Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto" is the number one movie in America this week. It tells the story of the fall of the once-great Mayan kingdom. We take a look at a clip. Hey, it's a clip from Gilligan's Island! Wah wah wah.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES - We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush do battle with a piece of lint.

SMALL TOWN NEWS From a St. Louis, Missouri paper: "Two kittens, very sweet and playful males. Adopt soon or they go to farm and likely will be eaten by coyotes. Ten cents a pair."

The Fort Worth (Texas) Star Telegram: Here's an interesting business listing: "Marble Peabody Beauty Parlor & Chainsaw Repair"

From a Gettysburg, Pennsylvania paper: "Cremation Service. $895 - plus a $35 one-time membership."

The Wakefield (Massachusetts) Observer: a photo of a boy fishing at a lake - in the background, police officers in a rowboat: "A young boy fishes in Lake Quannapowitt as State Environmental Police Officers search for a body."

The Cortez (Colorado) Sentinel: "DUI arrest. Polston, who admitted he'd been drinking beer all afternoon, said it was hard for him to believe he'd been driving so poorly, because he employed his normal technique of closing one eye and watching the white line with the other."

A flier distributed in a Louisiana paper: "Free Alarm System - only $24.95"

The Brattleboro (Vermont) Reformer: "The Police department has found a bag of marijuana on Cotton Mill Hill. Anyone wishing to claim this property may do so by contacting the police department."

The Ames (Iowa) Tribune: "Police Report. An anonymous caller reported a lizard was stuck to a female's face."

The Clare County (Michigan) Review: An old guy walking down a lonely road. Dave says "I wonder if this should have been on the obituaries page." He then reads the caption: "Clayton Klein walking to Hell."

The Madison County Record (Huntsville, Arkansas): "From the sheriff's department. A woman advised that someone was sending some kind of waves into her house, giving her headaches. Extra patrol was posted."

The (Lakeland, Florida) Ledger: Here's a help wanted ad: "Accurate Waste is looking for a dependable class B driver. Clean motor vehicle record. Criminal record a must."

The Ocean County Observer (Toms River, New Jersey): "Brick deemed safest city in the U.S." - and then just below that headline to the right is another headline: "More charges for Brick woman accused of hacking up husband."

The Amherst (Massachusetts) Bee: "Police Blotter: A shoplifter from an Alberta Drive supermarket left with 'a large amount of meat in his pants."

The Record (Wayne, New Jersey): "Senate candidate Tom Kean, Jr. and his wife, Rhonda, during his concession speech at the Bridgewater Marriott." (it's a photo of Tom Kean, Jr. sipping tea with Rudy Giuliani.

TOP TEN
Alan: "Tonight's top ten list is brought to you by the American Green Onions Council. Looking for the perfect way to add zing to your salads, salsas, and soups? Green onions!" (Alan takes a bite from his batch of scallions) "Mmmmmmm, tasty! Now back to you, Dave."
Tonight's category: Things To Ask Yourself Before Eating at Taco Bell.
#7. "Is this how they poisoned that Russian spy?"
#5. "Should I eat somewhere safer for lunch like Fallujah?"
#4. "Will this help me meet the recommended E.Coli daily requirement?"
#2. 'What would Kirstie Alley do?"

MATT DAMON: He's in the film, "The Good Shepherd." It opens December 22nd.
Matt is a daddy of a 6-month old baby girl and as many find out, it's much harder to be a dad than an uncle. For one thing, it's yours. When the baby cries, it's your job to make her stop. As an uncle, all you have to do is give the baby to mommy or daddy and then go get yourself a beer out of the fridge.
Matt got married about a year ago right here in the city. Was it a big affair? No. They got married at City Hall. Huh? Matt was afraid that it would become one of those big messy wedding affairs with hundreds of photographers pushing their way to get a shot. One morning while filming in New York, Matt looked out the window and saw a soft snow falling. He and his fiancee had planned on getting married and so they decided this would be the perfect day to do it. They went to City Hall and had the wedding. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was in attendance, so I guess it was official. Matt's wife is from Argentina and she is teaching Matt some Spanish. Is he any good at it? Matt admits he is working at it and is slowly getting better. Our cue card master, Tony Mendez, speaks Spanish and converses with Mr. Damon. Matt answers back in Spanish. The audience was impressed. I don't know what Matt said to Tony but he wasn't too pleased. The insulted Tony yells at Matt in Spanish and storms off the stage.
Matt is a bit confused. Says Dave, siding with Matt, "It seemed totally unprovoked." Not only is Matt a fine actor, he also does impressions . . . or at least he does an impression. He does a fine Matthew McConaughey. Before Matt performs his impersonation, Dave really builds it up. And then Dave makes us wait through a commercial before he lets Matt do it.
And once back from commercial, we put off the impersonation of McConaughey till the end of the segment.
"The Good Shepherd" opens December 22nd. It co-stars Angelina Jolie, to which Dave comments, "Oooh, she's hot," and was directed by Robert Deniro. It's about the creation of the C.I.A. We see a clip of Matt with John Turturro. It looks pretty intense. And now it's time for the Matthew McConaughey impression.
Matt, as Matthew McConaughey: "Mr. Soderbergh, it's my thought that this would be a good opportunity for me to take my shirt off." Very nicely done.

BARBARA WALTERS: She's got her big ABC special Tuesday night, "Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2006."
Here's something I didn't know. Back in April, Mayor Bloomberg named 48th and Broadway, Lou Walters Way. And who is Lou Walters? He's Barbara's dad. Lou Walters had owned the famed nightclub, "The Latin Quarter", which opened in 1942. Barbara says she met lots of celebrities when she was just a kid. Was it glamorous having a dad who owned a famous nightclub? She says she didn't appreciate it at the time. All she wanted was a dad who was a dentist who came home every night instead of having to work nights. We see a photo of the street sign at 48th and B'Way, Lou Walters Way.

How's things at "The View"? Rumor had it that Rosie O' was leaving. Barbara assures us that Rosie isn't going. She is here to stay. During the commercial breaks on "The View", Rosie will get up and entertain the audience. Someone had asked her if she was going to do the show, "Nip Tuck." Rosie said she might. That started the rumor that she was leaving. Barbara squelched the rumor tonight. Rosie is staying. Dave asks, "Is it true she punched out a guest this morning?" No, that is not true, though I didn't see Tuesday's show.
Dave: "But you would sleep better if she left, right?" Barbara tells Dave that is not true, either.

This is Barbara's 13th year of her Most Fascinating People special. She excitedly says that Dave will be seen on the show . . . . interviewing Sascha Baron Cohen, who she selected as one the most fascinating. How exciting is that for Dave to be so close to greatness! Barbara explains that Sascha isn't doing interviews due to the lawsuits against him and his Borat film, so instead of Barbara will show him on the Late Show. Yup, there's Dave doing Barbara's heavy lifting.
Other Fascinating people:
-Anna Wintour
-Jay-Z
-Andre Agassi
-Joel Osteen - he's a preacher in Texas. Dave is unfamiliar with the guy. Barbara gives a quick bio on the guy. Dave, going through his mental rolodex of TV preachers, quips, "And in a couple months he'll be caught with a hooker?" . . . or something like that. I laughed.
-Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: The two count as one. Ahh, that's sweet. Would Brad be on the list if not for Angelina? Barbara thinks a moment and says he probably wouldn't.
-Terri Irwin
-John Ramsay
-Patrick Dempsey
I got this list from the notes, and if Brad and Angelina count as one, then I'm coming up with only 9. Who is the 10th? Guess I gotta watch tonight. My nomination: Lt. Jim Dangle.

ACT 5: "Guests of the Late Show stay at the Holland Motor Lodge, located just steps from Manhattan on the New Jersey side of the world-famous Holland Tunnel! The Holland Motor Lodge . . . Still The One!"

And that was our show for Monday, December 11, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Before the show, I was looking up some information on Barbara Walters' ABC special about the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2006. I'll never understand why a network would pour so much money into a venture like this and then hide it on their website. I couldn't find anything. It took me about 20 minutes to find the simple information I was looking for when it should be splashed on their website front and center. It's a SPECIAL for goodness sakes. And it's not only ABC that does this. I've checked in on ABC, NBC, and CBS for info on Specials and they each make it too hard to find. And then I checked the ABC website this morning, Tuesday, the day of the special, and there is still nothing on the program. I don't get it. The Wahoo Gazette is updated daily . . . and no one even reads it. A prime time special on a network should be updated on a network's website.

Taco Bell - Think Outside the e-Coli
Chalupa. That's the sound you make after biting into a tainted taco. Chalupa.

I really thought I would have heard something on the radio from Booker T and the MG's by now. And then of course I heard it last night from Paul, but I totally expected that.

I'm having a hard time getting behind this New York Giants football team. They're doing lots of complaining lately and showing a lack of class. They're sounding a lot like the New York Jets, and these New York Jets are sounding a lot like New York Giants. I'll always like the Giants team more than the Jets, but I think I might like these Jet players more than the Giants players.

My daughter fouled out of her CYO basketball game the other day. It's the first time anyone has fouled out and she wasn't sure how to react to it. She was pretty angry and frustrated. Trying to talk to her after the game didn't do much good. And then I decided to watch a Jersey Nets game with her, hoping one of the players would foul out so I could show how the pros do it. The game turned out to be one of the best Net games in years, maybe the best game ever. It was a double-overtime loss to the Phoenix Suns with the final score something like 162-159. And 4 players fouled out! And each one, though disappointed, walked to the bench and took a seat like a real professional. It was a great teaching tool featuring the two best point guards in the business; Jason Kidd and Steve Nash. It's nice when things work out like that.

And now, from the Wahoo Gazette's first season 10 years ago: The Wahoo Gazette, 10 years ago: We've just come back from a week off.

MONDAY DECEMBER 9, 1996
We're back . . .
Kathie Lee Gifford is going to have another Christmas special this year and I am very excited. No, not to watch . . . to read the reviews.

It is said if you are bad, you will receive coal in your stocking on Christmas morning. Right now, Santa Claus is strip mining for the New York Jets.

Great Christmas gift idea . . . a sweater.

It is Tourist Season in New York City and the pickpockets are on the increase. This tells me one thing . . . the tourists are doing the pickpocketing.

What Late Show staffers did on their vacation:
Bob Borden: hung out.
Jeff Boggs: went to the mall
Heather Peterson: hung out and went to the mall