ACT 1: It's America's Fastest Growing Quiz Sensation, Know Your Current Events.
Tonight's categories:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your "Sports Illustrated" Swimsuit Issue
Know Your Ghost Rider
Know Your Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
Know Your Ventriloquism

Contestant #1: Heather, from Anchorage, Alaska. What's it like in Alaska? "It's frozen and it's cold." Just like the Ed Sullivan Theater. She's a mom of three and owns a children's clothing store. She's here with her husband. Dave leans over to greet the husband who does not rise to meet Dave. Dave mutters with sarcasm, "Don't get up." The guy was in a no-win situation. If he had stood up, Dave would have told him to sit down. Whichever way it goes, it makes me laugh every time.
What does Heather want to play? Know Your Current Events
#1. This week, New Yorkers had to trudge through four inches of what?
Answer: Discarded Knicks tickets.
#2. Why has President Bush kept mostly silent about Barack Obama?
Answer: He can't pronounce his name.

Contestant #2: Kerry Anne from Chicago. While Dave and KerryAnne chat, our camera starts going haywire, moving up and down and side to side. Dave finally notices the screwy camera and asks our cameraman Dave Dorsett what's the problem. The ever honest Mr. Dorsett responds, "Sorry, Dave, I was just trying to liven up this crap."
Kerry Anne owns a housecat named Phoenix that weighs 20 pounds. Heck, we have rats in the theater that big. Kerry Ann chooses, "Know Your Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show."
#1. (photo of a bald dog-judge.) This year, prominent judge Dr. Robert Indeglia was selected to judge which category?
Answer: "Hairless breeds"
#2. (photo of golden retriever getting his teeth inspected) Here we see a judge checking for what?
Answer: "Clues to what happened to a missing Teacup Chihuahua

Contestant #3. Susan, from Jacksonville, Florida. She's here on her honeymoon. Late Show viewers should have known what was coming next. Dave wonders why anyone would want to spend their honeymoon at the Late Show. As Dave hands Susan the category card, he says to her, "Make a choice. Discuss it with your husband . . . this could be your first big decision as a couple." I laughed when Susan didn't even look towards her husband. She perused the card and decided on Know Your Cuts of Meat. Tonight's featured meats: Beef round top round roast, and ground veal. Congratulations to Susan for knowing the ground veal.

And that was Know Your Current Events.

ACT 2
While Dave is billboarding tonight's show, our costume designer Sue Hum enters with a bowl of soup. Dave greets her and she says, "I made you some hot tomato soup."
Dave: "That's very nice of you, Sue."
Dave ignores her and goes on with the show. She remains.

The whole city has gotten behind the excitement of Ventriloquist Week. Dave has nearly stunned when he saw this. Dave holds up a picture taken early this morning of the city's amazing support. The photo is of the Statue of Liberty . . . holding a Statue of Liberty dummy in her left hand. Nice job, New York City . . . and thank you

Dave notices that Sue Hum is still there with the bowl of tomato soup. He has to tell her that he is doing a show and he will try the soup later.
Sue: "This is why everybody hates you!" She throws the bowl of soup down on the floor and exits with anger.
I was near a stagehand at that moment. He swore as the soup splattered all over the carpet.

Al Franken has announced that he's running for the Senate in Minnesota, and now his opponents are trying to use his comedic background against him. In response, the Franken campaign has released this message:
Announcer:

"After much consideration, Al Franken has decided to run for Senate in Minnesota. And while his opponents question whether a comedian has any place in politics, we'd like to point out that Americans have always valued a sense of humor in their leaders, from the wry self-deprecation of Abraham Lincoln, to the affable one-liners of Ronald Reagan, to the hilarious slapstick of George W. Bush." (roll vt of Bush tripping, bumping his head, dropping dog, unable to open door, spitting on lawn.)
"Al Franken: Eatin' good in the neighborhood."

TOP TEN: Jet Blue Excuses
Yesterday, hundreds of angry JetBlue passengers waited 10 hours on the tarmac of Kennedy Airport due to icy conditions.
#9. It could have been worse . . . no, wait, it couldn't.
#8. We don't have an excuse right now, but sit here for ten hours while we come up with one.
To read the entire top ten list, click on Top Ten under "Last Night on the Late Show."

JIM BARBER & SEVILLE: One of the most popular acts in Branson, Missouri. Jim Barber enters with his ventriloquist, but in this very odd visual it appears as if Jim is the dummy and Seville the ventriloquist. While we absorb all this, Jim and Seville perform "Largo al Factotum", music from The Barber of Seville. And then half way through, Seville introduces another dummy to sing. We see all three sing different verses to the song. At the end, they all bow and exit. Jim Barber soon re-enters to perform a bit with his hands and a glass of water. Ta da!
A very entertaining few minutes from Jim Barber. Check out his website: www.jimbarber.com

ACT 3
SIENNA MILLER: the hot new actress from the film, "Factory Girl." Sienna was born in the United States and moved with her family to the outskirts of London at the age of one. She grew up with horses and at the age of 5 was kicked in the face by a horse. The horse reared up and Sienna was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She has a lot of bumps and bruises still from her growing up with horses. Has the experience scared her away from horse riding? Not a chance. She still does it and loves it.
Sienna was on the "Today" show recently and she ran in to some trouble. Lauer and/or Roker and or/Vieira were outside and they had a few kids tell the home viewers to stay tuned for Sienna Miller after the commercial break. The kids bumbled her name and we saw a bumper shot of Sienna sitting inside as they went to commercial. You would expect the shot to last just a second or two, but it went on too long before cutting to the break. The screen went black but we were able to hear Sienna complain, "'GIVL'ing hell!" It went out live. We enjoyed viewing the unfortunate outburst.
She returned to the States late in her teens to attend a drama school. Her teacher asked what her biggest fear was. Sienna said that she was worried what people thought of her. The teacher then made her get up onstage and dance. She had to dance for 10 minutes WITHOUT music in front of a theater full of students. Yikes. My biggest fear? Drama school. How did that make Sienna feel? Sienna says, "I felt like such a twit" . . . but she mistakenly left out the "w". Oh, boy.
Sienna is in the film, "Factory Girl," which is now in theaters. It's about Edie Sedgwick and living in artsy world of the mid-60s with the likes of Andy Warhol.
To introduce the clip, Dave asks Sienna what we are about to see. After a moment's hesitation, Dave blurts, "Oh, what the 'givl' do you care?" Big laugh by all, including Sienna.

ACT 4
It's another installment of Pat Farmer's new program, "Surprise! You're on TV!" It's like that Ashton Kutcher "Punk'd"show, only better! We see a clip. We find Pat out on the street waiting for a bus. Nearby is another guy reading a newspaper, also waiting for a bus. Pat suddenly reveals a whiffleball bat he's been holding and whacks the guy in the nuts. The guy crumbles to the ground in pain. Pat bends down next to the guy and chimes, "Surprise! You're on TV!"

ACT 5
One more day left of Ventriloquist Week. Friday: Brad Cummings and Rex.

ACT 6
NAS: From his very successful CD, "Hip Hop Is Dead", Nas, featuring Chrisette Michele, performed "Can't Forget About You." Very catchy tune. Nice job by Nas and Chrisette.

And that was our show for Thursday, February 15, 2007.



I was thinking . . . the Wahoo Gazette would be a lot better, too, if I only had to do one a week.

I drove in to work Thursday morning after the big ice storm. It was a slow-go but the roads were pretty good. I got in OK but as soon as I hit the city I forgot the biggest problem with snow in the city . . . there's no place to put the snow. The plows have a hard time plowing up to the curb since there are usually cars parked there. And the store owners have to shovel the sidewalk in front of their business and they simply shovel the snow into the street, curbside. So getting to the city is OK, but there is too much snow along the curb to park. I had a shovel in the backseat just in case, but I couldn't double-park to shovel since the streets were too narrow as it was. I finally rammed the car into an illegal spot and hoped it was too cold for the cops to write a ticket. Leaving the theater 10 hours later, I was relieved to find no ticket on my windshield.

The other day I asked what would happen in a basketball game if a player heaved a full court shot with 2 seconds left in the game and the ball fell short of the basket but then bounced in.

Jack Williams, Roanoke, Virginia:

"Mike - Good question. I was told by a ref that when the ball hits the ground, the shot has been completed. If it went in the basket, it would have had to be through the hoop prior to the horn. This can happen during the game, but not after the horn has sounded. I am not a ref so if there is a differing opinion, I would go with them."

"Basketball Question - Counts: live ball, in-bounds, no other player touches it. But that got me to thinking about PAT or field goal in football - same deal, bounces off ground and over crossbar. Does it count? Sometimes, a ball on the ground in football is dead. But in basketball the ball is always live in bounds -- isn't it?"

"I'm sure you already have the answer to your basketball question, but I'll give it anyway. For a ball going thru the hoop to score points, it must be part of a shot. The Shot begins when it leaves the players hand, and ends when it goes thru the hoop, or touches the floor. Therefore the basket would not count. (I am a high-school ref and this is the high school rule. I think it is the same for college and pros)"

And now it's time for "Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show".
My monologue jokes for yesterday:
-New Yorkers woke up to a frigid 11 degrees this morning. Talk about "An Inconvenient Truth".
-There was ice everywhere. In Central Park, I saw a squirrel scraping his nuts.
-It was so cold, last night's ventriloquist used his dummy for firewood.
-It was awful out today; cold, dark, dreary, gray . . . it was miserable. And with the wind-chill, it felt like a Monday.
-Passengers at JFK Airport were stuck on the tarmac for 10 hours. And the worst part, the movie was "Nacho Libre"
-Rudy Giuliani announced his candidacy on "Larry King Live" yesterday. Unfortunately, most of Larry's audience won't be around on Election Day.
-"Larry King Live" - now there's an oxymoron.

Hey, if you think it's so easy, let's see you try it.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Bischberg, Germany, it's Bill Tuttle.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER