DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Katie Holmes; Frank Caliendo; and Maroon 5. PLUS:Dave’s Heart; the Glowing Pig; Bush Trouble in the Middle East; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and the Late Show Insta-Poll.
“ . . . and now, ‘family values’ candidate . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Monologue joke – “In the last year, 46 million tourists visited New York City. You can always spot a tourist in New York . . . he’s the guy wearing a volleyball shirt.” Big laugh from the audience. Obviously, this had something to do with the pre-show Q&A. Later in the show, Dave delivers a pizza pie from Angelo’s to the trio of volleyballers.
It was 8 years ago today that Dave had his quintuple bypass surgery. Dave re-enacts the surgery, sound supplying his own sound effects.
And it’s time for his annual personal check-up. He calls for the boom microphone to be lowered. Our Boom Mic man, Al Norwood, lowers the microphone to Dave. Dave holds the microphone to his chest and we hear the sounds of . . . . jackhammers and construction. Sounds strong as ever. He then asks Al to bump Tony Mendez in the head with the boom microphone. This delights Dave. Dave alludes to Al Norwood’s vacation photos. Big laughs from those in the know. Dave says, “Al has some travel agent!” More laughs. Al Norwood’s vacation photos are an inside joke which will remain inside.
The Chinese got hold of a pig and cloned it. They then gave it protein that made it glow green. The pig has passed on the fluorescent gene to its offspring. A lot of people ask if this has a practical use. It sure does. Dave holds up a package of “Jimmy Dean’s Atomic Sausage.” He opens the box and removes 4 sausages. We lower the lights and the sausages glow in the dark.
Funny . . . . . the glow in the dark sausages looked like something I saw in Al Norwood’s vacation photos.
President Bush is in the Middle East to promote peace talks, but gee whiz, the guy can’t catch a break. We take a look at what happened.
In the Mid-East this weekend, the Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi showed President Bush one of his prized falcons. Sadly, however, Cheney accidentally shot the thing.
The Bush Administration --- 26% and falling.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES George W. Bush: “People in America like the presidency and sometimes they like the President . . . get it?”
ACT 2:
Dave delivers a pizza pie to the volleyball kids in the audience. Dave returns to his desk without a tip.
With the Presidential race in full swing, everybody’s interested in the latest poll numbers. Tonight we’re using the power of the internet to conduct a Late Show Insta-Poll.
LATE SHOW INSTA-POLL What might keep you from voting for John Edwards?
- 14% - He seems too slick
- 12% - He changed his position on Iraq
- 74% - He’s prettier than Hillary
How could Duncan Hunter earn your vote?
- 100% - Who the hell is Duncan Hunter?
What do you like best about Kucinich?
- 30% - original political view
- 30% - always root for the underdog
- 40% - his hot wife
Did you like Dave’s beard?
- 50% - No
- 50% - Are you kidding me? He looked like a guy who runs moonshine.
What is the biggest challenge facing the country in the next four years?
- 34% - the economy
- 22% - Iraq
- 44% - The Spears sisters
Who is your favorite person named Mitt?
- 11% - Mitt Romney
- 89% - Mitt Jagger
Which Presidential candidate has the best plan to deal with illegal immigration?
- 27% - John McCain
- 73% - No habla ingles
What are you enjoying most about the Late Show Insta-Poll?
- 11% - the topical political humor
- 18% - Dave’s snappy delivery
- 71% - it’s almost over
Which group of people most needs our help?
- 20% - Iraqis
- 20% - Pakistanis
- 60% - The New York Knicks
ACT 3: KATIE HOLMES: Va va va voom! The lovely and leggy Katie Holmes enters looking ravishingly stunning.
Dave says we have had Katie on the show ever since she was just a kid on “Gordon’s Creek.” Katie corrects Dave. “It’s ‘Dawson’s Creek.’” The Creek was her first big gig in show biz.
And since Katie was here last, she became a mom. Daughter Suri will soon be 2 years old. Dave and Katie talk about being parents and exchange kid stories. Suri is a good sleeper, usually waking around 9:00 AM. Harry, like clockwork, is up every morning at 6:00 AM no matter what his day was like the day before or what time he went to sleep. Dave says, “It’s like he’s driving the ‘Today’ show crew to work.”
And the new mom is also a marathoner. She recently ran the New York City Marathon this past November and hopes to do the Boston Marathon someday.
I hope to run the NYC Marathon someday, but it doesn’t look good right now. I ran across the street yesterday and got winded. I never had good wind but had good bounce-back. My recovery time was short. I was more of a sprint guy.
Katie’s new film, Mad Money, opens this Friday. It’s her first film since she became a mom. It’s about 3 women (w/ Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah) from different walks of life who join forces to rob a bank.
ACT 5:
We find Alan Kalter scratching off his lottery tickets. If he’s here on Tuesday, my guess is he didn’t win.
ACT 6: FRANK CALIENDO: He always makes me laugh. His John Madden impersonation sounds more like John Madden than John Madden. John Madden doesn’t like Caliendo’s impression.
Others Frank Caliendo did tonight: George W. Bush
Charles Barkley
Robin Williams
Jim Rome
Dave and Paul.
Frank can be seen on FOX NFL Sunday and next week he’ll be at the Warner Theater in Washington DC on January 26th.
The Frank Caliendo Show is currently on hiatus due to the writers strike.
ACT 7:MAROON 5: From their new CD, “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long,” Maroon 5 performed “Won’t Go Home Without You.”
And that was our show for Monday January 14, 2008.
The big snow storm of 2008 didn’t come Sunday night. We got a mere dusting. Who predicted the storm, Zogby?
“The Other Manning Wins!” -- It was a headline I expected to see in the USA Today on Monday. No soap.
You know what I like to do? When a team loses when they were expected to win, like the Dallas Cowboys vs. the Giants, I like to listen to the sports talk radio show from the losing team’s city. The ache and pain coming from the hosts and callers can be very enjoyable. Monday during the day I was listening to The Ticket, Sportsradio 1310 in Dallas/Fort Worth. They weren’t too pleased about the turn of events.
Many times when a team goes on a 12-play drive twice in a game, the announcers will always pipe up that the defense must be getting very tired. Hats off to the Dallas radio sports talk show host who suggested that maybe the OFFENSE gets tired, too. I always wondered why announcers think the defense gets tired but not the offence.
And Tuesday mornings I listened to Green Bay’s SportsRadio 1250 WSSP in Milwaukee. They were funny. The hosts actually think the Packers are going to beat the Giants this Sunday.
Can someone from Indiana tell me why the Colts needed a new stadium? Was the RCA Dome so bad? It’s only 23 years old and it’s now going to be demolished. Good grief. A stadium that’s 23 years old is still new. Does Indianapolis really have that much money to throw around? Or is the team paying for it?
The new stadium will have a retractable roof and will be called, Lucas Oil Stadium. And how long before it’ll be called “The LOS(E)”?
I like Brett Favre but if the Packers beat the Giants, can you imagine all the Favre-hype we’ll have to suffer through for the next two weeks? I like him now, but by February 3rd I’m sure I’ll hate Brett Favre, through no fault of his own.
And damn the NFL. Do they really have to put the Giants/Packer game on at 6:30 Sunday night? That’s no time to START watching a football game. I really hate them.
Coming up next week, my yearly plea to play the Super Bowl on a Saturday.
I saw “Cloverfield,” I saw “Cloverfield,” nyah nyah, nyah nyah, I saw “Cloverfield.”
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Don and Traci Giller
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Katie Holmes; Frank Caliendo; and Maroon 5. PLUS:Dave’s Heart; the Glowing Pig; Bush Trouble in the Middle East; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and the Late Show Insta-Poll.
“ . . . and now, ‘family values’ candidate . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Monologue joke – “In the last year, 46 million tourists visited New York City. You can always spot a tourist in New York . . . he’s the guy wearing a volleyball shirt.” Big laugh from the audience. Obviously, this had something to do with the pre-show Q&A. Later in the show, Dave delivers a pizza pie from Angelo’s to the trio of volleyballers.
It was 8 years ago today that Dave had his quintuple bypass surgery. Dave re-enacts the surgery, sound supplying his own sound effects.
And it’s time for his annual personal check-up. He calls for the boom microphone to be lowered. Our Boom Mic man, Al Norwood, lowers the microphone to Dave. Dave holds the microphone to his chest and we hear the sounds of . . . . jackhammers and construction. Sounds strong as ever. He then asks Al to bump Tony Mendez in the head with the boom microphone. This delights Dave. Dave alludes to Al Norwood’s vacation photos. Big laughs from those in the know. Dave says, “Al has some travel agent!” More laughs. Al Norwood’s vacation photos are an inside joke which will remain inside.
The Chinese got hold of a pig and cloned it. They then gave it protein that made it glow green. The pig has passed on the fluorescent gene to its offspring. A lot of people ask if this has a practical use. It sure does. Dave holds up a package of “Jimmy Dean’s Atomic Sausage.” He opens the box and removes 4 sausages. We lower the lights and the sausages glow in the dark.
Funny . . . . . the glow in the dark sausages looked like something I saw in Al Norwood’s vacation photos.
President Bush is in the Middle East to promote peace talks, but gee whiz, the guy can’t catch a break. We take a look at what happened.
In the Mid-East this weekend, the Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi showed President Bush one of his prized falcons. Sadly, however, Cheney accidentally shot the thing.
The Bush Administration --- 26% and falling.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES George W. Bush: “People in America like the presidency and sometimes they like the President . . . get it?”
ACT 2:
Dave delivers a pizza pie to the volleyball kids in the audience. Dave returns to his desk without a tip.
With the Presidential race in full swing, everybody’s interested in the latest poll numbers. Tonight we’re using the power of the internet to conduct a Late Show Insta-Poll.
LATE SHOW INSTA-POLL What might keep you from voting for John Edwards?
- 14% - He seems too slick
- 12% - He changed his position on Iraq
- 74% - He’s prettier than Hillary
How could Duncan Hunter earn your vote?
- 100% - Who the hell is Duncan Hunter?
What do you like best about Kucinich?
- 30% - original political view
- 30% - always root for the underdog
- 40% - his hot wife
Did you like Dave’s beard?
- 50% - No
- 50% - Are you kidding me? He looked like a guy who runs moonshine.
What is the biggest challenge facing the country in the next four years?
- 34% - the economy
- 22% - Iraq
- 44% - The Spears sisters
Who is your favorite person named Mitt?
- 11% - Mitt Romney
- 89% - Mitt Jagger
Which Presidential candidate has the best plan to deal with illegal immigration?
- 27% - John McCain
- 73% - No habla ingles
What are you enjoying most about the Late Show Insta-Poll?
- 11% - the topical political humor
- 18% - Dave’s snappy delivery
- 71% - it’s almost over
Which group of people most needs our help?
- 20% - Iraqis
- 20% - Pakistanis
- 60% - The New York Knicks
ACT 3: KATIE HOLMES: Va va va voom! The lovely and leggy Katie Holmes enters looking ravishingly stunning.
Dave says we have had Katie on the show ever since she was just a kid on “Gordon’s Creek.” Katie corrects Dave. “It’s ‘Dawson’s Creek.’” The Creek was her first big gig in show biz.
And since Katie was here last, she became a mom. Daughter Suri will soon be 2 years old. Dave and Katie talk about being parents and exchange kid stories. Suri is a good sleeper, usually waking around 9:00 AM. Harry, like clockwork, is up every morning at 6:00 AM no matter what his day was like the day before or what time he went to sleep. Dave says, “It’s like he’s driving the ‘Today’ show crew to work.”
And the new mom is also a marathoner. She recently ran the New York City Marathon this past November and hopes to do the Boston Marathon someday.
I hope to run the NYC Marathon someday, but it doesn’t look good right now. I ran across the street yesterday and got winded. I never had good wind but had good bounce-back. My recovery time was short. I was more of a sprint guy.
Katie’s new film, Mad Money, opens this Friday. It’s her first film since she became a mom. It’s about 3 women (w/ Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah) from different walks of life who join forces to rob a bank.
ACT 5:
We find Alan Kalter scratching off his lottery tickets. If he’s here on Tuesday, my guess is he didn’t win.
ACT 6: FRANK CALIENDO: He always makes me laugh. His John Madden impersonation sounds more like John Madden than John Madden. John Madden doesn’t like Caliendo’s impression.
Others Frank Caliendo did tonight: George W. Bush
Charles Barkley
Robin Williams
Jim Rome
Dave and Paul.
Frank can be seen on FOX NFL Sunday and next week he’ll be at the Warner Theater in Washington DC on January 26th.
The Frank Caliendo Show is currently on hiatus due to the writers strike.
ACT 7:MAROON 5: From their new CD, “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long,” Maroon 5 performed “Won’t Go Home Without You.”
And that was our show for Monday January 14, 2008.
The big snow storm of 2008 didn’t come Sunday night. We got a mere dusting. Who predicted the storm, Zogby?
“The Other Manning Wins!” -- It was a headline I expected to see in the USA Today on Monday. No soap.
You know what I like to do? When a team loses when they were expected to win, like the Dallas Cowboys vs. the Giants, I like to listen to the sports talk radio show from the losing team’s city. The ache and pain coming from the hosts and callers can be very enjoyable. Monday during the day I was listening to The Ticket, Sportsradio 1310 in Dallas/Fort Worth. They weren’t too pleased about the turn of events.
Many times when a team goes on a 12-play drive twice in a game, the announcers will always pipe up that the defense must be getting very tired. Hats off to the Dallas radio sports talk show host who suggested that maybe the OFFENSE gets tired, too. I always wondered why announcers think the defense gets tired but not the offence.
And Tuesday mornings I listened to Green Bay’s SportsRadio 1250 WSSP in Milwaukee. They were funny. The hosts actually think the Packers are going to beat the Giants this Sunday.
Can someone from Indiana tell me why the Colts needed a new stadium? Was the RCA Dome so bad? It’s only 23 years old and it’s now going to be demolished. Good grief. A stadium that’s 23 years old is still new. Does Indianapolis really have that much money to throw around? Or is the team paying for it?
The new stadium will have a retractable roof and will be called, Lucas Oil Stadium. And how long before it’ll be called “The LOS(E)”?
I like Brett Favre but if the Packers beat the Giants, can you imagine all the Favre-hype we’ll have to suffer through for the next two weeks? I like him now, but by February 3rd I’m sure I’ll hate Brett Favre, through no fault of his own.
And damn the NFL. Do they really have to put the Giants/Packer game on at 6:30 Sunday night? That’s no time to START watching a football game. I really hate them.
Coming up next week, my yearly plea to play the Super Bowl on a Saturday.
I saw “Cloverfield,” I saw “Cloverfield,” nyah nyah, nyah nyah, I saw “Cloverfield.”
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Don and Traci Giller
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Dave Checks His Heart • Jimmy Dean's Atomic Sausage • George W. Bush in the Middle East • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
