" . . . and now, perky network news anchor . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
May 3rd at Churchill Downs is the 134th Running of the Kentucky Derby. Dave loves the sound of "And down the stretch they come!" He praises the creator of the call, Dave Johnson, titling him the "greatest horse-calling mother of all-time." Johnson can make the hair on the back of your neck stand and get your adrenaline flying through your body. Dave the host gets Dave Johnson on the phone. Johnson has called the Kentucky Derby 25-30 times starting back in 1977. Unfortunately, some people in suits who think they know a lot elbowed Dave Johnson aside and he no longer has a medium to broadcast the race. Dave the Host so misses the call that he gets Mr. Johnson on the phone each year to have it done personally. To Dave, the call was the best part of the Kentucky Derby. How horse racing can allow this to go unheard now is beyond me. The Late Show is the ONLY place you will hear "And down the stretch they come!" by the originator. After some small chatter over the phone between Dave and Dave, Dave is ready. Dave the host quickly sets up the situation of the horses coming out of the final turn and down the final stretch. Dave Johnson takes it from there.
Johnson mentions Big Brown. He mentions RecaptureTheGlory. He mentions Pyro. He mentions Colonel John. And then he sings, "AND DOWN THE STRETCH THE COME!" Dave the host jumps out of his chair in excitement. Yes, there is no more exciting two minutes in sports than the Kentucky Derby, and there is no better 3-second sports sound bite than Dave Johnson's "And down the stretch they come!" Indeed.
Once again, Mr. Johnson, a fine job.

After a brief hiatus, the hit ABC drama "Lost" returned to the airwaves last week. Dave admits to not understanding the show, and judging by the promo he saw earlier tonight, he is not the only one.
Announce:

"Tonight on 'Lost,' It's a 'Lost' you'll never forget when Jack engages in a deadly battle of wits with the evil robot monkey.
I just made that up because I have no idea what this show is about.
Only on ABC."

""And now your Weather Channel PollenCast. No let up for allergy sufferers today (sneeze). For the sixth consecutive day, the tree pollen count is at record (sneeze) levels. Tomorrow is not looking (sneeze) . . .
damn. . . any better. (two sneezes) Oh, for the love of god, someone kill me. My eyes are burning. I wish I were dead. And now a word from Anacin . . . . ."

"Welcome to 'Grand Theft Auto IV,' the video game that puts your right in the middle of the gritty, streetwise action. You start by noticing that your car has been stolen.
You then notify local police, who instruct you to fill out an auto theft report. Make sure you get all the details correct!
The next step in your mission is to contact your insurance company. Completing the extremely detailed claim form will require all your skill and concentration!
Then you meet with claims adjusters who review your police report and insurance paperwork.
If all you documentation is in order, congratulations! You'll receive a check for the replacement cost of your stolen vehicle.
Have fun!"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: ". . . . hold a job . . . . and eventually earn English . . . . . LEARN English."

ACT 2:
LATE SHOW FUN FACTS - soon to be a major motion picture!

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Signs Your Watching a Bad Superhero Movie - "Iron Man" opened today.
10. By day, he's accountant Ira Greenbaum; By night, he's accountant Ira Greenbaum.
6. Secret hideout is a back booth at Chili's
2. Four words: Andy Dick is Batman.

PATRICK DEMPSEY Stars in the new film, "Made of Honor." He spent a month in Scotland while shooting the film. He loved Scotland. Twenty years ago I spent 6 hours in Edinburg and I loved it, too. I hope to go back and spend see the entire country in a day. It is a beautiful place.
While shooting "Made of Honor," Patrick was thrown from a horse during the big scene. He found it a bit odd that they wouldn't allow him to auto race while making the film but his being thrown from a horse was completely acceptable. Dempsey loves to race and drives professionally with Hypersport in the Grand American Cup. Google "Patrick Dempsey" and "auto racing" and you'll be reading articles for weeks.

Mr. Dempsey is one busy guy. Patrick is on the cover of this month's "Bicycling" magazine. He likes to get in about 100 miles a week on his bike but would eventually like to double that.
And he's also on the cover of "Destination Fish" magazine. The shot came while taping "Grey's Anatomy." He was supposed to be fly-fishing in Washington but they got him the wrong reel.
We then see a few mocked up magazines of Patrick Dempsey on the cover:
-American Stamp Dealer and Collector magazine
-Rap Fanatic magazine
-Civil War Reenactor magazine
And we learn that Patrick is an avid skier and was Maine's state champ back in high school He bought a unicycle to improve his balance and taught himself how to ride. He saw an Olympic gold medalist did that, so Patrick did it too.
And then when we see the clip from his new movie, "Made To Honor," which opened today, we learn that Patrick is a very capable juggler. Back in 1983 at a juggling competition in Cleveland, he finished 2nd at an international juggling event.
Even Patrick had to laugh when he told the story. He races cars, he rides 100 miles a week on his bicycle, he fishes, he skis, he rides a unicycle, and he juggles. And he makes movies and stars in one of the biggest hit shows on TV. And he's dreamy! Me? My talent? I can click the TV to ESPN without looking at the numbers on the remote.
"Made of Honor" - in theaters now.
"Grey's Anatomy" - Thursday nights on ABC.

ACT 5:
Alan announce: "Hey, America, do you like magic? Well, then you're going to love 'Late Show Magician Week!' Join Dave on Monday as he welcomes Lance Burton;
Tuesday, the comedy of magic with Mac King.
Wednesday, the extreme magic of Dirk Arthur.
Thursday, the real magic of Steve Wyrick.
And on Friday, Penn & Teller.
Late Show Magician Week! It's going to be abracadabra-rific!
We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
ISABELLA ROSSELLINI
Isabella has had quite a day. Earlier, her dog gave birth to a litter of 9 and she was busy with the delivery. Isabella raises dogs that will later be trained to service the blind. She does some training and explains how the dogs learn that they are "working" as soon as the harness goes on.
Isabella had been the face of Lancome for 14 years. Lancome has something to do with makeup. If my wife were writing this, she would tell you more. Me, all I can tell you is it has something to do with makeup. Isabella is very proud to show a photo of a new Lancome model: her daughter, Elettra. Isabella loves everything about modeling and if very excited for her daughter's future and career.
Dave always likes to pretend that he and Isabella were once married . . . together . . . married to each other. Naturally, the only person who really believes that is Dave. Is she dating now? She must be dating. Isabella says after her divorce she felt she needed to be with someone. She had some fear of being alone. Her therapist suggested she try being alone for 6 months. Try being single. Maybe she would like it. 6 months later . . . she loved it. She is more than happy the way things are now. So what is Isabella up to now? She recently created an 8-part series of short films exploring the curious ways certain creatures "make love." The shorts are comical, but insightful. The series is entitled "Green Porno." We see one such clip. We see Isabella dressed as a male praying mantis. She, in green makeup and costume as the he, approaches the female praying mantis. She then acts out the deed of the praying mantis "doing it." And during the mating session, the female praying mantis turns and bites the head off the male. Hey, that's just the way it is.
"Green Porno" - just from that one clip you can tell it's got sex and it's got gore. It's what the market wants.
You know, I always sort of kind of knew about the praying mantis mating ritual but forgotten it over time. After seeing the clip, I think I won't forget it again. It's pretty much in my lock-box for good.
You can see Isabella Rossellini's "Green Porno" starting May 5th on the SundanceChannel.com. And you can see it on your cellphone, too. If my daughters were writing the Wahoo Gazette, they could tell you more on how to get it on your cellphone. Me, all I can tell you is that it'll be available on your cellphone. I don't how they do it, though. Check out the SundanceChannel website for more info.

ACT 7:
NICK LOWE: From his new CD, "At My Age," Nick Lowe performed the lovely "Long Limbed Girl."

And that was our show for Friday, May 2, 2008.



The Democratic Primary heads to Indiana next week. And earlier today, Hillary Clinton claimed she was the point guard for Milan High back in 1954.

Has any parent ever taken their child to the orthodontist and be told, "Her teeth are fine." I don't think so.

I have one Nick Lowe album at home, "Labour of Love." I bought it many years ago the day I heard "Cracking Up." It fit where I was. Check it out on the YouTube.

While talking to Dave Johnson, Dave The Host said to Mr. Johnson, "'You can't lateral a horse.' Remember that story?"
I didn't remember it. So I looked it up.
From Wikipedia, under sports announcer Bill Stern:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Stern

"One day, while doing radio play-by-play for a football game, as a player broke away towards a long run for a touchdown, Stern mis-identified the runner several times as he proceeded towards the score. Noticing the error just before the runner crossed the goal line, Stern announced he had lateraled the ball to the correct player, who then scored. Sometime later, Clem McCarthy, that era's most prominent announcer for horse racing, described the wrong horse as having won a race. The verbose Stern chided him for this error, and McCarthy replied, 'You can't lateral a horse, Bill.'"

And now you know the rest of the story.
You kids don't know how good you have it growing up with Google.

I was at church last Sunday and the priest was talking about the Holy Spirit, and I thought how little coverage the Holy Spirit gets. Everything is always about God and Jesus but the Holy Spirit seems to get short shrift. It seems like the Holy Spirit is in the Zeppo league; better than Gummo but not up to Harpo or Chico. The Holy Spirit is like Richie Cunningham's big brother or Kevin Arnold's older sister, or George Harrison, and that just ain't right. The Holy Spirit is one of the Big Three and yet, nobody knows anything about him. Are there any holidays for the Holy Spirit? I'm gonna have to read up on the Holy Spirit. You know, when I went out and bought some George Harrison CD's I ended up having a whole new appreciation for him and he is now my favorite Beatle. Maybe the same will happen when I learn more about the Holy Spirit.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
R H Draney
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER.