William Beacom is on the show tonight, a 16-year-old duct tape expert. Dave says there is nothing better than duct tape, it's cheap, and you can make great gifts for the holidays using nothing but duct tape. How inexpensive is duct tape? Go ahead and try to charge some on your credit card. The proprietor will tell you to forget it; just take it. It's not worth the paper work. Beacom will be on later to make stuff with duct tape.

And speaking of young masters, did you see "60 Minutes" last week? They aired a report on a 12-year-old composer who's supposedly the greatest musical prodigy since Mozart. In case you missed it, Dave show's a sample of the work from the young genius.
We see a music expert lauding the young composer. "60 Minutes" correspondent responds, "A 12-year-old wrote this . . . " And we cut to a symphony orchestra playing . . . the Benny Hill theme! Actually, the orchestra was playing something else. We dubbed in the Benny Hill theme music to make it look like they were playing it. It was a silly joke. Paul was in awe of the young genius, remarking, "A 12-year-old wrote that? Whoa!" Paul's over-the-top reaction made me laugh quite a bit.

GREAT MOMENT IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "You'll you'll you'll you you you you'll . . ."

LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
-a sneeze can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour
-most dreams last under 20 minutes
-Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer
-after you die, your tongue continues to grow
-not only did Lincoln have a secretary named Kennedy . . .. he also nailed her.
-more people than you would imagine accidentally swallow their house keys
-during the studio's golden age, 16 crew members were mauled to death by the MGM lion
-Bill Gates goes to work on something called the "Levitator 3000" - the audience gives no response. Dave cracks up, saying "My favorites are the ones that get absolutely no response."
-George Washington never told a like except when Martha caught him opening a neighbor's mail
-John Wayne's real name was Lydia Schiffman
-Hall of Fame catcher Johnny Bench sleeps in the crouching position
-the last request of Clara Peller, the "Where's the Beef" lady from the 1980s Wendy's commercial was to be ground up and turned into a hamburger
-Edward R. Murrow ended his final newscast by dropping his pants and firing a rocket
-types of clouds are cirrus, stratus, and fluffy
-due to budget cuts, NASA faked the second and fourth moon landings
-the FBI's eleventh most wanted fugitive is Lyle Lovett
-at night, nearly 40% of America's garbage is dumped over the Canadian border
-less than 1% of the population eats the small cup of coleslaw that comes with burgers
-7% of letters sent to Apple Computer company are misdirected inquiries about fruit
-in 1983, the President was given veto power over the People's Choice Awards
-Police lineups always put the guilty guy in the middle

And that was the Late Show Fun Facts.
Back from commercial, Dave learns that Lyle Lovett has surrendered . . . and that he is OK.

TOP TEN: Questions on the Macy's Department Store Santa Application
#8. "Can you pretend to be jolly making $6.25 an hour?"
#6. "Are you prepared to like about our Playstation 3 availability?"
#3. "Will your lap support today's obese children?"

WILLIAM BEACOM: He's only 16 years old, not old enough to sit in the Late Show audience, but here he is standing on stage with David Letterman. William's gimmick is making things using nothing but duct tape. In fact, the tie he is wearing is made of duct tape. But that's not the surprising part. The surprising part is he is 16 and he's wearing a tie!
So which is it, duct tape or duck tape? Back in World War II, the military came up with this tape to seal up ammunition boxes to keep out moisture. The tape was given the name "Duck tape", as in "water off a duck's back." After the war, the tape was introduced into civilian life and the tape was used to tape up heating ducts and stuff like that. The "duck tape" soon became "duct tape." So take your pick. Today, duct tape is the commonly used name for the tape.
Some items Williams shows is a lovely bouquet of duct tape flowers. A regular flower arrangement dies within a week. Duct tape flowers will live on for years.
A non-alcoholic beverage helmet. Uh huh. I guess you can call it that, but if he wants to makes sales to college kids, William may have to change the name. Dave examines the beverage helmet. He turns it one way and then another, resulting in the soda to leak out of the can. Says Dave, "It's too bad we don't have something to tape that closed."
Duck Taylor sneakers; a play on the brand of Chuck Taylor sneakers. (Ask your parents, kids.)
William and Dave then make a duct tape wallet. Dave has trouble with his roll of tape, playing the part of Stan Kann to perfection. I took a look at a finished wallet after the show and I would be proud to own one of those. It's just as good as any wallet I've owned.
And duct tape works on warts. I tried it. It suffocates the wart.
And that's William Beacom. Congratulations, William.

DANNY DEVITO: Danny enters and he "unknowingly" has duct tape stuck to his butt. My first thought was "Tony Mendez!" And then I realized Danny must have put it there himself as a joke. Did Danny ever have hobbies or enjoy crafts as a kid? Danny says he grew up in Jersey. He only used duct tape to wrap up a guy's legs. DeVito's in the new film, "Deck the Halls" along with Matthew Broderick. Danny plays a guy who wants to have the biggest and brightest Christmas holiday lighting display in the world; one you can see from outer space on one of the Google world map things. Have you seen those computer maps? It's kind of scary.

"Google, say 'hello' to Big Brother. Big Brother, this is Google. Oh, you've already met?"

Whenever Danny's on the show, he has some harrowing story about his life being in danger. One such story had to do with a "shlittin" or something. He was recently in Vancouver shooting a film and he has a friend how just started being a helicopter pilot. Against his better judgment, Danny decides to take a ride with the rookie. The helicopter was small but the view from the air was spectacular. Unfortunately, what goes up must eventually come down. The pilot misjudged his location and had lots of trouble landing. He tried it a few times and each time he would miss his mark, bumping the chopper along a ridge. Danny was nervous, but got really really nervous when he saw that the pilot was really nervous. Anyway, Danny is here to tell the story so it had a happy ending.

Reading the notes - I don't remember this being mentioned - I see that Danny is back on television on the FX Cable channel on something called "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". The description sounds interesting - - a dive bar owned by 4 friends. I'll have to look it up.
"Deck the Halls" - in theaters now.

ACT 5: William Beacom's next Duct Tape Workshop
December 16th at 2 PM sharp.
Grace A. Dow Memorial Library
Midland, Michigan

SILVERSUN PICKUPS: From their CD, "Carnavas," Silversun Pickups performed "Lazy Eye." I liked 'em.
Silversun Pickups - named after a liquor store.
Carnavas - a family name of the lead singer

And that was our show for Friday, December 1, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Danny DeVito escaped. We taped this show before his escaped on "The View." I imagine the line of conversation would have been a bit different if we did Friday's show on Friday.

After giggling at the Benny Hill music early in the show, I realized that many of today's kids probably have no idea who Benny Hill is. I haven't seen it on local New York stations in quite a few years and there's a whole generation missing out. Do you have Benny Hill in your area? Why isn't Benny Hill on in New York? Years back, I had a friend who had to write a report for school on two people he most admires in life. He picked Richard Nixon and Benny Hill.

The other day Richard Simmons said that someday he would like to have a baby. Dave jokingly replied, ""Let me now so I can adjust the (dentist) chair." It made no sense. Dave said it was an old joke and wasn't made to make any sense out of context. I had the slightest remembrance of a joke that contained that line but I knew I would not be able to place. Instead of looking it up on the Google, I decided to let you people do it. The first to respond was Gerald May of Mt. Vernon, Illinois:

"The nervous blonde sat on the dentist's chair to have her tooth pulled out.
Seeing so many instruments, she got frightened.
'Doc!' She said, 'I would rather have a baby than have my tooth pulled!'
The horny dentist said 'Well, hurry up and make up your mind so I can adjust the chair accordingly!'"

We're off next week. What are my plans? I'll be taking the Christmas decorations down from the attic. You know, if it weren't for Christmas decorations, there would be no need for an attic. I refuse to buy those icicle lights. Everyone jumped on that when they came out and when I see everyone do something, I usually run the other way. Instead I bought the banner-type lights that hang like bunting at a stadium. The only problem with the banner lights is it's hell to untangle. I ended up throwing them out last year. I don't know yet what I'll be replacing them with. My big signature piece is one of those reindeer lit up in white lights. It's not one of those white-lighted grazing reindeer. I got the one that looks like it's about to take off. And here's what I do to make it special. I bought a piece of black pipe about 10 feet long. I put a T-connector on the end with an extension going out of each side by about 6 inches. I stick the pipe in the ground and place the reindeer on top. At night it looks like the reindeer is flying. And that's my signature piece. I think I need to add on, though. I can't live off of that one piece forever.
And I haven't decided whether to drive an hour and cut down a tree or just go to the corner and buy one off a lot. That's TBD.

And now, next week's previously viewed programs.
Monday 12/4 - from November 2, 2006, #2648: Rosie O'Donnell, Andy Kindler, and Lady Sovereign. PLUS: we explode a pumpkin in Coney Island.
Tuesday, 12/5 - from September 19, 2006, #2621: Ventriloquist Jay Johnson and Darwin, Patrick Dempsey, and Kasabian. PLUS: we drop a safe onto a car.
Wednesday, 12/6 - from November 10, 2006; #2653: Daniel Craig, documentary film subject Teri Horton, and Elvis Costello with Rosanne Cash. PLUS: a Top Ten List presented by Jorge Garcia
Thursday, 12/7 - from October 30, 2006; #2645: Sacha Baron Cohen as "Borat", Tiki Barber, Beck, a Top Ten List presented by Jerry Springer
Friday, 12/8 - from November 8, 2006; #2651: Dustin Hoffman, Jamie Oliver, a performance by the Metropolitan Opera. PLUS: a visit from Donald Rumsfeld