DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Nicole Richie; Artie Lange; and Chrisette Michele. PLUS:The New Apple iPhone; Paris in Prison; The Reagan Diaries; Great Moments; a Top Ten List; Abraham Lincoln’s Movie Review; Kids’ Drawings of Dave; and Happy Baby News!
ACT 1
Dave admires Paul’s busily-striped jacket. He asks Paul to turn around so he can get a full view of the outfit. Dave says to Paul, “Thanks, now I know what I want to do to the den.”
It was an exciting day at the LATE SHOW today. Two of our very good friends and staffers became the proud parents to an adorable little baby girl on Tuesday. Nancy Agostini, our associate producer, has been here since the old show. Her husband Walter Kim has the made up title of Creative Director/Digital Media for Worldwide Pants. You need to be a creative director just to come up with that job title. Nice going, Walter.
Well, Nancy and Walter are the new mom and dad to Jane Marie; born Tuesday June 5 at 6:29 PM. Congratulations to Nancy and Walter. They will make wonderful parents.
Apple announced they will unveil their highly-anticipated iPhone, which is a phone and a portable music player, on June 29th. This inexplicably was met with applause. Dave was lucky enough to get his hands on one of the first ones but has to admit that he is underwhelmed by was he’s found. Dave shows the new Apple iPhone. It’s nothing but a black bulky desk phone with an iPod duct-taped to the receiver. Not much to look at. Paul says when the microchips are reduced in size, it’ll be a lot more convenient. As it stands now, Dave calls the electronic a bit unwieldy.
It’s Day 3 of Paris Hilton in prison. Word is she isn’t adjusting too well to prison life. We check in on Paris, live via satellite, at the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California. We turn on the satellite and find poor Paris in the middle of a jailhouse fight with other prisoners. Oooooooh, they fight dirty! Hang in there, Paris. Only 20 more days.
For the past few weeks, we have been highlighting passages from Ronald Reagan’s personal diaries. This was tonight’s entry. Reagan VO: “July 12, 1987: Met with my Supreme Court nominee, Robert Bork, this morning. We had a fascinating, far-ranging discussion. He did seem taken aback, however, when I asked if I could touch his beard. It looked so soft . . . like a little monkey.
This has been an excerpt from ‘The Reagan Diaries.’”
Dave turns and throws the blue card through the window. We hear a crash and the strains of “Kung Fu Fighting.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see FDR.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush: “I appreciate the uhhh . . . uhhh . . . . . . . the uhh . . . .”
Throwing the blue card through the window, we hear Dave’s “Here kitty, kitty.”
ACT 2
Dave holds up Bazaar magazine. Gracing the cover are Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. Or should that be “bizarre”?
One great thing about Dave having a show like this is the chance to be a role model and really touch people’s lives. And the kids . . . . oh, how the kids love Dave. Just today, Dave received a FedEx from Mrs. Marzari’s 3rd grade class at Wakefield-Marenisco School in Wakefield, Michigan. Their assignment was to drawer a picture of Dave. Dave holds up the drawings one by one. My favorite thing about the drawings, and it was something that Dave noticed immediately as well, was the little fluff of hair protruding from the back of his head just below his right ear. If you Google an image of Dave, you can probably guess which photograph the class used as a model.
The drawings proved very entertaining. Nice job by Mrs. Marzari’s 3rd grade class.
ACT 3
We see a bumper shot of Nicole Richie entering the theater. Lots of fans are there to greet her.
Dave offers this bit of advice to Paris Hilton as she sits alone in her cell: “You do the time, don’t let the time do you”
TOP TEN: Signs Paris Hilton Isn’t Doing Well in Prison. #10. Suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night. #6. Only time she said ‘That’s Hot!’ was during delousing. #4. Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking for her outcue.
NICOLE RICHIE
“The Simple Life” series is in its 5th edition with “The Simple Life Goes To Camp.” It airs Sundays at 10 P.M. on the E! Her other half on the program is Paris Hilton. The two have been friends most of their lives but recently had a falling out. Their strong bond won out and the bad feelings they may have had towards each other is a thing of the past.
So what is it like going to camp? What kind of camps do the girls attend? In one episode, Nicole and Paris work as counselors at a . . . Weight Loss Camp. One of their duties, pardon the pun, was to take some campers outside, put them on a table, and administer an enema. Yeesh. Well, at least it was outside. Remember, that’s Sunday nights at 10 P.M..
How did Paris feel as she was about to go to jail? Nicole says Paris felt “just like anyone would feel before they were about to go to jail.”
Now, Nicole has her own legal troubles. Is she destined for prison as well? Is there a chance for prison for her? Nicole laughs a cute bashful laugh and says, “Yeah.” Ahh, can’t you just eat her up? Dave needs to know what is going on with young Hollywood. Why are so many of our biggest stars being put away in the slammer? Nicole says, “It’s not just Hollywood . . . . everyone goes to jail!” OK.
Dave mentions Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and Nicole herself. Says Dave, “I’ve never been to prison and I am 3 times your age. How could 3 young Hollywood stars already have been to prison?” Nicole doesn’t know how to answer. After a moment of stunned silence, Paul breaks up the lull with a humorous quip, which I have since forgotten. Nicole was relieved for Paul’s interrupt.
ACT 4
It’s time for another installment of “ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOVIE REVIEW.”
We see the 16th President at his desk. Lincoln: “In my time, we didn’t have motion pictures, so to entertain ourselves we’d sit around and bet who’d be next to die from typhus. Luckily, now there’s the good-natured ‘Ocean’s Thirteen’ to keep this ol’ rail-splitter amused. Clooney, Pitt, and Damon are at their devil-may-care best and looking at sexy Ellen Barkin, I am left with malice towards none, charity for all and firmness in my pants. Overall, I give it 3 ˝ stovepipe hats. This is Honest Abe signing off, and remember, the balcony is closed.”
ACT 5 Announce: “And now it’s time to announce the winner of ‘The Late Show I Look Like The Tuberculosis Traveler Contest.’ Congratulations to John Jennings from Columbus, Ohio! You just won a brand new Black & Decker wet/dry vacuum! Way to go, John! This has been ‘The Late Show I Look Like the Tuberculosis Traveler Contest..’ Keep it real, Pedro.
ACT 6 ARTIE LANGE: Known by me by his being a part of the "Howard Stern Show" and as the replacement for Jackie Martlin. I always found Artie to be very funny and tonight he certainly did not disappoint. And what an easy guest! All Dave had to say tonight was “Welcome to the show” and “Growing up Jersey, were you a Yankee fan or a Met fan?” Artie then went on for 10 very funny minutes telling stories about the Yankees and going to games with his father.
Artie sits with Dave and says being on the same show as Nicole Kidman is great. “I got to eat all of her food. . . and then she have me a great enema.”
Artie then had some very funny things to say about A-Rod and Babe Ruth, and being at the final game of the 1977 World Series with his father --- the Reggie Jackson game --- and running onto the field afterwards. His description of the 70’s cop with mutton chops wanting to bust in the head any hippie he could find was also quite amusing. Artie painted a very nice picture with his story telling.
You can see Artie in “Rescue Me” on the FX. Says Artie, “In the show I have sex with a nun so check it out.”
ACT 7 CHRISETTE MICHELE: From her CD, “I Am”, in stores on June 19th, Chrisette Michele performed “Best of Me.”
And that was our show for Wednesday, June 6, 2007.
I think I get it now . . . the NBA didn’t want to put their championship Finals up against the Stanley Cup? Is that the reason for the long delay?
I’m watching the Ottawa Senators/Anaheim Ducks Stanley Cup Finals game last night. There are no better announcer in any sport than Mike Emerick. So I sit down and quickly try to determine the home team. The center ice logo tells me nothing. It’s reads the “Honda Center” Around the center circle. The logo? I can’t tell. It looks like wings. Duck wings? I don’t think so. I keep looking and decide the game must be in Anaheim. I decide this because there are no Tim Horton advertising along the boards.
And while I watched, Ottawa Senator Chris Phillips made one of the most “Oops” plays in championship history, any sport.
If I knew some of the players, the Stanley Cup Finals would have been great
From Wikipedia:
The Battle of Normandy was fought in 1944 between Nazi Germany in Western Europe and the invading Allied forces as part of the larger conflict of World War II. Operation Overlord was the codename for the Allied invasion of northwest Europe, which began on June 6, 1944, and ended on August 19, 1944, when the Allies crossed the River Seine. Over sixty years later, the Normandy invasion still remains the largest seaborne invasion in history, involving almost three million troops crossing the English Channel from England to Normandy. Operation Neptune was the codename given to the initial assault phase of Operation Overlord; its mission, to gain a foothold on the continent, started on June 6, 1944 (commonly known as D-Day) and ended on June 30, 1944.
The Battle of Normandy was described thus by Adolf Hitler: “In the East, the vastness of space will... permit a loss of territory... without suffering a mortal blow to Germany’s chance for survival. Not so in the West! If the enemy here succeeds… consequences of staggering proportions will follow within a short time.”
United States Casualities: 29,000 dead, 106,000 wounded and missing;
Equal justice under the law: I just heard the Paris Hilton has been released from jail and will spend 40 days under house arrest. But her house is so much better than my house. Her house is so much better than your house. For us, spending 40 days at her house would be like a vacation. Sign me up!
And why is the announcement of Paris Hilton being reassigned to house arrest “breaking news” on CNN? C’mon, really now. We have a war going on.
“And everywhere I go,
There's always something to remind me
Of another place and time
Where love that traveled far had found me.”
And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- All of the characters in “The Flintstones” had four fingers on each hand and three toes on each foot
- Under the Motion Picture censorship code, which was effective from 1934-1968, a screen kiss cold only last thirty seconds before being labeled “indecent.”
- Popeye’s girlfriend, Olive Oyl, wore a size 14A shoe.
- The first TV sitcom couple to share a double bed was the Munsters, Lily and Herman, during the 1964-1965 season.
- “Wayne’s World” was filmed in two weeks
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Volunteer Art Teacher from Wakefield-Marenisco School, Olive Niemi.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Nicole Richie; Artie Lange; and Chrisette Michele. PLUS:The New Apple iPhone; Paris in Prison; The Reagan Diaries; Great Moments; a Top Ten List; Abraham Lincoln’s Movie Review; Kids’ Drawings of Dave; and Happy Baby News!
ACT 1
Dave admires Paul’s busily-striped jacket. He asks Paul to turn around so he can get a full view of the outfit. Dave says to Paul, “Thanks, now I know what I want to do to the den.”
It was an exciting day at the LATE SHOW today. Two of our very good friends and staffers became the proud parents to an adorable little baby girl on Tuesday. Nancy Agostini, our associate producer, has been here since the old show. Her husband Walter Kim has the made up title of Creative Director/Digital Media for Worldwide Pants. You need to be a creative director just to come up with that job title. Nice going, Walter.
Well, Nancy and Walter are the new mom and dad to Jane Marie; born Tuesday June 5 at 6:29 PM. Congratulations to Nancy and Walter. They will make wonderful parents.
Apple announced they will unveil their highly-anticipated iPhone, which is a phone and a portable music player, on June 29th. This inexplicably was met with applause. Dave was lucky enough to get his hands on one of the first ones but has to admit that he is underwhelmed by was he’s found. Dave shows the new Apple iPhone. It’s nothing but a black bulky desk phone with an iPod duct-taped to the receiver. Not much to look at. Paul says when the microchips are reduced in size, it’ll be a lot more convenient. As it stands now, Dave calls the electronic a bit unwieldy.
It’s Day 3 of Paris Hilton in prison. Word is she isn’t adjusting too well to prison life. We check in on Paris, live via satellite, at the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California. We turn on the satellite and find poor Paris in the middle of a jailhouse fight with other prisoners. Oooooooh, they fight dirty! Hang in there, Paris. Only 20 more days.
For the past few weeks, we have been highlighting passages from Ronald Reagan’s personal diaries. This was tonight’s entry. Reagan VO: “July 12, 1987: Met with my Supreme Court nominee, Robert Bork, this morning. We had a fascinating, far-ranging discussion. He did seem taken aback, however, when I asked if I could touch his beard. It looked so soft . . . like a little monkey.
This has been an excerpt from ‘The Reagan Diaries.’”
Dave turns and throws the blue card through the window. We hear a crash and the strains of “Kung Fu Fighting.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see FDR.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush: “I appreciate the uhhh . . . uhhh . . . . . . . the uhh . . . .”
Throwing the blue card through the window, we hear Dave’s “Here kitty, kitty.”
ACT 2
Dave holds up Bazaar magazine. Gracing the cover are Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. Or should that be “bizarre”?
One great thing about Dave having a show like this is the chance to be a role model and really touch people’s lives. And the kids . . . . oh, how the kids love Dave. Just today, Dave received a FedEx from Mrs. Marzari’s 3rd grade class at Wakefield-Marenisco School in Wakefield, Michigan. Their assignment was to drawer a picture of Dave. Dave holds up the drawings one by one. My favorite thing about the drawings, and it was something that Dave noticed immediately as well, was the little fluff of hair protruding from the back of his head just below his right ear. If you Google an image of Dave, you can probably guess which photograph the class used as a model.
The drawings proved very entertaining. Nice job by Mrs. Marzari’s 3rd grade class.
ACT 3
We see a bumper shot of Nicole Richie entering the theater. Lots of fans are there to greet her.
Dave offers this bit of advice to Paris Hilton as she sits alone in her cell: “You do the time, don’t let the time do you”
TOP TEN: Signs Paris Hilton Isn’t Doing Well in Prison. #10. Suffering from insomnia because she’s not used to sleeping in the same bed every night. #6. Only time she said ‘That’s Hot!’ was during delousing. #4. Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking for her outcue.
NICOLE RICHIE
“The Simple Life” series is in its 5th edition with “The Simple Life Goes To Camp.” It airs Sundays at 10 P.M. on the E! Her other half on the program is Paris Hilton. The two have been friends most of their lives but recently had a falling out. Their strong bond won out and the bad feelings they may have had towards each other is a thing of the past.
So what is it like going to camp? What kind of camps do the girls attend? In one episode, Nicole and Paris work as counselors at a . . . Weight Loss Camp. One of their duties, pardon the pun, was to take some campers outside, put them on a table, and administer an enema. Yeesh. Well, at least it was outside. Remember, that’s Sunday nights at 10 P.M..
How did Paris feel as she was about to go to jail? Nicole says Paris felt “just like anyone would feel before they were about to go to jail.”
Now, Nicole has her own legal troubles. Is she destined for prison as well? Is there a chance for prison for her? Nicole laughs a cute bashful laugh and says, “Yeah.” Ahh, can’t you just eat her up? Dave needs to know what is going on with young Hollywood. Why are so many of our biggest stars being put away in the slammer? Nicole says, “It’s not just Hollywood . . . . everyone goes to jail!” OK.
Dave mentions Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and Nicole herself. Says Dave, “I’ve never been to prison and I am 3 times your age. How could 3 young Hollywood stars already have been to prison?” Nicole doesn’t know how to answer. After a moment of stunned silence, Paul breaks up the lull with a humorous quip, which I have since forgotten. Nicole was relieved for Paul’s interrupt.
ACT 4
It’s time for another installment of “ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOVIE REVIEW.”
We see the 16th President at his desk. Lincoln: “In my time, we didn’t have motion pictures, so to entertain ourselves we’d sit around and bet who’d be next to die from typhus. Luckily, now there’s the good-natured ‘Ocean’s Thirteen’ to keep this ol’ rail-splitter amused. Clooney, Pitt, and Damon are at their devil-may-care best and looking at sexy Ellen Barkin, I am left with malice towards none, charity for all and firmness in my pants. Overall, I give it 3 ˝ stovepipe hats. This is Honest Abe signing off, and remember, the balcony is closed.”
ACT 5 Announce: “And now it’s time to announce the winner of ‘The Late Show I Look Like The Tuberculosis Traveler Contest.’ Congratulations to John Jennings from Columbus, Ohio! You just won a brand new Black & Decker wet/dry vacuum! Way to go, John! This has been ‘The Late Show I Look Like the Tuberculosis Traveler Contest..’ Keep it real, Pedro.
ACT 6 ARTIE LANGE: Known by me by his being a part of the "Howard Stern Show" and as the replacement for Jackie Martlin. I always found Artie to be very funny and tonight he certainly did not disappoint. And what an easy guest! All Dave had to say tonight was “Welcome to the show” and “Growing up Jersey, were you a Yankee fan or a Met fan?” Artie then went on for 10 very funny minutes telling stories about the Yankees and going to games with his father.
Artie sits with Dave and says being on the same show as Nicole Kidman is great. “I got to eat all of her food. . . and then she have me a great enema.”
Artie then had some very funny things to say about A-Rod and Babe Ruth, and being at the final game of the 1977 World Series with his father --- the Reggie Jackson game --- and running onto the field afterwards. His description of the 70’s cop with mutton chops wanting to bust in the head any hippie he could find was also quite amusing. Artie painted a very nice picture with his story telling.
You can see Artie in “Rescue Me” on the FX. Says Artie, “In the show I have sex with a nun so check it out.”
ACT 7 CHRISETTE MICHELE: From her CD, “I Am”, in stores on June 19th, Chrisette Michele performed “Best of Me.”
And that was our show for Wednesday, June 6, 2007.
I think I get it now . . . the NBA didn’t want to put their championship Finals up against the Stanley Cup? Is that the reason for the long delay?
I’m watching the Ottawa Senators/Anaheim Ducks Stanley Cup Finals game last night. There are no better announcer in any sport than Mike Emerick. So I sit down and quickly try to determine the home team. The center ice logo tells me nothing. It’s reads the “Honda Center” Around the center circle. The logo? I can’t tell. It looks like wings. Duck wings? I don’t think so. I keep looking and decide the game must be in Anaheim. I decide this because there are no Tim Horton advertising along the boards.
And while I watched, Ottawa Senator Chris Phillips made one of the most “Oops” plays in championship history, any sport.
If I knew some of the players, the Stanley Cup Finals would have been great
From Wikipedia:
The Battle of Normandy was fought in 1944 between Nazi Germany in Western Europe and the invading Allied forces as part of the larger conflict of World War II. Operation Overlord was the codename for the Allied invasion of northwest Europe, which began on June 6, 1944, and ended on August 19, 1944, when the Allies crossed the River Seine. Over sixty years later, the Normandy invasion still remains the largest seaborne invasion in history, involving almost three million troops crossing the English Channel from England to Normandy. Operation Neptune was the codename given to the initial assault phase of Operation Overlord; its mission, to gain a foothold on the continent, started on June 6, 1944 (commonly known as D-Day) and ended on June 30, 1944.
The Battle of Normandy was described thus by Adolf Hitler: “In the East, the vastness of space will... permit a loss of territory... without suffering a mortal blow to Germany’s chance for survival. Not so in the West! If the enemy here succeeds… consequences of staggering proportions will follow within a short time.”
United States Casualities: 29,000 dead, 106,000 wounded and missing;
Equal justice under the law: I just heard the Paris Hilton has been released from jail and will spend 40 days under house arrest. But her house is so much better than my house. Her house is so much better than your house. For us, spending 40 days at her house would be like a vacation. Sign me up!
And why is the announcement of Paris Hilton being reassigned to house arrest “breaking news” on CNN? C’mon, really now. We have a war going on.
“And everywhere I go,
There's always something to remind me
Of another place and time
Where love that traveled far had found me.”
And now, even more useless information from “The Ultimate Book of Useless Information” by Neil Botham & The Useless Information Society.
- All of the characters in “The Flintstones” had four fingers on each hand and three toes on each foot
- Under the Motion Picture censorship code, which was effective from 1934-1968, a screen kiss cold only last thirty seconds before being labeled “indecent.”
- Popeye’s girlfriend, Olive Oyl, wore a size 14A shoe.
- The first TV sitcom couple to share a double bed was the Munsters, Lily and Herman, during the 1964-1965 season.
- “Wayne’s World” was filmed in two weeks
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Volunteer Art Teacher from Wakefield-Marenisco School, Olive Niemi.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • The New Apple iPhone • Let's Check on Paris Hilton in Prison • The Reagan Diaries • Great Moments In Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Kids' Drawings of Dave
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs Paris Hilton Isn't Doing Well In Prison Read now
