While billboarding the Kid Scientists, Dave says that long ago on our show one of the kid scientists went on to invent the Flowbee. I laughed quite a bit at the reference. I always wanted to get the Flowbee, but now I really don't have a need.

Are you folks excited that the holidays are here? Dave received an interesting gift in the mail earlier today. It's a Hickory Farms Gift Basket. Dave reads the card: "Seasons Greetings, from Kim and Teri Jong-Il."
Dave says he doesn't even know the Il's. He knows Kim's uncle, Mental-Lee Il.

The oldest person in the world died this week. Elizabeth "Lizzie" Bolden died in Memphis, Tennessee at the age of 116 and the Guinness Book people came out with this announcement.

"The world's oldest person has passed away at the ripe old age of 116. While we at the Guinness Book are saddened by the loss of Lizzie Bolden, we'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate the new record holder . . . Regis Philbin. A message from the Guinness Book - The Record People."

I've gotten lots of gifts in my years of Secret Santa. A bag of Doritos would be one of the better ones.

Something new. It's something we call, "Barbara Walters Asks The Tough Questions." We see a clip from her Tuesday night special "10 Most Fascinating People of 2006." Barbara is interviewing Jay-Z. She asks, "Is Beyonce really Bootylicious?"

Dave is interrupted by the sound of horns blaring. What could it be? It seems to be coming from the bridge behind Dave. We get a close up of the bridge. All the cars are facing south. One car, an SUV, is heading north. It's that Nicole Richie again going the wrong way on the highway. Oh, that Nicole. . . .
The ride looked to be a very bumpy. I "Played the Dave" and said, "If the SUV is rockin, don't come knockin'." Dave didn't say it. Instead he offered, "It must be one of those new hybrids."

And now it's time for "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches." We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "I put country and western music on my I-POD!

KID SCIENTISTS
1. Vicky Wei - 14 and in the 8th grade. Likes to swim and play tennis. Her favorite subject is science. Vicky has braces and she's had them for a few years. Dave can tell that they must be coming off soon and that her teeth will look terrific. Vicky's experiment involves a bucket of soapy water, a beachball, and a hydrogen peroxide mixture. Isn't that dangerous? Vicky says it isn't really unless there is a flame nearby. Dave reaches down and picks up a lighter from the demo table. He says, "Well, I'm glad there isn't a flame nearby."
After some trouble involving who gets what goggles and who gets the ear protectors, the experiment is about to begin. From the beach ball and a hose, bubbles are created in the small pool of hydrogen peroxide. Dave then scoops up the bubbles into his hands. Vicky then lights the bubbles with the lighter. When the flame hits the bubbles . . . BANG! A loud explosion! That was pretty cool and looks to be easy to do. What is the science that we learned here? Who cares? The ka-boom was cool

2. Zach Gold - 11 and in the 6th grade. Likes swimming and archery. Wants to be an industrial engineer when he grows up and build robots. Zach has a bearded dragon at home and a frog. And an older sister who sits on him.
What's Zach have for us tonight? He has a pool of non-Newtonian Fluid. It looks like pancake batter with a similar consistency when you pick it up. But when you run across the pool of non-Newtonian Fluid, you stay afloat like Jesus. Zach showed us, and then had Dave run across the pool, too. I forget the science we learned here.

3. John Ahn - 11 and in the 6th grade. Likes to drawer cartoons and play the saxophone and piano. He has two younger brothers and some fish at home. What does John have for us? He has four rolls of toilet paper attached to a leaf blower. When the leaf blower is turned on, the rolls of toilet paper quickly unroll making a wonderful visual. It has something to do with the Bernoulli Effect. I think I may have seen this before at "Stomp." It looked pretty cool.

And that was Kid Scientists, each from Kennedy Junior High School in Naperville, Illinois.

REGIS PHILBIN: Regis extends an invitation to Dave to his annual Christmas Party. Tony Bennett will be there. Marty Short will be there. Paul usually attends but has plans which will make it difficult this year. Dave? Dave says he's never been invited. Of course Regis says that's not true. I think it might be true. If Dave was invited and he showed up, the party would be all about Dave and not about Regis . . . and I think we all know how that would go over with Regis. Me? No, I've never been invited to the Regis Christmas Party either. Hold it! I take that back. I was invited one year but that was to bus the tables.
So what's this deal between Kelly Ripa and Clay Aiken? Clay was subbing for Regis on the show and had something to say but Kelly was jabbering so much he couldn't get a word in edge wise. Clay put his hand up to Kelly's mouth to quiet her down. And then Kelly grabbed his "thing." At least that's what happened according to Dave. Wow! Sounds like Dave writes for the New York Post! Kelly didn't like that Clay put his hand up to her mouth. And then Rosie O'Donnell got involved, and once Rosie gets involved, look out! Have things been worked out? Uhhh . . . really now, does anybody really care?
Retirement? Whoa! Dave and Regis kick around the idea of retirement. Both would consider it but they know they would have nothing to do, so work it is. What would I do if Dave retired? Probably try to hop on the Regis bandwagon. That guy is never going away.

I want to take a moment to mention my friend Walter Cullen. He was the first person I know to say how great Regis Philbin is. That was probably 20 years ago, maybe more. Back then, Walter was . . . . let's say he had some free time during the mornings . . . and he would watch Regis Philbin. He raved about Regis. And Walter was right. No one is better than the Reege.

Regis recently got the eye laser surgery done. He got one eye done for distance; one for up close. I got the surgery done a while ago. I'm not sure what I got because I didn't have much of a choice. I went to have it done with 9 friends on a Sunday morning and we all had to pay in cash. For the group rate, I think I had to get the standard. Sure, it sounds shady now but the price was right. And I love it. I would do it again in a minute. Since the surgery, Regis is required to put in eye drops to keep his eyeballs moist. I'm not sure why he couldn't have done this earlier but he suddenly needed to moisten. He gave Dave the droplets and Dave attempted a high-dive drop from 3 feet above Regis' eyes. Dave successfully dampened Regis' face but not the eyes. After another attempt, Dave hit the mark.

A few weeks ago, Regis was on the Celebrity Jeopardy. He won, defeating Carson Kressley and Nancy Grace. We see a clip from his appearance on Celebrity Jeopardy. Regis doesn't like the sound of this. It's a clip we showed a while back. No matter what the question, Regis would answer "Who is Dean Martin." It's hard to believe he won.

And that was Regis. Don't forget to pick up the Regis Philbin Christmas CD. It's sure to put you in the mood for eggnog and a Yule log.

ACT 5: The Late Show is moving! Our lease has expired so we're packing up and saying goodbye. Starting next month, you can reach us at our new home at 17 Sycamore Drive, Nyack, New York, 10960. See you at the new place, everybody! We'll be right back."

ROBERT RANDOLPH & THE FAMILY BAND: From their new CD, "Colorblind," Robert Randolph & The Family Band performed "Ain't Nothin Wrong With That."
That, boys and girls, is what Rock N Roll sounds like. It reminded me of Chicago's "I'm a Man" with a whole lot more rock.

And that was our show for Wednesday, December 13, 2006.

The FDA and CDC can't find the source of what is making people sick who ate at Taco Bell. Maybe it's just the food.

From Tuesday's New York Times "For the Record" page:

"Because of an editing error, an obituary on Sunday about Sid Raymond, a comic actor, rendered one of his jokes incorrectly. It was about a son who sends a prostitute to his widowed father, still a self-proclaimed ladies' man in his 90s. The prostitute tells the father that she is his birthday present and promises to give him "super sex" (not that she promises to give him whatever he'd like.) The father replies, 'I'll take the soup.'"

I here to give you 'super sex'! --- I'll take the soup!

Congressional Quarterly National Security Editor Jeff Stein interviewed Representative Silvestre Reyes of Texas, the incoming head of the Intelligence Committee selected by the new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Reyes showed a lack of knowledge when quizzed about Sunnis vs. Shi'ties and Hezbollah. But I was impressed with Jeff Stein. When interviewed on CNN, Stein twice used baseball metaphors when describing his disgust with Reyes obvious lack of intelligence in Intelligence. Like me, I think Jeff Stein believes everything in the world can be explained with the game of baseball.

Drudge headline:
"2006 Warmest Year In Netherlands In 300 Years."
And I say, "We have nothing to worry about. It was this hot in the Netherlands 300 years ago and it's still here."

The Wahoo Gazette, 10 years ago today:

FRIDAY DECEMBER 13, 1996.
I took a survey of Late Show staff members on who they like in the Riddick Bowe/Andrew Goloto fight Saturday night. 42% like Golota. 57% like Bowe. And Assistant to the Director, Amy Cherin, thought Golota was a brand of cheese.

Have you seen TVs new rating system?
"K" - material suitable for children of all ages
"K-7" - suitable for children 7 and older
"TV-G" - suitable for all ages
"TV-PG" - parental guidance is suggested
"TV-14" - may be inappropriate for children under 14
"TV-M" - for mature audiences only
. . . . and the most frequent rating, "TV-NG" for shows on the WB Network.

Personnel Manager Janice Penino was out shopping for her baby's first Christmas. She's getting him what a baby loves most . . . wrapping paper and boxes.

College attended by Late Show staff members:
Jeff Boggs: Indiana U
Mike McIntee: SUNY Cortland
Gerard Mulligan: PS 182
Lee Ellenberg: SUNY Binghamton
Doug Mitchell: Whatsamatta U.

Albert Brooks appeared tonight dressed in all black; black T-shirt, black pants, black suit jacket, black shoes and socks. This is a common outfit for make guests. I asked Late Show staff members who will be the next male guest to wear the all-too-common ensemble. Probable guests the next few weeks are. . .
Harry Connick Jr, Walter Cronkite, Richard Simmons, Billy Crystal, John Travolta, Nathan Lane, Rich Hall, Terry Bradshaw, Tom Arnold, Alec Baldwin, Robert Pastorelli, Ray Liotta, Matt Dillon, and Eddie Murphy.
Graphic Artist, Cheryl Hurni: Billy Crystal
Administrative Assistant Pat Trionfo: Eddie Murphy
Production Runner Mike McIntee: Richard Simmons
Finance Coordinator, Patty Lin: John Travolta
Executive Producer, Amanda Baehr: Tom Arnold
Talent Assistant Lesley Cahill: Robert Pastorelli
Late Show viewer (your name here): ___________