" . . . and now, Mets scapegoat . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Odd Dave: (for my files) at the desk, Dave points and winks to the camera.

It's been revealed that before the Iraq war, Saddam Hussein offered to surrender in exchange for $1 billion. Everyone is weighting in on whether that would have been a good deal, but Dave thought this message was particularly insightful.
Announcer:

"According to newly released documents from 2003, Saddam Hussein told President Bush that for $1 billion, he would give up, walk away, and never be heard from again."
(cut to shot of the New York Mets)
"Hell, we did that for free.
The New York Mets: You gotta believe!"

A moment later, the camera on Dave goes black. Uh oh. What's wrong? We cut to another camera to find camera operator David Dorsett walking away and putting on his jacket. Dave the host asks, "Dave, where are you going?"
Dorsett: "Oh, sorry, Dave. I thought the show was over." Dorsett slinks back to his camera.

A Saudi man has divorced his wife because while he was out of the house, she watched a television show hosted by a man. It seems like an overreaction and the Saudi network appears to agree. We see this announcement.
Announcer:

"Recently, a man in Saudi Arabia divorced his wife because she watched a television program hosted by a male while she was alone at home. But we at the Al-Ekhbaria network would like to assure our viewers that this is an isolated case and there is no reason for married women to stop watching the 'Late Show with Habib Letterman,' weeknights at 11:30 (shot of Dave with a long beard). Then catch Ahmed Abu Bakr!"

ACT 2
SMALL TOWN NEWS
-The News Transcript, Morganville, New Jersey: "All breed dog show. No pets allowed.
-The Picture Post, Fremont, Wisconsin: "King Tattoo. Done while you wait."
-The Providence Journal, Providence, Rhode Island: "Health care supplies: Electric Chair, almost new. Selling for $2,300."
-The News Gazette, Champaign-Urbana, Illinois: A help-wanted ad: "Bi-lingual supervisor for indoor/outdoor sprout & vegetable farm. Lousy benefits."
-The Post-Star, Glens Falls, New York: "All-You-Can-Eat Breakfast buffet, 9 to 11 A.M. Overeaters Anonymous, 6 P.M."
-The Calhoun County Reminder, Rockwell City, Iowa: A liquor store ad: "Ice 5 pounds and 10 pounds - both available cold."
-The Williamsport Sun-Gazette, Williamsport, Pennsylvania: "Anyone knowing the person who knows who's paying for the mice in the walls to listen to me on Percy Street, please notify me."
-The Press-Register, Mobile, Alabama: "Happy 91st birthday." (photo of very glum-looking woman.)
-The Advertiser, Dunlap, Illinois: "Warning: To the Princeville owner of the big dog that poops every early morning on Ostrom Avenue . . . pick it up!! We are watching you!"
-The Rankin Ledger, Rankin County, Mississippi: "Seniors Relive Prom: About 350 people attended the Brandon-Richland Senior (senior citizen) Prom, sponsored by Ott and Lee Funeral Home."
-The Post-Star, Glens Falls, New York: "In loving memory of my beloved husband Eugene Knapp" (there is a photo of a cow in the place where the photo of Eugene Knapp should be)

ACT 3
TOP TEN: Questions to Ask Yourself Before Marrying Michael Jackson - it's been rumored that he recently married his children's nanny.
What's with the Top Ten animation? It was nothing but a yellow note pad with the pages being flipped from 10 down to 1? It was pretty cheap looking. Dave explained the regular Top Ten machine is broken.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Marrying Michael Jackson
3. What would Liza Minnelli do?
2. Will he raise our monkeys Jewish?

SEAN PENN
It's been six-and-a-half years since Sean's been here. What's he been up to? Not much. Typical guy. My wife can go out with her sisters for dinner. When she gets back, she'll get on the phone with each of them and talk about the dinner they just had. With guys, you'll see someone at your high school reunion you haven't seen in 10 years and you'll ask, "What's new?" and the guy will respond, "Not much."
Since Sean was last here, he won the Academy Award for Best Actor for the film, "Mystic River." He's been nominated before that, but never went to the Awards. His mom made him go this time. It's not something Sean enjoys. The worst part is staying sober in a room full of booze because you may have to go up there and give a speech.

A couple months ago, Sean visited with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. He is a card-carrying journalist and went to write about the controversial leader. Pat Robertson said he thought Hugo Chavez should be assassinated and since Sean has never agreed with a single thing Robertson has ever said, he took this as an invitation to meet the guy.
Sean has said that Chavez is often criticized for limiting freedom of speech, but you can watch FOX News in Venezuela and you can watch Bill O'Reilly call Hugo Chavez a madman.

"Into The Wild" is an adapted film from a book about a college kid who left everything to live by his wits in the wilderness of Alaska. Sean finds that we have become "comfort-addicted" and "Into The Wild" explores going outside one's comfort zone . . . to the extreme. It opens nationwide this Friday. It is receiving critical reviews. Sean sold my just on that one line alone: that we are "comfort-addicted" and we need to explore outside the comfort zone.

ACT 5
Announce: "It's time for an exclusive 'Tony Mendez Show Preview!'
Find out what it's like to work at the Late Show when Tony interviews the interns. Just log on to www.cbs.com/LateShow. You won't want to miss it. We'll be right back." Then read the Wahoo!

ACT 6
BARRY SONNENFELD
Barry is the producer and director of the new ABC program, "Pushing Daisies." It's about a guy who as a young boy discovered he could bring back to life a dead person with just one touch. But . . . . if he touches them again, they go back to dead. A private investigator finds out the guy's secret and want to him to help with murder cases by raising the dead and then asking how killed them, and then they can split the reward money.
Barry recently went through something rather traumatic for him. He and his wife dropped their teenage daughter off at boarding school for the first time. There was a lot of weeping, which embarrassed his wife and daughter. Once his daughter was situated in her room, Barry and his wife had another hour and a half before they had to go. The daughter told them their time was up. She told them it was time to go. That reminded me of my taking my daughters to sleep-away camp at West Point this summer. We helped them unpack, and then my wife and I got the "get the hell out of here" look. I recognized it immediately.
Barry seems a bit of the neurotic, and it probably stems from his philosophy of life.
1. Live in fear.
2. Cling to the wreckage.
"Pushing Daisies" - Premieres this Wednesday at 8 PM on ABC.

ACT 7
BEN HARPER AND THE INNOCENT CRIMINALS: From their new CD, "Lifeline," Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals performed "Fool for a Lonesome Train."

And that was our show for Monday, October 1, 2007.



"Wheaties" makes the same claims as steroids.

The old universal sign for choking was two hands to the throat. The new universal sign for choking is the New York Mets logo.

It's time for a Wahoo Stretch!
Tomorrow is "Get Things Done Day." Why? Because the Wahoo Gazette says tomorrow is October 2nd, as in 10-2, as in time to "Tend to" business and get things done.
This concludes the first installment of a Wahoo Stretch!

The Yankees are set to battle the Cleveland Indians. The Mets are set to battle the rough and sand traps.
With all the attention on the Mets this past week, little notice was made of Mariano's blown save opportunity vs. the Orioles the other day. He hasn't been as sharp as he has been in the past.
Pssst. Somebody please tell Alex Rodriguez it's June, not October.

I'm a Yankee fan, but I didn't get great pleasure out of watching the Mets self-destruct. I did watch with fascination, though. It was an unbelievable compelling two weeks of sports television. I was able to watch all the games without being emotionally involved.

Bad news, Good news: The first two Yankee games vs. the Cleveland Indians will be taking place on my drive home from work. And since I refuse to listen to the Yankee games on the radio, I'll be incommunicado with the playoff games for an hour. That's bad news. The good news: It's a playoff game, so it'll be on ESPN radio in addition to the Yankee announcers on the Yankee station. I can listen to the game on ESPN!

I taped something with Chris Elliott on Friday. In the scene I had to smoke a cigarette. It was the end of the day and right after that I went home. When I kissed my daughter Danielle she smelled the cigarette on my breath. I told her why I had to smoke a cigarette but I think she would have rather I shot heroin. I told her not to worry and that it was only one cigarette. She said, "Yeah, but that's what they all say." She was playing the parent and I was the child. I then told her I would get paid for doing the scene and I would give her half. She snaps, "I don't want it."

FOGERTY, TUESDAY NIGHT!

WAHOO PHILOSOPHY CORNER
Socrates. (470 BC-399 BC) was a Classical Greek philosopher who is widely credited for laying the foundation for Western philosophy.
Plato (428- 348BC), whose original name was Aristocles, was an ancient Greek philosopher, the second of the great trio of ancient Greeks -succeeding Socrates and preceding Aristotle
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato

Tonight's featured Philosopher: ARISOTLE
- "All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind"
- "Well begun is half done"
- "The man who gets angry at the right things and with the right people, and in the right way and at the right time and for the right length of time, is commended."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
New York Mets fan, James "Buzz" Capra.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER