind of stuff . . . you need to find a hobby.
And now it’s time for “LATE NIGHT The Day They Were Born.”
Mary-Kate Olsen was born June 13, 1986. So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Mary-Kate was born?
LATE NIGHT was in a week of repeats, but it returned on Monday, June16th. So, what happened on Late Night the day Mary-Kate Olsen was 3 days old? June 16, 1986; Show #720: Walk to Donahue Studio 8G; Top Ten Advantages of New Studio Over Old Studio; Connie Chung; Dave takes out tooth; Real Books; Penn & Teller with Rat Trap Roulette; and Bob Sarlatte. Plus: Thrill Cam.
And that’s what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Mary-Kate Olsen was 3 days old.
The results are in. The horse Letterman’s Humor ran at Delaware Park on Wednesday June 25th in the 7th race. Going off at 8 to 1, Letterman’s Humor finished in 6th place out of 6, also known as last.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Vienna, Virginia, it’s Pete Hayward.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Mary-Kate Olsen; Jim Gaffigan; and Gavin DeGraw. PLUS:A Message from the State Department; a Top Ten List; a Visit From Lyle the Intern; Mark Odgers Leaps Over 10 Interns and Dunks a Basketball; and Tonight’s Show is Delivered to the Museum of Television and Radio.
“ . . . and now, Treasury Secretary under Nixon . . . . David Letterman.
ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave took another LATE SHOW Applause Poll to hear how many in the audience would vote for Barack Obama and how many would vote for John McCain. Wednesday night he first asked how many would vote for Obama. Tonight he asked for McCain first. I don’t know if Dave did this purposely but I believe it’s the proper way to get a valid reading. Wednesday night’s audience clearly sided with Barack Obama. Tonight it was closer, but it was still Obama. But it may have been even closer than you think since the Barack supporters were more enthusiastic. 100 loud Barack supporters sound greater than 100 quiet McCain supporters but when the tally count is made, it’s still 100-100.
Even the most tepid supporter for candidate A is equal to the most fervent and vociferous supporter for Candidate B when it comes to the vote count.
Tonight on 53rd Street, once again, is Mark Odgers. Mark is from Columbus, Ohio but now lives on 77th Street. Sounds like he moved from Columbus, Ohio to Columbus Avenue.
Last Friday on our show, Mark leaped over 10 interns. Tonight he will be attempting to jump over 10 interns again AND slam dunk a basketball. We take a look at our cowering half-score of interns. Don’t feel bad for them. They’re getting credit for this. At the end of the line is a basketball hoop Mark will dunk the basketball.
Dave reads off the weather conditions and announces today’s Celebrity Birthday: Star of “Will & Grace,” Sean Hayes is 38 years old today.
OK, we’re ready. Mark goes into deep thought and then races down 53rd Street towards the line of interns. At the last second, Mark pulls off to the side. What happened? Mark says a cloud drifted in front of the sun and it freaked him out. Wow! What a showman!
Mark tries again. He runs west towards the Hudson, jumps onto a trampoline, grabs a basketball from one of the interns, does a flip over the 10 credit-earning college students, and then slam-jam dunks the basketball through the hoop. Good for two points!
Success, and no one got hurt. Nice job, Mark.
Not sure what we can do next time with Mark but we’ll think of something.
ACT 2:
Before continuing, Dave gives a shout-out to anyone about to have hip replacement surgery. Back where I watch the show, we look around not knowing where Dave is going with this. He knows something or someone, but nobody else does.
President Bush announced he will lift sanctions on North Korea, a country he once dubbed as “evil.” It’s all covered in the official announcement from the State Department. Announce: “In a remarkable turnaround, President Bush has decided to lift key trade sanctions against North Korea after they fulfilled an important step in the denuclearization process. As a result, we can also announce that North Korea will be removed from the notorious ‘Axis of Evil’ and added to the less severe, but equally annoying, ‘Axis of Assholes.’
The U.S. State Department: Tastes so good cats ask for it by name.”
Dave revisits: “If you’re having the hip replacement surgery, you’re OK just as long as the power saw doesn’t wake you up.”
Dave catches a glimpse of himself in the monitor. He says sarcastically, “I look fabulous, don’t I?” His hair is here and there. “I look like I did when I was drinking.”
I missed what led up to this next line out of the blue: “No, dad, why would she want to steal your socks?” I imagine Dave is speaking the line of a son or daughter trying to soothe the suspicions of his or her dad in the hospital. Dad thinks the nurse is stealing his socks.
And when you get the hip replacement, you can’t cross your legs for 6 weeks. And you have to get one of those grabber-things to help you get stuff, you know, like a grocer uses to get something off the top shelf.
TOP TEN: Ways Kim Jong-Il Can Improve His Image. 8. Open popular pizza chain “Papa Jong’s” 4. Adopt new catchphrase: “I’m a bad wittle dictator.”
At the end of the Top Ten animation, we find Lyle the Intern sitting in the guest chair. He brought a martini for Dave. Lyle is smoking a cigarette. You can watch Lyle's segment in its entirety simply by clicking on the appropriate link in the "Late Night on the Late Show" column to the right.
ACT 3: MARY-KATE OLSEN: She was only 6 months old when she started show business on the Full House. How’d she get the gig with her sister? Mary-Kate says her mother took them to the audition and they didn’t cry. Dave exclaims, “That’s why I hired Paul!”
Mary-Kate and her twin sister Ashley turned 22 recently and they went to Nashville to see a bunch of concerts and rented out a huge RV to travel around Tennessee.
On my 22nd birthday, I drank a quart of beer in my parent’s basement.
Mary-Kate’s new movie, “The Wackness,” opens in select cities on July 3rd. In the movie, she makes out with Sir Ben Kingsley. It is mentioned that Dave and Sir Ben are of similar age. Dave giggles and says, “You kissed an old guy.” Mary-Kate laughs and says, “Gandhi.” How many people can say they did that?
Mary-Kate went to the same high school as Spencer Pratt. Spencer is on the MTV show, “The Hills” and was on our show just the other day. Dave is a fan of “The Hills” and wonders how a guy that young can be so slimy already. I don’t know . . . . Los Angeles?
ACT 4:
Dave shows a photo of Paul in his big shades and compares it to a photo of Kojak, Telly Savalas. There is quite the likeness. As Dave and Paul compare the two, the screen suddenly goes to static. After a few seconds, we cut to our videotape editor Tom Catusi taking a tape out of the machine. He exits the building and the camera follows him walking the streets of New York City. Tom makes his way to the Paley Center for Media. He takes the elevator to his destination. He enters a gentleman’s office. Tom drops off the tape of tonight’s show at the Museum of Television and Radio. Tom leaves. Dave calls out to Tom, wanting to know what’s going on. TOM: “Tonight’s show was so good, I wanted to drop it off at the Museum of TV and Radio for safekeeping.” DAVE: “ . . . . . Tom . . . . are you being sarcastic?” TOM: “Yes.”
ACT 5: ANNOUNCE: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, Morgan Freeman, from ‘The Big Bang Theory,’ actress Kaley Cuoco, and musical group Wild Sweet Orange.
The Late Show – we guarantee you’ll laugh or your next viewing is on us.
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: JIM GAFFIGAN: From the TBS comedy series, “My Boys.” He’s also about to go on tour, “The Sexy Tour,” starting July 11th in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Jim talks about camping. He doesn’t like it much, but his wife says it’s a tradition in her family.
“Camping . . . it was a tradition in everyone’s family till they invented houses.” Jim says his parents never took him camping because his parents loved him.
Jim likes hammocks. It’s the lazy man’s throne. It’s like a giant net to catch lazy people. Hammocks . . . sold in the sporting goods section. Doesn’t quite make sense, does it?
What kind of activities does Jim like? He likes bowling. Any sport you can play and eat at the same time is fine with Jim. Heck, bowling even built an ashtray right into the equipment. But it’s not the most hygienic sport. You wear shoes that have been worn by thousands and you put your fingers into holes that have never been cleaned.
Jim Gaffigan . . . very funny man.
ACT 7: GAVIN DEGRAW: From his self-titled CD, Gavin DeGraw performed “In Love With A Girl.”
And that was our show for Thursday June 26, 2008.
We tried a new format tonight. Dave did the Active-Live piece in the ACT 1 from the monologue mark. How long will that last? I don’t know. Just something we tried to see how it went.
My girls are headed to New Haven, Connecticut this week to compete in the D2 National Basketball Tournament. I have no idea what to expect. The team played very well this year, winning many games by 20, but they were also on the other end of some games by 20. But the games don’t really matter. They’ll be staying at a hotel that has an indoor pool.
While I’m in Connecticut, I’ll be picking up some fireworks. They’re illegal in New York, but you can buy them at K-Mart in Connecticut. Does that make any sense? The fireworks are nothing big; just some shooting sparks from a bunch of different-shaped cones. And sparklers. Lots and lots of sparklers. I give the sparklers to the parents in the neighborhood. I tell all of them that there will be one child who burns her finger; don’t let it by yours. They know the dangers but greedily grab at the sparklers anyway.
Back in my day, we’d have cherry bombs, ash cans, and M-80s. And you’d always hear about one kid from the other neighborhood who lit an entire brick of firecrackers at once.
Here’s something to do at home. The commercial breaks you see on the TV while watching the LATE SHOW are the same length every night.
1st break: 3:40.
2nd break: 4:15
3rd break: 3:20
4th break: 2:55
5th break: 2:00
6th break: 3:10
And while we are taping, we stick to those times even though we don’t really have to. The first commercial break you see at home is 3:40, and the break we take here is also 3:40. We try to keep true to time. But when we have a guest who remains for two segments, the breaks here at the theater are much shorter. You may see a 3:20 break at home between the ACT 3 and ACT 4, but here at the theater if the guest remains, it could be only 30 seconds. So the next time a guest stays out for two ACTS (Morgan Freeman Friday night), you can tell how long OUR break was by listening to the music Paul is playing in and out of commercial. And if you’re really that interested in that kind of stuff . . . you need to find a hobby.
And now it’s time for “LATE NIGHT The Day They Were Born.”
Mary-Kate Olsen was born June 13, 1986. So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Mary-Kate was born?
LATE NIGHT was in a week of repeats, but it returned on Monday, June16th. So, what happened on Late Night the day Mary-Kate Olsen was 3 days old? June 16, 1986; Show #720: Walk to Donahue Studio 8G; Top Ten Advantages of New Studio Over Old Studio; Connie Chung; Dave takes out tooth; Real Books; Penn & Teller with Rat Trap Roulette; and Bob Sarlatte. Plus: Thrill Cam.
And that’s what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Mary-Kate Olsen was 3 days old.
The results are in. The horse Letterman’s Humor ran at Delaware Park on Wednesday June 25th in the 7th race. Going off at 8 to 1, Letterman’s Humor finished in 6th place out of 6, also known as last.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Vienna, Virginia, it’s Pete Hayward.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
