And now, Zaftig debutante . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1
Sometimes he makes it look too easy. Dave takes your standard sized pencil and tosses it in the air so it flips a number of times, and then catches it upon its descent. Amazing.

Hey, good news! Our head writer Justin Stangel and his wife Lara are the proud parents of a brand new baby girl. Ashley Rose joined us here on earth this past Friday, March 16th at 6:41 PM. Ashley weighed in at 7 pounds, 8 ounces; and was 19 1/2 inches. Ashley joins her big sister Emily in the Stangel family. That's a big "yippee" here at the Late Show.

And to celebrate the good news, Dave performs a few more pencil flips.

The new season of "Dancing With The Stars" premiered tonight and once again, it looks like they've rounded up an eclectic mix of celebrities. We see a promo for the hit ABC show.
Announcer:

"Monday on ABC, 'Dancing With The Stars' returns with the most exciting group of celebrities yet. Can 'Cheers' barfly John Ratzenberger learn some hot and sexy moves? Can supermodel Paulina Porizkova prove she's not just another pretty face? Can elderly Cuban dictator Fidel Castro get over his two left feet? (vt of Fidel Castro tripping and falling on his face)
Find out on 'Dancing With The Stars,' Monday on ABC."

Former Vice President Al Gore is set to appear on Capitol Hill to testify about global warming. Now Al has put on a few pounds since he was last on the Hill. We show a computer simulation of how Al plans to enter the chamber.
We see a shot of the Capitol building. We see the dome of the Capitol building slowly lift and tilt to the side. Al Gore is lifted by a crane and lowered into the Capitol Building. The dome closes with a slam.
You see, the former Vice President is too big to fit through the door.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush. I missed what the President had to say, but was that our costume designer Sue Hum swiping JFK's wallet?

ACT 2
TOP TEN: Signs You're Watching Too Much College Basketball
#6. Kids are seeded according to how much you love them.
#3. In a pinch, you ask "What would UNLV assistant coach Greg Grensing do?"

BERNIE MAC: Bernie is a brand new granddad, and he plans on treating his granddaughter exactly how his daughter wanted to be treated when she was a little girl. This means lots of candy right before bedtime and lots of spinning around and getting dizzy. His daughter now sees the folly of her ways but Grandpa Bernie says it's too late. "It's Pay Back time!"
Bernie and his wife break the stereotype of the quick-and-out Hollywood marriage. They've been married for 32 years now. What's the secret? Bernie says, "Love is overrated; you need to like the person." Bernie explains that over the years, your partner is likely to pick up weight and they'll pick up some bad habits like snoring and stuff. To get through this, you need to like the person. Love will fade.
Bernie is preparing to go back on the road again. It was 30 years ago that he did the Kings of Comedy and he was selling out large auditoriums even before that. You miss out on a lot going on tour and Bernie has decided to do it one last time. How has things changed since he first broke into the business? Back then, Friday was payday and the big extravagance was going out to eat at the Sizzler. Now he drives right by it. Bernie's new film is entitled, "Pride," based on true events. A recreation club for disadvantaged youth in Philadelphia is about to close down but a guy comes in and organizes the city's first African-American swim team. The team goes on to compete for a championship. Bernie plays a maintenance guy at the rec center who helps out in keeping the Center open and joins forces with the swim team to reach their goals. "Pride" - it opens this Friday.

Going into the commercial break, Paul plays some "What'd I Say," one of my all-time favorites.

ACT 3
PAULA ABDUL: From the FOX mega-hit, "American Idol." Paula is battling a flu but is determined to charge through. Dave is very impressed with the locomotive known as "American Idol." Everything about it is perfect; from the audience participation to the rumors of behind-the-scenes escapades. So Dave wants to know, "Does Simon want to have sex with you?" Paula laughs. She isn't interested, and adds that Simon, a Brit, has a nickname back in the U.K. You are aware of Big Ben . . . well, Simon is known as Small Ben.
And what's the story about the rumors of Paula's drinking? Dave tells her he has no problem with her need to drink, considering she has to deal with Mr. Cowell on a frequent basis. Paula says she doesn't drink nor has she ever been drunk.
And what about the rumors of her sleeping with contestants? Nope, not true. Paula says she doesn't sleep with the contestants, but admits to sleeping when some of the contestants sing.
Paula leans over and says, "You're the best smelling talk show host I ever smelled." Dave is proud of his scent and then leans over and gives Paula a once over with his own sniffer. He likes what he smells. It was a bit odd.
"American Idol" on FOX - Tuesdays at 8:00. Wednesdays at 9:00.

ACT 4
Dave intros the next bit with, "A lot of people come up to me and say, 'Conan . . .'" I laughed.
It's time for the Late Show Technical Maintenance Minute. Center stage, we see three gentlemen from the Late Show Maintenance Department.
Art Card: "Late Show Technical Maintenance Minute"; music.
Gary: "Some very exciting things are happening at the Late Show in the world of technical maintenance. We have recently been upgrading the firmware for our 500 downconverter HDs to version 4.0 to 6.
Mike: "This upgrade will provide us with improved vistalink support and far better 3:2 pull-down locking."
Brad: "It also allows for correction of time code reading, correction to reported delay, and correction to 4:3 markers."
Gary: "That's not all, Brad. We'll also be getting added support for 720p/50, 1080p/30, and 1080p/29.97. We no longer have to live in a world of weak temporal resolution and lackluster non-interlaced scanning. It's about time.
Mike: "Amen."
Brad: "You're telling me."
Art Card: "Late Show Technical Maintenance Minute"; music

ACT 5
Alan: "Hey, America! Do you like to laugh?
Well then, log on to the Late Show website for an all-new Tony Mendez Show!
Tony's back this Tuesday with his side-splitting, 'Tony's St. Patrick's Day Extravaganza!' The Tony Mendez Show. Just go to www.CBS.com/LateShow. You'll be glad you did. We'll be right back."

Did you see the graphic of the Late Show website? Yup, that was the Wahoo Gazette in the lower right-hand corner. I need to change the headline from "The Wahoo Gazette" to "The Wahoo Gazette, by MIKE MCINTEE"

ACT 6
JOSS STONE: From her brand new CD, "Introducing Joss Stone," Joss Stone performed the exciting "Tell Me 'bout It." I enjoyed it. Dave enjoyed it. Great sound. Dave gives Joss a big hug.

Before saying goodnight, Dave reads from a blue card he received during the final commercial break: "My apologies to Bernie Mac. He's the only guest I didn't grope tonight."

And that was our show for Monday, March 19, 2007.



Boy oh boy, the weather in the northeast this weekend really screwed up the St. Patrick's Day celebrations. Who invited the rotten weather? The snow and rain came in on Friday, lingered on Saturday, and over stayed its unwelcome through Sunday. And then it was gone by Monday. It came just to be annoying and a pain.

So Naomi Campbell has been sentenced to five days of mopping floors and cleaning toilets at a New York garbage depot for assaulting a housekeeper. This really bothers me. It just ain't right to 'punish' celebrities by forcing them to do honorable work, such as cleaning a bathroom, as if it were a great humiliation. What does that say about those people who do this for a living? "How do we punish Naomi Campbell? Oh, I know! Let's make her work like Gus the janitor for a week!" And what does the judge who sentenced Naomi say to the cleaning staff in his courthouse? Nope, making Naomi perform janitorial duties is no punishment for assaulting a housekeeper. Something is terribly wrong with this. It sends the wrong message to everybody.

The word "boycott" was inspired by a 1870s Irish protest against a land agent named Captain Charles Cunningham Boycott in Ireland. May I suggest the uniformed services of NYC consider a "boycott" of next year's St. Patrick's Day Parade if parade chairman John Dunleavy continues his pig-headed (oops) decision of moving the fire department from the front of the parade.

Is it too late to change Marquette as my surprise Final Four pick?

Ask yourself . . . . without Naomi Campbell, how would your life be different? How long could you go without a Naomi Campbell in your life before you noticed? And then ask yourself how your life would be different if no one ever cleaned your bathroom at work? How long could you go with no one cleaning the bathroom at work before you noticed?

Another year has come and gone and I did not participate in the St. Baldrick's fundraiser, but I'm weakening and the time will someday come. What is this St. Baldrick's? They ask the question, "How much would you donate to see me shave my head bald to find cures for childhood cancer?" It's a fundraiser where men, and women, shave their heads bald to raise money for cancer research. It all started back in 1999 when 3 men tried to do some good. The above was agreed upon and they hoped to raise $17,000 on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day. They recruited 17 colleagues and at the very first St. Baldrick's fundraiser on St. Patrick's Day 2000, over $100,000 was raised and a tradition was born. So will I shave my head bald in 2008? I may, and why not? I'm halfway there. Check it out:
www.stbaldricks.org

I know it's a week late but when it comes to filling out your March Madness Brackets Office Pool, pick all the favorites in the first round. Sure they'll be upsets but no one knows which ones it will be. Don't try to chase the upsets till later.
And that's my advice for making picks in this year's March Madness Office Pool, after the fact.

Poor Andy Richter. He left Late Night 7 years ago and yet no one can ask him 2 questions without one of them being about Conan O'Brien.

The Irish and drinking - where stereotyping is still allowed!

Happy Saint Joseph's Day. My Aunt was born on March 19th, St. Joseph's Day, and was given the name Josephine. She always wished she was born 2 days earlier so she would have been named Patricia.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Josephine McGrath. Happy Birthday, Aunt Jo!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER