DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Harry Connick, Jr.; and Randy Jackson.
PLUS: Ventriloquist Week 2; Barack on the Campaign Trail; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Someone From the Gallup Poll; and Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XLI.
Dave loves to make dreams come true . . . at the top of the show he walks into the audience to give a birthday girl and birthday hug. I had no idea this was coming, nor do I think anybody else did either. It must have come up during the pre-show Q&A. And when is the pre-show Q&A? Well, Dave usually says “Enjoy the show” as the opening begins. He walks off stage following the Q&A and then reappears about 15 seconds later for the show.
Ventriloquist Week 2 is getting some great attention. Dave holds up today’s "New York Times." The front page headline above the fold reads: “Late Show’s Ventriloquist Week Captures Heart of Nation – It’s America’s Second Super Bowl!” Ventriloquist Week:
Monday, February 12 - Kevin Johnson with Clyde & Matilda Tuesday, February 13 - Dan Horn & Orson Wednesday, February 14 - Otto & George. Thursday, February 15 - Jim Barber & Seville Friday, February 16 - Brad Cummings with Rex
And speaking of Ventriloquists, Paul has a ventriloquist joke. If I remember it correctly, it went like this:
A ventriloquist was out of work. There was no market for his craft. He went to a job counselor who suggested he work as a medium at séances. The ventriloquist could charge people $50 to have them talk to a deceased loved one. He could then pretend and speak to the customer as the deceased without moving his lips. The ventriloquist thought this to be a great idea. He gets his first customer. The guy wants to talk to his dead wife. The ventriloquist says, “OK, and you can talk to your wife while I drink from this glass of water.”
Or something like that.
It’s hard to believe but the 2008 Presidential campaign is already in full swing. Dave saw something today on the TV that caught his eye.
Announcer: “While many accuse Barack Obama of having no experience, in truth he has a proud record of service in Illinois politics. For instance, Obama was the one saying Chicago needed better schools. Obama was the one saying Chicago needed state-of-the-arts hospitals. And Obama was the one saying Chicago needed a quarterback who didn’t play like a drunk. Barack Obama – You going down, Hillary.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES. We see FDR. We see JFK. We see and hear George W. Bush: “When appropriate, use condoms.”
BIFF HENDERSON AT SUPER BOWL XLI
Biff sits by Dave for a short chat before introducing the piece. Biff was in Miami this weekend for the Super Bowl and came back with a report. Did Biff get wet? Biff says he was soaked, but it was a warm rain so it wasn’t that bad. For a second there I thought he was going to say it was a “dry” rain. We then sit back to enjoy “Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XLI.”
Click on "Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XLI" under "Last Night on the Late Show" to see what you might have missed.
TOP TEN: Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You. - a female NASA astronaut has been arrested for attempted murder and kidnapping of a romantic rival in a bizarre love-triangle involving another astronaut. #5. Her previous attempts to kill you have been postponed due to high winds.
Dave admits to being fascinated by this story more than it warrants. This is what was found on the female astronaut at the time of her arrest:
She was wearing a wig and an adult diaper. She was armed with a BB gun, pepper spray, a steel mallet, rubber tubing, and a knife with a 4-inch blade.
And now a countdown . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . . REHAB! Oops, I’m wrong about that . . . I forgot . . . she isn’t a Hollywood celebrity or a politician. She won’t be going to rehab . . . she’ll probably have to do time.
HARRY CONNICK, JR.: Harry just came back from a ski vacation “and I don’t ski.” Now that sounds like my type of ski vacation . . . “Go on ahead . . . . I’ll stick around here in the ski lodge.” And last night Harry went on a date with Anna Wintour, the subject of the film, The Devil Wore Prada. They attended a fashion show here in New York and going to a fashion show with Anna Wintour is like nothing else Harry has ever experienced. She IS fashion, the most important person in fashion, and everyone knows it. But unlike the movie, Harry finds Anna to be very sweet and kind. How did the date come about? Harry has no idea. He guesses his people called her people, or vice versa, and plans were made. In the Hollywood/Celebrity World, this is how dates and meetings are made. It’s the underlings who do all the work and the stars who get all the glory. But then again, if it weren’t for the Hollywood Celebrity, the underlings would be working someplace else.
Harry is a dad of 3 daughters, 10, 9, and 4. He says he is at the point where helping with the homework is becoming too difficult. His oldest is in the 5th grade and is beginning to convert decimals to fractions. Harry doesn’t know this stuff and it gets him very frustrated. He doesn’t want his daughter to know he doesn’t know, but he knows she will soon catch on. When the homework gets too hard, Harry says he’ll go on tour.
I was very strong in math in school. It’s my specialty. I used to help my nephew in math years ago throughout his schooling years. I was fine up to the 10th or 11th grade. That’s when truth tautologies came in to play. You remember that junk; If P then Q. That stuff. I hated them then and I hate them now. I told him it all makes no sense and the only way to get through it is to memorize the tables. Don’t try to make sense out of it; just memorize it. Admit it makes no sense and just accept it. It’s the only way you’ll get though it.
Harry had some minor surgery last year. He’s fine now, but he was on show much pain medication and he was so bored that he kept ordering things on E-bay. He now has boxes of crap that he ordered while on meds and he has no idea why. He’s got over 100 remote-controlled cars. And he ordered a $10 guitar from China, but it cost him thousands to get it shipped.
Harry has two new CDs out right now. Later in the show he will perform a song from “Oh, My Nola,” and he also has a jazz instrumental CD entitled, “Chanson Du Vieux Carre” which he recorded with Branford Marsalis.
RANDY JACKSON: He’s one of the judges on American Idol, now in its 6th season.
Dave is impressed with Randy’s pointed shoes, wondering if he won a radio contest.
Dave asks about some of the contestants who come on the show to try out. Obviously they must know they aren’t going to be the next American Idol. Randy laughs and says that they all have one thing in common: “Everyone who shows up wants to be rich and famous. My desire is to be rich and anonymous.
Dave asks, “What is pitchy?” Randy says something about a singer missing a note and sounding flat. At least that’s what I think he said. I was too busy looking at his eyeglasses. I couldn’t tell if there was actually glass in the lens or if they were just frames. It took me a few minutes to finally see a reflection in the lens. Without that, I would have sworn that there were no lenses. Kudos to the person in charge of keeping his lenses clean. Great job.
What’s the deal with Paula? Does the show have an open bar in the back? Randy laughs and simply says “That’s Paula.” They work long long days and following one such arduous day, she was interviewed via satellite. She came off kind of . . . . wacky. And that’s where the rumors really started to take off. But Randy says that’s just Paula.
Tonight we’re going to try something new. Since we have Randy Jackson from American Idol on the program, we decided to have someone in the audience sing and have Randy critique the performance. We have a microphone set up in the audience and who is our first contestant?
Click on "Randy Jackson" under "Late Night on the Late Show" to see what you might have missed.
Back from commercial, Dave talks about Randy’s appearance and Harry Connick’s upcoming song. He then is interrupted by a guy representing the Gallup Organization. He looks a lot like Johnny Dark. He takes a seat in the guest chair.
JOHNNY: “Hi, I’m Tom Bezzorino from the Gallup Organization, and I was wondering if I might have a minute to ask you a few questions.”
DAVE: “Well, no, I’m in the middle of the show right now.” JOHNNY: “Great. Do you already know who you’ll vote for in the 2008 Presidential election?”
DAVE: “I’m sorry, I can’t get into that.” JOHNNY: “Do you think Hillary Clinton has the experience necessary to be President?”
DAVE: “Please, we’re doing a show.” JOHNNY: “Would you vote for a Presidential candidate who promised you a kitty?”
DAVE: “I think you’re just making these up yourself.” JOHNNY: “Which of the declared Presidential candidates has the softest, most sensitive looking hands?”
DAVE: “How did you get in there?” JOHNNY: “I’m friends with Shecky . . . Do you think Nancy Pelosi is, quote, ‘a happenin’ lady?’”
DAVE: “Yes, I do.” JOHNNY: “Do you think you could beat up Joe Biden?”
DAVE: “Yes, I think so.” JOHNNY: “Just a few more. Have you ever been naked in a voting booth?”
DAVE: “Yes, I have.”* JOHNNY: “Follow up question: in the voting booth, have you ever licked the red lever?”
DAVE: “I want to speak to your supervisor.” JOHNNY: “That’s it for me. Keep reaching for the stars . . . etc.”
Johnny exits.
Odd.
When it was asked of Dave if he ever had been naked in a voting booth, he answered that he had. I recalled we once taped something like that. I checked my data base. I found that in March of 1996, we have a shot of Dave shampooing his hair while in a voting booth. I forwarded that information to have the shot standing by just in case it was needed. And that’s where it died . . . standing by.
ACT 5: “Do you have a hilarious ventriloquist joke? If so, send it to: I Have A Hilarious Ventriloquist Joke
c/o Late Show
1697 Broadway
14th Floor
New York, NY 10019
Who knows, shut-ins, maybe we’ll use your ventriloquist joke on tee-vee. Get up and get going!”
HARRY CONNICK, JR: From his new CD, “Oh, My Nola”, Harry Connick, Jr. performed “Yes We Can.”
And that was our show for Tuesday, February 6, 2007.
I’m listening to the weather report on the WCBS radio this morning. The weather guy says there are no words to describe how cold it is outside. Well, of course not. When you use the phrase “bitter cold” to describe 27 degree weather in January like they did two weeks ago, that doesn’t leave too many other words to describe 5 degree weather in February.
Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts. They join the ABA Indiana Pacers as champions from Indianapolis. They also join the Indianapolis Capitals.
Indianapolis Capitals.
The Indianapolis Capitals was an American Hockey League professional Ice Hockey team based in Indianapolis, Indiana from 1939-1952. They won the Calder Cup championship in 1942 and 1950. They played in the Pepsi Coliseum. 1942: Led by future Hockey Hall of Fame goaltender Terry Sawchuk, the Indianapolis Capitals roll through the playoffs unbeaten to claim their first Calder Cup championship.
If I were to run for office, the first thing I would investigate is the exorbitant costs of college text books. Something’s not right and it should be looked in to. And it’s something the common person could understand.
I know it’s been said before, but anyone who would want to run for President isn’t someone I would want as President.
I don’t know if this makes any sense, but here goes. I think politicians should have to drop party affiliations once they are elected. An elected politician who marches around as a Democrat or a Republican tells me he is working for his party first and not for his constituents. Once the pol is in, his or hers first concern should be for the people, not the party. Sure, it’s probably only semantics, but it would make me happy.
Like this morning . . . there is a big investigation going on right now about where all the billions of dollars went that was sent to Iraq to get their economy moving. So much of the money is unaccounted for. A reporter states the Democrats are asking lots and lots of questions and are demanding answers. No no no, this ain’t right. Democrats AND Republicans should be asking questions. If the Republicans are not asking questions, then they are more interested in the Party than they are of their constituents. And if this happened during Clinton’s term, it would be the Republicans demanding answers and the Democrats keeping quiet.
This ends another installment of “Politics: I Don’t Know What I’m Talking About”.
NBA Stat of the Week: Monday night, the New Jersey Nets lost to the 76ers in overtime. They shot 17 for 29 from the foul line, “good” for 59%.
Oh, and I haven’t read it anywhere but if I were Nets coach Lawrence Franks, I’d be updating my resume.
Hey, horseracing fans, Letterman’s Humor is running at Florida’s Gulfstream Park this Thursday, February 8th in the 7th race. Letterman’s Humor is running as the #3 horse.
Be warned if betting: Letterman’s Humor has not fared too well at the track in his career. I’m not even sure if he has 4 legs.
In Warwick, Rhode Island, St. Rose of Lima elementary school adopted new rules last week requiring students to remain silent while eating. The move comes after three recent choking incidents in the cafeteria.
Well well well . . . when I attended St. Augustine’s in New City, New York back in the mid 60s, we weren’t allowed to talk during lunch either. It was just an accepted practice and there was no need to report this in the newspaper. No talking was allowed during lunch. What we could do during lunch was listen to classical music played on a record player up on the stage of the lunchroom/gymnasium. And the only time any of us had a choking incident was when we were forced to eat the prunes served with the hot lunch. Yeah, prunes were considered “dessert” when slopped onto our lunch tray. And we had to finish everything on our lunch tray since there were people starving in Africa, Asia, and other hot places around the globe. The rule of “finishing everything on our tray” was not just lip service. Our lunch trays were inspected before taking them back to the cafeteria. Everything had to be finished, even the prunes. Hoo boy, talk about sneaking contraband past the guards . . . . there was some great creativity shown by the students in getting the prunes past the nuns standing guard over the garbage cans. We weren’t allowed to dump the prunes in the garbage can. We had to finish everything on our tray. A common practice would be to stuff the prunes in the empty milk carton, but every now and then the nun would make you open the milk carton to make sure you weren’t trying to slip the prunes past them. If you were found with the prunes, you had to eat them on the spot. Another way to get the prunes past the nuns would be to wrap them in a napkin and shove them in your pocket. Once outside, you would empty your pockets and dump them somewhere on the playground . . . which was a parking lot.
And now a new segment to the Wahoo Gazette: “One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show:”
Cold Open: Before the opening announce, the host of “Turner Classic Movies” Robert Osbourne introduces the night’s Late Show from his usual library setting, preceded by a short history of David Letterman and the show. He ends with, “So sit back, relax, and enjoy this brand new installment of ‘The Late Show with David Letterman.’” Cut to the usual opening music from Paul.
This concludes another episode of “One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show.”
Late Night: Show #4 – February 4, 1982
- Home movies with Rita Stipo (1954 New Years Eve Party)
- John Candy and John Flaherty – from SCTV
- Desk piece – Sit-com Pilots That Failed
- Stupid Pet Tricks – dog answering the phone; rabbit on skateboard
- Walter “Killer” Kowalski
- The Reverend Bishop Andre Penachio spoke on “Thank God It’s Friday”
And that was the first week of Late Night.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Fairview, New Jersey, it’s George Schmidt.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Harry Connick, Jr.; and Randy Jackson.
PLUS: Ventriloquist Week 2; Barack on the Campaign Trail; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; Someone From the Gallup Poll; and Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XLI.
Dave loves to make dreams come true . . . at the top of the show he walks into the audience to give a birthday girl and birthday hug. I had no idea this was coming, nor do I think anybody else did either. It must have come up during the pre-show Q&A. And when is the pre-show Q&A? Well, Dave usually says “Enjoy the show” as the opening begins. He walks off stage following the Q&A and then reappears about 15 seconds later for the show.
Ventriloquist Week 2 is getting some great attention. Dave holds up today’s "New York Times." The front page headline above the fold reads: “Late Show’s Ventriloquist Week Captures Heart of Nation – It’s America’s Second Super Bowl!” Ventriloquist Week:
Monday, February 12 - Kevin Johnson with Clyde & Matilda Tuesday, February 13 - Dan Horn & Orson Wednesday, February 14 - Otto & George. Thursday, February 15 - Jim Barber & Seville Friday, February 16 - Brad Cummings with Rex
And speaking of Ventriloquists, Paul has a ventriloquist joke. If I remember it correctly, it went like this:
A ventriloquist was out of work. There was no market for his craft. He went to a job counselor who suggested he work as a medium at séances. The ventriloquist could charge people $50 to have them talk to a deceased loved one. He could then pretend and speak to the customer as the deceased without moving his lips. The ventriloquist thought this to be a great idea. He gets his first customer. The guy wants to talk to his dead wife. The ventriloquist says, “OK, and you can talk to your wife while I drink from this glass of water.”
Or something like that.
It’s hard to believe but the 2008 Presidential campaign is already in full swing. Dave saw something today on the TV that caught his eye.
Announcer: “While many accuse Barack Obama of having no experience, in truth he has a proud record of service in Illinois politics. For instance, Obama was the one saying Chicago needed better schools. Obama was the one saying Chicago needed state-of-the-arts hospitals. And Obama was the one saying Chicago needed a quarterback who didn’t play like a drunk. Barack Obama – You going down, Hillary.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES. We see FDR. We see JFK. We see and hear George W. Bush: “When appropriate, use condoms.”
BIFF HENDERSON AT SUPER BOWL XLI
Biff sits by Dave for a short chat before introducing the piece. Biff was in Miami this weekend for the Super Bowl and came back with a report. Did Biff get wet? Biff says he was soaked, but it was a warm rain so it wasn’t that bad. For a second there I thought he was going to say it was a “dry” rain. We then sit back to enjoy “Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XLI.”
Click on "Biff Henderson at Super Bowl XLI" under "Last Night on the Late Show" to see what you might have missed.
TOP TEN: Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You. - a female NASA astronaut has been arrested for attempted murder and kidnapping of a romantic rival in a bizarre love-triangle involving another astronaut. #5. Her previous attempts to kill you have been postponed due to high winds.
Dave admits to being fascinated by this story more than it warrants. This is what was found on the female astronaut at the time of her arrest:
She was wearing a wig and an adult diaper. She was armed with a BB gun, pepper spray, a steel mallet, rubber tubing, and a knife with a 4-inch blade.
And now a countdown . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . . REHAB! Oops, I’m wrong about that . . . I forgot . . . she isn’t a Hollywood celebrity or a politician. She won’t be going to rehab . . . she’ll probably have to do time.
HARRY CONNICK, JR.: Harry just came back from a ski vacation “and I don’t ski.” Now that sounds like my type of ski vacation . . . “Go on ahead . . . . I’ll stick around here in the ski lodge.” And last night Harry went on a date with Anna Wintour, the subject of the film, The Devil Wore Prada. They attended a fashion show here in New York and going to a fashion show with Anna Wintour is like nothing else Harry has ever experienced. She IS fashion, the most important person in fashion, and everyone knows it. But unlike the movie, Harry finds Anna to be very sweet and kind. How did the date come about? Harry has no idea. He guesses his people called her people, or vice versa, and plans were made. In the Hollywood/Celebrity World, this is how dates and meetings are made. It’s the underlings who do all the work and the stars who get all the glory. But then again, if it weren’t for the Hollywood Celebrity, the underlings would be working someplace else.
Harry is a dad of 3 daughters, 10, 9, and 4. He says he is at the point where helping with the homework is becoming too difficult. His oldest is in the 5th grade and is beginning to convert decimals to fractions. Harry doesn’t know this stuff and it gets him very frustrated. He doesn’t want his daughter to know he doesn’t know, but he knows she will soon catch on. When the homework gets too hard, Harry says he’ll go on tour.
I was very strong in math in school. It’s my specialty. I used to help my nephew in math years ago throughout his schooling years. I was fine up to the 10th or 11th grade. That’s when truth tautologies came in to play. You remember that junk; If P then Q. That stuff. I hated them then and I hate them now. I told him it all makes no sense and the only way to get through it is to memorize the tables. Don’t try to make sense out of it; just memorize it. Admit it makes no sense and just accept it. It’s the only way you’ll get though it.
Harry had some minor surgery last year. He’s fine now, but he was on show much pain medication and he was so bored that he kept ordering things on E-bay. He now has boxes of crap that he ordered while on meds and he has no idea why. He’s got over 100 remote-controlled cars. And he ordered a $10 guitar from China, but it cost him thousands to get it shipped.
Harry has two new CDs out right now. Later in the show he will perform a song from “Oh, My Nola,” and he also has a jazz instrumental CD entitled, “Chanson Du Vieux Carre” which he recorded with Branford Marsalis.
RANDY JACKSON: He’s one of the judges on American Idol, now in its 6th season.
Dave is impressed with Randy’s pointed shoes, wondering if he won a radio contest.
Dave asks about some of the contestants who come on the show to try out. Obviously they must know they aren’t going to be the next American Idol. Randy laughs and says that they all have one thing in common: “Everyone who shows up wants to be rich and famous. My desire is to be rich and anonymous.
Dave asks, “What is pitchy?” Randy says something about a singer missing a note and sounding flat. At least that’s what I think he said. I was too busy looking at his eyeglasses. I couldn’t tell if there was actually glass in the lens or if they were just frames. It took me a few minutes to finally see a reflection in the lens. Without that, I would have sworn that there were no lenses. Kudos to the person in charge of keeping his lenses clean. Great job.
What’s the deal with Paula? Does the show have an open bar in the back? Randy laughs and simply says “That’s Paula.” They work long long days and following one such arduous day, she was interviewed via satellite. She came off kind of . . . . wacky. And that’s where the rumors really started to take off. But Randy says that’s just Paula.
Tonight we’re going to try something new. Since we have Randy Jackson from American Idol on the program, we decided to have someone in the audience sing and have Randy critique the performance. We have a microphone set up in the audience and who is our first contestant?
Click on "Randy Jackson" under "Late Night on the Late Show" to see what you might have missed.
Back from commercial, Dave talks about Randy’s appearance and Harry Connick’s upcoming song. He then is interrupted by a guy representing the Gallup Organization. He looks a lot like Johnny Dark. He takes a seat in the guest chair.
JOHNNY: “Hi, I’m Tom Bezzorino from the Gallup Organization, and I was wondering if I might have a minute to ask you a few questions.”
DAVE: “Well, no, I’m in the middle of the show right now.” JOHNNY: “Great. Do you already know who you’ll vote for in the 2008 Presidential election?”
DAVE: “I’m sorry, I can’t get into that.” JOHNNY: “Do you think Hillary Clinton has the experience necessary to be President?”
DAVE: “Please, we’re doing a show.” JOHNNY: “Would you vote for a Presidential candidate who promised you a kitty?”
DAVE: “I think you’re just making these up yourself.” JOHNNY: “Which of the declared Presidential candidates has the softest, most sensitive looking hands?”
DAVE: “How did you get in there?” JOHNNY: “I’m friends with Shecky . . . Do you think Nancy Pelosi is, quote, ‘a happenin’ lady?’”
DAVE: “Yes, I do.” JOHNNY: “Do you think you could beat up Joe Biden?”
DAVE: “Yes, I think so.” JOHNNY: “Just a few more. Have you ever been naked in a voting booth?”
DAVE: “Yes, I have.”* JOHNNY: “Follow up question: in the voting booth, have you ever licked the red lever?”
DAVE: “I want to speak to your supervisor.” JOHNNY: “That’s it for me. Keep reaching for the stars . . . etc.”
Johnny exits.
Odd.
When it was asked of Dave if he ever had been naked in a voting booth, he answered that he had. I recalled we once taped something like that. I checked my data base. I found that in March of 1996, we have a shot of Dave shampooing his hair while in a voting booth. I forwarded that information to have the shot standing by just in case it was needed. And that’s where it died . . . standing by.
ACT 5: “Do you have a hilarious ventriloquist joke? If so, send it to: I Have A Hilarious Ventriloquist Joke
c/o Late Show
1697 Broadway
14th Floor
New York, NY 10019
Who knows, shut-ins, maybe we’ll use your ventriloquist joke on tee-vee. Get up and get going!”
HARRY CONNICK, JR: From his new CD, “Oh, My Nola”, Harry Connick, Jr. performed “Yes We Can.”
And that was our show for Tuesday, February 6, 2007.
I’m listening to the weather report on the WCBS radio this morning. The weather guy says there are no words to describe how cold it is outside. Well, of course not. When you use the phrase “bitter cold” to describe 27 degree weather in January like they did two weeks ago, that doesn’t leave too many other words to describe 5 degree weather in February.
Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts. They join the ABA Indiana Pacers as champions from Indianapolis. They also join the Indianapolis Capitals.
Indianapolis Capitals.
The Indianapolis Capitals was an American Hockey League professional Ice Hockey team based in Indianapolis, Indiana from 1939-1952. They won the Calder Cup championship in 1942 and 1950. They played in the Pepsi Coliseum. 1942: Led by future Hockey Hall of Fame goaltender Terry Sawchuk, the Indianapolis Capitals roll through the playoffs unbeaten to claim their first Calder Cup championship.
If I were to run for office, the first thing I would investigate is the exorbitant costs of college text books. Something’s not right and it should be looked in to. And it’s something the common person could understand.
I know it’s been said before, but anyone who would want to run for President isn’t someone I would want as President.
I don’t know if this makes any sense, but here goes. I think politicians should have to drop party affiliations once they are elected. An elected politician who marches around as a Democrat or a Republican tells me he is working for his party first and not for his constituents. Once the pol is in, his or hers first concern should be for the people, not the party. Sure, it’s probably only semantics, but it would make me happy.
Like this morning . . . there is a big investigation going on right now about where all the billions of dollars went that was sent to Iraq to get their economy moving. So much of the money is unaccounted for. A reporter states the Democrats are asking lots and lots of questions and are demanding answers. No no no, this ain’t right. Democrats AND Republicans should be asking questions. If the Republicans are not asking questions, then they are more interested in the Party than they are of their constituents. And if this happened during Clinton’s term, it would be the Republicans demanding answers and the Democrats keeping quiet.
This ends another installment of “Politics: I Don’t Know What I’m Talking About”.
NBA Stat of the Week: Monday night, the New Jersey Nets lost to the 76ers in overtime. They shot 17 for 29 from the foul line, “good” for 59%.
Oh, and I haven’t read it anywhere but if I were Nets coach Lawrence Franks, I’d be updating my resume.
Hey, horseracing fans, Letterman’s Humor is running at Florida’s Gulfstream Park this Thursday, February 8th in the 7th race. Letterman’s Humor is running as the #3 horse.
Be warned if betting: Letterman’s Humor has not fared too well at the track in his career. I’m not even sure if he has 4 legs.
In Warwick, Rhode Island, St. Rose of Lima elementary school adopted new rules last week requiring students to remain silent while eating. The move comes after three recent choking incidents in the cafeteria.
Well well well . . . when I attended St. Augustine’s in New City, New York back in the mid 60s, we weren’t allowed to talk during lunch either. It was just an accepted practice and there was no need to report this in the newspaper. No talking was allowed during lunch. What we could do during lunch was listen to classical music played on a record player up on the stage of the lunchroom/gymnasium. And the only time any of us had a choking incident was when we were forced to eat the prunes served with the hot lunch. Yeah, prunes were considered “dessert” when slopped onto our lunch tray. And we had to finish everything on our lunch tray since there were people starving in Africa, Asia, and other hot places around the globe. The rule of “finishing everything on our tray” was not just lip service. Our lunch trays were inspected before taking them back to the cafeteria. Everything had to be finished, even the prunes. Hoo boy, talk about sneaking contraband past the guards . . . . there was some great creativity shown by the students in getting the prunes past the nuns standing guard over the garbage cans. We weren’t allowed to dump the prunes in the garbage can. We had to finish everything on our tray. A common practice would be to stuff the prunes in the empty milk carton, but every now and then the nun would make you open the milk carton to make sure you weren’t trying to slip the prunes past them. If you were found with the prunes, you had to eat them on the spot. Another way to get the prunes past the nuns would be to wrap them in a napkin and shove them in your pocket. Once outside, you would empty your pockets and dump them somewhere on the playground . . . which was a parking lot.
And now a new segment to the Wahoo Gazette: “One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show:”
Cold Open: Before the opening announce, the host of “Turner Classic Movies” Robert Osbourne introduces the night’s Late Show from his usual library setting, preceded by a short history of David Letterman and the show. He ends with, “So sit back, relax, and enjoy this brand new installment of ‘The Late Show with David Letterman.’” Cut to the usual opening music from Paul.
This concludes another episode of “One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show.”
Late Night: Show #4 – February 4, 1982
- Home movies with Rita Stipo (1954 New Years Eve Party)
- John Candy and John Flaherty – from SCTV
- Desk piece – Sit-com Pilots That Failed
- Stupid Pet Tricks – dog answering the phone; rabbit on skateboard
- Walter “Killer” Kowalski
- The Reverend Bishop Andre Penachio spoke on “Thank God It’s Friday”
And that was the first week of Late Night.
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Fairview, New Jersey, it’s George Schmidt.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • 2008 Campaign: Barack Obama • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches • Biff at Super Bowl XLI Watch now
ACT 2 • Top Ten Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You Read now
