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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Howard Stern; and Ayo. PLUS:Polling in New Hampshire; Late Show 2008 Candidate Spotlight; CHiPs; a Dead New Yorker; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan Take a Break from Picketing.
“ . . . and now, subprime mortgage holder. . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
The polls were wrong about the Democratic race in New Hampshire. One polling company put out this explanatory announcement. Announce: “New Hampshire’s Democratic primary results came as a surprise to
Zogby International, as they did to other pollsters. In the case of Zogby, our error can be attributed to a sampling flaw: we only polled New Hampshire residents with the last name ‘Zogby.’ Zobgy International: Zoggin’ It Up Since 1984.”
LATE SHOW 2008 CANDIDATE SPOTLIGHT
As a public service, we thought we’d give voters a more intimate look at the 2008 Presidential candidates. Tonight, we featured the winner of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary, Senator John McCain.
We find Senator McCain sitting at a desk in an office, an American flag on each side. McCain: “I use Canadian quarters to buy Twix bars in Senate vending machines. What are you going to do about it?”
Dave likes Senator John McCain. He’s got a nice little temper going on and Dave likes a guy with a temper. Dave then demonstrates how McCain acts when someone crosses him. He grabs an imaginary nose and does a Three Stooges windup hammer blow with the other hand. I’ll mark this in my file under “Odd Dave.” You may see that shot of Dave in a future piece down the road.
Uh oh, we got another phone call from the California Highway Patrol. We had this happen the other day, too. Dave doesn’t understand how we keep getting phone calls on our fake phone. He looks over to our executive producer, Barbara Gaines, who plays along and instructs Dave to pick up the phone. It’s Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol. Somehow we’ve picked up his radio transmission. Must be a jangle in the wire.
By the way, Barbara is doing some fine acting. Much like Morgan Freeman credits Humphrey Bogart for being an inspiration to his acting, I think Barbara is emulating Gelman.
Earlier this week, a couple guys dragged their dead friend’s body out of his apartment so they could cash his Social Security check. The city has released this announcement to explain the incident. Announce: “New Yorkers were shocked to learn that two men allegedly brought their deceased friend into a check-cashing store so they could collect on his Social Security check. Many are wondering why the men weren’t stopped as they wheeled a dead body through midtown in an office chair, but in the police’s defense, usually when we get reports of a corpse in an office chair in midtown, it turns out to be this guy.”
(shot of Dave from a recent show sitting at his desk)
“New York City: What dies in New York, stays in New York.”
Another phone call. More radio talk from the lieutenant from CHiPs.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see Bush saying something about the Iraqi’s wanting us to leave . . . I mean stay!
And to close out, we get one more call from the California Highway Patrol. Hopefully we aren’t accepting the charges.
ACT 2:
Dang the phone! It’s more from CHiPs. We gotta get the Caller I.D. or at least let it go to the machine.
Music from Paul. What’s up? We see writers Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan enter carrying WGA picket signs. They plop themselves down in the guest chair. Of course, whenever Elliott’s involved you can expect a lot of nonsense. I find I am most amused not by what he says but by how he says it. He presents his delivery with great aplomb even when it doesn’t call for it. CHRIS: “Sorry to interrupt, Dave, but Gerry and I have been picketing all day and we could use a little java pick-me-up.” Chris picks up Dave’s coffee mug. CHRIS: “You don’t mind, do you, Dave?” DAVE: “Well, actually . . . “
Chris sips. CHRIS: “Wow, and that ain’t java. Gerry, take some of this.” Chris hands the coffee mug to Gerry and he drinks. DAVE: “So, were you picketing today?” CHRIS: “Yeah, we were just out in front of the Hustler Club.” DAVE: “I didn’t realize they were producers.” GERRY: “They’re not, but their popcorn shrimp is dynamite!” CHRIS: “And their sundaes.” DAVE: “You must be exhausted.” CHRIS: “Yeah, and my back is killing me. My chiropractor said it’s good to lie on a hard, flat surface. Exactly like . . . maybe I’ll just . . . .” Chris lies across Dave’s desk. CHRIS: “Oh, that’s the stuff. That’s good medicine right there. Now, Dave, if you be a dear and massage my hammy? It’s really singing.” DAVE: “I’d prefer if you got off my desk.”
Chris climbs down. CHRIS: “I guess we only do the man-on-man touching off-camera.” DAVE: “The weather’s actually been sort of mild lately, but you guys have generally been picketing in some really frigid weather.” GERRY: “Yes, that’s true, and sometimes it’s a struggle to keep warm. But, I dress in layers. I use these special hand warmers.” Gerry holds up some hand warmers. CHRIS: “And I keep one of these down my pants.”
Chris reaches down into his pants and pulls out a French Bread pizza. DAVE: “It’s not clear why you would have a French Bread pizza down your pants on a day like this. It’s 50 degrees.” CHRIS: “Because it feels good. It’s actually an old trick that goes back to Indian days, specifically to the Yamakaka tribe. They used to actually put piping hot corn cobs down their pants. The pizza is just the current day equivalent.” DAVE: “I see. So you don’t actually use corn cobs anymore?” CHRIS: “I do, but it’s just in a different location.” DAVE: “OK, so what else have you been doing to support the cause?” CHRIS: “Well, I’ve started my very own strike blog. I really try my best to address all of the pertinent issues at stake. Here’s the latest video I posted.”
(roll vt – we see Chris seated at his computer. He is working on his video blog: CHRIS on videotape: “Today is the 28th day since the AMPTP walked away from the negotiating table. What the producers need to understand is that our resolve has not been shaken. We are united and we will continue to stand firm until our demands are met. See you next time.”
Chris gets up from the computer and we see he is naked from the bottom down. Back live to Dave, Chris, and Gerry.) CHRIS: “I forgot to mention . . . it’s an erotic blog. All right, Gerry and I gotta bounce. We’re gonna start a riot outside ‘The Rachael Ray Show.’ Locked and loaded, Gerard?” GERRY: (pulling out a Molotov Cocktail from his bag): “Check.” DAVE: “Be careful, boys. Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan, ladies and gentlemen.”
ACT 3: HOWARD STERN: one of radio broadcasting’s all-time greats. He’s now heard on Sirius Satellite Radio. I’ve been putting off getting the Sirius radio for years now but last night’s appearance by Howard on the LATE SHOW convinced me to wait no longer. Agree or disagree with him, he’s always interesting and will challenge your thinking. Outrageous? Sure. But when he gets too outrageous, a different radio show is never more than an arm’s length away.
After the quick hellos, Howard says he was touched by Dave’s act of kindness. During the commercial break, Dave walked over to Howard waiting in the wings and wished him a Happy New Year. Howard called it a very tender moment. He says it’s something Dave had never done before.
Howard is always a bit nervous before coming on the show, unsure what to talk about. He’s not sure what’ll talk about tonight and suggests maybe they should address the fact that Paul gets high before the show. Now, stop that, Howard!
Dave asks Howard to tell the story of his getting thrown out of a LATE NIGHT party many years ago. Howard has no recollection. Dave tries to refresh his memory by mentioning how announcer Bill Wendell once forcibly threw Howard Stern out of a Christmas Party. Howard admits to not remembering and says it’s probably because he’s been thrown out of so many parties in his life and this was just another one. It’s something Howard has had to fight his whole life: will he be accepted or thrown out? It’s the life of a lightening rod. It’s been said that a great commentator has 50% loving him and 50% hating. Getting thrown out is as much a compliment as being praised.
Howard talks about what his dream was growing up, that of being a game show host. It’s easy, it’s steady, and you make a lot of money. He mentions Drew Carey, now of the “Price is Right.” I thought it was Howard’s funniest line of the night. He said, “Drew Carey looks like my high school football coach.” I laughed out loud picturing Howard Stern having a football coach. Perhaps I misinterpreted. Howard was probably referring to the football coach at his high school and not that he himself was on a football team. But my initial reaction was picturing Howard Stern in a football uniform. Now do you see how funny that is?
As Howard continues, Dave asks for a time out. He needs to do something. Dave reaches over and gently moves a dangling strand of hair from Howard’s face. Dave’s admiration for the radio giant takes over as he moves more hair away from Howard’s face, and then begins to run his fingers through Mr. Stern’s mane. Howard, easily turned on by any touching, returns the caress. He runs his fingers atop Dave’s hair, unable to gain entry to his closely cropped hair. Dave takes Howard’s hand and kisses it. Howard kisses Dave’s hand in return. Hey, get a room, boys!
When Howard first arrived at Sirius radio, they had 600,000 listeners. Now there are 8.3 million! The future of radio is here and it comes to us via satellite. What bothers Howard is the commercial spots he has to read on his show. Commercials on satellite? Howard says the talkies have commercials, though very few commercials. One commercial Howard has to read for is for a product that eliminates genital smell. He holds up the product and begins to read the copy. Dave quickly puts a halt to it. As I write this up, I tried to find the name of the product to include here. It’s something like Nodorol or Modoral . . . . but after 4 seconds on Google I stopped. I didn’t like what I was finding under “genital odor.” If the Wahoo Gazette was on satellite, I might tell you more.
Howard was very unhappy when he heard the news that Dave and Oprah made up. Now it’s only Howard who Oprah hates. Howard is all alone. Dave admits it’s hard to be friends with Howard. The two tried in the past to become pals but it didn’t work out. For one reason, Dave says it’s difficult to chat on the phone with Howard when everything said the night before will be discussed and analyzed the next morning on Howard’s radio show. And when Howard says ugly things about Dave’s girlfriend, how is a man supposed to respond. Howard says he never made said anything bad about Dave’s girlfriend but I think Howard knows better. Howard is very curious about the relationship Dave has with his girlfriend, but admits he doesn’t picture Dave having sex. “How is the sex?” Howard wants to know. Dave fires back, “White hot, my friend!” Howard admits he doesn’t even know Dave’s girlfriend. He would like to know her . . . Dave quickly puts an end to that thinking. He tells Howard that’s not going to happen.
What does Howard think of Dr. Phil? Howard comes just short of calling him a quack. Or maybe he went past the point of calling him a quack. He says Dr. Phil got his degree at the great school of the University of North Texas. He’s a genius? They practically give away degrees at the University of North Texas. Howard’s news team did some research in to Dr. Phil’s college career. Do you know what Dr. Phil did his thesis on? “Rheumatoid arthritis.” And that makes him a great psychologist? Howard was particularly unhappy at how Dr. Phil rushed to Britney’s side during her most recent mental collapse and made a big announcement of her condition. Howard said that should have been kept private between the “Doctor” and the patient. Howard looks forward to the day Dr. Phil is loaded up and put into a straight jacket.
Howard has some very nice words for Dave on how he reacted to the Writers Strike and how he paid his staff out of his own pocket during the two-month hiatus. I thought that was very nice, too. Howard snickers how Dave shamed Jay Leno into doing the same. Howard referred to Dave and Jay as the Goofus and Gallant found in Highlight magazine. Howard could have simply said “Goofus and Gallant,” but his adding “Highlight” magazine made it so much funnier to me.
After some more talk about politics, the campaign, going on vacation, and going to a shrink, the 3 segments come to a close. It was 3 very funny, fast-moving segments. It was exciting to see two of the best doing what they do best.
ACT 5: Announce: “Coming up next on ‘Maury’ . . . . more paternity tests! We’ll be right back!”
Remember when I would track how many times Maury would do paternity tests on his show? I first noticed that about 8 years ago. And he’s still doing it.
ACT 7: AYO – Pronounced I-Yo. From her CD, “Joyful,” Ayo beautifully performed “Down On My Knees.”
And that was our show for Thursday January 10, 2008
While you watch the LATE SHOW, keep in mind there is still a Writers Strike going on. Check out the following to keep in the know. www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com www.Wga.org – the writers union, West www.wgaeast.org – the writers union, East www.amptp.org – the “other” side of the writers – the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com – Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly – this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette. www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com – a blog written by former writers of the LATE SHOW sharing their views on the strike.
The most recent polls indicate people no longer believe polls. I wonder if the polling people would report that.
I hate when people ask me who I plan to vote for in the November election because I know if I tell them I’ll then have to give a reason. And most times when I vote for someone, I have no idea why I voted for him or her. This year I’ve decided to simply say, “Because I like the cut of his jib.”
Hmmm, are apologies in store? As I wrote the above, the familiar “cut of his jib” suddenly sounded familiar. Did someone from the newsgroup use that in the past 6 months? I hate to borrow or steal, but if I did, it was unintended.
Guilty Pleasure: Last night on VH-1 I watched Dr. Drew’s “Celebrity Rehab.” It’s a bunch of once-celebs trying to get off whatever they’re on. Last night, Jeff Conaway, aka Bobby Wheeler of Taxi, stole the show. Sadly, the guy is in really poor shape. But I couldn’t stop watching. What a mess. Hopefully, Dr. Drew can help him clean up his life. Celebrity Rehab is sort of like “Intervention” on A&E but with a more showbiz, commercial TV, sensationalism leaning, which is why they also have porn star Mary Carey on the show. I’m not sure what addiction she’s trying to shed but during the show you always think she’s about to expose herself. Even though it’s cable, you let yourself think you might see something. She’s on the show only to offer the titillation needed to keep some viewers tuned in. Others trying to beat their demons: Brigette Nielson, Daniel Baldwin, and rassler Chyna Doll. There’s another 5 or so of whom I am unfamiliar. Check it out, every Thursday.
Twice in the past two days I heard the word “comparable” pronounced with the accent on the 2nd syllable and not the first. Today I heard it on FOX News spoken by a pretty blonde. Oh, yeah, I forgot. They’re all pretty blondes on FOX News. I don’t know where I heard it yesterday, but maybe from the same person. Is “comparable” with the accent on the 2nd syllable acceptable, like “compare” plus an “able” at the end? And if not, shouldn’t a professional news reader know how to pronounce “comparable”?
On Tuesday, we sent in a bunch of striking writers into the Jamba Juice. First Dave sent in one striker, then another. And then he sent in one more. And then he sent in 3 more. And then 5 more. At this point, there were 11 strikers in the Jamba Juice. And this is what Dave said next:
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
And this is what I wrote in Tuesday’s Wahoo:
“Did you notice the mathematical error by Dave? Dave called for 5 strikers to enter. (this made 11 total) He then said, ‘Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.’ WRONG. Doubling 5 gives you 10. Plus one gives you 11. Dave should have said, ‘Let’s add one and double it.’ That would give you 12. The way Dave said it would give you 11. I believe that has something to do with the Commutative Law.”
Some of you disagreed with my mathematics.
From Jim Cammisa of Alexandra, Virginia:
“I don't think Dave made a mathematical error. There were 11 writers in the store when he said ‘let's double that, plus one.’ I thought he meant to double the 11 that were already in the store, and plus one makes 12, so that's how many went in."
From Deb Watson of Des Moines, Iowa:
“Dave was right when he made the double it plus one comment. There were 11 in the store. So he called for 12 more--a total of 23 in the store, which is double-11 plus 1.”
I ignored Jim and Deb, until I received this from the official Wahoo Gazette mathematician, Helen Read of Vermont.
“Dave was fine. There were already 11 striking writers in the Jamba Juice when he said to double it up plus one, and send in 12 more, i.e., double the existing 11, and add one extra, bringing the total up to 23.”
I knew when Helen Read wasn’t going to agree with me, I got nervous. Hmmm. I was basing my theory on the 5 Dave had just sent in. Jim and Deb and Helen argued Dave was referring to the 11 that was already inside the Jamba Juice.
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
Jim and Helen are going with the 11 inside when he said “Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.” That would make a total of 23, or double 11 plus 1.
I was going on the 5 Dave had just sent in.
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
I thought Dave should have said, “Lets add one to double that,” as in 5 +1 X 2 = 12. Send in 12 more. I thought Dave incorrectly said “Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more” as in 5 X2 +1. This would equal 11, not 12.
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
Upon further review, the call has been reversed. Dave is credited with being correct. He will not be charged with a time out.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Vice President of the New Hampshire Chapter of the Bob Borden Fan Club, from Goffstown, New Hampshire, it’s Les Rosenthal.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Howard Stern; and Ayo. PLUS:Polling in New Hampshire; Late Show 2008 Candidate Spotlight; CHiPs; a Dead New Yorker; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan Take a Break from Picketing.
“ . . . and now, subprime mortgage holder. . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
The polls were wrong about the Democratic race in New Hampshire. One polling company put out this explanatory announcement. Announce: “New Hampshire’s Democratic primary results came as a surprise to
Zogby International, as they did to other pollsters. In the case of Zogby, our error can be attributed to a sampling flaw: we only polled New Hampshire residents with the last name ‘Zogby.’ Zobgy International: Zoggin’ It Up Since 1984.”
LATE SHOW 2008 CANDIDATE SPOTLIGHT
As a public service, we thought we’d give voters a more intimate look at the 2008 Presidential candidates. Tonight, we featured the winner of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary, Senator John McCain.
We find Senator McCain sitting at a desk in an office, an American flag on each side. McCain: “I use Canadian quarters to buy Twix bars in Senate vending machines. What are you going to do about it?”
Dave likes Senator John McCain. He’s got a nice little temper going on and Dave likes a guy with a temper. Dave then demonstrates how McCain acts when someone crosses him. He grabs an imaginary nose and does a Three Stooges windup hammer blow with the other hand. I’ll mark this in my file under “Odd Dave.” You may see that shot of Dave in a future piece down the road.
Uh oh, we got another phone call from the California Highway Patrol. We had this happen the other day, too. Dave doesn’t understand how we keep getting phone calls on our fake phone. He looks over to our executive producer, Barbara Gaines, who plays along and instructs Dave to pick up the phone. It’s Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol. Somehow we’ve picked up his radio transmission. Must be a jangle in the wire.
By the way, Barbara is doing some fine acting. Much like Morgan Freeman credits Humphrey Bogart for being an inspiration to his acting, I think Barbara is emulating Gelman.
Earlier this week, a couple guys dragged their dead friend’s body out of his apartment so they could cash his Social Security check. The city has released this announcement to explain the incident. Announce: “New Yorkers were shocked to learn that two men allegedly brought their deceased friend into a check-cashing store so they could collect on his Social Security check. Many are wondering why the men weren’t stopped as they wheeled a dead body through midtown in an office chair, but in the police’s defense, usually when we get reports of a corpse in an office chair in midtown, it turns out to be this guy.”
(shot of Dave from a recent show sitting at his desk)
“New York City: What dies in New York, stays in New York.”
Another phone call. More radio talk from the lieutenant from CHiPs.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see Bush saying something about the Iraqi’s wanting us to leave . . . I mean stay!
And to close out, we get one more call from the California Highway Patrol. Hopefully we aren’t accepting the charges.
ACT 2:
Dang the phone! It’s more from CHiPs. We gotta get the Caller I.D. or at least let it go to the machine.
Music from Paul. What’s up? We see writers Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan enter carrying WGA picket signs. They plop themselves down in the guest chair. Of course, whenever Elliott’s involved you can expect a lot of nonsense. I find I am most amused not by what he says but by how he says it. He presents his delivery with great aplomb even when it doesn’t call for it. CHRIS: “Sorry to interrupt, Dave, but Gerry and I have been picketing all day and we could use a little java pick-me-up.” Chris picks up Dave’s coffee mug. CHRIS: “You don’t mind, do you, Dave?” DAVE: “Well, actually . . . “
Chris sips. CHRIS: “Wow, and that ain’t java. Gerry, take some of this.” Chris hands the coffee mug to Gerry and he drinks. DAVE: “So, were you picketing today?” CHRIS: “Yeah, we were just out in front of the Hustler Club.” DAVE: “I didn’t realize they were producers.” GERRY: “They’re not, but their popcorn shrimp is dynamite!” CHRIS: “And their sundaes.” DAVE: “You must be exhausted.” CHRIS: “Yeah, and my back is killing me. My chiropractor said it’s good to lie on a hard, flat surface. Exactly like . . . maybe I’ll just . . . .” Chris lies across Dave’s desk. CHRIS: “Oh, that’s the stuff. That’s good medicine right there. Now, Dave, if you be a dear and massage my hammy? It’s really singing.” DAVE: “I’d prefer if you got off my desk.”
Chris climbs down. CHRIS: “I guess we only do the man-on-man touching off-camera.” DAVE: “The weather’s actually been sort of mild lately, but you guys have generally been picketing in some really frigid weather.” GERRY: “Yes, that’s true, and sometimes it’s a struggle to keep warm. But, I dress in layers. I use these special hand warmers.” Gerry holds up some hand warmers. CHRIS: “And I keep one of these down my pants.”
Chris reaches down into his pants and pulls out a French Bread pizza. DAVE: “It’s not clear why you would have a French Bread pizza down your pants on a day like this. It’s 50 degrees.” CHRIS: “Because it feels good. It’s actually an old trick that goes back to Indian days, specifically to the Yamakaka tribe. They used to actually put piping hot corn cobs down their pants. The pizza is just the current day equivalent.” DAVE: “I see. So you don’t actually use corn cobs anymore?” CHRIS: “I do, but it’s just in a different location.” DAVE: “OK, so what else have you been doing to support the cause?” CHRIS: “Well, I’ve started my very own strike blog. I really try my best to address all of the pertinent issues at stake. Here’s the latest video I posted.”
(roll vt – we see Chris seated at his computer. He is working on his video blog: CHRIS on videotape: “Today is the 28th day since the AMPTP walked away from the negotiating table. What the producers need to understand is that our resolve has not been shaken. We are united and we will continue to stand firm until our demands are met. See you next time.”
Chris gets up from the computer and we see he is naked from the bottom down. Back live to Dave, Chris, and Gerry.) CHRIS: “I forgot to mention . . . it’s an erotic blog. All right, Gerry and I gotta bounce. We’re gonna start a riot outside ‘The Rachael Ray Show.’ Locked and loaded, Gerard?” GERRY: (pulling out a Molotov Cocktail from his bag): “Check.” DAVE: “Be careful, boys. Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan, ladies and gentlemen.”
ACT 3: HOWARD STERN: one of radio broadcasting’s all-time greats. He’s now heard on Sirius Satellite Radio. I’ve been putting off getting the Sirius radio for years now but last night’s appearance by Howard on the LATE SHOW convinced me to wait no longer. Agree or disagree with him, he’s always interesting and will challenge your thinking. Outrageous? Sure. But when he gets too outrageous, a different radio show is never more than an arm’s length away.
After the quick hellos, Howard says he was touched by Dave’s act of kindness. During the commercial break, Dave walked over to Howard waiting in the wings and wished him a Happy New Year. Howard called it a very tender moment. He says it’s something Dave had never done before.
Howard is always a bit nervous before coming on the show, unsure what to talk about. He’s not sure what’ll talk about tonight and suggests maybe they should address the fact that Paul gets high before the show. Now, stop that, Howard!
Dave asks Howard to tell the story of his getting thrown out of a LATE NIGHT party many years ago. Howard has no recollection. Dave tries to refresh his memory by mentioning how announcer Bill Wendell once forcibly threw Howard Stern out of a Christmas Party. Howard admits to not remembering and says it’s probably because he’s been thrown out of so many parties in his life and this was just another one. It’s something Howard has had to fight his whole life: will he be accepted or thrown out? It’s the life of a lightening rod. It’s been said that a great commentator has 50% loving him and 50% hating. Getting thrown out is as much a compliment as being praised.
Howard talks about what his dream was growing up, that of being a game show host. It’s easy, it’s steady, and you make a lot of money. He mentions Drew Carey, now of the “Price is Right.” I thought it was Howard’s funniest line of the night. He said, “Drew Carey looks like my high school football coach.” I laughed out loud picturing Howard Stern having a football coach. Perhaps I misinterpreted. Howard was probably referring to the football coach at his high school and not that he himself was on a football team. But my initial reaction was picturing Howard Stern in a football uniform. Now do you see how funny that is?
As Howard continues, Dave asks for a time out. He needs to do something. Dave reaches over and gently moves a dangling strand of hair from Howard’s face. Dave’s admiration for the radio giant takes over as he moves more hair away from Howard’s face, and then begins to run his fingers through Mr. Stern’s mane. Howard, easily turned on by any touching, returns the caress. He runs his fingers atop Dave’s hair, unable to gain entry to his closely cropped hair. Dave takes Howard’s hand and kisses it. Howard kisses Dave’s hand in return. Hey, get a room, boys!
When Howard first arrived at Sirius radio, they had 600,000 listeners. Now there are 8.3 million! The future of radio is here and it comes to us via satellite. What bothers Howard is the commercial spots he has to read on his show. Commercials on satellite? Howard says the talkies have commercials, though very few commercials. One commercial Howard has to read for is for a product that eliminates genital smell. He holds up the product and begins to read the copy. Dave quickly puts a halt to it. As I write this up, I tried to find the name of the product to include here. It’s something like Nodorol or Modoral . . . . but after 4 seconds on Google I stopped. I didn’t like what I was finding under “genital odor.” If the Wahoo Gazette was on satellite, I might tell you more.
Howard was very unhappy when he heard the news that Dave and Oprah made up. Now it’s only Howard who Oprah hates. Howard is all alone. Dave admits it’s hard to be friends with Howard. The two tried in the past to become pals but it didn’t work out. For one reason, Dave says it’s difficult to chat on the phone with Howard when everything said the night before will be discussed and analyzed the next morning on Howard’s radio show. And when Howard says ugly things about Dave’s girlfriend, how is a man supposed to respond. Howard says he never made said anything bad about Dave’s girlfriend but I think Howard knows better. Howard is very curious about the relationship Dave has with his girlfriend, but admits he doesn’t picture Dave having sex. “How is the sex?” Howard wants to know. Dave fires back, “White hot, my friend!” Howard admits he doesn’t even know Dave’s girlfriend. He would like to know her . . . Dave quickly puts an end to that thinking. He tells Howard that’s not going to happen.
What does Howard think of Dr. Phil? Howard comes just short of calling him a quack. Or maybe he went past the point of calling him a quack. He says Dr. Phil got his degree at the great school of the University of North Texas. He’s a genius? They practically give away degrees at the University of North Texas. Howard’s news team did some research in to Dr. Phil’s college career. Do you know what Dr. Phil did his thesis on? “Rheumatoid arthritis.” And that makes him a great psychologist? Howard was particularly unhappy at how Dr. Phil rushed to Britney’s side during her most recent mental collapse and made a big announcement of her condition. Howard said that should have been kept private between the “Doctor” and the patient. Howard looks forward to the day Dr. Phil is loaded up and put into a straight jacket.
Howard has some very nice words for Dave on how he reacted to the Writers Strike and how he paid his staff out of his own pocket during the two-month hiatus. I thought that was very nice, too. Howard snickers how Dave shamed Jay Leno into doing the same. Howard referred to Dave and Jay as the Goofus and Gallant found in Highlight magazine. Howard could have simply said “Goofus and Gallant,” but his adding “Highlight” magazine made it so much funnier to me.
After some more talk about politics, the campaign, going on vacation, and going to a shrink, the 3 segments come to a close. It was 3 very funny, fast-moving segments. It was exciting to see two of the best doing what they do best.
ACT 5: Announce: “Coming up next on ‘Maury’ . . . . more paternity tests! We’ll be right back!”
Remember when I would track how many times Maury would do paternity tests on his show? I first noticed that about 8 years ago. And he’s still doing it.
ACT 7: AYO – Pronounced I-Yo. From her CD, “Joyful,” Ayo beautifully performed “Down On My Knees.”
And that was our show for Thursday January 10, 2008
While you watch the LATE SHOW, keep in mind there is still a Writers Strike going on. Check out the following to keep in the know. www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com www.Wga.org – the writers union, West www.wgaeast.org – the writers union, East www.amptp.org – the “other” side of the writers – the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com – Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly – this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette. www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com – a blog written by former writers of the LATE SHOW sharing their views on the strike.
The most recent polls indicate people no longer believe polls. I wonder if the polling people would report that.
I hate when people ask me who I plan to vote for in the November election because I know if I tell them I’ll then have to give a reason. And most times when I vote for someone, I have no idea why I voted for him or her. This year I’ve decided to simply say, “Because I like the cut of his jib.”
Hmmm, are apologies in store? As I wrote the above, the familiar “cut of his jib” suddenly sounded familiar. Did someone from the newsgroup use that in the past 6 months? I hate to borrow or steal, but if I did, it was unintended.
Guilty Pleasure: Last night on VH-1 I watched Dr. Drew’s “Celebrity Rehab.” It’s a bunch of once-celebs trying to get off whatever they’re on. Last night, Jeff Conaway, aka Bobby Wheeler of Taxi, stole the show. Sadly, the guy is in really poor shape. But I couldn’t stop watching. What a mess. Hopefully, Dr. Drew can help him clean up his life. Celebrity Rehab is sort of like “Intervention” on A&E but with a more showbiz, commercial TV, sensationalism leaning, which is why they also have porn star Mary Carey on the show. I’m not sure what addiction she’s trying to shed but during the show you always think she’s about to expose herself. Even though it’s cable, you let yourself think you might see something. She’s on the show only to offer the titillation needed to keep some viewers tuned in. Others trying to beat their demons: Brigette Nielson, Daniel Baldwin, and rassler Chyna Doll. There’s another 5 or so of whom I am unfamiliar. Check it out, every Thursday.
Twice in the past two days I heard the word “comparable” pronounced with the accent on the 2nd syllable and not the first. Today I heard it on FOX News spoken by a pretty blonde. Oh, yeah, I forgot. They’re all pretty blondes on FOX News. I don’t know where I heard it yesterday, but maybe from the same person. Is “comparable” with the accent on the 2nd syllable acceptable, like “compare” plus an “able” at the end? And if not, shouldn’t a professional news reader know how to pronounce “comparable”?
On Tuesday, we sent in a bunch of striking writers into the Jamba Juice. First Dave sent in one striker, then another. And then he sent in one more. And then he sent in 3 more. And then 5 more. At this point, there were 11 strikers in the Jamba Juice. And this is what Dave said next:
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
And this is what I wrote in Tuesday’s Wahoo:
“Did you notice the mathematical error by Dave? Dave called for 5 strikers to enter. (this made 11 total) He then said, ‘Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.’ WRONG. Doubling 5 gives you 10. Plus one gives you 11. Dave should have said, ‘Let’s add one and double it.’ That would give you 12. The way Dave said it would give you 11. I believe that has something to do with the Commutative Law.”
Some of you disagreed with my mathematics.
From Jim Cammisa of Alexandra, Virginia:
“I don't think Dave made a mathematical error. There were 11 writers in the store when he said ‘let's double that, plus one.’ I thought he meant to double the 11 that were already in the store, and plus one makes 12, so that's how many went in."
From Deb Watson of Des Moines, Iowa:
“Dave was right when he made the double it plus one comment. There were 11 in the store. So he called for 12 more--a total of 23 in the store, which is double-11 plus 1.”
I ignored Jim and Deb, until I received this from the official Wahoo Gazette mathematician, Helen Read of Vermont.
“Dave was fine. There were already 11 striking writers in the Jamba Juice when he said to double it up plus one, and send in 12 more, i.e., double the existing 11, and add one extra, bringing the total up to 23.”
I knew when Helen Read wasn’t going to agree with me, I got nervous. Hmmm. I was basing my theory on the 5 Dave had just sent in. Jim and Deb and Helen argued Dave was referring to the 11 that was already inside the Jamba Juice.
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
Jim and Helen are going with the 11 inside when he said “Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.” That would make a total of 23, or double 11 plus 1.
I was going on the 5 Dave had just sent in.
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
I thought Dave should have said, “Lets add one to double that,” as in 5 +1 X 2 = 12. Send in 12 more. I thought Dave incorrectly said “Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more” as in 5 X2 +1. This would equal 11, not 12.
“Let’s double that, plus one. Send in 12 more.”
Upon further review, the call has been reversed. Dave is credited with being correct. He will not be charged with a time out.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Vice President of the New Hampshire Chapter of the Bob Borden Fan Club, from Goffstown, New Hampshire, it’s Les Rosenthal.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Late Show 2008 Candidate Spotlight • Phone Call from California Highway Patrolman, Lt. Len Easten • Dead Guy In Midtown VT • Phone Call from California Highway Patrolman, Lt. Len Easten • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches • Phone Call from California Highway Patrolman, Lt. Len Easten
ACT 2 • Phone Call from California Highway Patrolman, Lt. Len Easten • Chris Elliott & Gerry Mulligan
ACT 3 • Phone Call from California Highway Patrolman, Lt. Len Easten • Howard Stern Watch now
ACT 4 • More with Howard Stern
ACT 5 • Audience Shot
ACT 6 • Howard Stern
ACT 7 • Ayo performs "Down On My Knees" • Show Close
