" . . . and now, interim Idaho Senator . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
There was a bit of an accident just before the show. Dave was taking part in some horseplay backstage. Now, 90% of the time, horseplay is fine, no problem. It's that other 10% that is trouble; the 10% of the time in which someone gets hurt. Before running out on stage, Dave was dancing to the music around Natalie. As Dave performed a move he probably learned while watching the final scene in "Stormy Weather," he accidentally plowed into our costume designer Susan Hum, knocking her flat. She took a header. Dave calls her out to take a bow to show all that she is OK. They exchange a hug. All is forgiven, though I wouldn't be surprised if Dave's fly is mysteriously broken on tomorrow's show.

Just as Dave finishes billboarding the night's program, we hear an odd interrupt over the P.A. by someone with a British accent:

"And there Dave sat once again, blathering on mindlessly about something inconsequential . . . merely killing time until he could return home, soak his stomach with homemade grain alcohol, and black out. It truly was a life wasted."

And now it's time for "John McCain Compassionate Conservative." We see Senator McCain at a Q&A. He answers the question of a young high schooler: " . . . every campaign I've ever been in my life I've out-campaigned all of my opponents and I am confident that I will . . . and thanks for the question, you little jerk."

Here in New York, many cabdrivers have declared a two-day strike. Fortunately, the public transit system is taking measures to make up for the lack of taxis. We take a look at an announcement from the MTA, which stands for the Metropolitan Transit Authority.
Announce: "

While New York City cabdrivers are on strike, the Metropolitan Transit Authority wants New Yorkers to know they can count on us to keep things moving as usual. To fill the void left by taxis, we've dispatched more than 100 extra buses to run red lights and drive on the sidewalk; we've instructed drivers to overcharge passengers for longer, more circuitous routes to the airport, and we're asking all subway and bus passengers to refrain from bathing for the duration of the strike. The MTA: Getting you through this together."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
-LBJ
-REAGAN
-BUSH: " . . . and uhh . . . . that's uhhh . . . uhhh . . . making decisions . . . . . uhhhhh."

ACT 2
And now it's time to celebrate one of America's most beloved humorists with an excerpt from "Mark Twain Tonight."
The curtain rises. In the simple setting, we see a seated Mark Twain, played by Johnny Dark.
MARK TWAIN: "Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you come in. Twain's the name, Mark Twain. I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835, and when it's my time, I'll go out with Halley's Comet, as well. I come form modest means. My family was so poor, if I hadn't been born a boy, I would have had nothing at all to play with."
Rim Shot.
"Overall, I'd say I get very little respect. I told my son about the birds and the bees. Then he told me about the mailman and my wife."
Rim Shot.
"I remember the first time I made love to my wife, she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'"
Rim Shot.
"Well, I'd best be going. Wednesday's the night Mrs. Twain lets me take my steamboat up her Mississippi."
Rim Shot.
"Good night."

Oddly, Mark Twain sounded a lot like Abraham Lincoln.

TOP TEN: NEW YORK CITY CABDRIVER DEMANDS
#6. Satellite radio so we can listen to Arabic shock jock Mahmoud Stern
To read the rest of the Top Ten, click on the Top Ten icon somewhere on this website.

ACT 3
DANNY DEVITO
Whenever Danny goes on vacation, he usually comes back with a story of peril. Now that the summer is over, does Danny have such a story? Yes he does.
Danny and the family went to Costa Rica to enjoy the sun and surf. His son Jake wanted to do some early morning surfing so they went to the beach. While Jake was getting the board, Danny set up the blanket and chairs and umbrellas. And then nature called. Danny had to go to the bathroom, so, like any true American, Danny walk into the water. Danny made it in deep enough and then did his business. His daughter called out to him to be careful because the waves were rough. Danny paid her little mind, since he considers himself a very strong swimmer. But before Danny knew it, he was getting hit with waves from all angles. He found it harder and harder to swim and to catch his breath. He began gasping; he began struggling; he began taking on water. He says he literally started to drown. He finally resorts to the last hope and cries out for help. Jake and a friend see Danny struggling and the grab their board and rush out to save him. They drag him to safety. By this time a big crowd had gathered. Danny's wife Rhea rushes to greet him with a towel. He cries out, out of breath, "I don't need a towel. I was drowning." Rhea tells him again, "Take the towel." Danny says he doesn't need it. Rhea explains, "Take the towel. You don't have a bathing suit."

Danny has opened a new restaurant called, "Devito South Beach." Dave angles for a comped dinner if he and Paul make a visit. Danny is a bit slow on the OK. He is willing to offer free parking, though.
Danny's show, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," can be found on the FX network, Thursday nights at 10:00 PM. Danny has been with the show since its 2nd season and it now is starting its third. I've yet to see it but those around me said it is very funny. I'll be looking for it starting next week.

ACT 4, 6
LARRY DAVID: the 6th season of his very popular "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on HBO begins this Sunday at 10:00PM. This is Larry's first time here and admits if Dave was bald, he'd have been here 10 years ago. Dave says he is thinning a bit. Larry says "The next time I'm here, I expect a full dome."
At this, Paul chimes in as if he has his own show, one Larry would feel comfortable, "Hello, and welcome to the show!" Larry laughs, but then accuses Paul of being a fake bald, shaving his head to hide his baldness. (Seinfeld episode)

What were some of Larry's early jobs? He tried stand-up for awhile but didn't like the constant judging by the audience. There was one time he got up on stage, looked over the audience and decided, "No, I don't think so," and left.
Other jobs: a bra salesman (Seinfeld episode). His first day on the job he was told to take a bunch home with the instructions, "Take them home and study them."
Larry also was a one-time private chauffeur. He drove a Mrs. Tishman who was nearly blind. She was concerned with cleanliness, though. She would bark at Larry, "Is the car clean?" He would tell her it was, but it was really filthy. No big deal, though, she couldn't see a thing. "Are you wearing a good suit?" Larry in his army jacket would reply, "Yes, Mrs. Tishman, I'm wearing my good suit."
Did Larry have goals as a kid? NO! Larry taught himself never to have dreams. "No dreams! You'll fail!" was his mantra. In spite of this, he got a job writing for Saturday Night Live. One night moments before a taping, he cursed out a producer and quit on the spot. On the way home he calculated how much money he just walked away from. His neighbor, the real Cosmo Kramer, told him to go back in on Monday as if nothing had happened. (Seinfeld episode) He tried it, and it worked. He finished out the season.
"Curb Your Enthusiasm" - worth the price of HBO all by itself.

ACT 5
Announce: "It's time for the 'Tony Mendez Show Spotlight!' This week, Tony makes some shocking confessions when he says goodbye to three departing 'Late Show' staffers. Just log on to www.cbs.com/lateshow. You won't want to miss it!" Then read the Wahoo!

ACT 7
AVRIL LAVIGNE: From her tremendously successful CD, "The Best Damn Thing," Avril Lavigne performed "When You're Gone."

And that was our show for Wednesday, September 5, 2007.



It's only two days after Labor Day and the morning commute is killing me. Today presented one of the 10 worst days of the year.

Did you see Katie Couric in Monday's newspapers? She's in Iraq to do some "on the scene" reporting. In the photo, she was dressed in a flack jacket and helmet walking the streets of Baghdad. And in case the enemy couldn't spot her, she was wearing a bright neon orange blouse for all to see. If there was a war going on in a Florida citrus grove, this might have been a wise piece of clothing to wear. In war-torn Iraq, I don't think so. I suspect it made the guy in full camouflage who was escorting her a little uncomfortable. This is where you need an unfirable employee to say, "Hey, Katie, ditch the shirt."
I checked the Google and I can't find any copy of this. But I did see it in Monday's Daily News. I thought it would get some play, but I guess not.

There's a radio commercial I've been hearing for weeks now about the sale of foreclosures. The "come on" includes, "Listeners whose last name begins A through N are allowed to call now. Those whose last name begins O through Z can start calling tomorrow." It's the same commercial for weeks, day after day. It's obviously a slimy commercial ad and no way to start any kind of business relationship. They're lying.

And while I'm at dumb ads, does Hyundai really expect me to spend tens of thousands of dollars based on their "Duh" campaign?

There was a riot in the studio audience at "The View" today. They didn't give anything away.

Here's something that's been bothering me and I really need to get over it. It's some of these ATM machines. I'll put in my card and punch in my code. I'll press my request for "Withdrawal" and from "Savings" and continue on. And then I'll be asked if I want a receipt. My choices are "No" and "Sure." I don't like that. When I am doing my banking, I conduct myself in a professional manner. If I am asked if I want a receipt, I would say "Yes, please" or "No, thank you." I would not say "Sure." I have better manners than that. I find "Sure" to be impolite and too casual. I know the bank is trying to be my pal, but I don't want my bank to be my pal. I want my bank to be respectful and professional. And I am respectful and professional to it. I wouldn't say "Sure," that's for sure.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn't.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Ann Irene Dooly
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER