" . . . and now, lax disciplinarian . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Dave offers up a slice of his life for us to experience. It was a lovely spring day and some of the women in the office decided to go out for some Jamba Juice. Dave loves the Jamba Juice. The first one tastes so good that you want another, but halfway through your second one you begin to feel sick. So the girls were going out for the Jamba Juice across the street and Dave requested, "Can you get one for me?" Mary, Dave's assistant, said, "No, you can't have a Jamba Juice." "But why?" Dave wanted to know. Says Mary, "Because the sugar makes you angry." And that's a glimpse into Dave's life.

Barack Obama is rewarding his campaign's student volunteers by inviting them to play basketball with him. It's a smart way to connect with young voters, and other candidates are taking notice. We watch this announcement.
Announce:

"To reward young people for getting involved in politics, Barack Obama held a contest that will give two student volunteers the chance to play basketball with him. Not to be outdone, John McCain is holding a similar contest, in which two of his student volunteers will win the chance to come over to his house and trim his ear hair.
John McCain: Old 'n' hairy."

Perhaps the most stirring moment of Pope Benedict XVI's White House visit was when they stood for the National Anthem of the Holy See. In case you missed it, we showed it
We see President Bush and Pope Benedict XVI standing at attention. We hear the announcement for the introduction of the anthem. And then we hear it. It's "Funkytown." How knew the National Anthem of the Holy See was "Funkytown"? I guess it's the Catholic Church way of trying to appear younger.

Here's something we tried tonight, purely experimental. Not sure if it'll work. It's called, "Not Sure If It's A Joke." Music from Paul.
Dave holds up an artcard. On it is Oprah in a Pope hat. Dave says, "Poprah."
Music from Paul, "Not Sure If It's A Joke."
Dave says we'll check the data and we should know in four to six weeks. My opinion: Noprah.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: Just from yesterday, we see Pope Benedict XVI speaking to a gathering on the South Lawn of the White House. At the conclusion of the speech, the President shakes the hand of the Pontiff and says, "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech."

ACT 2:
The number one question Dave's been asked over the years has to do with his socks. Tonight, somebody in the audience asked if he could have them. Dave then presents the gentleman with a pair of his gray, custom-made socks. And that's another glimpse into Dave's suddenly not so envious life.

WHO ASKED FOR IT?
1. Richard of Eastchester, New York. He is in New York City just for the show! He was lucky enough to get tickets.
QUESTION: "How many people work on the show?"
I "Played the Dave" and yelled out the old joke, "Oh, about half!" Dave approached that and said, "Do you mean how many work here or how many get paid?" Judges? DING! Close enough. I won at "Play the Dave."
Dave says, "It takes hundreds of people to put on the show. We have a tremendous support staff. My assistant Todd is hard at work upstairs right now. Can we take a shot of Todd?"
We see Todd in a conference room sitting at a large table. On the table are a team of kitties. Todd is attempting to put hats on the kitty cats. A bored Todd says, "Yeah, this is incredibly rewarding."

2. Kevin Lashinsky of Ozone Park, Queens. Kevin is a physician assistant. He works for an orthopedic at a small firm.
QUESTION: "I heard your birthday was last Saturday. Did the staff do anything special to celebrate?"
Whenever Dave's birthday falls on a weekend, he is never sure if the staff will throw him a party. A few days ago, he had quite the surprise. We have a clip.
We see a festive occasion taken place in one of the conference rooms. Dave enters and exclaims, "What a great birthday party! Thank you all so much!"
Jude, nervous, has to break the news to Dave: "This isn't for you. It's a going-away party for Doug, the creepy intern." We step-zoom in on Doug, accompanied by a Psycho sting.

3. Mark Urbau of Freehold, New Jersey. Mark is a graphic designer. An impressed Dave says there must be good money in graphic designing. Mark smiles and says he wishes there was more. And if Mark made more money, he could probably buy better shirts. QUESTION: "You've been doing this show for more than 25 years. I was just wondering what your most memorable moment is."
Dave says he's done nearly 5,000 shows and he's had some of the most famous people in the world, but if he had to pick one moment as most memorable, he thinks it would be . . . . Dave rubs his chin and looks to the heavens, which is the universal sign for a gliss into a memory. We "see" Dave's memory take him back to the time when his assistant Todd tried to put hats on his kitties (April 17, 2008; Show #2904).

4. Another guy steps up to the microphone to ask a question, even though he wasn't scheduled to do so. He seems a bit distraught.
GUY: "I was told you'd be doing Stupid Pet Tricks tonight."
DAVE: "Well, I'm sorry, sir, but we had 'Who Asked For It' planned for tonight."
GUY: "So, you're telling me you are definitely not doing Stupid Pet Tricks tonight?"
DAVE: "I'm sure we'll be doing it in the near future, but not tonight, no.
GUY: "This is so unfair. I waited months for these tickets. No 'Stupid Pet Tricks? . . . after I suffered through your pile of crap monologue? . . . . well, then . . . (to Alan) 'GIVL' you! (to Paul) And 'GIVL' you! (to Dave) And 'GIIIIIIIIIIVVVVLLLL' YOU!" He then exits.
I was expecting security to grab him and throw him out, but we had a really good delivery of cookies to the green room just before the show and that's where they probably were.

And that was "Who Asked For It?"

ACT 3:
KELLY RIPA: Dressed in all black.
Kelly is the mom of three, ages 10, 6, and 4. Do they know what Mommy does for a living? Kelly says they do, but for the longest time they believed she was Regis' secretary. She wondered how they could come up with such a thing, especially since hardly anyone uses the word "secretary" anymore. And then she realized it was probably Regis.
While Kelly was saying something, Dave stopped her in the middle of it and tried to fix her shoulder. He says it looked dislocated. Kelly checked the monitor and positioned her shoulder the way she had it. Kelly was shocked at what she saw. It really did look dislocated. She then tries to sit in a way that will not make her shoulder look dislocated. None were comfortable; none compatible for a tv talk show. But we persevered and got through it.
Kelly Ripa is the new spokesperson for the new Electrolux Kitchen Appliance line. In the U.S., Electrolux is known for the fantastic, top of the line vacuum cleaners, (I got mine), but in Europe, Electrolux is the gold standard for all kitchen appliances. And it is now coming States side. Electrolux has joined Kelly in supporting The Ovarian Cancer Research Fund. To find out more, and to play the new "Kelly's Bags" scavenger hunt to win exciting Electrolux products, click on:
www.electroluxappliances.com

ACT 4:
DR. JOHN P. HOLDREN: He's a Harvard University Professor; a former Chairman of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, and the President of the Woods Hole Research Center. Wow, pretty impressive. Makes me want to spruce up my resume a bit.
He's here to talk about global climate change. Dave has been going back and forth on the global warming issue but has finally come down on the side that it is real, it is here, and he is worried we might be too late to do anything about it. Dr. Holdren says there is a definite change but it is not too late to do something. We've noticed more floods and hurricanes and droughts and strange weather patterns of late. He explains that you can't take any one weather event and blame that on climate change and global warming, but the change in climate increases the odds of such things happening. What is causing the global climate change? It's two-fold:
1. our continued and increased use of fossil fuels, and
2. the loss of trees and vegetation
So why haven't we done something to stop the damage we are doing?
Dr. Holdren says it's easier to remain in the status quo, plus there is a lot of money in the status quo. Those with money want to keep making money and therefore don't want to change a thing. This Administration in the White House has done nothing to remedy the situation but he has high hopes for any of the three remaining viable candidates. They seem to appreciate the gravity of global climate change.
According to Dr. Holdren, in the last 100 years the temperature of the earth has gone up about 1-and-a-half degrees. What we have put into our atmosphere guarantees an eventual rise of another three-quarters of a degree. He stresses we can't go beyond 3-and-a-half degrees increase. We are at 2-and-a-quarter right now.
Dr. Holdren likens the rise in earth's temperature as if it is having a fever. He adds we don't yet have a sense of urgency to react to what is happening. And although the challenge ahead of us is great, the opportunity is even more fantastic. He does see a growth in the amount of venture capital being poured into green technology. A clean energy source would reap billions upon billions of dollars, and as we all know, making money is the most important thing. If we happen to save the earth along the say, so be it.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Amy Poehler, actor Jason Segel, and musician Jordan Zevon. Somebody call a doctor because this show is gonna be sick! We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
THE BLACK KEYS: From their new album, "Attack & Release," The Black Keys blasted out "I Got Mine." That was a lot of good noise for only two guys. Not bad. And the band only has to cut the check two ways. Kudos, gents. I'll be giving these guys another listen.

And that was our show for Thursday, April 17, 2008.



I think the oil companies are trying to make us cry "Uncle" until we eventually let them drill wherever they want.

I was listening to a Neil Young tape on my way to work this morning and I realize I hardly know the words to any of his songs. I know all the songs; I just don't know the words. When I listen to music, I hear the voice as just another instrument. It's a guitar, it's a drum, it's a tambourine. What the singer is actually saying never really sinks in. I have a feeling I'm missing out on a lot.

I know I'm coming late to this party, but just now I'm beginning to learn how to use the computer as a radio. Today I'm listening to WFUV here in New York off the computer. It comes out of Fordham University and it is one of only a few music radio stations worth listening to here in the great city of New York. Give it a try. www.wfuv.org

And while I'm at it, I think it's terrible that there is not a country music station in New York City.

Last week, Yankee manager Joe Girardi was getting all these accolades for allowing his starting pitcher to pitch a complete game instead of going with Mariano Rivera in the 9th. Many sources were giving Girardi an "atta-boy." I could only scratch my head. This is how nutty baseball has gotten.
The Yankee pitcher was Chien-Ming Wang. It was 4-1 going into the 9th. He had thrown only 79 pitches. He had allowed only one hit. And Manager Joe Girardi is praised for keeping Wang in the game. I love Mariano, but if Wang was taken out for the 9th I would have thrown a steel-toed boot at the TV.

And here's more. My 12-year-old daughter Danielle is walks in while I'm watching a different Yankee game the other night. It was the 7th inning. Andy Pettitte was pitching. She looks at the TV and says, "I thought Andy Pettitte was a starting pitcher!" I told her that he is. She responds, "But it's the 7th inning? Why is he pitching in the 7th inning?"

Now that Major League pitchers no longer pitch complete games, and the five-man rotation is the norm over the former four-man rotation, and managers use five pitchers in games that used to take two, when will the rules be changed to allow a team's roster-size to increase from the current 25?

And if the cost-of-living is 60% higher in New York City than it is in Kansas City, why do the Yankees and the Royals have the same luxury tax threshold?

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Toppenish, Washington, it's Deanna Slagle
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER