" . . . and now, world-class volleyball player . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Sitting in with the band tonight, the great Ray Benson. His band, Asleep At The Wheel, has a new CD out entitled, "Reinventing the Wheel." If it's anything like the music he and the CBS orchestra performed tonight, it would be well worth o pick it up.
Dave went to a show of Ray Benson's with Paul down in Austin, Texas recently and he says he had a great time at a great show. And all day long Dave has been enjoying some great Texan barbecued meat.

Dave doesn't like to criticize his fellow man. Before the show, he likes to make a connection with the audience and tonight he asks the audience if they had any questions. A woman jumps up. She was from Canada and she inexplicably starts listing NHL hockey players. Dave's advice: "Ma'am, get yourself into a program." Paul informs, "Two things they do in Canada: 1. the list hockey players; 2. they like to knock 'em back."

Diet Coke had a contest in which a random person won the dress that Heidi Klum wore at the Academy Awards. The lucky winner is here tonight. Dave calls out the winner.
Wearing the beautiful red dress is our film coordinator Rick Scheckman, whom we at the Late Show call by the name, "Rick Scheckman." Congratulations, Rick, on your lucky Diet Coke win.

Over the weekend, it was announced that Southern Methodist University will be the home of the George W. Bush's presidential library. We see the official announcement.
Announcer:

"Southern Methodist University is proud to announce they have been named as the future home of The George W. Bush Presidential Library. The state-of-the-art facility will house a public policy institute, artifacts from President Bush's childhood, and a library containing President Bush's favorite books." (shot of three books in a book case) "Southern Methodist University: Go for the gusto!"

In a diplomatic breakthrough, the New York Philharmonic performed in North Korea today. Reports say the highlight was when they played the National Anthem of each country. Dave had no idea North Korea's anthem was so beautiful. We see a clip of the Philharmonic performing the North Korean National Anthem.
We see them playing. We hear the theme to "Sanford and Son."

There's a big controversy over some photos of Barack Obama that were taken while he was visiting Kenya, but it seems to be overblown, as this announcement points out. Announcer:

"Recently released photos of Barack Obama wearing the native clothing of Kenya have caused a stir in the presidential campaign. (photo of Barack Obama in Samoan clothes) But Americans should keep in mind that it is customary for officials try to dress as the locals do when traveling overseas, as evidenced by Hillary Clinton's visit to (I forget where, but we see Hillary in native clothes), Bill Clinton's visit to (I forget where, but we see Bill in native clothes), and George W. Bush's visit to Turkey. (cartoonish shot of George W. Bush in a turkey costume) George W. Bush: Still America's cutest President."

ACT 2:
Back from commercial, a drunk Dave recites some more Canadian hockey players; Ken Dryden, Alex Delvecchio; Guy LaFleur; Eddie Giacomin; and Gump Worsley.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF FIDEL CASTRO
8:00 AM - Starts day with his usual breakfast of strained tobacco
9:00 AM - Finally gets iPhone; is disappointed to find out Cuba has no cellular network.
11:00 AM - His hatred for America grows after watching "The View"
Noon - Wisely refuses to accept the Bush Administration's gift of American beef Dave says, "I've eaten my share of tainted beef, I tell you." A slow rolling laugh picks up in the audience. Paul, in a Tonto voice, says, "Audience make up their own joke, kemosabe."
2:00 PM - Signs lucrative deal to endorse Castrol, engineered for today's smaller cars.
3:00 PM (shot of IHOP sign) - Visits the only international body that still recognizes his authority
4:30 PM - Poses with Osama bin Laden for cover of "Bearded Asshole Magazine"
5:00 PM - Prank calls WFAN, makes inappropriate personal remark about Mike Francesa's weiner.
6:00 PM - Watches Cuba's most popular game show, "Wheel of Torture."
7:00 PM - Catches early showing of "Rent" at the Desi Arnaz Dinner Theater in Santiago
8:00 PM - Invites Raul and Venezuelan Hugo Chavez over for weekly "Lipstick Jungle" party.
Midnight - Dispatches his "Cuban Missile" into Mrs. Castro's "Bay of Pigs"

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Ralph Nader Campaign Promises
10. Fund universal health care by making Wesley Snipes pay his taxes.
6. Send Gary Busey in to annoy and confuse our enemies.

COURTENEY COX: The former Friend who is now starring in "Dirt" on the FX network.
Courteney was here four years ago, and before that it was 6 years ago. Since her last time here, Courteney has become a mom. Dave says boys tend to be rambunctious and wild and into breaking stuff and getting into stuff. Is Courteney's girl like that? Courteney says her Coco is not like that at all and is only interested in being a pretty little princess. At last Sunday's Oscar party, Courteney had friends over to the house just like she's done every Sunday for the past 8 years. While the party watched the Academy Awards and applauded the winners, 3-year-old Coco wanted to get into the act. She would disappear from the party and then reappear in a costume waiting for applause. The party responded. And so Coco disappeared again and re-entered in another costume. This too was met with applause. And so on and so on and so on. Courteney fears the experience created a monster. Is showbiz in Coco's future? Courteney hopes to prevent such a thing until Coco is much older, like 18.
Courteney and her husband David Arquette's home was involved in the California fires a few months ago. Courteney woke up in the middle of the night and saw the fires right across the street. The three of them up and left immediately. The next day, David and Courteney went back to the house to see what was there. The house was untouched, but they were not allowed to stay. There were allowed to go inside and take what they needed most. As they began their walk back to civilization, they were surprised to find all they took were some ribs they were marinating and some facial creams. I guess you always need food and in L.A. you always need to look good.

Courteney is currently starring and producing the FX network program, "Dirt," Sundays at 10:00 PM. David directed a recent episode in which Courteney was involved in a love scene. The first two takes were stopped before the kissing even started. David couldn't bring himself to allow it to happen. David assured everyone he could do it and tried again. This time Courteney and the actor began kissing and the kiss continued for an oddly long time. Now she was afraid the kiss was going on too long. Finally she hears a soft, high-pitched "Cut!" Turns out someone else had to yell "Cut" since David walked off the set before the scene unfolded.

ACT 4:
THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN: a 3-time Pulitzer Prize winner, a New York Times foreign affair columnist, and a bestselling author.
Dave wants to know all about the Global Warming. All Dave is hearing is there is nothing good about Global Warming. Dave explains what he's heard; that there is an accumulation of CO2 in the atmosphere which prevents the earth from cooling itself. Friedman says there are two layers of clouds around the globe. The upper layer reflects back sunlight preventing it from reaching the earth. This keeps the earth cool. The lower layer of clouds acts as a blanket to keep the earth warm. The CO2 is eating away at the upper layer of clouds which allows more sunlight and heat to reach the earth. The increased CO2 comes from cars, trucks, deforestation, cows belching, etc. What we need to do is find clean fuel and do away with the dirty fuel we use now. And the only way we can do that is for clean fuel to become profitable. Industry will not go to clean fuel out of the kindness of their heart; they will only create clean fuel to satisfy their greed for profit. Friedman's new book coming out later this year, "Green Is The New Red White and Blue" reports on this very thing. And it'll only take a change of 3 degrees Celsius to make a tragic change in the way we live.
Why can't the USA lead the way to change? Friedman says, "The reason is 4 words: George Bush/Dick Cheney." It's the United States who has to trigger the market for clean fuel. Years ago, JFK proclaimed our goal of putting a man on the moon within 10 years, and Americans got behind it. Why can't we get behind this? Friedman says we may talk a good game but our actions do not reflect that. He explains, to many people "we are the model for the rest of the world." We need to be the leader in this change and the rest of the world will follow. And with another appeal to greed, he says "Clean energy will be the biggest growth market in the 21st century." There is no reason not to get behind this goal. Industry can make a load of money and just might save the world in the process. Now there's a win-win.
"Green Is The New Red White and Blue: America's Mission in A World That is Hot, Flat, and Crowded" comes out in August.
His current bestseller, "The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century" is in stores now in paperback.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Wednesday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Kid Scientists, actress Natalie Portman, and music from Kenna, featuring Pharell Williams and Chad Hugo. This is the show you'll tell your grandchildren about! We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
CHINGY: From his CD, "Hate It or Love It," Chingy, along with special guests Bobby Valentino and Ludacris, performed "Gimme Dat."

And that was our show for February 26, 2008.



This is odd. I hear Angelina Jolie will be putting her baby up for adoption.

I forgot to mention this last week. While Johnny Dark as Johnny Lincoln rehearsed his Rodney Dangerfield jokes, it was funny and nice to hear some of the interns standing off to the side laughing at the jokes they were hearing for the very first time.

The department store Boscov's is leaving the old Nanuet Mall in the town of Clarkstown due to lack of business. Apparently, the new Palisades Mall in the town of Clarkstown has taken away too many customers. Now the Nanuet Mall is in danger of shutting down all together. Gee, I wonder why the town of Clarkstown officials didn't see this coming?

Last week I wrote about the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year and went off in a tangent and couldn't get back. But when I was looking at the list, I couldn't help but notice that the 1963 Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year was NFL Football commissioner Pete Rozelle. 1963? The selection was made just a month or two following the JFK assassination. It was Rozelle's decision to play a full slate of games two days after the assassination. (I just found the answer to what I was wondering) In retrospect (from Wikipedia) "Rozelle soon came to regret his decision to have the NFL play, and frequently stated publicly that it had been his worst mistake." So why was he named S.I.'s Sportsman of the Year after such a decision? This is what I wondered, and soon found my answer when I read a little more in the Wikipedia:

"Rozelle and then-White House Press Secretary Pierre Salinger had been classmates at the University of San Francisco years before, and Rozelle consulted with him. Salinger urged Rozelle to play the games. Rozelle felt that way, citing that 'it has been traditional in sports for athletes to perform in times of great personal tragedy.' Rozelle's 'aptitude for conciliation' with the league's owners and his work in expanding the NFL however, led to his receiving Sports Illustrated magazine's 1963 'Sportsman of the Year' award."

Last week, many of the schools in the area were off for mid-winter break. I think the mid-winter break is silly and would rather see the kids get off a week earlier in June. But that's not why I called. With the schools off, many city workers also took off and it made for a much lighter morning commute. Travel was much faster. But what I also noticed was the much faster driving speed resulted in more traffic accidents. Drivers were so excited to have an open highway that they celebrated by darting in and out between cars, though this may also be explained by it being the week following the Daytona 500. Anyway, my theory is there were more accidents due to less traffic. And if Mayor Bloomberg institutes his congestion pricing for commuters, charging more for cars coming into the city during the morning rush hour, this will create less traffic on the roads and higher speeds. I believe his congestion pricing plan will result in more accidents and deaths. (I don't really believe this. I'm just trying to convince the Mayor not to go ahead with his congestion pricing.)

Wahoo Note: Leap Year will be celebrated on February 29th this year. Mark your calendars.

Yesterday I wrote that proper manners call for the man to walk building-side on the sidewalk when walking the city streets with a woman. I said the woman should be on the street side, the man on the building side. I've since been corrected:

From Jamie Nestor of Yorba Linda, California:

"I always thought the man is supposed to walk street side because in the old days if the streets were muddy, the man walked street side so the woman would not get splashed."

"My dad taught me that when a man and woman are walking along the street, the man should be streetside so that the lady will not get splashed with mud by passing vehicles. It goes back to the horse and buggy days - when if you got splashed with something from the street by horses you hoped it was mud."

"I was taught that the man walks street side to protect the lady from a runaway car. This was originally intended to protect a lady from a runaway horse. I always thought it didn't matter because they'd both be dead anyway."

"Mike, You were wrong when you wrote" ---
"Mike, you were wrong yesterday when you wrote 'walking along a city sidewalk, a woman should be street side and the man store side.' Or, if not outright wrong, you at least contradicted the rule I learned in childhood.
My parents (both born around the turn of the last century), taught me that the man always walks on the street side, and that the rule came from olden times when the man could better protect the lady from an errant horse, its splashings, or its droppings. At least that's how I learned it in the midwest."

"I thought gentlemen walked on the streetside to protect from splashes and errant horses and drivers."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Lynn, Massachusetts and nephew of Pearl Tac, it's Sean Mitchell.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER