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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Senator John McCain; Robin Thicke; and Andy Kindler. PLUS: Counterfeit Bills; Fidel Makes a Phone Call; a Message From Laura Bush; George Bush; a Top Ten; and Alan Has Had Enough with an Old Old Joke.
ACT 1
The Secret Service announced this week that $62 million in counterfeit bills entered circulation in 2006. To avoid a bad bill, here’s what to look for. Dave holds up a one dollar bill.
Here in the corner, the printing on the “1” looks out of focus.
Along the bottom, the shading isn’t quite consistent.
And this is the tell-tale sign. The photo should be of George Washington. This bill has a photo of Steven Seagal.
Uhhh, why would anyone waste their time making counterfeit one-dollar bills? But I guess if Seagal belongs on any denomination, a “one” would be appropriate.
To reassure people that he’s alive and well, Fidel Castro made a surprise phone call to Hugo Chavez’s radio show. Dave has to admit that Castro is sounding in very good spirits. He has a copy of the audio of that phone call. Hugo Chavez: (in Spanish) “And now, please welcome live via satellite from Havana, Cuban President Fidel Castro.” Fidel Castro: (in a New York accent) “Hey, Hugo my man. Listen, I can’t talk long since I gotta go get a sponge bath. I just want to wish all your listeners a happy ‘Whip-em-Out Wednesday” and to ask if you’d play ‘My Humps’ for Raul.” Hugo Chavez: (in Spanish) “Anything for you, my friend.”
A MESSAGE FROM LAURA BUSH: From “Larry King Live” the other night, we hear the First Lady confess, “I understand how the American people feel. / George / is a really, really terrible / President.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see President George W. Bush try to bounce a slightly deflated basketball. It doesn’t bounce back up.
ANDY KINDLER: He’s got something for us tonight, but first he and Dave chat. Andy finds himself a lot on the YouTube. His performances at the clubs are captured by the audience and then placed on YouTube. And then people comment on it. One guy complained about the quality of the footage. What is Andy supposed to do? He hoped the 3-cellphone camera shoot would be of better quality, too.
Another guy wrote, “Don’t quit your day job.” And since stand-up comedy is Andy’s day job, he took it as a compliment.
Andy is a little disappointed his favorite movie didn’t win an Academy Award this year . . . the Wayans Brothers Little Man. Isn’t anything Marlon Wayans won’t turn down? Andy imagines sending 150 blank pages to him. He’s sure Marlon would call back, “I love it! Lots of room to improv!”
What’s Andy got for us tonight? He recently spent the day going around New York meeting with fortune tellers, mind readers and palm reader, Tarot card readers, and psychics. Anna – a Tarot card reader: Familiar with the “Bedazzler?” Celine – able to contact the dead – How’s Jim Nabors doing? Celine says he is at peace. Ooops. Celine, guess what? Jim Nabors ain’t dead. Zoltana, an astrologist: Andy recites a quote he knows about astrology: “Astrology is the clock of destiny.” Zoltana is familiar with it. She should. Andy read it off an astrology poster Zoltana has in her home.
Roger, describes a warlock and how he is different from a witch. Andy says, “Ever ask a question which you were very sorry you asked? Mariam – a coffee reader – she’s able to tell things about you from what remains in your coffee cup. Asks Andy; “Is this bull-djoy or horse-djoy?” Anna – reveals the death card to Andy. Andy demands to know if Anna has Tarot Card insurance.
And Andy gets some love oil from Roger. Andy applies . . . . and I don’t think it takes.
Andy asks the Tarot card reader: “How will this piece end?” She says “Very well.” Andy: “Will I get a huge laugh?” The reader: “No.”
And that was Andy with the Psychics.
Other places Andy has gone while representing the "Late Show":
- at the Super Bowl (Detroit – February 2006)
- unclaimed baggage center (Scottsboro, Alabama – Nay 2006)
- at the rodeo (Sisters, Oregon – June 2006)
- Space Camp (Huntsville Alabama – September 2006)
- The Playboy Club (Las Vegas – November 2006)
- United States Marshals Training Academy (Glinnko, Georgia – November 2006)
Andy will be hosting Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” on Friday, March 9th.
ACT 2 TOP TEN: Signs You’ve Got A Bad Stockbroker – yesterday, in the stock market’s worst day in five-and-a-half years, the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 416 points, costing investors over $600 billion. #3. A few years back told Martha, “Sure, it’s legal.” #6. He shaves his head and goes into rehab.
SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN: The Senator turned 70 last August. How did he celebrate? “I cried. And I slept like a baby . . . I slept for two hours and then got up and cried for two hours.”
What’s the deal with Barack and Hillary? McCain says a lot of Hillary’s old friends aren’t her friend anymore. And he points out that since 1988 there’s been a Bush and a Clinton in the White House, and since 1980 if you include Bush 41 Vice Presidency. Electing Hillary could add another 8 years. McCain says what this country needs is a Scotch-Irish to lead. And that is McCain made this announcement: “I am announcing that I will be a candidate for President of the United States in 2008.” Senator John McCain has announced his candidacy on the "Late Show"! Paul plays fanfare, but changes it to “Hail to the Chief” at the bequest of McCain.
After a lot of “wowee” from around here, McCain says he will make his official announcement in April. Huh? So what was this? The Senator explains that it was the announcement preceding the formal announcement. Politicians do it all the time, explain McCain. You have to drag this out as long as you can. It’s what politicians do.
Is Rudy Giuliani a viable candidate? McCain says Giuliani would make a fine President. And would McCain accept a Vice President position? He says back in 2004 he was on a talk show and he was asked if he would accept if asked of running as a Vice Presidential candidate. I said, “You know, I spent all those years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, kept in the dark, fed scraps – why the heck would I want to do that all over again?”
So what’s happening in Iraq? The Senator says the war has been poorly mismanaged from the beginning. The new General in charge in Iraq, General Petraeus, is the best there is at the moment and McCain has all the confidence in the world in him. He hopes to bring stability to the area, kick start economic development, establish a viable government, revenue sharing, elections throughout the area and strengthen the Iraqi military to take over what we are doing now.
And of course, there is Iran we will have to deal with.
And why would anyone want to be President?
ACT 4: Prince Charles made a comment yesterday suggesting that McDonald’s should be banned. He makes a pretty convincing argument about fast food can lead to weight gain. We take a look at a photo of Prince Charles from a couple years ago.
(photo of Prince Charles)
And then we take a look at a photo of him after going to McDonald’s.
(photo of Prince Charles with enormous ears. --- boing sound effect; fanfare music from Paul) Alan interrupts with disgust: “That’s the joke?! That’s the joke?!! You’re still doing jokes about Prince Charles’ ears? What is this, 1984? Well, if it’s 1984, I sure as hell wanna hear some Cyndi Lauper! Hit it, Paul!” Paul starts to play; Alan starts to sing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Alan continues to sing as he gets up and starts across the stage. He finishes just as he exits the guest entrance.
Dave asks if that made us as queasy as it made him.
ACT 5
Announce: “Don’t go away, because there’s more ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ coming up right after these messages!”
ACT 6 ROBIN THICKE: From his CD, “The Evolution of Robin Thicke,” Robin Thicke performed “Lost Without You.”
He’s Alan Thicke’s son. Alan Thicke had a talkshow and a sitcom back in the 80s, but I know him best as the writer and producer of Fernwood Tonight with Barth Gimble and Jerry Hubbard. To this day, for me “Fernwood 2Nite” remains the fastest half-hour in television.
Oh, and Happy Birthday, Alan.
And that was our show for Wednesday February 28, 2007.
It’s tough writing a recap whenever we have a politician on the show. With an actress or actor, if I half listen and make a mistake it’s no big deal. But with a politician, especially one running for President, if I forget to put a “n’t” at the end of something it could have people repeating it as fact. I don’t like the pressure.
Hey, Leap Year babies . . . do you celebrate your birthday yesterday or today? And if you are 80 years old, do you tell people you’re 20?
“Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” – I watched the show again Wednesday night and the answer is “NO.” My 5th graders didn’t want to watch it. I wanted to.
Last night there were 6, maybe 7 questions. I’m not sure . . . I fell asleep at the end.
Mixing red and yellow make? Orange.
The closest star to the earth? Sun
What country shares the longest border with the U.S.? The adult contestant guessed Mexico. She was saved by a 5th grader and continued on.
How many sides in trapezoid? 4 – I think she was saved by a 5th grader here, too.
At your local library, are Fiction books included the Dewey Decimal System? I would have said yes. I nodded off here. She got it right.
How many decades in 2 millennium? She quit here and took home $100,000.
Anybody who doesn’t know that Canada’s border with the United States is longer than U.S/Mexico border doesn’t deserve $100,000.
In two nights: 13 questions in an hour.
Note to Mr. Mark Burnett: the home viewer wants to play along. The questions are the star of the show, not the contestants. I don’t care about the contestants, in fact, the two I’ve seen so far I don’t like at all. YOU NEED MORE QUESTIONS! MOVE IT ALONG!
On my drive in to work this morning, I have WCBS-880 on the radio dial. The news guy is talking about the stock market and how it took a tumble. There was mention that it could partially be blamed on Alan Greenspan for something he said in Hong Kong. The news guy paraphrased what Greenspan said this way: “We are now one day closer to when the next recession occurs.”
Hmmm, and we are also one day closer to the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series, one day closer to my retirement, and one day closer to my 11-year-old daughters’ eventual retirement. In fact, we are one day closer to everything. And this sent the stock market into a tailspin?
What he actually said: “When you get this far away from a recession, invariably forces build up for the next recessions, and indeed we are beginning to see that sign," Greenspan said.
And now it’s time for “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show”.
Top Ten Things That Sound Cool When Spoken by an Auctioneer.
This concludes another installment of “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show”
I just got the new Spring schedule for the Big Screen Classics at the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York. It’s the only place I go to see a movie these days.
March 10 – The Little Princess starring Shirley Temple; presented in Technicolor March 17 – High Sierra starring Humphrey Bogart & Ida Lupino March 24 – Sullivan's Travels starring Joel McCrea and Veronica Lake March 31 – Boy's Town starring Spencer Tracey & Mickey Rooney April 7 – The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland, presented in Technicolor April 14 – A Night to Remember starring Kenneth More & Honor Blackman April 21 – White Heat starring James Cagney & Edmund O'Brien April 28 – The Thief of Bagdad starring Conrad Veidt & Sabu May 5 – The Cameraman starring Buster Keaton, this silent comedy classic will have live Pipe Organ accompaniment by Jeff Barker May 12 – Follow the Fleet starring Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers May 19 – Howard Hawks' Scarface (1932) starring Paul Muni, George Raft, & Ann Dvorak May 26 – Monkey Business starring The Four Marx Brothers June 2 - Alfred Hitchcock's Saboteur starring Robert Cummings & Priscilla Lane June 9 – Mister Roberts starring Henry Fonda, Jack Lemmon, James Cagney, William Powell, presented in CinemaScope June 16 – “The Looney Tunes & Comedy Festival” featuring classic cartoons & other comic delights...
Any suggestions?
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From KHITS-96 No Repeat Radio, it’s Captain Carl the Intern.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Senator John McCain; Robin Thicke; and Andy Kindler. PLUS: Counterfeit Bills; Fidel Makes a Phone Call; a Message From Laura Bush; George Bush; a Top Ten; and Alan Has Had Enough with an Old Old Joke.
ACT 1
The Secret Service announced this week that $62 million in counterfeit bills entered circulation in 2006. To avoid a bad bill, here’s what to look for. Dave holds up a one dollar bill.
Here in the corner, the printing on the “1” looks out of focus.
Along the bottom, the shading isn’t quite consistent.
And this is the tell-tale sign. The photo should be of George Washington. This bill has a photo of Steven Seagal.
Uhhh, why would anyone waste their time making counterfeit one-dollar bills? But I guess if Seagal belongs on any denomination, a “one” would be appropriate.
To reassure people that he’s alive and well, Fidel Castro made a surprise phone call to Hugo Chavez’s radio show. Dave has to admit that Castro is sounding in very good spirits. He has a copy of the audio of that phone call. Hugo Chavez: (in Spanish) “And now, please welcome live via satellite from Havana, Cuban President Fidel Castro.” Fidel Castro: (in a New York accent) “Hey, Hugo my man. Listen, I can’t talk long since I gotta go get a sponge bath. I just want to wish all your listeners a happy ‘Whip-em-Out Wednesday” and to ask if you’d play ‘My Humps’ for Raul.” Hugo Chavez: (in Spanish) “Anything for you, my friend.”
A MESSAGE FROM LAURA BUSH: From “Larry King Live” the other night, we hear the First Lady confess, “I understand how the American people feel. / George / is a really, really terrible / President.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see President George W. Bush try to bounce a slightly deflated basketball. It doesn’t bounce back up.
ANDY KINDLER: He’s got something for us tonight, but first he and Dave chat. Andy finds himself a lot on the YouTube. His performances at the clubs are captured by the audience and then placed on YouTube. And then people comment on it. One guy complained about the quality of the footage. What is Andy supposed to do? He hoped the 3-cellphone camera shoot would be of better quality, too.
Another guy wrote, “Don’t quit your day job.” And since stand-up comedy is Andy’s day job, he took it as a compliment.
Andy is a little disappointed his favorite movie didn’t win an Academy Award this year . . . the Wayans Brothers Little Man. Isn’t anything Marlon Wayans won’t turn down? Andy imagines sending 150 blank pages to him. He’s sure Marlon would call back, “I love it! Lots of room to improv!”
What’s Andy got for us tonight? He recently spent the day going around New York meeting with fortune tellers, mind readers and palm reader, Tarot card readers, and psychics. Anna – a Tarot card reader: Familiar with the “Bedazzler?” Celine – able to contact the dead – How’s Jim Nabors doing? Celine says he is at peace. Ooops. Celine, guess what? Jim Nabors ain’t dead. Zoltana, an astrologist: Andy recites a quote he knows about astrology: “Astrology is the clock of destiny.” Zoltana is familiar with it. She should. Andy read it off an astrology poster Zoltana has in her home.
Roger, describes a warlock and how he is different from a witch. Andy says, “Ever ask a question which you were very sorry you asked? Mariam – a coffee reader – she’s able to tell things about you from what remains in your coffee cup. Asks Andy; “Is this bull-djoy or horse-djoy?” Anna – reveals the death card to Andy. Andy demands to know if Anna has Tarot Card insurance.
And Andy gets some love oil from Roger. Andy applies . . . . and I don’t think it takes.
Andy asks the Tarot card reader: “How will this piece end?” She says “Very well.” Andy: “Will I get a huge laugh?” The reader: “No.”
And that was Andy with the Psychics.
Other places Andy has gone while representing the "Late Show":
- at the Super Bowl (Detroit – February 2006)
- unclaimed baggage center (Scottsboro, Alabama – Nay 2006)
- at the rodeo (Sisters, Oregon – June 2006)
- Space Camp (Huntsville Alabama – September 2006)
- The Playboy Club (Las Vegas – November 2006)
- United States Marshals Training Academy (Glinnko, Georgia – November 2006)
Andy will be hosting Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” on Friday, March 9th.
ACT 2 TOP TEN: Signs You’ve Got A Bad Stockbroker – yesterday, in the stock market’s worst day in five-and-a-half years, the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 416 points, costing investors over $600 billion. #3. A few years back told Martha, “Sure, it’s legal.” #6. He shaves his head and goes into rehab.
SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN: The Senator turned 70 last August. How did he celebrate? “I cried. And I slept like a baby . . . I slept for two hours and then got up and cried for two hours.”
What’s the deal with Barack and Hillary? McCain says a lot of Hillary’s old friends aren’t her friend anymore. And he points out that since 1988 there’s been a Bush and a Clinton in the White House, and since 1980 if you include Bush 41 Vice Presidency. Electing Hillary could add another 8 years. McCain says what this country needs is a Scotch-Irish to lead. And that is McCain made this announcement: “I am announcing that I will be a candidate for President of the United States in 2008.” Senator John McCain has announced his candidacy on the "Late Show"! Paul plays fanfare, but changes it to “Hail to the Chief” at the bequest of McCain.
After a lot of “wowee” from around here, McCain says he will make his official announcement in April. Huh? So what was this? The Senator explains that it was the announcement preceding the formal announcement. Politicians do it all the time, explain McCain. You have to drag this out as long as you can. It’s what politicians do.
Is Rudy Giuliani a viable candidate? McCain says Giuliani would make a fine President. And would McCain accept a Vice President position? He says back in 2004 he was on a talk show and he was asked if he would accept if asked of running as a Vice Presidential candidate. I said, “You know, I spent all those years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, kept in the dark, fed scraps – why the heck would I want to do that all over again?”
So what’s happening in Iraq? The Senator says the war has been poorly mismanaged from the beginning. The new General in charge in Iraq, General Petraeus, is the best there is at the moment and McCain has all the confidence in the world in him. He hopes to bring stability to the area, kick start economic development, establish a viable government, revenue sharing, elections throughout the area and strengthen the Iraqi military to take over what we are doing now.
And of course, there is Iran we will have to deal with.
And why would anyone want to be President?
ACT 4: Prince Charles made a comment yesterday suggesting that McDonald’s should be banned. He makes a pretty convincing argument about fast food can lead to weight gain. We take a look at a photo of Prince Charles from a couple years ago.
(photo of Prince Charles)
And then we take a look at a photo of him after going to McDonald’s.
(photo of Prince Charles with enormous ears. --- boing sound effect; fanfare music from Paul) Alan interrupts with disgust: “That’s the joke?! That’s the joke?!! You’re still doing jokes about Prince Charles’ ears? What is this, 1984? Well, if it’s 1984, I sure as hell wanna hear some Cyndi Lauper! Hit it, Paul!” Paul starts to play; Alan starts to sing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Alan continues to sing as he gets up and starts across the stage. He finishes just as he exits the guest entrance.
Dave asks if that made us as queasy as it made him.
ACT 5
Announce: “Don’t go away, because there’s more ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ coming up right after these messages!”
ACT 6 ROBIN THICKE: From his CD, “The Evolution of Robin Thicke,” Robin Thicke performed “Lost Without You.”
He’s Alan Thicke’s son. Alan Thicke had a talkshow and a sitcom back in the 80s, but I know him best as the writer and producer of Fernwood Tonight with Barth Gimble and Jerry Hubbard. To this day, for me “Fernwood 2Nite” remains the fastest half-hour in television.
Oh, and Happy Birthday, Alan.
And that was our show for Wednesday February 28, 2007.
It’s tough writing a recap whenever we have a politician on the show. With an actress or actor, if I half listen and make a mistake it’s no big deal. But with a politician, especially one running for President, if I forget to put a “n’t” at the end of something it could have people repeating it as fact. I don’t like the pressure.
Hey, Leap Year babies . . . do you celebrate your birthday yesterday or today? And if you are 80 years old, do you tell people you’re 20?
“Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” – I watched the show again Wednesday night and the answer is “NO.” My 5th graders didn’t want to watch it. I wanted to.
Last night there were 6, maybe 7 questions. I’m not sure . . . I fell asleep at the end.
Mixing red and yellow make? Orange.
The closest star to the earth? Sun
What country shares the longest border with the U.S.? The adult contestant guessed Mexico. She was saved by a 5th grader and continued on.
How many sides in trapezoid? 4 – I think she was saved by a 5th grader here, too.
At your local library, are Fiction books included the Dewey Decimal System? I would have said yes. I nodded off here. She got it right.
How many decades in 2 millennium? She quit here and took home $100,000.
Anybody who doesn’t know that Canada’s border with the United States is longer than U.S/Mexico border doesn’t deserve $100,000.
In two nights: 13 questions in an hour.
Note to Mr. Mark Burnett: the home viewer wants to play along. The questions are the star of the show, not the contestants. I don’t care about the contestants, in fact, the two I’ve seen so far I don’t like at all. YOU NEED MORE QUESTIONS! MOVE IT ALONG!
On my drive in to work this morning, I have WCBS-880 on the radio dial. The news guy is talking about the stock market and how it took a tumble. There was mention that it could partially be blamed on Alan Greenspan for something he said in Hong Kong. The news guy paraphrased what Greenspan said this way: “We are now one day closer to when the next recession occurs.”
Hmmm, and we are also one day closer to the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series, one day closer to my retirement, and one day closer to my 11-year-old daughters’ eventual retirement. In fact, we are one day closer to everything. And this sent the stock market into a tailspin?
What he actually said: “When you get this far away from a recession, invariably forces build up for the next recessions, and indeed we are beginning to see that sign," Greenspan said.
And now it’s time for “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show”.
Top Ten Things That Sound Cool When Spoken by an Auctioneer.
This concludes another installment of “Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show”
I just got the new Spring schedule for the Big Screen Classics at the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York. It’s the only place I go to see a movie these days.
March 10 – The Little Princess starring Shirley Temple; presented in Technicolor March 17 – High Sierra starring Humphrey Bogart & Ida Lupino March 24 – Sullivan's Travels starring Joel McCrea and Veronica Lake March 31 – Boy's Town starring Spencer Tracey & Mickey Rooney April 7 – The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland, presented in Technicolor April 14 – A Night to Remember starring Kenneth More & Honor Blackman April 21 – White Heat starring James Cagney & Edmund O'Brien April 28 – The Thief of Bagdad starring Conrad Veidt & Sabu May 5 – The Cameraman starring Buster Keaton, this silent comedy classic will have live Pipe Organ accompaniment by Jeff Barker May 12 – Follow the Fleet starring Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers May 19 – Howard Hawks' Scarface (1932) starring Paul Muni, George Raft, & Ann Dvorak May 26 – Monkey Business starring The Four Marx Brothers June 2 - Alfred Hitchcock's Saboteur starring Robert Cummings & Priscilla Lane June 9 – Mister Roberts starring Henry Fonda, Jack Lemmon, James Cagney, William Powell, presented in CinemaScope June 16 – “The Looney Tunes & Comedy Festival” featuring classic cartoons & other comic delights...
Any suggestions?
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From KHITS-96 No Repeat Radio, it’s Captain Carl the Intern.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Counterfit Money • Castro Calls Hugo Chavez • A Message From Laura Bush • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches • Andy Kindler Visits Psychics
ACT 2 • Top Ten Signs You've Got a Bad Stockbroker Read now
