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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Jessica Alba; George Saunders; and Manchester Orchestra. PLUS: Larry Craig; The Taxi Strike; Biff with a Motive; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; A Day in the Life of the 2008 Presidential Campaign; and Alan Kalter’s Consumer Update.
“ . . . and now, the man who’s patrolled the sidelines of Happy Valley for 42 years . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
This week, Larry Craig accidentally dialed the wrong number while trying to call his lawyer and left a voice mail that was leaked to the press. We have audio of the message he thought he was leaving his lawyer, Billy Martin, and I don’t think it helps his case. Audio of Larry Craig: “Yes, Billy, this is Larry Craig calling. Arlen Specter is now willing to come out in my defense, arguing that I have been gay and all that. I think it is important for you to make as gay a statement as you are comfortable with this afternoon. I think it would help drive the story that I’m gay and that this thing could take a new gay turn or a new gay shape. Anyway, give me a buzz. You can reach me at the Minneapolis airport. Bye”
It’s the second day of the taxi strike, and the cabs that are still in service are allowed to pick up multiple fares. We take a look at a cab taking advantage of the emergency multiple-passenger tactic.
We cut to 53rd Street. We see a yellow cab driving down the street. The front seat is filled, as is the back seat. And there is a passenger on the roof of the cab and one riding on the trunk. Hey, people need to get to work.
As Dave goes on to the next bit of business, we see Biff enter and stand just off to Dave’s left. DAVE: “Biff, why are you on stage?” BIFF: “Just wondering, do you need some coffee?” DAVE: “No, I’m good, thanks.” BIFF: “Hungry? Need something to snack on? DAVE: “No, I’m fine. Just had some Pringles and Yoo-Hoo.” (I don’t remember exactly. It was something and Yoo-Hoo) BIFF: “Cold? Want me to bring you a sweater? It’s really no trouble.” DAVE: “Biff, I know why you’re out here. You here because you want to see Jessica Alba in person, don’t you?” BIFF: “Who, me?” DAVE: “Biff, maybe you should go backstage.” BIFF: “Maybe you should kiss my ass.” Begins to exit. Stops for the applause to stop. “I’m getting too old for his ‘djoy.’” Exits.
Dave is flummoxed. “What did I do?”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see . . . I forgot.
We see Johnny Dark as Ronald Reagan dressed as Abraham Lincoln.
We see President Bush: He says something about having a “round table discussion at a square table.”
ACT 2
It was Harry’s first day of school today. Dave took him to school and all the parents got to meet the teacher and their child’s classmates. Dave doesn’t quite understand that Harry is only 3 but in his second year of school already. Dave asks, “Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Vaccinated with a phonograph needle’?” Well, Harry is one of those children who just loves to chat and gab and talk, on and on and on. At one point Dave overhears Harry tell a story that concluded with, “ . . . and then daddy got up and ran to the potty.”
And it’s just the beginning.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE 2008 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN – the election is November 4, 2008, fourteen months away. Heaven help us.
9:30 AM: To improve his chances of winning, Joe Biden changes his name to Barack O’Biden. 11:00 AM: George W. Bush announces he hasn’t decided whether or not to run for a third term. Noon: A despondent John Kerry is heard muttering, “I still can’t believe I lost to that moron.” 12:30 PM: Rudy Giuliani appears at campaign rally attended by his former wives 1:00 PM: Tom Tancredo drops out of race after spending his budget on a Denny’s Grand-Slam breakfast. 1:30 PM: Despite warnings that she’s getting cocky, Hillary begins planning 2012 re-election campaign 2:00 PM: Unable to come up with any references for Duncan Hunter, Late Show writers decide not to use him in this comedy piece 3:00 PM: Bill Richardson and Chris Dodd argue over who would make the puffier president 4:00 PM: While Fred Thompson gives a speech, his wife Jeri has a “Strategy Session” with Bill Clinton 5:00 PM: John Edwards’s boyish good looks earn him the endorsement of Senator Larry Craig. 5:30: Learning Kucinich has 3% of the vote, President Bush says, “I would kill for those numbers.”
ACT 3 JESSICA ALBA: Jessica’s had quite a summer that involved a lot of traveling. She spent some time in Amsterdam and loved it. As soon as she got there she heard of a 50 Cent concert and decided to go. Add the jet-lag with Amsterdam and what Amsterdam has to offer and Jessica wasn’t on top of her game. And then 50 Cent invited her on stage. She found the whole thing embarrassing.
And she’s on the cover of this month’s Cosmo. Dave leafs through it and reads from the Cosmo Quiz:
- favorite part of her body? Jessica says it’s her back. Dave wonders if she’s ever seen her back? Not that it isn’t lovely, but has anyone really ever seen an actual live viewing of their own back?
- TV show addicted to? The survey says her favorites are Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report. Dave says if he had a TV show he’d really be upset.
- love at first sight? Yes, and she’s still kinda hoping about someone special she’s had her eye on. Uh oh, I saw her backstage just before she came out! You don’t think . . .
- sex on the first date? She gives an enthusiastic “Yeah.” Dave says she sounds like she’s talking about a parking space. Half of New York sat up in bed at that moment and said, “I’ll take the parking space!” Why not? It lasts longer.
- Phone sex? Yeah, Jessica would. Dave says he’s done some of the phone sex, though sometimes the information operator gets a bit annoyed.
Jessica Alba is in the film Good Luck Chuck, opening September 21st. We see a clip of her falling and bumping her head and chipping a tooth. She was supposed to do 1 and 2, but #3, the chipping her tooth, she did all on her own.
ACT 4
Dave is reminded of a story. He once made a call on the phone sex line. The woman did all the warm up/lead up, and then said, “And now I’m going to rub you down with fragrant oils.” Dave responded, “Oh, no, I’m allergic to fragrant oils.” The proud Dave says he sure knows how to get his money’s worth.
ALAN KALTER’S CONSUMER UPDATE
There’s been another recall of toys made in China. For the very latest, we see an installment of “Alan Kalter’s Consumer Update.” Alan: “Thanks, DL. Mattel has issued a third recall of Chinese-made toys that may contain excessive amounts of lead paint. The recall includes numerous Barbie accessories, the Geotrax locomotive line and Big Bib World 6-in-1 Bongo Band toys. If you are in possession of any of these recalled toys, you should contact Mattel immediately to receive a free replacement toy. But the news isn’t all bad. In light of Mattel’s recent troubles, I’ve increased lead testing on all the adult toys and novelties for sale at Kalterworld.com. I can personally assure you that every one of our items is 100% lead paint-free. I’ve tried them all myself and the only side-effect I experienced . . . was pure ecstasy. No matter what kinky stuff you’re into, at Kalterworld.com, you satisfaction . . . and I do mean satisfaction . . . is guaranteed. Oh, yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!”
Dave stops Alan right there. This is a good time to go to commercial.
ACT 5
“It’s time for a ‘U.S. Open Update!’ 6-3, 4-6, 6-2, 6-1. This has been a ‘U.S. Open Update!’ See you in Flushing. Fore!”
ACT 6 GEORGE SAUNDERS: the writer and humorist is the author of the new book of essays, “The Braindead Megaphone.” Having grown up in Chicago, George must be a big fan of the home teams; the Cubs, The Bears, the White Sox. George says he likes the Chicago teams but maybe not so much the Bears anymore due to a traumatic experience he had years ago.
He remembers being invited to a Chicago Bears game by a friend down the street many years ago. He was just a kid and the trip was hoped to be a wildly fun experience. Before heading to the game, there were a few stops that had to be made. They first had to pick up the uncle and then they had to stop at a bar where all the grownups had boilermakers. George had never seen anything like this before. After a lot of “just one more,” the foursome made it to the stadium. It was there that George and his friend were informed by the grownups, “There’s just one problem; we only have two tickets.” Huh? But his friend’s dad had a plan. George got on the shoulders of his friend got on the shoulders of his uncle. The boys tucked their legs inside the coats of the elders and were told not to say a word. “The ushers are so busy tearing tickets they never look up” they were told. So they tried it, and the trick worked. Outside of the terrible Catholic guilt he felt for stealing admission, George was happy to be inside. Unfortunately, two tickets only get you two seats. George had to sit on the armrest of his friend’s dad and the stranger sitting to his left. Through the entire game, that guy George was crowding just kept whispering to him, “Your father’s a tightass. . . . your father’s a tightass.”
Of course, one doesn’t suddenly become a successful writer. There are usually some odd jobs along the way to make ends meet. One job held by George was at a slaughterhouse where he worked as a knuckle puller. George goes into detail just exactly what a knuckle puller does and it sounded like a great job for a 26-year-old.
“The Braindead Megaphone” – it’s in stores now.
ACT 7 MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA: Making their network television debut, from their CD “I’m Like A Virgin Losing A Child,” Manchester Orchestra performed “Wolves At Night.”
And that was our show for Thursday September 6, 2007.
Today was my girls’ first day of middle school. They were busy all last week shopping for school supplies. I remember my first day of school each year. I’d go in with a pencil and a little memo pad. I’d go to my classes and jot down what I would need for the year and mom would then go out and pick up a 3-subject spiral notebook. I’d find a pen around the house and that would be it; a three-subject spiral notebook and a pen. I’d be ready for the rest of the year. Mom knew that’s all I would need. But now . . . . yikes! Two weeks before school starts, the kids get a big pamphlet in the mail detailing what they’ll need for the school year. Pens, pencils, color pencils, highlighters, a notebook for each class, binders, erasers, rulers, post-it notes, markers, scissors, glue sticks, dividers, reinforcements, book covers, and on and on and on and on. The kids are overwhelmed. It’s too much! And once again, who is to blame? The kids? No! It’s my generation! Teachers and administrators my age are making these demands on the kids and parents. Everything is a big splash these days! I wish everybody would just stop it and keep it simple. Text book, notebook, pencil. Done. Let’s learn. There’s too much clutter. There’s too much clutter in the classrooms; there’s too much clutter in their locker; there’s too much clutter in their backpacks. Stop the insanity. Simplify.
Here’s my suggestion: have the assistant principal buy everything on the list, put it in a backpack (if possible), and have him lug it around for a few hours. When that is done, I think a note would be added to the pamphlet received in the mail weeks before the start of the school year suggesting what to bring in and put in your locker on the first day of school, and what to bring in on your second day of school, and what to bring in on your third day of school. Everything doesn’t have to be brought in on Day 1. A parent has no chance convincing their child of this on their first day in a new school. A note from the school would help.
My girls’ first day of school was today, Thursday September 6th. But many schools across the country have been opened for weeks. I wondered what the big rush was to open school. I thought school traditionally opened after Labor Day.
From Paul Pacholski – Chicago:
“Around here the city schools still open after Labor Day but most suburban schools started a couple of weeks ago. The reason I read for the early start is to get the kids a couple extra weeks of class before the standardized test are given in the spring. I can't believe a week or two helps that much and it is a drag having to start before Labor Day. I read that Michigan passed a law outlawing any school start before Labor Day as the tourism industry was getting hit with fewer vacationers at the end of August.”
Ah, yes, the standardized tests. That’s my generation getting too involved once again. Gotta measure . . . gotta test . . . gotta rank.
Karen Spisak, Tampa, Florida:
“The earlier and earlier school starts are to give teachers more classroom teaching time before the standardized tests take place. Which is silly. Either the teachers are teaching and the kids are learning, or they're not. Maybe the standardized test dates should be a surprise - like a pop quiz for the teachers - so they can't obsess over them so much. The schools will be tested whenever, the teachers should just teach what they're supposed to and everything will be fine. That's my theory anyway, and as a former teacher, I understand the situation, but I think some school systems are making too much out of the standardized tests in the first place. I'm with you - today, the day after Labor Day, should be the first day of school, and not earlier.”
Bill from Boston:
“They open early here because of potential snow days in the winter
instead of making them go later in June. One town I know of changed it
back to after Labor Day after the parents complained so much about it
interrupting their vacation.”
Marni Hansen, of Greenbrae:
'
“When I was a kid we always started back to school on the Tuesday after Labor Day (and this was in Vancouver, B.C.) but my son started back this year on August 19th!!! I think it has something to do with the number of ‘Teacher Work Days’ and the fact that they get a week in February - Ski Week.”
And this was in the USA TODAY the other day:
“After a swing toward starting the school year earlier, sometimes as early as the first week of August, momentum has grown in several states to begin school later in August or after Labor Day.
Pressure from parents and the tourism industry has pushed 11 states to limit how early school may begin, rankling school boards that want local control and more time to prepare students for state-mandated tests.
This year, new laws took effect in Florida, where the 67 public school districts may not begin classes earlier than 14 days before Labor Day, and Texas, where the 1,033 public school districts may not begin until the fourth week in August.
In Michigan, a law enacted last year said the 838 school districts must begin classes after Labor Day.
Other states, including Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Alabama and Kentucky, are debating the start date.
Most schools start before Sept. 1, according to an annual survey of the nation's 14,000 public districts, conducted by Market Data Retrieval, a research firm for companies that do business with schools. Last year, 75% started before Sept. 1, compared with 51% in 1988.”
My generation again: We had two and a half months off in the summer . . . but not our kids. Got to cut the summer vacation short. There’s gonna be a test! Do you hear me? THERE’S GOING TO BE A TEST!
I remember taking my SATs and not knowing what an SAT was.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Luciano Pavarotti. Thanks for the tingle every time I listen to your Nessun Dorma.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Jessica Alba; George Saunders; and Manchester Orchestra. PLUS: Larry Craig; The Taxi Strike; Biff with a Motive; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; A Day in the Life of the 2008 Presidential Campaign; and Alan Kalter’s Consumer Update.
“ . . . and now, the man who’s patrolled the sidelines of Happy Valley for 42 years . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1
This week, Larry Craig accidentally dialed the wrong number while trying to call his lawyer and left a voice mail that was leaked to the press. We have audio of the message he thought he was leaving his lawyer, Billy Martin, and I don’t think it helps his case. Audio of Larry Craig: “Yes, Billy, this is Larry Craig calling. Arlen Specter is now willing to come out in my defense, arguing that I have been gay and all that. I think it is important for you to make as gay a statement as you are comfortable with this afternoon. I think it would help drive the story that I’m gay and that this thing could take a new gay turn or a new gay shape. Anyway, give me a buzz. You can reach me at the Minneapolis airport. Bye”
It’s the second day of the taxi strike, and the cabs that are still in service are allowed to pick up multiple fares. We take a look at a cab taking advantage of the emergency multiple-passenger tactic.
We cut to 53rd Street. We see a yellow cab driving down the street. The front seat is filled, as is the back seat. And there is a passenger on the roof of the cab and one riding on the trunk. Hey, people need to get to work.
As Dave goes on to the next bit of business, we see Biff enter and stand just off to Dave’s left. DAVE: “Biff, why are you on stage?” BIFF: “Just wondering, do you need some coffee?” DAVE: “No, I’m good, thanks.” BIFF: “Hungry? Need something to snack on? DAVE: “No, I’m fine. Just had some Pringles and Yoo-Hoo.” (I don’t remember exactly. It was something and Yoo-Hoo) BIFF: “Cold? Want me to bring you a sweater? It’s really no trouble.” DAVE: “Biff, I know why you’re out here. You here because you want to see Jessica Alba in person, don’t you?” BIFF: “Who, me?” DAVE: “Biff, maybe you should go backstage.” BIFF: “Maybe you should kiss my ass.” Begins to exit. Stops for the applause to stop. “I’m getting too old for his ‘djoy.’” Exits.
Dave is flummoxed. “What did I do?”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see . . . I forgot.
We see Johnny Dark as Ronald Reagan dressed as Abraham Lincoln.
We see President Bush: He says something about having a “round table discussion at a square table.”
ACT 2
It was Harry’s first day of school today. Dave took him to school and all the parents got to meet the teacher and their child’s classmates. Dave doesn’t quite understand that Harry is only 3 but in his second year of school already. Dave asks, “Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Vaccinated with a phonograph needle’?” Well, Harry is one of those children who just loves to chat and gab and talk, on and on and on. At one point Dave overhears Harry tell a story that concluded with, “ . . . and then daddy got up and ran to the potty.”
And it’s just the beginning.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE 2008 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN – the election is November 4, 2008, fourteen months away. Heaven help us.
9:30 AM: To improve his chances of winning, Joe Biden changes his name to Barack O’Biden. 11:00 AM: George W. Bush announces he hasn’t decided whether or not to run for a third term. Noon: A despondent John Kerry is heard muttering, “I still can’t believe I lost to that moron.” 12:30 PM: Rudy Giuliani appears at campaign rally attended by his former wives 1:00 PM: Tom Tancredo drops out of race after spending his budget on a Denny’s Grand-Slam breakfast. 1:30 PM: Despite warnings that she’s getting cocky, Hillary begins planning 2012 re-election campaign 2:00 PM: Unable to come up with any references for Duncan Hunter, Late Show writers decide not to use him in this comedy piece 3:00 PM: Bill Richardson and Chris Dodd argue over who would make the puffier president 4:00 PM: While Fred Thompson gives a speech, his wife Jeri has a “Strategy Session” with Bill Clinton 5:00 PM: John Edwards’s boyish good looks earn him the endorsement of Senator Larry Craig. 5:30: Learning Kucinich has 3% of the vote, President Bush says, “I would kill for those numbers.”
ACT 3 JESSICA ALBA: Jessica’s had quite a summer that involved a lot of traveling. She spent some time in Amsterdam and loved it. As soon as she got there she heard of a 50 Cent concert and decided to go. Add the jet-lag with Amsterdam and what Amsterdam has to offer and Jessica wasn’t on top of her game. And then 50 Cent invited her on stage. She found the whole thing embarrassing.
And she’s on the cover of this month’s Cosmo. Dave leafs through it and reads from the Cosmo Quiz:
- favorite part of her body? Jessica says it’s her back. Dave wonders if she’s ever seen her back? Not that it isn’t lovely, but has anyone really ever seen an actual live viewing of their own back?
- TV show addicted to? The survey says her favorites are Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report. Dave says if he had a TV show he’d really be upset.
- love at first sight? Yes, and she’s still kinda hoping about someone special she’s had her eye on. Uh oh, I saw her backstage just before she came out! You don’t think . . .
- sex on the first date? She gives an enthusiastic “Yeah.” Dave says she sounds like she’s talking about a parking space. Half of New York sat up in bed at that moment and said, “I’ll take the parking space!” Why not? It lasts longer.
- Phone sex? Yeah, Jessica would. Dave says he’s done some of the phone sex, though sometimes the information operator gets a bit annoyed.
Jessica Alba is in the film Good Luck Chuck, opening September 21st. We see a clip of her falling and bumping her head and chipping a tooth. She was supposed to do 1 and 2, but #3, the chipping her tooth, she did all on her own.
ACT 4
Dave is reminded of a story. He once made a call on the phone sex line. The woman did all the warm up/lead up, and then said, “And now I’m going to rub you down with fragrant oils.” Dave responded, “Oh, no, I’m allergic to fragrant oils.” The proud Dave says he sure knows how to get his money’s worth.
ALAN KALTER’S CONSUMER UPDATE
There’s been another recall of toys made in China. For the very latest, we see an installment of “Alan Kalter’s Consumer Update.” Alan: “Thanks, DL. Mattel has issued a third recall of Chinese-made toys that may contain excessive amounts of lead paint. The recall includes numerous Barbie accessories, the Geotrax locomotive line and Big Bib World 6-in-1 Bongo Band toys. If you are in possession of any of these recalled toys, you should contact Mattel immediately to receive a free replacement toy. But the news isn’t all bad. In light of Mattel’s recent troubles, I’ve increased lead testing on all the adult toys and novelties for sale at Kalterworld.com. I can personally assure you that every one of our items is 100% lead paint-free. I’ve tried them all myself and the only side-effect I experienced . . . was pure ecstasy. No matter what kinky stuff you’re into, at Kalterworld.com, you satisfaction . . . and I do mean satisfaction . . . is guaranteed. Oh, yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!”
Dave stops Alan right there. This is a good time to go to commercial.
ACT 5
“It’s time for a ‘U.S. Open Update!’ 6-3, 4-6, 6-2, 6-1. This has been a ‘U.S. Open Update!’ See you in Flushing. Fore!”
ACT 6 GEORGE SAUNDERS: the writer and humorist is the author of the new book of essays, “The Braindead Megaphone.” Having grown up in Chicago, George must be a big fan of the home teams; the Cubs, The Bears, the White Sox. George says he likes the Chicago teams but maybe not so much the Bears anymore due to a traumatic experience he had years ago.
He remembers being invited to a Chicago Bears game by a friend down the street many years ago. He was just a kid and the trip was hoped to be a wildly fun experience. Before heading to the game, there were a few stops that had to be made. They first had to pick up the uncle and then they had to stop at a bar where all the grownups had boilermakers. George had never seen anything like this before. After a lot of “just one more,” the foursome made it to the stadium. It was there that George and his friend were informed by the grownups, “There’s just one problem; we only have two tickets.” Huh? But his friend’s dad had a plan. George got on the shoulders of his friend got on the shoulders of his uncle. The boys tucked their legs inside the coats of the elders and were told not to say a word. “The ushers are so busy tearing tickets they never look up” they were told. So they tried it, and the trick worked. Outside of the terrible Catholic guilt he felt for stealing admission, George was happy to be inside. Unfortunately, two tickets only get you two seats. George had to sit on the armrest of his friend’s dad and the stranger sitting to his left. Through the entire game, that guy George was crowding just kept whispering to him, “Your father’s a tightass. . . . your father’s a tightass.”
Of course, one doesn’t suddenly become a successful writer. There are usually some odd jobs along the way to make ends meet. One job held by George was at a slaughterhouse where he worked as a knuckle puller. George goes into detail just exactly what a knuckle puller does and it sounded like a great job for a 26-year-old.
“The Braindead Megaphone” – it’s in stores now.
ACT 7 MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA: Making their network television debut, from their CD “I’m Like A Virgin Losing A Child,” Manchester Orchestra performed “Wolves At Night.”
And that was our show for Thursday September 6, 2007.
Today was my girls’ first day of middle school. They were busy all last week shopping for school supplies. I remember my first day of school each year. I’d go in with a pencil and a little memo pad. I’d go to my classes and jot down what I would need for the year and mom would then go out and pick up a 3-subject spiral notebook. I’d find a pen around the house and that would be it; a three-subject spiral notebook and a pen. I’d be ready for the rest of the year. Mom knew that’s all I would need. But now . . . . yikes! Two weeks before school starts, the kids get a big pamphlet in the mail detailing what they’ll need for the school year. Pens, pencils, color pencils, highlighters, a notebook for each class, binders, erasers, rulers, post-it notes, markers, scissors, glue sticks, dividers, reinforcements, book covers, and on and on and on and on. The kids are overwhelmed. It’s too much! And once again, who is to blame? The kids? No! It’s my generation! Teachers and administrators my age are making these demands on the kids and parents. Everything is a big splash these days! I wish everybody would just stop it and keep it simple. Text book, notebook, pencil. Done. Let’s learn. There’s too much clutter. There’s too much clutter in the classrooms; there’s too much clutter in their locker; there’s too much clutter in their backpacks. Stop the insanity. Simplify.
Here’s my suggestion: have the assistant principal buy everything on the list, put it in a backpack (if possible), and have him lug it around for a few hours. When that is done, I think a note would be added to the pamphlet received in the mail weeks before the start of the school year suggesting what to bring in and put in your locker on the first day of school, and what to bring in on your second day of school, and what to bring in on your third day of school. Everything doesn’t have to be brought in on Day 1. A parent has no chance convincing their child of this on their first day in a new school. A note from the school would help.
My girls’ first day of school was today, Thursday September 6th. But many schools across the country have been opened for weeks. I wondered what the big rush was to open school. I thought school traditionally opened after Labor Day.
From Paul Pacholski – Chicago:
“Around here the city schools still open after Labor Day but most suburban schools started a couple of weeks ago. The reason I read for the early start is to get the kids a couple extra weeks of class before the standardized test are given in the spring. I can't believe a week or two helps that much and it is a drag having to start before Labor Day. I read that Michigan passed a law outlawing any school start before Labor Day as the tourism industry was getting hit with fewer vacationers at the end of August.”
Ah, yes, the standardized tests. That’s my generation getting too involved once again. Gotta measure . . . gotta test . . . gotta rank.
Karen Spisak, Tampa, Florida:
“The earlier and earlier school starts are to give teachers more classroom teaching time before the standardized tests take place. Which is silly. Either the teachers are teaching and the kids are learning, or they're not. Maybe the standardized test dates should be a surprise - like a pop quiz for the teachers - so they can't obsess over them so much. The schools will be tested whenever, the teachers should just teach what they're supposed to and everything will be fine. That's my theory anyway, and as a former teacher, I understand the situation, but I think some school systems are making too much out of the standardized tests in the first place. I'm with you - today, the day after Labor Day, should be the first day of school, and not earlier.”
Bill from Boston:
“They open early here because of potential snow days in the winter
instead of making them go later in June. One town I know of changed it
back to after Labor Day after the parents complained so much about it
interrupting their vacation.”
Marni Hansen, of Greenbrae:
'
“When I was a kid we always started back to school on the Tuesday after Labor Day (and this was in Vancouver, B.C.) but my son started back this year on August 19th!!! I think it has something to do with the number of ‘Teacher Work Days’ and the fact that they get a week in February - Ski Week.”
And this was in the USA TODAY the other day:
“After a swing toward starting the school year earlier, sometimes as early as the first week of August, momentum has grown in several states to begin school later in August or after Labor Day.
Pressure from parents and the tourism industry has pushed 11 states to limit how early school may begin, rankling school boards that want local control and more time to prepare students for state-mandated tests.
This year, new laws took effect in Florida, where the 67 public school districts may not begin classes earlier than 14 days before Labor Day, and Texas, where the 1,033 public school districts may not begin until the fourth week in August.
In Michigan, a law enacted last year said the 838 school districts must begin classes after Labor Day.
Other states, including Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Alabama and Kentucky, are debating the start date.
Most schools start before Sept. 1, according to an annual survey of the nation's 14,000 public districts, conducted by Market Data Retrieval, a research firm for companies that do business with schools. Last year, 75% started before Sept. 1, compared with 51% in 1988.”
My generation again: We had two and a half months off in the summer . . . but not our kids. Got to cut the summer vacation short. There’s gonna be a test! Do you hear me? THERE’S GOING TO BE A TEST!
I remember taking my SATs and not knowing what an SAT was.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Luciano Pavarotti. Thanks for the tingle every time I listen to your Nessun Dorma.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Larry Craig Voice Mail • New "View" Host • NYC Taxi Strike • Biff Wants to See Jessica Alba • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Day in the Life of the 2008 Presidential Campaign
