DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
What’s the word on the picket line? Check out what the LATE SHOW writers are saying on their new website, www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
It’s no Wahoo, but it is informative and entertaining. Like I said, it’s no Wahoo.
For your strike news: www.Wga.org – the writers union, West www.wgaeast.org – the writers union, East www.amptp.org – the “other” side of the writers – the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com – Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly – this is the website EVERYONE goes to . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette. www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com – a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike
Can we really expect to win a war if we whimper every time the temperature drops into the 30s?
Our local hometown cable news show has created a Jeopardy-like game show pitting high school students against each other. It’s fun to see your area high school on the TV. It must be a thrill for the kids, too. But to really make this game, “The Challenge,” interesting, the contestants should not be students but should be the high school teachers.
Put them to the test. Let the taxpayers see what they are paying for. Now that would be interesting.
It looks like this year’s Tickle-Me-Elmo is the Wii. It’s sold out in every store, and in every story you hear “but we may be getting another shipment tomorrow! Come back then.” I’m pretty sure the stores create a “shortage” to get the customers to keep coming back. They may have 200 in the back, but only sell 40 a day. And if they don’t do this, they probably should.
And speaking of shopping, I had a wonderful experience at the Toys R Us here in Times Square the other day. The Toys R Us staff made a recent shopping experience not as dreadful as I feared. Nice going, Toys R Us. And if I weren’t bald, I’d tip my hat to the assistant to the general manager. Thanks for your help.
This promises to be a busy Christmas shopping weekend. For fun, I like to go to the local mall and walk up and down the filled-to-capacity parking lot with my keys in my hand. And just do that all day. Just walk the parking lot, never going in my car. I like to see how many cars I can get to follow me, wanting to pull in after I pull out. But I never stop walking. It’s fun. It’s a little like fly-fishing.
What?!! “E.R.” is still on the air?
Friday’s Previously Viewed Program: From July 18, 2007: John Travolta; Paul Abdul; Teddy Thompson; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan; and Dave’s Mom!
Wahoo Quotation Corner: About writing.
- I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again. Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
- Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.
Randy K. Milholland,
- You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
Ray Bradbury (1920 - ), advice to writers
- It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
- Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good. Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Here now is the Wahoo Gazette for Friday’s previously viewed program. It is one of the best Wahoos ever!
(Original Air Date: 7/18/07)
John Travolta; Paula Abdul; Teddy Thompson; and a Very Special Top Ten with Dave’s Mom. PLUS:Osama’s Summer Tip; a CBS News Special Report; a New MAC/PC Commercial; the Late Show Singing Bee; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Alan Kalter’s Adopt-A-Pet Spotlight; and “Old Turkey Buzzard” by Jose Feliciano.
“. . . and now, Post Master General under Eisenhower . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Before the show, Dave someone in the audience told him that he is here with his wife to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. Dave congratulates Mr. Moneybags for going all out on the special day. Free tickets to a TV show you could probably enjoy more in the comforts of your own home. And then right after that, a guy stood up and said that some time in the next 365 days he and his wife will celebrate a birthday. Dave has dinners to give to the lucky ducks.
Osama bin Laden --- remember him? --- came out with a new video message. It’s brief, but powerful. Osama: “It’s hot this summer! Be careful not to get dehydrated. Drink plenty of fluids.” Osama puts down his microphone. And then he heeds his own advice and takes a drink of water.
Dave throws a blue card through the window behind him. We hear a crash, followed by the song, “Old Turkey Buzzard,” sung by Jose Feliciano. Dave throws two more blue cards and we hear again, “Old Turkey Buzzard.” Paul wonders where Dave found this song. Dave explains it was the theme song to the film, “McKenna’s Gold.”
And then suddenly, the show goes to black and the screen shows a blaring graphic: “CBS NEWS SPECIAL REPORT.” Ominous music plays. After a few tense moments we are finally informed about the special report. Announce: “There’s no special report, sorry. Someone just accidentally leaned on the button. We now return you to ‘Baby Bob’ already in progress.”
“We’ll be right back after this message from Apple computers.” We see the most recent Mac/PC commercial starring Gerry Mulligan and Chris Elliott. Mulligan admits to stealing songs off the internet, or whatever the kids do these days. Chris calls in the cops to have him taken away. As Mulligan is carted off, he calls out to the new felon, “Say hi to OJ.”
And then suddenly again, Alan Kalter announces, “It’s time for tonight’s Late Show Singing Bee!” A graphic flies in, camera on Paul and the band. They kick in and start singing Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” CBS Orchestra: “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a ____________.” And the stop. The camera goes to Dave who is seated at the desk, microphone in hand. He simply says, “I’m not going to sing.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES – oh, I forget.
ACT 2
I know you’re dying to know, so here it is:
OLD TURKEY BUZZARD
Music: Quincy Jones
Lyrics: Freddie Duglas
He's just-a watin'
ole buzzard's just-a wa-atinnn'
Watin' for someone down below to die
Ole' buzzard knows that he can wait
for every mother's sons's got a date
with him...
gold gold gold
people are dyin' for
gold gold gold
people are fighting (killing) and dying for gold<
ALAN KALTER’S ADOPT-A-PET SPOTLIGHT – And now it’s time for tonight’s Adopt-A-Pet Spotlight. ALAN: (Alan holding a large salamander/lizard in his hand) “Thanks, Dave. When most people think of getting a pet, they imagine buying a brand-new puppy or kitten. But there are a lot of other animals out there that need a home, too. For example, take Charlie here (lizard). I know, he looks like a mischievous rascal, but Charlie is just a playful little cuddle bug waiting for someone to love him. And speaking of bugs, let me introduce you to Tiffany.”
Alan puts away the lizard and picks up a big spider. ALAN: “What a sweetheart. Tiffany here is fantastic with kids. And just look at this gorgeous coloring. You won’t find that . . . OW!!! Son of a bitch! (Alan was bitten by the spider) DAVE: “Alan, are you okay?” ALAN: “Uh, yeah, Dave. Just a little love bite. So . . . as I was saying, the markings of Tiffany here . . .. very unique. (Alan starts acting oddly) Just a beautiful animal . . . . . Uhhh, so . . . . let’s uhhh, go meet Charlie the salamander now.”
Alan puts away the spider and starts to reach for the salamander. DAVE: “We already met Charlie. Alan, are you sure you’re okay?”
Alan very disoriented, starts wandering around in front of his perch. ALAN: “I’m fine, Paul. Let me just go into my dressing room . . . . . . uhhhh, my dressing room . . . . take a nap . . . . ahhh, just a little nap for just a few minutes. That’ll be good. . . . . “ Alan lies down by the spiral staircase and takes a nap.
Two stagehands come out and drag him off.
Dave looks over. He motions for the stagehands to drag Alan all the way off . . . all the way. When we do something like this, we always drag them all the way off. Dave makes the request, “Just for me, let’s do the dragging again.” Alan stumbles back on stage and lies down again. The stagehands come out and drag him all the way off.
TOP TEN: Things Dave’s Mom Has Learned – today, July 18th, is Dave’s mom’s 86th birthday. We open up the satellite in Indianapolis, Indiana to find Dorothy in her familiar kitchen. Dave raves about the new “Transformers” movie and asks mom is she had seen it yet. She says she hasn’t, so Dave describes the film and highly recommends it. Still, mom doesn’t think “Transformers” is for her. #5. “It’s possible for your son to be successful and a disappointment at the same time.” #4. “In a bar fight go for the legs --- man can’t walk, man can’t fight.”
ACT 3-4 JOHN TRAVOLTA: He continues he get the biggest crowds out on 53rd Street to greet him.
Later this summer, John and the family are going to Cooperstown to see his buddy Cal Ripken be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. How does John know Cal Ripken? Turns out Cal is a big fan of “Grease” and he wanted John’s character, Danny Zuko, to help celebrate his retirement. John couldn’t make it, but when John was in Baltimore to film “Ladder 49,” the two got together and are now good friends.
When it was my birthday, I asked for the “Grease” album.
When Cal Ripken has a party, he asks for Danny Zuko.
What were summers like for John as a kid? John says he had great summers growing up and fondly recalls the above-ground aluminum pool at the house, 18 feet across, 4 feet deep and thinking nothing could ever get better than that. And he remembers winning a dance contest as a kid, though he admits his performance went on a mite too long. How did the 2nd place finisher feel? John mumbles, “There wasn’t a second place . . . I was the only one in it.” John gives a sample of what earned him the 1st place prize as he does a bit of the Twist.
I remember watching "The Sandy Becker Show" years ago. He taught me how to do the twist. He said:
1. Pretend you’re smoking two cigarettes.
2. Throw the butts on the ground.
3. Grind the butts into the ground with our feet.
Yes, that was children’s television back in the 60s.
And ever since his Saturday Night Fever, John’s been at the top of the list of everyone’s dance card, from Princess Diana to Sean Connery.
Dave sounds a bit envious of John’s show biz friends. John invites Dave up to his place for a get together so they too can become show biz friends. Dave considers the offer, then asks, “Will there be dancing there?”
We take a moment to enjoy one of John’s first ventures into show business: A Haggar’ slacks commercial. The boy looked like Joe Namath, which certainly came in handy with the ladies back in the 60s and 70s in New York.
John’s new film, Hairspray, opens this Friday. The word in the dance halls is it’s great.
ACT 5 ALAN announce: “Do you know what time it is, America? It’s ‘Mojito Time!’”
Shot of Alan sipping a tasty mojito. ALAN: “Damn, that’s a good mojito!” ALAN announce: “This has been ‘Mojito Time!’ We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6 PAULA ABDUL: From American Idol and her new show on Bravo, Hey Paula.
Dave asks why does it always seem like Paula is drunk? Or why is it reported that she is always drunk? Paula doesn’t know why, either, and simply states it’s probably due to her bubbly personality. She blames Simon Cowell for putting the idea of her drinking into people’s head. He jokingly said there must be something in her Coca Cola glass.
“Does Ryan Seacrest give you the creeps?” Paula laughs at the question as if that was the first time she’s ever been asked that.
And did you know that Paula has an assistant named Paul Shaffer? Our Paul says he heard about that. Hey Paula – Thursdays at 10:00 PM on Bravo.
ACT 7 TEDDY THOMPSON: From his new CD, “Upfront & Down Low,” Teddy performed “Change of Heart.” Love the strings.
And that was our show for Wednesday, July 18, 2007.
There was a big steam pipe explosion in midtown on Wednesday, 41st Street and Lexington. 20 were injured from the blast, and another 60 were injured rushing to the scene to pretend they were injured by the blast.
You know what Bob Barker should have done before retiring? He should have had his “Price is Right” announcer bark out, “Osama bin Laden, come on down!” You never know. Maybe we could have caught bin Laden off guard.
You remember Osama bin Laden, don’t you? Who would have thought he would be around long after Bush?
I had a commute like I had this morning about once a year. There was a huge downpour in the early A.M. which flooded many of the city streets and highways. I jumped in my car as soon as the rain hit and tried to beat the slowdown but I was too late. The traffic was already jammed solid. It took me two-and-a-half hours to make my 25-mile drive in to work . . . 7:45 – 10:15 AM. And then when the hardest part was over . . . making it over the George Washington Bridge, what do I see on the West Side Highway? A city maintenance crew doing non-emergency work during the morning rush and clogging up an entire lane. And they’ve been doing this non-emergency work for three weeks now. . . . during the morning rush! And then when I got past that, another lane was clogged up by a slow-moving street cleaner vehicle. It was pouring out and they had a street sweeper going down the West Side Highway during rush hour. And while I’m on this traffic kick, if the mayor wants to cut down on congestion, he can start with getting rid of non-emergency work during rush hour. And after that, he can enact the zero tolerance double-parking rule. And when I say double-parking, I really mean double-stopping. When you are on one of the north/south avenues in Manhattan and you need to stop real quick to pick up some dry cleaning or pick up a sandwich or to mail a letter, don’t even think about double-parking. It doesn’t matter if you are the driver and your passenger runs out to do a quick errand . . . DON’T DOUBLE PARK! If your passenger has to run out “just for a minute” you have to stop your car on the side street. It’s your errand, YOU should be inconvenienced, not the driver behind you. Oh, I have a lot more ideas on how to loosen up traffic, and none involve charging 8 more dollars like the mayor is looking to do.
In case you’re keeping score at home, I still haven’t listened to a Yankee game on the radio since April 25th. And I won’t listen to them until that Yankee announcer, Mr. “It Is High, It Is Far . . . .” is gone! He’s got me too many times with his home run call of “It is high, it is far, it is . . . . caught at the wall.”
Damn! I got this from an anonymous reader/writer:
“Subject: oldest blog The WSJ article about the oldest blog is off by a few years. This blog dates back to 1994: http://www.sjgames.com/ill/past.columns.html.”
I checked it out. The Daily Illuminator by Steve Jackson and his Games News has been around since November of 1994, two years before my Wahoo Gazette.
He continued:
“This guy has been ‘blogging’ since the BBS days: http://www.jerrypournelle.com.
I check that one out, too. A Jerry Pournelle and his Chaos Manor has been around for decades.
And Mr. Anonymous wasn’t done:
“Finally, there's a guy who has been using the mod.ber usenet group as his personal ‘blog’ since the 80's. You'd be best removing ‘world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet’ self-promotion from your list. Thanks for your time.”
Hmm, I guess I have to change my out cue.
*And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- compact discs read from the inside to the outside edge --- the reverse of how a record works
- the word “pixel” is a contraction of “picture cell” or “picture element.”
- The top speed of the Zamboni ice-resurfacing machine is nine miles per hour
- in 1976, the swine flu vaccine caused more deaths than the illness it was intended to prevent
- the billionth decimal digit of the numerical value pi is nine.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Des Moines, Iowa, it’s Ron Goodwin.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
What’s the word on the picket line? Check out what the LATE SHOW writers are saying on their new website, www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
It’s no Wahoo, but it is informative and entertaining. Like I said, it’s no Wahoo.
For your strike news: www.Wga.org – the writers union, West www.wgaeast.org – the writers union, East www.amptp.org – the “other” side of the writers – the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com – Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly – this is the website EVERYONE goes to . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette. www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com – a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike
Can we really expect to win a war if we whimper every time the temperature drops into the 30s?
Our local hometown cable news show has created a Jeopardy-like game show pitting high school students against each other. It’s fun to see your area high school on the TV. It must be a thrill for the kids, too. But to really make this game, “The Challenge,” interesting, the contestants should not be students but should be the high school teachers.
Put them to the test. Let the taxpayers see what they are paying for. Now that would be interesting.
It looks like this year’s Tickle-Me-Elmo is the Wii. It’s sold out in every store, and in every story you hear “but we may be getting another shipment tomorrow! Come back then.” I’m pretty sure the stores create a “shortage” to get the customers to keep coming back. They may have 200 in the back, but only sell 40 a day. And if they don’t do this, they probably should.
And speaking of shopping, I had a wonderful experience at the Toys R Us here in Times Square the other day. The Toys R Us staff made a recent shopping experience not as dreadful as I feared. Nice going, Toys R Us. And if I weren’t bald, I’d tip my hat to the assistant to the general manager. Thanks for your help.
This promises to be a busy Christmas shopping weekend. For fun, I like to go to the local mall and walk up and down the filled-to-capacity parking lot with my keys in my hand. And just do that all day. Just walk the parking lot, never going in my car. I like to see how many cars I can get to follow me, wanting to pull in after I pull out. But I never stop walking. It’s fun. It’s a little like fly-fishing.
What?!! “E.R.” is still on the air?
Friday’s Previously Viewed Program: From July 18, 2007: John Travolta; Paul Abdul; Teddy Thompson; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan; and Dave’s Mom!
Wahoo Quotation Corner: About writing.
- I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again. Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
- Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.
Randy K. Milholland,
- You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
Ray Bradbury (1920 - ), advice to writers
- It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
- Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good. Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Here now is the Wahoo Gazette for Friday’s previously viewed program. It is one of the best Wahoos ever!
(Original Air Date: 7/18/07)
John Travolta; Paula Abdul; Teddy Thompson; and a Very Special Top Ten with Dave’s Mom. PLUS:Osama’s Summer Tip; a CBS News Special Report; a New MAC/PC Commercial; the Late Show Singing Bee; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Alan Kalter’s Adopt-A-Pet Spotlight; and “Old Turkey Buzzard” by Jose Feliciano.
“. . . and now, Post Master General under Eisenhower . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Before the show, Dave someone in the audience told him that he is here with his wife to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. Dave congratulates Mr. Moneybags for going all out on the special day. Free tickets to a TV show you could probably enjoy more in the comforts of your own home. And then right after that, a guy stood up and said that some time in the next 365 days he and his wife will celebrate a birthday. Dave has dinners to give to the lucky ducks.
Osama bin Laden --- remember him? --- came out with a new video message. It’s brief, but powerful. Osama: “It’s hot this summer! Be careful not to get dehydrated. Drink plenty of fluids.” Osama puts down his microphone. And then he heeds his own advice and takes a drink of water.
Dave throws a blue card through the window behind him. We hear a crash, followed by the song, “Old Turkey Buzzard,” sung by Jose Feliciano. Dave throws two more blue cards and we hear again, “Old Turkey Buzzard.” Paul wonders where Dave found this song. Dave explains it was the theme song to the film, “McKenna’s Gold.”
And then suddenly, the show goes to black and the screen shows a blaring graphic: “CBS NEWS SPECIAL REPORT.” Ominous music plays. After a few tense moments we are finally informed about the special report. Announce: “There’s no special report, sorry. Someone just accidentally leaned on the button. We now return you to ‘Baby Bob’ already in progress.”
“We’ll be right back after this message from Apple computers.” We see the most recent Mac/PC commercial starring Gerry Mulligan and Chris Elliott. Mulligan admits to stealing songs off the internet, or whatever the kids do these days. Chris calls in the cops to have him taken away. As Mulligan is carted off, he calls out to the new felon, “Say hi to OJ.”
And then suddenly again, Alan Kalter announces, “It’s time for tonight’s Late Show Singing Bee!” A graphic flies in, camera on Paul and the band. They kick in and start singing Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” CBS Orchestra: “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a ____________.” And the stop. The camera goes to Dave who is seated at the desk, microphone in hand. He simply says, “I’m not going to sing.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES – oh, I forget.
ACT 2
I know you’re dying to know, so here it is:
OLD TURKEY BUZZARD
Music: Quincy Jones
Lyrics: Freddie Duglas
He's just-a watin'
ole buzzard's just-a wa-atinnn'
Watin' for someone down below to die
Ole' buzzard knows that he can wait
for every mother's sons's got a date
with him...
gold gold gold
people are dyin' for
gold gold gold
people are fighting (killing) and dying for gold<
ALAN KALTER’S ADOPT-A-PET SPOTLIGHT – And now it’s time for tonight’s Adopt-A-Pet Spotlight. ALAN: (Alan holding a large salamander/lizard in his hand) “Thanks, Dave. When most people think of getting a pet, they imagine buying a brand-new puppy or kitten. But there are a lot of other animals out there that need a home, too. For example, take Charlie here (lizard). I know, he looks like a mischievous rascal, but Charlie is just a playful little cuddle bug waiting for someone to love him. And speaking of bugs, let me introduce you to Tiffany.”
Alan puts away the lizard and picks up a big spider. ALAN: “What a sweetheart. Tiffany here is fantastic with kids. And just look at this gorgeous coloring. You won’t find that . . . OW!!! Son of a bitch! (Alan was bitten by the spider) DAVE: “Alan, are you okay?” ALAN: “Uh, yeah, Dave. Just a little love bite. So . . . as I was saying, the markings of Tiffany here . . .. very unique. (Alan starts acting oddly) Just a beautiful animal . . . . . Uhhh, so . . . . let’s uhhh, go meet Charlie the salamander now.”
Alan puts away the spider and starts to reach for the salamander. DAVE: “We already met Charlie. Alan, are you sure you’re okay?”
Alan very disoriented, starts wandering around in front of his perch. ALAN: “I’m fine, Paul. Let me just go into my dressing room . . . . . . uhhhh, my dressing room . . . . take a nap . . . . ahhh, just a little nap for just a few minutes. That’ll be good. . . . . “ Alan lies down by the spiral staircase and takes a nap.
Two stagehands come out and drag him off.
Dave looks over. He motions for the stagehands to drag Alan all the way off . . . all the way. When we do something like this, we always drag them all the way off. Dave makes the request, “Just for me, let’s do the dragging again.” Alan stumbles back on stage and lies down again. The stagehands come out and drag him all the way off.
TOP TEN: Things Dave’s Mom Has Learned – today, July 18th, is Dave’s mom’s 86th birthday. We open up the satellite in Indianapolis, Indiana to find Dorothy in her familiar kitchen. Dave raves about the new “Transformers” movie and asks mom is she had seen it yet. She says she hasn’t, so Dave describes the film and highly recommends it. Still, mom doesn’t think “Transformers” is for her. #5. “It’s possible for your son to be successful and a disappointment at the same time.” #4. “In a bar fight go for the legs --- man can’t walk, man can’t fight.”
ACT 3-4 JOHN TRAVOLTA: He continues he get the biggest crowds out on 53rd Street to greet him.
Later this summer, John and the family are going to Cooperstown to see his buddy Cal Ripken be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. How does John know Cal Ripken? Turns out Cal is a big fan of “Grease” and he wanted John’s character, Danny Zuko, to help celebrate his retirement. John couldn’t make it, but when John was in Baltimore to film “Ladder 49,” the two got together and are now good friends.
When it was my birthday, I asked for the “Grease” album.
When Cal Ripken has a party, he asks for Danny Zuko.
What were summers like for John as a kid? John says he had great summers growing up and fondly recalls the above-ground aluminum pool at the house, 18 feet across, 4 feet deep and thinking nothing could ever get better than that. And he remembers winning a dance contest as a kid, though he admits his performance went on a mite too long. How did the 2nd place finisher feel? John mumbles, “There wasn’t a second place . . . I was the only one in it.” John gives a sample of what earned him the 1st place prize as he does a bit of the Twist.
I remember watching "The Sandy Becker Show" years ago. He taught me how to do the twist. He said:
1. Pretend you’re smoking two cigarettes.
2. Throw the butts on the ground.
3. Grind the butts into the ground with our feet.
Yes, that was children’s television back in the 60s.
And ever since his Saturday Night Fever, John’s been at the top of the list of everyone’s dance card, from Princess Diana to Sean Connery.
Dave sounds a bit envious of John’s show biz friends. John invites Dave up to his place for a get together so they too can become show biz friends. Dave considers the offer, then asks, “Will there be dancing there?”
We take a moment to enjoy one of John’s first ventures into show business: A Haggar’ slacks commercial. The boy looked like Joe Namath, which certainly came in handy with the ladies back in the 60s and 70s in New York.
John’s new film, Hairspray, opens this Friday. The word in the dance halls is it’s great.
ACT 5 ALAN announce: “Do you know what time it is, America? It’s ‘Mojito Time!’”
Shot of Alan sipping a tasty mojito. ALAN: “Damn, that’s a good mojito!” ALAN announce: “This has been ‘Mojito Time!’ We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6 PAULA ABDUL: From American Idol and her new show on Bravo, Hey Paula.
Dave asks why does it always seem like Paula is drunk? Or why is it reported that she is always drunk? Paula doesn’t know why, either, and simply states it’s probably due to her bubbly personality. She blames Simon Cowell for putting the idea of her drinking into people’s head. He jokingly said there must be something in her Coca Cola glass.
“Does Ryan Seacrest give you the creeps?” Paula laughs at the question as if that was the first time she’s ever been asked that.
And did you know that Paula has an assistant named Paul Shaffer? Our Paul says he heard about that. Hey Paula – Thursdays at 10:00 PM on Bravo.
ACT 7 TEDDY THOMPSON: From his new CD, “Upfront & Down Low,” Teddy performed “Change of Heart.” Love the strings.
And that was our show for Wednesday, July 18, 2007.
There was a big steam pipe explosion in midtown on Wednesday, 41st Street and Lexington. 20 were injured from the blast, and another 60 were injured rushing to the scene to pretend they were injured by the blast.
You know what Bob Barker should have done before retiring? He should have had his “Price is Right” announcer bark out, “Osama bin Laden, come on down!” You never know. Maybe we could have caught bin Laden off guard.
You remember Osama bin Laden, don’t you? Who would have thought he would be around long after Bush?
I had a commute like I had this morning about once a year. There was a huge downpour in the early A.M. which flooded many of the city streets and highways. I jumped in my car as soon as the rain hit and tried to beat the slowdown but I was too late. The traffic was already jammed solid. It took me two-and-a-half hours to make my 25-mile drive in to work . . . 7:45 – 10:15 AM. And then when the hardest part was over . . . making it over the George Washington Bridge, what do I see on the West Side Highway? A city maintenance crew doing non-emergency work during the morning rush and clogging up an entire lane. And they’ve been doing this non-emergency work for three weeks now. . . . during the morning rush! And then when I got past that, another lane was clogged up by a slow-moving street cleaner vehicle. It was pouring out and they had a street sweeper going down the West Side Highway during rush hour. And while I’m on this traffic kick, if the mayor wants to cut down on congestion, he can start with getting rid of non-emergency work during rush hour. And after that, he can enact the zero tolerance double-parking rule. And when I say double-parking, I really mean double-stopping. When you are on one of the north/south avenues in Manhattan and you need to stop real quick to pick up some dry cleaning or pick up a sandwich or to mail a letter, don’t even think about double-parking. It doesn’t matter if you are the driver and your passenger runs out to do a quick errand . . . DON’T DOUBLE PARK! If your passenger has to run out “just for a minute” you have to stop your car on the side street. It’s your errand, YOU should be inconvenienced, not the driver behind you. Oh, I have a lot more ideas on how to loosen up traffic, and none involve charging 8 more dollars like the mayor is looking to do.
In case you’re keeping score at home, I still haven’t listened to a Yankee game on the radio since April 25th. And I won’t listen to them until that Yankee announcer, Mr. “It Is High, It Is Far . . . .” is gone! He’s got me too many times with his home run call of “It is high, it is far, it is . . . . caught at the wall.”
Damn! I got this from an anonymous reader/writer:
“Subject: oldest blog The WSJ article about the oldest blog is off by a few years. This blog dates back to 1994: http://www.sjgames.com/ill/past.columns.html.”
I checked it out. The Daily Illuminator by Steve Jackson and his Games News has been around since November of 1994, two years before my Wahoo Gazette.
He continued:
“This guy has been ‘blogging’ since the BBS days: http://www.jerrypournelle.com.
I check that one out, too. A Jerry Pournelle and his Chaos Manor has been around for decades.
And Mr. Anonymous wasn’t done:
“Finally, there's a guy who has been using the mod.ber usenet group as his personal ‘blog’ since the 80's. You'd be best removing ‘world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet’ self-promotion from your list. Thanks for your time.”
Hmm, I guess I have to change my out cue.
*And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- compact discs read from the inside to the outside edge --- the reverse of how a record works
- the word “pixel” is a contraction of “picture cell” or “picture element.”
- The top speed of the Zamboni ice-resurfacing machine is nine miles per hour
- in 1976, the swine flu vaccine caused more deaths than the illness it was intended to prevent
- the billionth decimal digit of the numerical value pi is nine.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Des Moines, Iowa, it’s Ron Goodwin.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Cold Open with Dave and Jude • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • "Old Turkey Buzzard" Sound Effect • Chris Elliott's Mac vs. PC Commercial • "Late Show" Singing Bee • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Alan Kalter's Adopt a Pet Spotlight • "Top Ten Things I Have Learned" presented by Dave's Mom Read now
