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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Paris Hilton; and Emile Hirsch. PLUS:The New $5 Bill; A Message from Hillary Clinton; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Late Show Fun Facts; and a Guy Attempts to Jump a Fleet of Taxis on 53rd Street Aboard an ATV!
“ . . . and now, the rent-to-own furniture king . . . David Letterman!
ACT 1
With us tonight, Henry Rife from Van Wert, Ohio. What will he do for us tonight? Well, on recent shows we’ve had:
- a guy on a pogo stick hopped over a taxi cab
- a guy did a somersault over a Honda Civic
- a guy did a flip over a taxi cab and slam-dunked a basketball
- a guy hurdled three cars
- a guy on stilts did a flip over a car
Tonight: Henry Rife will jump over a half-dozen taxi cabs while riding an ATV. The most he’s ever done was 8. Why not 8 tonight? Because we didn’t provide him with enough street to build up speed.
Earlier in the day during rehearsal, Henry damaged his other ATV when he came up short jumping over FIVE taxi cabs! And later in the show, he’ll attempt to clear six!
Right about this point in the show, I was asked, “OK, 6 cabs, but how many feet is that?” Darn! I should have had that info. I ran outside and asked the staffer involved with the jump. He asked one of Henry’s people. “51 feet” is what I got back. I went back inside with the info to relay to Dave, but before I left I made sure Henry knew it was 51 feet just in case Dave asked him.
The government has redesigned the $5 bill with the latest high-tech security measures, and they’ve released this helpful message to explain the changes. We take a look. Announce: “As part of our continuing efforts to thwart counterfeiters, the United States Treasury has redesigned the $5 bill. New security features include a thread that glows under ultraviolet light, a second watermark, and this . . . (we see the Lincoln head on the five dollar bill take a chomp out of the holder’s finger) . . . The United States Treasury: Working for you.”
And now it’s time for a message from Hillary Clinton. From one of last Sunday’s morning talk shows: Hillary: “I’m looking forward to having / my husband / do / women / in the White House / again.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: I forgot which one we did.
ACT 2 LATE SHOW FUN FACTS – it’s Friday, and that means Fun Facts. Dave reads from this week’s batch.
ACT 3 TOP TEN: Questions To Ask Yourself Before Ordering a $14,500 Dessert –
A luxury resort in Sri Lanka has created the most expensive dessert in the world.
It is called “The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence”
- it includes: fruit compote, a sabayon sauce, mango, Irish Cream, chocolate, Dom Perignon, and an 80-carat aquamarine stone.
That’s cheating. To make this the most expensive dessert in the world, the resort simply added an 80-carat stone. I can do the same thing. Here’s my most expensive dessert: a bowl of Jello, topped with my house. Ta da! The world’s most expensive dessert.
#6. “What would Leona Helmsley’s dog do?” #3. “How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?”
PARIS HILTON: She has a new fragrance called, “Can-Can.” And she has been in Toronto making a musical film called “Repo! The Genetic Opera.” She performs quite a few songs in it.
Paris lives in both New York and Los Angeles. Which does she prefer? She loves both, but the weather in Los Angeles is better. And how was it in prison? The question was pretty abrupt, which made it quite amusing. The food was awful, but it’s supposed to be awful . . . it’s jail. Breakfast consisted of a hard-boiled egg and orange juice. Lunch was baloney. Dinner, mystery meat.
Dave asks for some clarification, “What did you do? Do you know what you did?” Dave answers his own question, explaining she was driving with an invalid license. Have friends treated her different since she’s been out of the slammer? Paris says the whole experience is in her past and no longer wants to talk about it. Dave smiles and says, “That’s where you and I are different. This is ALL I want to talk about.” During the segment, a guy from the audience calls out, “I love you, Paris!” Dave asks Paris, “Someone you met in prison?”
More talk follows about prison life, making Paris a bit uncomfortable. But like she says, it’s all behind her and we’re glad she’s back in the bright lights of freedom.
ACT 4
It’s time for Henry Rife to jump the taxi cabs. Lined up are 6 cabs. Henry slowly drives up the ramp to size it up. He backs the ATV down. I suspect he does this for dramatic effect for the home viewer. He had all day to size things up. He didn’t have to wait for the camera to be on. Henry then does a turn-around to build up speed. Henry flies up the ramp in his ATV and soars through the sky over the 6 taxi cabs. Success! Nicely done, Henry. How many times have I wished I could do that when stuck in traffic?!
ACT 5: It’s replays of the dangerous ATV jump on 53rd Street from many different angles.
ACT 6 EMILE HIRSCH: He’s in the film, Into The Wild which is now playing in selected theaters. Emile did not meet Paris Hilton backstage but did meet her some time ago. He and a buddy crashed a party by simply saying, “We’re with Timberlake.” (I don’t think that would work at the parties I go to.) Paris was at the party with her boyfriend Starvos Nachos, or whaterver. At some point, he hears Paris yell, “My necklace! I dropped it!” Somebody pooh-poohed it and told her not to worry about it. Emile and his buddy quickly made an attempt to find and his buddy eventually found it. What to do? Keep it and go home rich, or return it and do the right thing. Even though it was a Hollywood party, they decided to do the right thing. His buddy returned the necklace to Paris, who said, “Oh, thanks” and walked away.
Emile’s been shooting a film, Speed Racer, in Berlin and discovered something odd. When he would go out for his morning jog, there is a part of the park reserved for nude sunbathing. Of course, those sunbathing in the nude are the types that should never sunbathe in the nude. It was a bunch of fat men lounging around like walruses. And then he went to the hotel sauna wearing a bathing suit. When he got in, he found 6 old guys naked top to bottom. When they saw Emile in his bathing trunks, they gave him a disapproving look. He didn’t know what to make of the whole thing. Into The Wild is a film based on the true story of a recent college grad who embarks on an adventure of living on his own in the Alaskan wilderness. In one scene, Emile had to work with a grizzly bear, a real live grizzly bear. There’s a famous movie bear named Bart. The one Emile worked with was the son of Bart . . . it was sort of like a grizzly bear Michael Douglas. Into The Wild – coming soon to your city, if it’s not already there.
And that was our show for Friday September 28, 2007.
I was looking at the Drudge Report the other day at home. My daughter looks over my shoulder and sees a photo of Hitler on the front page of Drudge. She points and says, “Hey, there’s that Nazi dude.” It’s the first time I ever heard Hitler referred to as “that Nazi dude.”
Here’s what I want to do. I hope the Mets are out of the playoffs come Sunday morning. I’ll hop in my car and go to the Mets game that afternoon. If that’s the case, if the Mets are out of it on Sunday morning, Shea Stadium will be quite a place on Sunday.
In yesterday’s Wahoo, I mentioned something Dave said about his talkative son as if he “got a vaccination from a phonograph needle.” I never heard the quote so I Googled it. The only place I found it was in a Bon Jovi song, “Blame It On The Rock And Roll.”
I then received a suggestion from Wahoo reader John Stanfield to check out the Marx Brothers’ Duck Soup. And this is what I found from that movie; Groucho: “You haven’t stopped talking since I came here! You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!”
John Stanfield was first to point this out to me. I expect a lot more over the weekend.
Here’s something to chew on, if you like chewing on stuff like this: Alex Rodriguez is going to command a whole lot of money next year. His contract reads that he can renegotiate at the end of this season. Should the Yankees try to sign him? Well, with
A-Rod or without A-Rod, the Yankees are going to sell-out the Stadium for at least the next 5 years. Next year is the final season at the old Yankee Stadium. Those 81 games are sure to be all sold out for every game. And when the new stadium is built, it’ll be sold out for at least the first four years. Signing A-Rod for $30 million a year will not put one more fan in Yankee Stadium.
As a business owner, would you sign him under those circumstances?
It’s the annual Block Party at home this weekend and it looks like nice weather. This is always lots of fun. It usually ends with someone bringing out the firepit and about a dozen of the moms and dads surround it with drinks and chat. Slowly, one will leave and then another. This will continue till 3:00 AM. Three times I’ve been the last to leave. I’m not planning on being the last this year, but you never know. The neighborhood is 8 years old now and I still only know a third of the names. I always ask Denise the same thing before heading out to the party: “Who should I know?” Being one of the first houses in the cul-de-sac, I know all the faces and the cars they drive; I just don’t know their name.
New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress has a bum ankle. He’s been hobbling on it since the 2nd game of the season. Exactly when did he hurt his ankle? It happened on the very next play after Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey spiked the ball and was penalized after getting a first down. The ball came back; it was 3rd and long instead of 1st and ten. A play had to be called reflecting that situation and Plaxico hurt his ankle on that play. All because of Jeremy Shockey.
At least that’s when I think Plaxico hurt his ankle.
Prediction: New York Post headline if the Mets don’t make the playoffs;
- “YOU GOTTA BEREAVE!”
WAHOO PHILOSOPHY CORNER Socrates. (470 BC–399 BC) was a Classical Greek philosopher who is widely credited for laying the foundation for Western philosophy. Plato (428– 348BC), whose original name was Aristocles, was an ancient Greek philosopher, the second of the great trio of ancient Greeks –succeeding Socrates and preceding Aristotle Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC) was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato
Tonight’s featured Philosopher: Plato
- “Courage is knowing what not to fear.”
- “Entire ignorance is not so terrible or extreme an evil, and is far from being the greatest of all; too much cleverness and too much learning, accompanied with ill bringing-up, are far more fatal. “
- “Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.”
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Denise Dooley
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Paris Hilton; and Emile Hirsch. PLUS:The New $5 Bill; A Message from Hillary Clinton; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Late Show Fun Facts; and a Guy Attempts to Jump a Fleet of Taxis on 53rd Street Aboard an ATV!
“ . . . and now, the rent-to-own furniture king . . . David Letterman!
ACT 1
With us tonight, Henry Rife from Van Wert, Ohio. What will he do for us tonight? Well, on recent shows we’ve had:
- a guy on a pogo stick hopped over a taxi cab
- a guy did a somersault over a Honda Civic
- a guy did a flip over a taxi cab and slam-dunked a basketball
- a guy hurdled three cars
- a guy on stilts did a flip over a car
Tonight: Henry Rife will jump over a half-dozen taxi cabs while riding an ATV. The most he’s ever done was 8. Why not 8 tonight? Because we didn’t provide him with enough street to build up speed.
Earlier in the day during rehearsal, Henry damaged his other ATV when he came up short jumping over FIVE taxi cabs! And later in the show, he’ll attempt to clear six!
Right about this point in the show, I was asked, “OK, 6 cabs, but how many feet is that?” Darn! I should have had that info. I ran outside and asked the staffer involved with the jump. He asked one of Henry’s people. “51 feet” is what I got back. I went back inside with the info to relay to Dave, but before I left I made sure Henry knew it was 51 feet just in case Dave asked him.
The government has redesigned the $5 bill with the latest high-tech security measures, and they’ve released this helpful message to explain the changes. We take a look. Announce: “As part of our continuing efforts to thwart counterfeiters, the United States Treasury has redesigned the $5 bill. New security features include a thread that glows under ultraviolet light, a second watermark, and this . . . (we see the Lincoln head on the five dollar bill take a chomp out of the holder’s finger) . . . The United States Treasury: Working for you.”
And now it’s time for a message from Hillary Clinton. From one of last Sunday’s morning talk shows: Hillary: “I’m looking forward to having / my husband / do / women / in the White House / again.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: I forgot which one we did.
ACT 2 LATE SHOW FUN FACTS – it’s Friday, and that means Fun Facts. Dave reads from this week’s batch.
ACT 3 TOP TEN: Questions To Ask Yourself Before Ordering a $14,500 Dessert –
A luxury resort in Sri Lanka has created the most expensive dessert in the world.
It is called “The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence”
- it includes: fruit compote, a sabayon sauce, mango, Irish Cream, chocolate, Dom Perignon, and an 80-carat aquamarine stone.
That’s cheating. To make this the most expensive dessert in the world, the resort simply added an 80-carat stone. I can do the same thing. Here’s my most expensive dessert: a bowl of Jello, topped with my house. Ta da! The world’s most expensive dessert.
#6. “What would Leona Helmsley’s dog do?” #3. “How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?”
PARIS HILTON: She has a new fragrance called, “Can-Can.” And she has been in Toronto making a musical film called “Repo! The Genetic Opera.” She performs quite a few songs in it.
Paris lives in both New York and Los Angeles. Which does she prefer? She loves both, but the weather in Los Angeles is better. And how was it in prison? The question was pretty abrupt, which made it quite amusing. The food was awful, but it’s supposed to be awful . . . it’s jail. Breakfast consisted of a hard-boiled egg and orange juice. Lunch was baloney. Dinner, mystery meat.
Dave asks for some clarification, “What did you do? Do you know what you did?” Dave answers his own question, explaining she was driving with an invalid license. Have friends treated her different since she’s been out of the slammer? Paris says the whole experience is in her past and no longer wants to talk about it. Dave smiles and says, “That’s where you and I are different. This is ALL I want to talk about.” During the segment, a guy from the audience calls out, “I love you, Paris!” Dave asks Paris, “Someone you met in prison?”
More talk follows about prison life, making Paris a bit uncomfortable. But like she says, it’s all behind her and we’re glad she’s back in the bright lights of freedom.
ACT 4
It’s time for Henry Rife to jump the taxi cabs. Lined up are 6 cabs. Henry slowly drives up the ramp to size it up. He backs the ATV down. I suspect he does this for dramatic effect for the home viewer. He had all day to size things up. He didn’t have to wait for the camera to be on. Henry then does a turn-around to build up speed. Henry flies up the ramp in his ATV and soars through the sky over the 6 taxi cabs. Success! Nicely done, Henry. How many times have I wished I could do that when stuck in traffic?!
ACT 5: It’s replays of the dangerous ATV jump on 53rd Street from many different angles.
ACT 6 EMILE HIRSCH: He’s in the film, Into The Wild which is now playing in selected theaters. Emile did not meet Paris Hilton backstage but did meet her some time ago. He and a buddy crashed a party by simply saying, “We’re with Timberlake.” (I don’t think that would work at the parties I go to.) Paris was at the party with her boyfriend Starvos Nachos, or whaterver. At some point, he hears Paris yell, “My necklace! I dropped it!” Somebody pooh-poohed it and told her not to worry about it. Emile and his buddy quickly made an attempt to find and his buddy eventually found it. What to do? Keep it and go home rich, or return it and do the right thing. Even though it was a Hollywood party, they decided to do the right thing. His buddy returned the necklace to Paris, who said, “Oh, thanks” and walked away.
Emile’s been shooting a film, Speed Racer, in Berlin and discovered something odd. When he would go out for his morning jog, there is a part of the park reserved for nude sunbathing. Of course, those sunbathing in the nude are the types that should never sunbathe in the nude. It was a bunch of fat men lounging around like walruses. And then he went to the hotel sauna wearing a bathing suit. When he got in, he found 6 old guys naked top to bottom. When they saw Emile in his bathing trunks, they gave him a disapproving look. He didn’t know what to make of the whole thing. Into The Wild is a film based on the true story of a recent college grad who embarks on an adventure of living on his own in the Alaskan wilderness. In one scene, Emile had to work with a grizzly bear, a real live grizzly bear. There’s a famous movie bear named Bart. The one Emile worked with was the son of Bart . . . it was sort of like a grizzly bear Michael Douglas. Into The Wild – coming soon to your city, if it’s not already there.
And that was our show for Friday September 28, 2007.
I was looking at the Drudge Report the other day at home. My daughter looks over my shoulder and sees a photo of Hitler on the front page of Drudge. She points and says, “Hey, there’s that Nazi dude.” It’s the first time I ever heard Hitler referred to as “that Nazi dude.”
Here’s what I want to do. I hope the Mets are out of the playoffs come Sunday morning. I’ll hop in my car and go to the Mets game that afternoon. If that’s the case, if the Mets are out of it on Sunday morning, Shea Stadium will be quite a place on Sunday.
In yesterday’s Wahoo, I mentioned something Dave said about his talkative son as if he “got a vaccination from a phonograph needle.” I never heard the quote so I Googled it. The only place I found it was in a Bon Jovi song, “Blame It On The Rock And Roll.”
I then received a suggestion from Wahoo reader John Stanfield to check out the Marx Brothers’ Duck Soup. And this is what I found from that movie; Groucho: “You haven’t stopped talking since I came here! You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!”
John Stanfield was first to point this out to me. I expect a lot more over the weekend.
Here’s something to chew on, if you like chewing on stuff like this: Alex Rodriguez is going to command a whole lot of money next year. His contract reads that he can renegotiate at the end of this season. Should the Yankees try to sign him? Well, with
A-Rod or without A-Rod, the Yankees are going to sell-out the Stadium for at least the next 5 years. Next year is the final season at the old Yankee Stadium. Those 81 games are sure to be all sold out for every game. And when the new stadium is built, it’ll be sold out for at least the first four years. Signing A-Rod for $30 million a year will not put one more fan in Yankee Stadium.
As a business owner, would you sign him under those circumstances?
It’s the annual Block Party at home this weekend and it looks like nice weather. This is always lots of fun. It usually ends with someone bringing out the firepit and about a dozen of the moms and dads surround it with drinks and chat. Slowly, one will leave and then another. This will continue till 3:00 AM. Three times I’ve been the last to leave. I’m not planning on being the last this year, but you never know. The neighborhood is 8 years old now and I still only know a third of the names. I always ask Denise the same thing before heading out to the party: “Who should I know?” Being one of the first houses in the cul-de-sac, I know all the faces and the cars they drive; I just don’t know their name.
New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress has a bum ankle. He’s been hobbling on it since the 2nd game of the season. Exactly when did he hurt his ankle? It happened on the very next play after Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey spiked the ball and was penalized after getting a first down. The ball came back; it was 3rd and long instead of 1st and ten. A play had to be called reflecting that situation and Plaxico hurt his ankle on that play. All because of Jeremy Shockey.
At least that’s when I think Plaxico hurt his ankle.
Prediction: New York Post headline if the Mets don’t make the playoffs;
- “YOU GOTTA BEREAVE!”
WAHOO PHILOSOPHY CORNER Socrates. (470 BC–399 BC) was a Classical Greek philosopher who is widely credited for laying the foundation for Western philosophy. Plato (428– 348BC), whose original name was Aristocles, was an ancient Greek philosopher, the second of the great trio of ancient Greeks –succeeding Socrates and preceding Aristotle Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC) was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato
Tonight’s featured Philosopher: Plato
- “Courage is knowing what not to fear.”
- “Entire ignorance is not so terrible or extreme an evil, and is far from being the greatest of all; too much cleverness and too much learning, accompanied with ill bringing-up, are far more fatal. “
- “Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.”
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Denise Dooley
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • The New $5 Bill • Hillary Clinton on Bill Clinton • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Paul's Radio Project • Late Show Fun Facts
ACT 3 • Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Ordering a $14,500 Dessert Read now
