". . . . and now, phony television psychiatrist . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
I missed most of the show tonight. I was scheduled to go on in the ACT 1 and was backstage waiting for my cue. A minute or two into Dave's story about Eliot Spitzer, I sensed I wouldn't be going on tonight. He seemed to have a lot to say and was in no hurry to get through it. And I love his free-flowing banter at the desk. I really wanted to get to a monitor so I could listen in. I did hear that Shecky was busy watching the CNN awaiting news of a possible Spitzer resignation. Before long, Dave was throwing to commercial and we got to nothing that was in the script.
During the break, word came that we would be doing what we had planned in the ACT 1 in the ACT 2. We all hurried back to our places.

ACT 2:
Dave finishes up what he was saying about Eliot Spitzer and mentions Paul's appearance as the music director at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony the night before at the Waldorf-Astoria. Dave once again congratulates Paul on another fine achievement and wonders when Paul will be so honored wish his own deserved induction. Dave reads this year's inductees off a blue card I had prepared and Paul commented on each. This year's inductees included:
Madonna.
John Mellencamp.
Songwriter, Leonard Cohen.
The Ventures.
The Dave Clark Five
Harmonica player, Little Walker. Without missing a beat, Paul says the correct name, "Little Walter." Many may have not even noticed the correction but I jumped. "It's Little Walker!" I screamed to myself. "Little Walker!" I remember typing "Little Walker" on the blue card and could mentally almost see the name "Little Walker" from the newspaper I got the information. It's Little Walker, isn't it?
Also inducted, songwriters and producers Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff.

It was bothering me big time. Was it Little Walter? I tried to concentrate on my upcoming bit as a ticket scalper behind Dave but the Little Walter/Little Walker was really weighing on my mind. One taped joke is shown, and then another, and then maybe another. I then got the tap on my shoulder to enter along the skyline behind Dave. I "pssst" to get Dave's attention but he ignores me. I do it again, and whisper a shout of "Dude!" Dave turns and says, "Oh, this guy again." I try to sell Dave a couple Snoop Dogg tickets but Dave isn't interested since we have Snoop Dogg right here on the show tonight. I then try to peddle the ducats as if they are two for the Spitzer Resignation, Row C. Dave is real interested in the Spitzer resignation and quickly opens his wallet to make the buy, but just as the deal is about to go down, I spot the police nearby and I scamper away afraid to be apprehended by the heat.

And I kept scampering till I got to the shack backstage. There I quickly jumped to the computer and started googling "Little Walker" and "Little Walter." I wasn't pleased with what I found. It was "Little Walter." But I didn't give up. I was hoping to find my source with the incorrect "Little Walker." I found quite a few "Little Walker harmonica player" but most were from a blog or MySpace. No credible source had the "Little Walker" I was looking for. After the show I ran to my office to check the newspapers. All had "Little Walter." Damn.

Stuff I missed:
"Heidi Fleiss - Always A Lady" - We see a clip from "Nightline." The former Madame, Heidi Fleiss, expresses her opinion: "Sure, it's great that the Governor is getting laid. I don't want a Governor not getting laid." And then later she says, "I don't have a problem with him getting laid; he gets props from me."

"Lost" - Have you been watching the "Lost"? Dave really has no idea what is going on. He shows a clip from last week's episode.
We see Locke insert Ben's secret tape into the tape machine and presses 'play.' Instead of seeing Charles Widmore beating a member of the Dharma initiative, we see footage of Regis Philbin's "My Personal Workout." Ben and Locke stare at the screen, gravely. (I have no idea what I just wrote)

And then I got the tap on my shoulder to make my entrance. I hope it stayed in the show.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: "What you want are the three words, 'I'm not going to tell you.'" Bush repeats the phrase, counting the words on this fingers.
"I'm-not-going-to-tell-you. That's five words." BUZZ! 6 words.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: MESSAGES LEFT ON ELIOT SPITZER'S ANSWERING MACHINE
#9. "It's Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about you being my running mate? Never mind."
#4. "This is Senator Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis Airport?"
#3. "It's Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way."

MARTHA STEWART
I missed most of this as I was searching, searching, searching for Little Walker. I knew by this time that I wouldn't find a good enough source to pin my error on. It's official; it's Little Walter.
Looking up at the monitor, I caught Martha talking about her favorite drinks. I thought I heard mention of some special margarita and a mojito, and then her little joke about a White Wine Spitzer . . . or Spritzer.
Back from commercial, Dave starts on a topic but Martha is concerned that we will not get to her glittered eggs for Easter. Dave calls for the demo table and glittered eggs to be wheeled on stage and that's just about the last we hear about it. You probably have to check out her website to find out how to glitter your eggs. Come to think of it, I think Governor Spitzer used that phrase when talking on the phone with the hooker. Dave congratulates Martha on buying up the Emeril Lagasse empire and asks, "He's your little butt boy now, isn't he?"
And on March 20th, next Thursday, the new Martha show will celebrate its 500th telecast. Dave is approaching 5,000, which includes the Late Show and Late Night. Boy, how time flies.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Wednesday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Charlize Theron, comedian Lewis Black, and music from British Sea Power. Turn on your air conditioners. This one's going to be HOT!"

ACT 6:
SNOOP DOGG
The busy Mr. Dogg is very much involved in youth organizations and heads the Snoop Youth Football League with over 2,500 kids participating. It is run by 100 volunteers and more information can be found on the website, www.snoopyouthfootballleague.com.

ACT 7:
SNOOP DOGG: From his new CD, "Ego Trippin'," Snoop Dogg performed "Sensual Seduction."

And that was our show for Tuesday, March 11, 2008.



DAMN! Yesterday I closed the column with "I gotta go. I need to play 871 in the daily number." 871 is the hotel room number Governor Spitzer was to meet his rendez-vous in Washington. And what was yesterday's Daily Number? 881. Missed by one digit! Damn. There had to be hundreds of guys who played 871 yesterday. Missed a great joke by thatmuch.

How are you doing in the Knick/Duke poll? Back in November I asked which team would win more games this year. As it stands now:
Knicks: 18
Duke: 26
Depending on how they do in the NCAA tournament, Duke may have 6 games left or only 1.
The Knicks have 18 games to play.
It looks like Duke's year.

I saw two things that bothered me the other day.
I was at the mall and my girls wanted to go to the pet store to look at the puppies. While they cuddled with one, I browsed around the store. I didn't want to be influenced by their joy and end up buying a dog. While wandering, I noticed Vitamin Water for Dogs. That's just not right.
And then later that day a neighbor came to my door selling raffle tickets to raise money for the Tappan Zee High School baseball team. First prize in the raffle was Met tickets. Second prize: Yankee tickets.
That's just not right.

Did you get a load of former Vice President candidate Geraldine Ferraro yesterday? She said of the front-running Democratic candidate Barack Obama, "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman, he would not be in this position."
And in 1984, Walter Mondale chose Geraldine Ferraro to be his running mate . . . . why? Because she was a three-term congresswoman from Queens?

I was flipping through the channels the other day and came across a show on the cable. It was a scene in a diner and although it seemed geared towards teens, the dialogue was clever and quirky. The show: Gilmore Girls. It was the first time I ever watched it. I'll leave it on the next time my girls are in the room.

Dang it. I'm hearing rumors that Spitzer will resign today at 11:30 AM. That's gonna cut right into the middle of "The View."

Are you getting a tinge of the March Madness? I'm feeling nothing yet, probably because I couldn't name one college basketball player.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Houston, Texas, it's Pete and Eleanor Velasco.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER