". . . . and now, oily fitness guru . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Tonight on our show, from the film "Georgia Rule," it's Jane Fonda.
And author of the book, "George W. Bush: An Unauthorized Oral History," Tom Ruprecht. Tom is not only an author, he's also a writer with the Late Show for 7-8 years and had been with the show for years before that. Dave holds up the book and wonders aloud, "How much of this was written on my time?
And we have Kelly Clarkson on the show.
Special treat for tomorrow: Free donuts for audience --- Paul has a friend at a donut factory he's going to call. I have no idea what this was about.

Queen Elizabeth visited the Goddard Space Flight Center earlier today and while she was there, she did more than just sight-see. They talked her into going for a ride in one of their flight simulators. We see a clip of the Queen, when it was actually a clip from the film, "Armegeddon." We hear a woman scream.
Back from the clip, Dave notes the importance of using your imagination when listening to the radio.

Dave read in the paper that animal-rights activists are trying to have an Austrian ape legally declared a person. After observing the animal on television, Dave has to admit it does seem almost human. We see a clip. The Austrian Ape is actually Arnold Schwarzenegger in Rio.

Hold on! Dave is getting word . . . yes . . . we have a live shot of Paris Hilton returning from a meeting with her publicist. We go to the LIVE satellite feed ad find a dark pickup careening down the highway. Paris loses control of the vehicle and the car flips. Dave remains in contact with the satellite until he is assured that everyone is OK.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "It's just a . . . uhhh. . . .I can't answer your question beyond. . . . uhhh. . . . uhhh . . . beyond . . . people just need to be . . . uhhh."

ACT 2
HOW MANY GUYS IN SPIDER-MAN SUITS CAN FIT INTO A JAMBA JUICE
Jamba Juice is a juice bar specializing in Frozen Fruit Smoothies.
Spider-Man 3 made $375 million in its first 3 days.
Dave has two Jamba Juice smoothies on his desk. He samples the first one. Yummm. He samples the second one to see how it compares to the first. Anton supplies a drum roll. Dave wonders why there is a drum roll. "Nothing is going to happen. I'm just taking a sip from a Jamba Juice."

This is New York City on a Tuesday evening. We take a look at the Jamba Juice juice restaurant right across the street from the theater. We are going to find out how many guys in Spider-Man suits can fit into a Jamba Juice.
Let's send in a Spider-Man. From the shack, I grew greatly alarmed when our first Spider-Man walked past the first door and entered the far door. This, it turned out, was a good thing. It enabled for a better walk and entrance.
Dave: "I must say, Spider-Man has excellent posture."
We send in another Spider-Man.
And then we sent in 3 more Spider-Men. At 5, we ran out of the red boots for Spider-Man.
Dave suggests that the Spider-Men should mill about and converse with the Jamba Juice customers. Watching the proceedings, Dave admits, "Boy, is this stupid!"
We send in a Fat Spider-Man, and then the 10 remaining Spider-Men. The Jamba Juice is packed with 20 Spider-Men. Unfortunately, this is the limit of our Spider-Man suits, but we used some other costumes we had hanging around wardrobe.
We sent in a Superman. Dave is curious, "Do the Spider-Men and Superman get along?"
We sent in a princess.
We sent in a dog and two monkeys.
And, finally, we sent in Moses.
Final tally: 21 Spidermen and some other characters, proving . . . . well, sometimes this is the best we can do. And I enjoyed this greatly.
Things have changed since the first time we did this back in 97. Now the first guy can hear Dave.
The lead guy, the most important of the lineup, takes his cue from him. The rest cannot hear Dave and follow what the #1 guy does. Years ago back when I was the lead guy, I was not hooked up to Dave. I had to go it alone and hope for the best. It's important for the lead guy to know where the hidden camera is in the van by the sidewalk. You want #1 to be clearly visible to the camera. Everyone else just fills in behind.

ACT 3-4
JANE FONDA: She's wearing Eco-Friendly clothes; a sweater made of milk and a dress made of hemp. She says to Dave, "You can drink my top and smoke my bottom!" HELLO!!!
Jane likes to spend time out west in New Mexico and is a fan of the fly fishing. All right, Jane! I bought myself a fly-fishing rod 12 years ago. My daughters are 11. The fly-fishing rod has been in the attic ever since.
And at her place in New Mexico, she's had more than one encounter with a bear. One had actually made it INSIDE her home and she found it doing the dishes. Oh, I'm sorry; I meant to say it sounded like the bear was doing the dishes. Anyway, she found the bear in her grandson's room and it was approaching his crib. Jane did the first thing that came to her mind: she roared like a lion. She demonstrates her roar. The bear backed away . . and the peed the floor. That made Jane really made and so she shoved the bear out the door. Hey, why not? The bear peed the floor.
And she's come face to face with a cougar while turkey hunting. The cougar pounced on a turkey decoy. The perplexed cougar than looked around and spotted Jane. Jane slowly lifted her rifle right at the cougar. Two things concerned Jane at this moment. If she moved too fast, she would frighten a real turkey she had in her sights. If she shot the cougar, it is likely she would only wound it, and that would really tick it off. So there they were, eye to eye, and the cougar decided it be best to just walk away. Dave says of the cougar: "Cougars are master hunters; they will spend all day stalking their prey . . ." Jane jumps in, "Me, too."

Dave asks, "Are you dating?" Jane laughs and says Dave asked the very same question the last time she was here. Back then, she met a guy that afternoon at a book signing. He was quite the handsome fellow but unfortunately, she lost his number. She made an announcement on the Late Show, "If you are that guy, would you please call me." And now a year later, they are still together and Jane says she is in love.
I "Played the Dave." I pretended I was Dave and said, "My goodness . . . that is unbelievable! He was really watching this show?"
Her new film, "Georgia Rule" opens Friday. The clip? Jane says we cut out the good stuff. Dave says that's not true. We're not allowed to touch the clip. Jane says, "So we're allowed to talk about boners?" Huh!! Dave introduces the clip, "having something to do with boners."

ACT 5: It's our circus of characters departing the Jamba Juice.

ACT 6
TOM RUPRECHT: Author of the book, "George W. Bush: An Unauthorized Oral History." And he's also a writer for the Late Show. Tom enters and sits. Dave: "I think I ran into you at a Christmas party about 8 years ago." Tom says that's right. Oh, Tom is one of the lucky few!
Dave asks Tom to take us back to his first joining the show. Tom says he was a young 19 year old kid working as an intern at the old show at NBC. It was his second day on the job and was asked . . . told . . . to take over the reception desk. Within minutes, Tom got a call from security. The security guard says there is a guy downstairs without an I.D. who says he is Dave Letterman. Tom asks back, "Well, is it?" The security guard offers no insight, but Tom can hear Dave in the background kindly explaining who he is and to let him through. Tom tells the guard to let him in, but the guard is being extra careful. Tom urges the guy to let him in, let him in, let him in! After a bit more back and forth, Tom pleads to the security guy to let Dave in. Tom could only imagine what Dave was thinking of the guy upstairs at the reception desk who was keeping him detained below with security. The guard finally let Dave go through and Tom watched the elevator climb to his floor. What would be Dave's reaction? Tom became more nervous as the elevator elevated. And then the elevator stopped . . . and the doors opened.
Says Tom; "In my attempt to make everything OK, I said, 'Heeyyyy.'" Tom recreates his boyish and joyous and wandering "Heeyyyy!" Tom adds, "You looked at me and muttered, 'Oh, God.' You were in no mood for 'Heeey.'"
"George W. Bush: An Unauthorized Oral History" is in book stores now. It's a book about made-up stories about Tom was so excited about his first book that he couldn't help himself but go to the Amazon book review site. I don't know, I've heard it's a site where readers review books they've read.
So this one woman from Texas loved the book. Says she laughed out loud many times. She gave the book 5 stars. Tom was thrilled. Out of curiosity, he checked to see what she thought of other books she read. Tom saw that she read and critiqued "Catcher in the Rye." She gave that 4 stars. Tom's book got 5 stars. We got a real classic on our hands.
I'll just make everything up. . . . like the Bush Administration. It's fake stories. Reader review
Any reaction from the President?
"I'm not really worried about George Bush reading a book."

ACT 7
KELLY CLARKSON: The Grammy Award-Winning singer has sold over 15 million albums and this summer she embarks on a national tour that will take her to over 35 cities. Tonight, she performed "Never Again."

And that was our show for Tuesday, May 8, 2007.



Just my luck. You know that giant star that just exploded in space? Well, that's the one I bought from the International Star Registry for my mom for Mother's Day.

From Wahoo reader Sandy Kellner of Milwaukee:

"I was wondering how you knew who was in the audience (like that Sikula guy) and what did you mean by 'Dave's newsgroup?' Just curious."

1. go to google
2. click on "More"
3. click on "Groups"
4. type in "Letterman" - enter
5. click on alt.fan.letterman.

The Late Show has nothing to do with the site and it remains unmonitored, so proceed at your own risk. Some of the stuff found in there is inappropriate. Just try to ignore it.

Remember when I said my local gin mill closed down last month? "The Depot" was a good place because it was walking distance from home. I need nothing more in a bar than that. Then I learned the next closest place, Finn McCool's, also closed down in April. What's going on? In the past year, 5 of the 6 closest gin joints to my house have shut down. Believe me, I did everything in my power to keep these places in businesses but I couldn't do it all myself. What's left is the somewhat famous, The Peanut Grill, which has since been refurbished, and renamed "Scholars and Saints" or "Saints and Scholars." And there's still Kelly's in Tappan, which has a great juke box but very uncomfortable barstools. Finding a new bar to go to is like trying to make new friends. I hate trying to make new friends.

It's the "Joel Bradbury Two Facts of the Day!" (Joel is an 87-year-old daily reader of the Wahoo Gazette.)
-Joe was valedictorian of his High School calls and married the salutarian.
-Joel never owned or wore a pair of blue jeans. Overall --- yes.
This has been the "Joel Bradbury Two Facts of the Day!"

And now more useless information from "The Book of Useless Information."
- An estimated 80% of creatures on Earth have six legs
-The leech has 32 brains
-A male gypsy moth can smell the virgin female gypsy moth from eight miles away
-Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas
-A cockroaches favorite food is the glue on the back of stamps

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

"Six two and even, over and out."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
I haven't seen him in 23 years, and 13 years before that. It's his birthday today, Syracuse graduate, Dave Frasco!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER