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Friday, May 09, 2008
Show #2920
By Michael Z. McIntee Change Text Color:
Black | White


Barbara Walters; Penn & Teller; and Cobie Smulders.
PLUS: A Message from Osama; Hillary Clinton Would Date Lincoln; a Baghdad Amusement Park; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and Late Show Fun Facts.

“ . . . and now, your host tonight . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:
Osama bin Laden . . . remember him? He’s on the President’s Most Wanted List. I think he’s hired OJ Simpson to find him. Well, Osama has come out with another one of his video messages. We watch the latest.
Osama: “I’m happy to report a great victory for our jihad. According to the infidel news media, two high-ranking Al Qaeda operatives have escaped from Guantanamo Bay. Congratulations, Harold and Kumar.”

Senator Hillary Clinton said in a forthcoming interview her dream date would be Abraham Lincoln. It was all covered in this announcement.
Announce: “In an upcoming interview with ‘People’ magazine, Hillary Clinton said if she could go on a date with anyone, she’d choose the Great Emancipator, Abraham Lincoln. When the same question was posed to Bill Clinton, he chose the lovely Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis . . . . . . . . . and Angelina Jolie.
And Jessica Alba, and Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johannsen, Eva Longoria, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Kate Beckinsale, that hot tennis player, that right win nut from ‘The View,’ if I’m drunk enough, that other lady from ‘The View,’ that hot girl from ‘Lost,’ that other hot girl from ‘Lost,’ and, what the hell, that hot guy from ‘Lost.’
Bill Clinton. Still a straight-up dog.”

A company in California is building an amusement park in Baghdad, and it looks like it could be a big success. We take a look.
Announce: “Hey, kids, are you tired of throwing rocks at infidel tanks all day? Then tell your dad and his wives to take you to Jihadland! Climb aboard Mr. Goat’s Wild Ride. Sing along with the gang at ‘It’s A Small Insurgency After All.’ See the high-tech wonders of the future in Tomorowland, and ride all around the park on our state-of-the-art monorail (camel on a monorail).”

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: “ . . . . . wooooh . . . . .”

ACT 2:
LATE SHOW FUN FACTS: straight from the FBMI. Soon to be a major motion picture.

ACT 3:
BARBARA WALTERS: if you haven’t heard about Barbara Walters’ new book, “Audition,” well, then, you haven’t been watching the TV, listening to the radio, scoping the internet, or reading the newspapers and magazines. She’s been everywhere this week. The 500+ page book is full of stories and information, but the one think everyone wants to talk about is the affair she writes about with African-American Massachusetts Senator Ed Brooke back in the 70s. Dave wonders why Barbara decided to mention him. She says she didn’t only mention him, but also mentioned Alan Greenspan and Senator John Warner. OK, now it sounds like Barbara is bragging. Barbara says her relationship with Senator Brooke was very important in her life and she wrote about these relationships to show that she is not someone who just interviews people, but is a person like all of us. And if she was going to write an autobiography, she was going to tell the whole story, leaving nothing out. Dave asks about Senator Brooke and how that would go over today in 2008. Barbara says if it had gotten out back then it would have ended her career. An inter-racial relationship was not at all accepted back then. Today it would be different. I don’t think that’s what Dave was angling at. He was more interested in the relationship between a political figure and someone in the news, someone who might have to cover a story about the politician. Barbara is more keyed in on the racial aspect of the relationship for those times. Dave is more interested in the conflict of interest; he wasn’t interested in Senator Brooke’s race. Dave says it could have been “Congressman Gesundheit of East Undershirt, Wyoming.” I’m not sure if we ever got a satisfactory answer. Back in the 70s, the big story would have been a white woman with a black man. Today, the big story would have been a politician with an anchorwoman.
Barbara had been a correspondent with NBC’s “Today” show from 1961-1976. In ’76, ABC hired her to co-anchor the nightly news with Harry Reasoner. She became the first woman to hold such a position. Reasoner was unreasonable with his distaste for the situation, not wanting to share with Barbara. I’m not familiar with the story enough to know if he had something against Barbara, against a woman as a co-anchor, or against a co-anchor of either sex. Whatever the reason, the experiment did not work out and Barbara felt her career had become a failure. Dave, outside looking in at the time, never considered it Barbara’s fault.
Rosie O’Donnell – Barbara admits to living in fear of Rosie O’s mood swings on The View. She considers Rosie a great talent, with her highs very high but her lows very low. It was too much like a rollercoaster. Barbara describes Rosie on “The View”: “She wanted to drive the bus but we wanted her to be a passenger.”
Oprah – Barbara says that Oprah once saved her life. This brought on a gaggle of laughs from Dave. Did Oprah really save Barbara’s life?
Dave shows off Barbara’s book, ‘Audition,’ in stores now. It’s loaded with stories and photos. Dave has a book out, too, which he holds up. It’s all about his affairs. It’s entitled, “I Had Sex With Myself.” God, I hope it doesn’t have any pictures.
Dave praises Ms. Walters. If anybody is thinking of getting into the business of broadcast journalism, “you have the owner’s manual right here.”

I have little interest in celebrity tell-all books, but from what I’ve seen and heard from Barbara this past week on our show and Oprah and Imus and loads of other places, the book looks to be different from the rest. Very interesting, with a lot of historical background. Sounds as if it might make a fine beach book this summer.

ACT 5:
Monday: Stupid Pet Tricks; Shia LaBeouf; and N.E.R.D.

ACT 6:
Dave tells the story of how Oprah once saved his life, too. Dave was walking down the street late one night. Suddenly, three . . . maybe four . . . goons jumped him. They pounded the hell out of him. The beating was unmerciful. Then a big limousine pulled up. The window opened slowly. It was Oprah. She said to the goons, “OK, he’s had enough.”
You can’t say Tom Dreesen never gave anything to Dave.

PENN & TELLER: They perform at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas, and you can see them on the Showtime cable series, “Penn and Tell B.S.”
Penn and Teller enter. Penn, the tall one, explains what will be done. Teller, the smaller quiet one, stands nearby with a big solid block encasing his head. Penn asks Paul to participate. Penn borrows Paul’s glasses for this trick and puts them in his pocket. Meanwhile, Penn makes a wand disappear. Not much of a trick. Penn slipped the wand behind his ear. And I’ll be doing that trick at home tonight. Paul’s glasses? They are not in Penn’s pocket anymore. Penn takes a small sledgehammer and breaks open the solid rock block on Teller’s head. We find that Paul’s glasses are being worn by Teller. How’d they get there? It’s a hard trick to figure out, especially since Paul has never met Penn before.
No no no. Paul knowing Penn had nothing to do with the trick. Paul wasn’t an accomplice. In fact, I heard Paul wondering how Penn and Teller did the trick; asking anyone who might know. Do I know how they did the trick? I don’t know . . . I might. I’ll have to watch it again. I think it may have to do with mirrors.

ACT 7:
COBIE SMULDERS: She’s from the CBS series, How I Met Your Mother, Monday nights at 8:30. Cobie’s grew up in Canada and her first name is actually Jacoba (Dutch). She never met anyone with that name. And then when she visited Holland, she found one of those personalized toothbrushes with her name on it: Jacoba. She was very excited and didn’t feel so alone. There are people who actually share her name.
Cobie moved from Canada to New York when she was 18. She and 7 other girls lived in a two-bedroom apartment. Dave exclaims to TV execs everywhere, “Now there’s your show!”
Cobie admits the storyline to How I Met Your Mother is a bit confusing. The story of the show is told in flashbacks, and we don’t yet know who the mother is. It could be Cobie. Is it? Cobie says she doesn’t know. Nobody tells her anything. The mother won’t be announced this year, so hopefully, that means the show will be re-upped. I guess when she reads a script where the mother is known, that could be the end. But in the meantime, How I Met Your Mother will continue to be one of the more successful comedies on TV today.
How I Met Your Mother – Monday nights at 8:30 on CBS.

And that was our show for Friday, May 9, 2008.




The Democratic Primary moves to West Virginia next Tuesday and Senator Clinton is wasting no time. Today she claimed she recruited Major Harris.

Great news: The Wahoo Gazette is now linked on Greg Evans' website.
www.gsevans.com/blog/
I feel as if I have finally arrived.

As I make it through life, I find that most everything takes two trips. If I need to pick up a tuxedo, I’ll be told the cummerbund isn’t ready. Picking up sausage and peppers from the caterer? The peppers are ready but not the sausages. Getting a passport? I’ll be told I don’t have an important document because they forgot to include it in the list of things I needed to bring. You know, stuff like that. It happens all the time, to the point I almost expect it.
So I went to the new mall last weekend. My daughter wanted an acoustic guitar. I had some time to kill so after 4 hours of “can we go to the mall?” I decided it might be a good idea to go to the mall. We went to the music store and told her we were only looking; that there is another store up the road that would be open in the morning. I didn’t want to buy a guitar until I went to the other store first. We’re in the mall music store and look at some of the $600 acoustic guitars. I show her the price tag and tell her this is why I want to check out the other store. And then after 15 minutes of browsing, it’s time to go. As we head out I see a big box which includes a guitar, picks, strap, stand, case, DVD, and sheet music; all for $100. “Everything included” the sign shouts. I stop. I peek in the opened box and take out the guitar. I ask Danielle if she likes the look of it. She says it’s exactly what she is looking for but knows we aren’t buying one now since I need to go to the other store in the morning. I rummage through the box to see what else is in there. It seems to have everything she would need. And it’s for a decent price. Yes, I know her interest in the acoustic guitar will last two weeks if I buy it, but if I never buy an acoustic guitar her interest in the instrument will last till she’s 23 and I’ll be hounded every night for the next 11 years. I decided to get the guitar package. I pick up an unopened box near the opened one I rummaged through and I pay for it. Danielle is beaming with joy. We stopped for an ice cream before leaving the mall and headed for home.
When we got home, I instructed Danielle that it is important to practice if she wants to be any good. And she needs to take care of the instrument and that it is not a toy. I put the box down on the floor and let her open it. She carefully takes out the guitar stand. She takes out the case. She finds the DVD. She takes everything out of the box . . . . but there is no guitar. Where’s the guitar? Did I misread the box? Was it supposed to come with everything but a guitar? Nope. I read the box and it was supposed to come with a guitar. And I remember going through the opened box; yes, there was a guitar inside that box. Where is OUR guitar? I let out a few swear words, knowing I’ll have to go back to the new mall. I angrily shove the contents back into the box and march to the car. Danielle follows. How can the box not contain the guitar? I imagine the guy at the store will never believe me. He’ll think I’m trying to pull a fast one. I picture the scene of my getting angry and his not believing me. I decide that if I’m given a hard time I’ll just take another box and let the manager try to stop me. I’m all hyped up as I head back to the store, expecting a heated confrontation.
I walk up to the cashier and place the box on the counter. I say as calm as possible, “I just bought this . . . . there was no guitar in it.” He touches the box and says, “Oh . . . you must have taken the box without the guitar in it.” I’m a bit confused. I mutter, “uhh, yeah.” He tells me to take another box. I hesitate. I ask, “Why would you have a box without a guitar in it with the other boxes WITH a guitar in it?” I look over at the boxes and quickly calculate my odds of picking the only box without a guitar in it. It was one-in-twelve. He says he used the guitar that was in my box for the display. But why return the empty box with the others? Nobody could anticipate something like this happening? I grab a box. I claw it open to make sure there is a guitar in it and to make sure it’s the same color as the one Danielle said she liked. I really don’t want to make three trips. We leave. I’m relieved the exchange was simple but still ticked off that it took me two trips to pick up one guitar, due to no fault of my own.
We got it home and it was nice to see how proud Danielle was of her new guitar. Last night I was in her room to say goodnight. There I saw the guitar sitting in the stand. A shirt was draped over it.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Kate, Madison, and Pepsi 46
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1
• Show Open
• Dave's Monologue
 Watch now
• Osama Congratulates Harold & Kumar on Their Escape
• Hillary Would Date Abe Lincoln
• Jihadland
• Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2
• Late Show Fun Facts
ACT 3
• Barbara Walters
 Watch now
ACT 4
• More with Barbara Walters
ACT 5
• Audience Shot
ACT 6
• Magicians, Penn & Teller
ACT 7
• Cobie Smulders
• Show Close

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