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TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Alec Baldwin; LCD Soundsystem; and Debbie Parkhurst and Toby, the Heimlich Dog.
PLUS: The Cab Ride to Arizona; a Birthday Gift for Dave; Don Imus Replacements; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Top Ten by Local Accountants.
“. . . . and now, hot-tempered supermodel . . . . . David Letterman!” ACT 1:
Tonight on the show, Alec Baldwin from 30 Rock” Dave calls it the funniest show on TV today. I said, “Well, yeah, sure it is now, ever since they canceled Sledgehammer.
Also on the show, Debbie Parkhurst who was rescued by her dog Toby when she choked on an apple and Toby performed the Heimlich maneuver. Wow. Says Dave, “All my dog would do was take a dump in the den.” We watch a simulated recreation of what it may have looked like. We see the dog crudely extract the lodged apple from the simulated Debbie.
Uhh, I don’t think it looked quite like that.
A couple from New York decided to retire to Arizona. Did they go by plane? No. Bus? No. Train? No. They decided to take a cab. That’s right; they took a cab from New York to Arizona. And we have a satellite hookup to see how the cab ride is going.
We see a scene from Die Hard with a Vengeance of a cab driving wildly through Manhattan. Ouch. It looks like they’re making good time, though.
“HEY, OHHH! EVERYBODY SAY ‘HEY OHHHHH! PEOPLE UPSTAIRS SAY ‘HEY OHHHHH!” Behind Dave enters a CBS Exec extolling the crowd to shout enthusiasm. He is holding a gift box and says to Dave, “Is this the party?” DAVE: “Uh, no. Who are you?” CBS EXEC: “Ha ha ha, it’s me, Vinnie Favale, CBS Executive in charge of Late Night
Programming . . . . East Coast . . . one of your bosses. But don’t worry, I’m
not here to fire you. Heh heh heh. No, no, instead, on behalf of the CBS
Corporation, I am here to deliver you a present on your birthday” DAVE: “My birthday is tomorrow.” CBS EXEC: “Uh oh, someone’s going to get slammed in the Big Ten List. By the way,
I love the Buttafuoco jokes.” (Gives Dave the gift box)
Anyhoo, open the bastard.”
Dave opens the box. Inside is a hat with stitched lettering, “NIFTY AT SIXTY.”
CBS EXEC: “It’s not easy to find a word that rhymes with 60. . . . well, aren’t you going
to try it on?” DAVE: “Maybe after the show . . . at the big party.”
The CBS Exec angrily grabs back the hat and exits, muttering, “Wow, what an ‘sdd’-hole.”
Don Imus is getting a two-week suspension for making offensive remarks on the air. Stations that carry his program will run a replacement in the meantime, but Dave thinks the show they chose might also stir some controversy.
We see footage of the not-so-popular “O-Dog and the Goat” morning zoo radio show. It features Osama bin Laden and Ayman Al-Zawahiri. Osama: “It is now ten minutes past the hour and you’re listening to the Morning Zoo with O-Dog and the Goat.
Ayman makes goat sounds. Osama: “Easy there, Goat. Coming up next, we’ll be giving away tickets to the Fallujah Camel Show, we’ll play another game of ‘Dialing for Jews’ and Kevin James will call in to discuss the final episode of ‘The King of Queens.’ And don’t forget: today is ‘Whip-Em-Out Wednesday! But first, here’s a little song from my good friend Lou Bega. We’ll be right back.”
We hear the beginning of “Mambo No. 5.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush say something about reading a book. I missed it. But I did see Sue Hum steal a drink of water from Kennedy’s podium.
ACT 2
Dave says he remembers when his life was in danger. He was at home with his head stuck in a banister. His dog just sat there and looked at him.
I quickly spring into action. I missed most of Regis . . . I was busy finding and getting a clip of Dave’s head stuck in the banister.
We have Regis here tonight fresh off his triple bypass. Since the surgery, Regis looks a lot like former LATE SHOW writer Gerard Mulligan. Dave has a bundle of questions from the audience for Regis. Anthony Woods of Denver, Colorado: “What prompted you to go in for heart surgery?” Regis: “I’d been experiencing moderate chest pains and shortness of breath. And I was already scheduled at the hospital for a butt job.” Rimshot. Regis turns and shows off his new hind quarters: “Don’t be shy. You know you wanna see it.”
Tom Mackay, Albany, New York: “Do you remember anything from the surgery? Regis: “No, I was unresponsive. Barely registering a pulse. For all intents and purposes, I was dead. In fact, I was pretty much like this audience.” Rimshot. “Cooter, we gotta find them Duke boys!” Horn SFX playing “Dixie.”
Cynthia Andres, Harmon, Virginia: “Is it tough sitting at home with nowhere to go and nothing to do?” Regis: I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Kathie Lee?” Rimshot. Oh, no he didn’t.”
Wanda Thorn, Fargo, North Dakota: “Do you have to be careful about the stitches in your chest?” Regis: “Yes, the doctors told me to avoid laughter. So I can still watch the Late Show.” Rimshot. “You just got ‘Bypass’d’, Letterman!”
Erica Landon, Cedar Falls, Iowa: “After your surgery, Kelly Ripa said she was going to give you a sponge bath. Has that happened to you?” Regis: “No, but I did receive an erotic massage from Gelman.” Rimshot. Regis faces camera, hands to face, and exclaims, “My Chihuahua, Dios mio!”
Alex Donovan, Fairview, South Dakota: “Have you received any visits from your friend, Donald Trump?” Regis: “Yes. While I was gooned out of my mind on painkillers, the bastard sold me $4 million in time shares.” Rimshot. Imitating a baseball umpire, “Strike three, yer out!”
Mitchell Spencer, Providence, Rhode Island: “As a man in his mid-seventies, do you feel like physical and mental deterioration might soon force you to retire from your talk show?” Regis: no response. Dave: “Uhh, Regis?” Regis: “Oh, sorry, I thought that question was for you.”
Valerie Colton, Bellingham, Washington: “What was the most positive thing to come from this unpleasant experience?” Regis: “Probably the fact that I won’t be able to record another crappy Christmas album this year.” Rimshot. Regis turns to Paul, “Hit me, you bastards!” Regis sings a few lines from “Mama Got Run Over By A Reindeer.” Exiting, he yells, “That’s my time. Pick up a pair of Dr. Scholl’s Gel Inserts. Are you gellin’?”
And that was Regis.
ACT 3 TOP TEN – Ways to Make Tax Time More Fun. And to present tonight’s Top Ten list, ten area accountants. 5. “I don’t think it would be possible to make tax time more fun.” This was a good read by the female accountant. 3. “The big stack of papers on my desk? I pour some maple syrup and eat ‘em like pancakes.” Who was that? Freddie Roman?
DEBBIE PARKHURST AND TOBY: Debbie is from Calvert, Maryland. Toby is a 2-year-old Golden Retriever. A couple weeks ago, Debbie was chomping an apple at home. A bite got stuck in her throat. She tried to Heimlich herself. Didn’t work. She ran to the kitchen and leaned her stomach over a back of a chair trying to dislodge the apple. This didn’t work either. Debbie began to panic. She started to beat herself on the chest. Toby saw what was happening and perhaps thinking Debbie wanted to play, jump on Debbie and pushed her to the ground. Toby then started jumping and pouncing on her chest. Soon the apple popped out. Phew. A friend came by at that time and found Toby licking the face of the stunned and dazed Debbie. She took Debbie to the hospital where they told her that it is likely that Toby saved her life. Wow. Such an obedient dog, even though Toby flunked obedient school. There was another dog on the scene, Freddie, the basset hound. What did Freddie do during this emergency situation? Freddie just sat and watched. We had Freddie in the green room tonight and we see him again just sitting and watching, just like he was two weeks ago.
We try to re-create the big save but Toby wants no part of it. Debbie pretends to be choking on an apple and beats her chest. Toby wanders backstage, makes a quick visit with Paul, and checks out some of the cameras. Nope. Toby isn’t playing. If only Debbie had given Toby a cookie-snack afterward the Heimlich maybe the behavior would have been ingrained.
ACT 4 and ACT 6 ALEC BALDWIN: Alec sits and shouts his responses to Dave. Why for? “Well, now that you’ve turned 60, I figured the hearing might be going.”
Alec recently turned 49 but he still likes to make the prank phone calls to pass the time. (From where I come from, we called them “phony phone calls”) Alec spends a lot of time in the car and will call a number at random and play a character. He recently had a bad experience. A woman answered. Alec: “Hello, is Tommy there?” The woman asked who was calling. Alec: “It’s Joey. Is Tommy there?”
The woman says, “This is Tommy’s aunt.”
Alec got all excited, thinking he hit pay dirt. Alec: “It’s Joey. Don’t you remember me?”
She responds, “Oh, Joey, Tommy’s dead.” OOPS!
Alec changed his tune immediately. He didn’t want to quickly hang up so he offered his condolences and asked if there was a memorial fund or something. He got an address and was compelled to write a big check in Tommy’s name. This turned out not at all how Alec had hoped. It quickly blew out the campfire. Huh? “Blew out the campfire”? What does that mean?
That’ll learn him.
Alec is familiar with the area around the Ed Sullivan Theater. Back in the day, Alec had worked at the famous Studio 54 as a waiter. The naïve boy from Long Island waited tables on the upper level. Alec says he was like a Gomer Pyle. Son one night Alec came upon two fellas . . . “in negotiations.” Both were wealthy and privileged. One snaps at Alec, “Hey, you, over here. I want you to get me a package of Benson & Hedges in a box . . . IN A BOX . . . a lemonade.” And some other stuff. The guy gave Alec a hundred dollar bill. Everything all together came to about $30. Upon return, the guy let Alec keep the change; a $70 tip. Alec soon developed his own company inside Studio 54 called, “Alcohol, Tobacco, and Condom Direct.” It has since been taken over by a bigger company. 30 Rock – on NBC Thursday nights at 9:00. But Dave said it was on at 9:30 at the beginning of the night. Uh oh. Two bits of information . . . one of them is wrong. And that means me. I typed up both cards. Here’s what happened. I was given information in the morning about time and place for 30 Rock. When it came time for me to type it up my opening billboard card, I double-checked my information on the NBC/30 Rock website. I always double-check dates and time. I know myself too well. I clicked on the 30 Rock website and, yup, Thursday nights at 9:30. And then near show time I am handed the intro for Alec Baldwin. The intro had a starting time for 30 Rock of 9:00. But by this time the opening billboard card from this morning is in the back drawer of my mind. I typed up the Baldwin intro and when on to the next thing on my agenda. And you know the rest.
How could I allow myself to take the word of a network website? The amount of times I’ve shaken a fist at network websites for not being up to date and I used a network website for confirmation? How could I be so stupid? But while I’m on the subject, what the heck is wrong with NBC and “30 Rock”? The starting time in big numbers on the 30 Rock website is wrong! It’s supposed to be 9:00! Not 9:30! If I was a fan of 30 Rock and wanted to watch the show and went to the 30 Rock website to find the date and time, I would MISS THE SHOW! I wish the networks, ALL OF THEM, would hire 16-year-old kids to run their websites and not leave it in the hands of aged Baby Boomers. 16-year-olds have grown up with the internet. They know its importance. Baby Boomers grew up on Pong.
Yes, it’s my fault for the error and this is the last time I depend on a network website for information.
ACT 5
It’s Freddie the Bassett Hound in the green room.
ACT 7 LCD SOUNDSYSTEM: From their new CD, “Sound of Silver,” LCD Soundsystem performed “North American Scum.”
And that was our show for Wednesday April 11, 2007.
I’ve seen this Sanjaya phenomena once before . . . . but where? . . . . Oh, yeah, I remember! Bush!
Dave’s Head Stuck in a Banister: It was from August 5, 1998 in a piece called New For Summer. While perusing my Wahoo Gazette review of the August 5th, 1998 show, I came across this from that date:
“Wahoo reader Bill Lehecka, also known as OldMatador, came up with a brilliant suggestion. He offered that I should include a CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER in the Wahoo Gazette. I like the idea. It’ll take up a couple of lines each day and fill up space. Thanks for the idea, Bill.
Here now is the premier edition of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Charlotte Barfoot
This concludes the premier edition of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER”
And the cameo mention has been a staple ever since. Put that in your Funk & Wagnalls.
For some reason, I always picture Easter being on April 11th. I decided to check how old I was when Easter actually fell on this date at such an impressionable age.
It was 1971. I was 13 years old.
I read in the USA Today that an Alabama judge has been indicted for tax evasion, ethics charges, and election violations. He has been suspended with pay. Dang! That’s my goal every summer; to be suspended with pay. My suspension would start at the beginning of June and end in early September.
I wonder if Imus is getting a two-week suspension with pay. If so, I hope that teaches him a lesson.
I was driving home the other night listening to one of the talk shows on the radio. The host was talking about Dennis Kucinich; his history, his childhood, his background, his political story, and his ideas and goals if elected President. I was very impressed. I liked what I heard. And then I felt guilty. I had written off Dennis Kucinich as presidential timber simply by the way he looked. He didn’t look “Presidential” enough for me, whatever that means. Is that any way to choose a President, by his appearance?
All of you out there who pay no mind to Dennis Kucinich for the same reason, please step forward.
Now pick up the computer you just knocked over.
Now the “fat, bald-headed weasels” are angry at Imus.
Today’s TV fare reminds me of the music of the 70s and 80s. It’s a lotta “yeech.” Have you ever sat through 10 minutes of one of those Time/Life CD commercials of music of the 70s and 80s? It’s no wonder my musical interests are stuck in 1969. And I think years from now we’ll look back on these reality TV shows and ask, “What were we thinking?”
And now more useless information from “The Book of Useless Information.”
- Benjamin Franklin’s peers did not give him the assignment of writing the Declaration of Independence because they feared he would conceal a joke in it.
- James Doohan, who played Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott in “Star Trek,” was missing his entire middle finger of his right hand.
- Charlie Chaplin once won 3rd place in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest
- The first U.S. discotheque was the Whiskey-A-Go-Go in Los Angeles.
- The first CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He’s a first-year grad student at Purdue working on an MBA and actively seeking a summer marketing internship in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and it’s his birthday today, it’s Chris Prendergast.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Alec Baldwin; LCD Soundsystem; and Debbie Parkhurst and Toby, the Heimlich Dog.
PLUS: The Cab Ride to Arizona; a Birthday Gift for Dave; Don Imus Replacements; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and a Top Ten by Local Accountants.
“. . . . and now, hot-tempered supermodel . . . . . David Letterman!” ACT 1:
Tonight on the show, Alec Baldwin from 30 Rock” Dave calls it the funniest show on TV today. I said, “Well, yeah, sure it is now, ever since they canceled Sledgehammer.
Also on the show, Debbie Parkhurst who was rescued by her dog Toby when she choked on an apple and Toby performed the Heimlich maneuver. Wow. Says Dave, “All my dog would do was take a dump in the den.” We watch a simulated recreation of what it may have looked like. We see the dog crudely extract the lodged apple from the simulated Debbie.
Uhh, I don’t think it looked quite like that.
A couple from New York decided to retire to Arizona. Did they go by plane? No. Bus? No. Train? No. They decided to take a cab. That’s right; they took a cab from New York to Arizona. And we have a satellite hookup to see how the cab ride is going.
We see a scene from Die Hard with a Vengeance of a cab driving wildly through Manhattan. Ouch. It looks like they’re making good time, though.
“HEY, OHHH! EVERYBODY SAY ‘HEY OHHHHH! PEOPLE UPSTAIRS SAY ‘HEY OHHHHH!” Behind Dave enters a CBS Exec extolling the crowd to shout enthusiasm. He is holding a gift box and says to Dave, “Is this the party?” DAVE: “Uh, no. Who are you?” CBS EXEC: “Ha ha ha, it’s me, Vinnie Favale, CBS Executive in charge of Late Night
Programming . . . . East Coast . . . one of your bosses. But don’t worry, I’m
not here to fire you. Heh heh heh. No, no, instead, on behalf of the CBS
Corporation, I am here to deliver you a present on your birthday” DAVE: “My birthday is tomorrow.” CBS EXEC: “Uh oh, someone’s going to get slammed in the Big Ten List. By the way,
I love the Buttafuoco jokes.” (Gives Dave the gift box)
Anyhoo, open the bastard.”
Dave opens the box. Inside is a hat with stitched lettering, “NIFTY AT SIXTY.”
CBS EXEC: “It’s not easy to find a word that rhymes with 60. . . . well, aren’t you going
to try it on?” DAVE: “Maybe after the show . . . at the big party.”
The CBS Exec angrily grabs back the hat and exits, muttering, “Wow, what an ‘sdd’-hole.”
Don Imus is getting a two-week suspension for making offensive remarks on the air. Stations that carry his program will run a replacement in the meantime, but Dave thinks the show they chose might also stir some controversy.
We see footage of the not-so-popular “O-Dog and the Goat” morning zoo radio show. It features Osama bin Laden and Ayman Al-Zawahiri. Osama: “It is now ten minutes past the hour and you’re listening to the Morning Zoo with O-Dog and the Goat.
Ayman makes goat sounds. Osama: “Easy there, Goat. Coming up next, we’ll be giving away tickets to the Fallujah Camel Show, we’ll play another game of ‘Dialing for Jews’ and Kevin James will call in to discuss the final episode of ‘The King of Queens.’ And don’t forget: today is ‘Whip-Em-Out Wednesday! But first, here’s a little song from my good friend Lou Bega. We’ll be right back.”
We hear the beginning of “Mambo No. 5.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush say something about reading a book. I missed it. But I did see Sue Hum steal a drink of water from Kennedy’s podium.
ACT 2
Dave says he remembers when his life was in danger. He was at home with his head stuck in a banister. His dog just sat there and looked at him.
I quickly spring into action. I missed most of Regis . . . I was busy finding and getting a clip of Dave’s head stuck in the banister.
We have Regis here tonight fresh off his triple bypass. Since the surgery, Regis looks a lot like former LATE SHOW writer Gerard Mulligan. Dave has a bundle of questions from the audience for Regis. Anthony Woods of Denver, Colorado: “What prompted you to go in for heart surgery?” Regis: “I’d been experiencing moderate chest pains and shortness of breath. And I was already scheduled at the hospital for a butt job.” Rimshot. Regis turns and shows off his new hind quarters: “Don’t be shy. You know you wanna see it.”
Tom Mackay, Albany, New York: “Do you remember anything from the surgery? Regis: “No, I was unresponsive. Barely registering a pulse. For all intents and purposes, I was dead. In fact, I was pretty much like this audience.” Rimshot. “Cooter, we gotta find them Duke boys!” Horn SFX playing “Dixie.”
Cynthia Andres, Harmon, Virginia: “Is it tough sitting at home with nowhere to go and nothing to do?” Regis: I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Kathie Lee?” Rimshot. Oh, no he didn’t.”
Wanda Thorn, Fargo, North Dakota: “Do you have to be careful about the stitches in your chest?” Regis: “Yes, the doctors told me to avoid laughter. So I can still watch the Late Show.” Rimshot. “You just got ‘Bypass’d’, Letterman!”
Erica Landon, Cedar Falls, Iowa: “After your surgery, Kelly Ripa said she was going to give you a sponge bath. Has that happened to you?” Regis: “No, but I did receive an erotic massage from Gelman.” Rimshot. Regis faces camera, hands to face, and exclaims, “My Chihuahua, Dios mio!”
Alex Donovan, Fairview, South Dakota: “Have you received any visits from your friend, Donald Trump?” Regis: “Yes. While I was gooned out of my mind on painkillers, the bastard sold me $4 million in time shares.” Rimshot. Imitating a baseball umpire, “Strike three, yer out!”
Mitchell Spencer, Providence, Rhode Island: “As a man in his mid-seventies, do you feel like physical and mental deterioration might soon force you to retire from your talk show?” Regis: no response. Dave: “Uhh, Regis?” Regis: “Oh, sorry, I thought that question was for you.”
Valerie Colton, Bellingham, Washington: “What was the most positive thing to come from this unpleasant experience?” Regis: “Probably the fact that I won’t be able to record another crappy Christmas album this year.” Rimshot. Regis turns to Paul, “Hit me, you bastards!” Regis sings a few lines from “Mama Got Run Over By A Reindeer.” Exiting, he yells, “That’s my time. Pick up a pair of Dr. Scholl’s Gel Inserts. Are you gellin’?”
And that was Regis.
ACT 3 TOP TEN – Ways to Make Tax Time More Fun. And to present tonight’s Top Ten list, ten area accountants. 5. “I don’t think it would be possible to make tax time more fun.” This was a good read by the female accountant. 3. “The big stack of papers on my desk? I pour some maple syrup and eat ‘em like pancakes.” Who was that? Freddie Roman?
DEBBIE PARKHURST AND TOBY: Debbie is from Calvert, Maryland. Toby is a 2-year-old Golden Retriever. A couple weeks ago, Debbie was chomping an apple at home. A bite got stuck in her throat. She tried to Heimlich herself. Didn’t work. She ran to the kitchen and leaned her stomach over a back of a chair trying to dislodge the apple. This didn’t work either. Debbie began to panic. She started to beat herself on the chest. Toby saw what was happening and perhaps thinking Debbie wanted to play, jump on Debbie and pushed her to the ground. Toby then started jumping and pouncing on her chest. Soon the apple popped out. Phew. A friend came by at that time and found Toby licking the face of the stunned and dazed Debbie. She took Debbie to the hospital where they told her that it is likely that Toby saved her life. Wow. Such an obedient dog, even though Toby flunked obedient school. There was another dog on the scene, Freddie, the basset hound. What did Freddie do during this emergency situation? Freddie just sat and watched. We had Freddie in the green room tonight and we see him again just sitting and watching, just like he was two weeks ago.
We try to re-create the big save but Toby wants no part of it. Debbie pretends to be choking on an apple and beats her chest. Toby wanders backstage, makes a quick visit with Paul, and checks out some of the cameras. Nope. Toby isn’t playing. If only Debbie had given Toby a cookie-snack afterward the Heimlich maybe the behavior would have been ingrained.
ACT 4 and ACT 6 ALEC BALDWIN: Alec sits and shouts his responses to Dave. Why for? “Well, now that you’ve turned 60, I figured the hearing might be going.”
Alec recently turned 49 but he still likes to make the prank phone calls to pass the time. (From where I come from, we called them “phony phone calls”) Alec spends a lot of time in the car and will call a number at random and play a character. He recently had a bad experience. A woman answered. Alec: “Hello, is Tommy there?” The woman asked who was calling. Alec: “It’s Joey. Is Tommy there?”
The woman says, “This is Tommy’s aunt.”
Alec got all excited, thinking he hit pay dirt. Alec: “It’s Joey. Don’t you remember me?”
She responds, “Oh, Joey, Tommy’s dead.” OOPS!
Alec changed his tune immediately. He didn’t want to quickly hang up so he offered his condolences and asked if there was a memorial fund or something. He got an address and was compelled to write a big check in Tommy’s name. This turned out not at all how Alec had hoped. It quickly blew out the campfire. Huh? “Blew out the campfire”? What does that mean?
That’ll learn him.
Alec is familiar with the area around the Ed Sullivan Theater. Back in the day, Alec had worked at the famous Studio 54 as a waiter. The naïve boy from Long Island waited tables on the upper level. Alec says he was like a Gomer Pyle. Son one night Alec came upon two fellas . . . “in negotiations.” Both were wealthy and privileged. One snaps at Alec, “Hey, you, over here. I want you to get me a package of Benson & Hedges in a box . . . IN A BOX . . . a lemonade.” And some other stuff. The guy gave Alec a hundred dollar bill. Everything all together came to about $30. Upon return, the guy let Alec keep the change; a $70 tip. Alec soon developed his own company inside Studio 54 called, “Alcohol, Tobacco, and Condom Direct.” It has since been taken over by a bigger company. 30 Rock – on NBC Thursday nights at 9:00. But Dave said it was on at 9:30 at the beginning of the night. Uh oh. Two bits of information . . . one of them is wrong. And that means me. I typed up both cards. Here’s what happened. I was given information in the morning about time and place for 30 Rock. When it came time for me to type it up my opening billboard card, I double-checked my information on the NBC/30 Rock website. I always double-check dates and time. I know myself too well. I clicked on the 30 Rock website and, yup, Thursday nights at 9:30. And then near show time I am handed the intro for Alec Baldwin. The intro had a starting time for 30 Rock of 9:00. But by this time the opening billboard card from this morning is in the back drawer of my mind. I typed up the Baldwin intro and when on to the next thing on my agenda. And you know the rest.
How could I allow myself to take the word of a network website? The amount of times I’ve shaken a fist at network websites for not being up to date and I used a network website for confirmation? How could I be so stupid? But while I’m on the subject, what the heck is wrong with NBC and “30 Rock”? The starting time in big numbers on the 30 Rock website is wrong! It’s supposed to be 9:00! Not 9:30! If I was a fan of 30 Rock and wanted to watch the show and went to the 30 Rock website to find the date and time, I would MISS THE SHOW! I wish the networks, ALL OF THEM, would hire 16-year-old kids to run their websites and not leave it in the hands of aged Baby Boomers. 16-year-olds have grown up with the internet. They know its importance. Baby Boomers grew up on Pong.
Yes, it’s my fault for the error and this is the last time I depend on a network website for information.
ACT 5
It’s Freddie the Bassett Hound in the green room.
ACT 7 LCD SOUNDSYSTEM: From their new CD, “Sound of Silver,” LCD Soundsystem performed “North American Scum.”
And that was our show for Wednesday April 11, 2007.
I’ve seen this Sanjaya phenomena once before . . . . but where? . . . . Oh, yeah, I remember! Bush!
Dave’s Head Stuck in a Banister: It was from August 5, 1998 in a piece called New For Summer. While perusing my Wahoo Gazette review of the August 5th, 1998 show, I came across this from that date:
“Wahoo reader Bill Lehecka, also known as OldMatador, came up with a brilliant suggestion. He offered that I should include a CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER in the Wahoo Gazette. I like the idea. It’ll take up a couple of lines each day and fill up space. Thanks for the idea, Bill.
Here now is the premier edition of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER Charlotte Barfoot
This concludes the premier edition of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER”
And the cameo mention has been a staple ever since. Put that in your Funk & Wagnalls.
For some reason, I always picture Easter being on April 11th. I decided to check how old I was when Easter actually fell on this date at such an impressionable age.
It was 1971. I was 13 years old.
I read in the USA Today that an Alabama judge has been indicted for tax evasion, ethics charges, and election violations. He has been suspended with pay. Dang! That’s my goal every summer; to be suspended with pay. My suspension would start at the beginning of June and end in early September.
I wonder if Imus is getting a two-week suspension with pay. If so, I hope that teaches him a lesson.
I was driving home the other night listening to one of the talk shows on the radio. The host was talking about Dennis Kucinich; his history, his childhood, his background, his political story, and his ideas and goals if elected President. I was very impressed. I liked what I heard. And then I felt guilty. I had written off Dennis Kucinich as presidential timber simply by the way he looked. He didn’t look “Presidential” enough for me, whatever that means. Is that any way to choose a President, by his appearance?
All of you out there who pay no mind to Dennis Kucinich for the same reason, please step forward.
Now pick up the computer you just knocked over.
Now the “fat, bald-headed weasels” are angry at Imus.
Today’s TV fare reminds me of the music of the 70s and 80s. It’s a lotta “yeech.” Have you ever sat through 10 minutes of one of those Time/Life CD commercials of music of the 70s and 80s? It’s no wonder my musical interests are stuck in 1969. And I think years from now we’ll look back on these reality TV shows and ask, “What were we thinking?”
And now more useless information from “The Book of Useless Information.”
- Benjamin Franklin’s peers did not give him the assignment of writing the Declaration of Independence because they feared he would conceal a joke in it.
- James Doohan, who played Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott in “Star Trek,” was missing his entire middle finger of his right hand.
- Charlie Chaplin once won 3rd place in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest
- The first U.S. discotheque was the Whiskey-A-Go-Go in Los Angeles.
- The first CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He’s a first-year grad student at Purdue working on an MBA and actively seeking a summer marketing internship in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and it’s his birthday today, it’s Chris Prendergast.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Cabbie Drives Couple to Arizona • CBS Executive, Vinnie Favale • Don Imus Suspended • Gre
ACT 2 • Ask Regis Philbin
ACT 3 • Top Ten Ways to Make Tax Time More Fun Read now
