Dave says he may be coming down with the stomach flu. He's not sure if it's coming or if he just thinks it's coming. Either way, it's not making him feel good.

Tonight on the show is Pixie-boy Richard Simmons. Dave and Richard have known each other for 20 years and was a fixture on the show. Six years ago he showed up dressed as a turkey. Things turned screwy and Dave had to put him down. . . . with a fire extinguisher. Richard Simmons almost died. Well, he's back tonight. Dave is a bit nervous about the visit. He finds Mr. Simmons so irritating that it's difficult to talk to him. Dave figures he may as well just sit there and say nothing while Richard is on. Plus, he wears all that oil . . . And then we cut to an overhead shot of the theater. A graphic of Johnson's Baby Oil appears with the announce: "Richard Simmons' appearance is brought to you by Johnson's Baby Oil. Johnson's Baby Oil. Best for baby. Best for you."

Earlier tonight was the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. It's 88 feet high; 45 feet wide; weighs 9 tons, and is strung with 5 miles of lights. Dave wanted to know the type of tree it was. DANG! I didn't include that simple information on the blue card. I forgot to include "Norway Spruce." I hate when that happens. I should have known. That'll bug me for a while.
So we watch the lighting of the tree. And it happens every year . . something terrible happened. In the clip, we see a giant goat knock over the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. Oh, the humanity. I'm sure it'll be on every news show tonight, right after the report on Jason Grant.

And we here at the Late Show have our own Christmas tradition. Earlier tonight, Dave and Paul got together to light the Late Show tree. We see D&P countdown the lighting and see the reflections of the light on their faces. The camera widens to reveal it is an intern wrapped in Christmas lights. Dave says on his way out, "You can put your arms down in January."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES - FDR/JFK/BUSH. Bush: ". . .and last night Jeb and I had crabs with, like, members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins. . . . Dan Marino . . . and his really dynamic wife . . ." etc.

ANDY KINDLER - a very funny fellow. Andy went to train to be a United States Marshal at the United States Marshals Training Academy in Glynko, Georgia, but before he shows us a clip of his visit, Andy talks about his lack of patience with weathermen. Do they really need to be named "Storm Field" and "Johnny Mountain"? You don't find news people named Harry Headline or Andrea Anchor. And he hates when the weatherman offers tips like, "The wet stuff is on the way so, Mom, don't put away those umbrellas yet." And Andy's is working on his autobiography trilogy. The first part was called, "Everything Seems to Fall Through." The second was "Off to a Big Stop." And his final piece which he is still working on is entitled "If I Killed." It's a hypothetical look at what it would be like if he actually killed at a comedy club.
Let's go to the videotape.
It's Andy at United States Marshals Training Academy in Glynko, Georgia.
We see Andy:
-getting frisked - "Can we have a drink first?"
-working the baton - he looked more like an old man swatting his dog with a rolled up newspaper
-Missing persons - where's Sinbad? Where's Tito Jackson. And is it true if you ask a prostitute, "Are you a cop?" she has to tell you the truth? Andy's just asking for a friend.
-Andy being a real U.S. Marshal. We see him busting open a door and proudly says to the camera: "Yeah, that's the way it goes down."
-Andy being cuffed and taken away: "You can cuff me, but you can't cuff my soul!" And that was Mr. Kindler.
Andy will be appearing at the Arlington Cinema and Draft House in Arlington, Virginia on January 19th and 20th.

The last time Richard Simmons was here, he hyperventilated, he was sobbing, and an ambulance had to take him away. We ordered an ambulance for tonight just in case. But it isn't here yet. Where is it? "Stuck in traffic" is the reply.

RICHARD SIMMONS: Richard enters from the back of the theater. He prances down the aisle begging for a standing ovation . . . and the audience responds. I immediately notice, "Hey, not too much oil." He is wearing a blue tank top with sparkly letters spelling out "David". His shorts are blue and short. What does Richard remember about that night 6 years ago? "Nothing" says Richard. He remembers nothing. He says he woke up and aw EMT people standing over him. That's all he remembers.
What's he been up to? Richard Simmons has put out 4 videos; 2 aerobic, 2 toner. Plus he's involved in bringing back P.E., physical education, back into the schools. He says that many of today's public schools no longer have physical education classes due to budget cuts. It's the ‘no child left behind' but that means just reading, math, and science. What has been cut are the arts and music and physical education. Richard says he will not rest until every kid gets P.E. and learns to take better care of themselves.
You can read all about it on his website www.richardsimmons.com.
Two minutes into the segment, Dave suddenly says "Well, it's great to see you. Thanks for dropping by." Richard was shocked. Dave laughed at his own little joke. I howled. The conversation turned to children and Richard has a gift for Harry. It's a small tank top like the one Richard is wearing with the name "Harry" sparkled across the front. Richard will take his off after the show and give it do Dave. Richard then says he may have children some day. Dave says, "Let me now so I can adjust the (dentist) chair." Dave explains it is an old joke that made no sense in this instance. I don't know the joke. Do you?
And Richard has become an inventor. He's come up with his new food steamer. We have one behind the desk which Richard struggles to lift. He finally gets it on the desk but the tray it was on dangles from it. Uh oh. I know this isn't good. Richard doesn't understand why that tray is even attached to his steamer. It's awkward just hanging there and finally, with Dave's help, the tray is place under the steamer. Richard explains how it works and presses the on button. Seconds later, it begins to smoke. Richard isn't at all pleased at the joke we pulled. But the joke isn't over. The steamer suddenly explodes into a ball of fire, chasing Richard out of his chair and over to Paul. Dave got a good laugh out of that. With that, we send Richard off with hopes of seeing him again soon.
The Richard Simmons steamer. I like the looks of that thing. It may be on my Christmas list, because 2007 is the year I get back into high school shape. You better get a photo of me now because you won't see this body again.

Back from commercial, we see a slow motion replay of Richard's reaction to his exploding steamer. The fire flash scared the dickens out of him. And it's a good thing he wasn't oiled up as much as usual. Could have been catastrophic.

KATE WALSH: From ABC's "Grey's Anatomy." She's been very busy promoting the program. She's been in South America and to Europe. And now that she's on this hit show, Kate is learning that she is always in the public eye. And when mishaps happen, they get noticed by a lot of people. She had a meeting to attend in Zurich. She was dressed in a trench coat, a conservative dress, and a purse. She says she was dressed as either James Bond or a high-priced hooker. While at the airport in Italy, she left her trench coat with security. And she noticed many around her were staring at her. She thought what they said about the Italians must be true. They are very interested in the women. She felt quite flattered, but a bit uncomfortable with all the attention. And then when she saw herself in the mirror, she noticed her dressed as a see-through. It was sheer sheer. Panic set in. And then fans wanted to take a photo with her and her see-though dress. She managed to slip into a put-together slip made of tube tops. It was very embarrassing.
Dave wonders why someone like Kate is so concerned about what she wears, when Richard Simmons doesn't care how he dresses.
And congratulations, Kate bought a house in the Hills of Los Angeles. And she hired a contractor to put on a deck. Dum de dum dum. She's learned that contractors are the secret mafia. They can talk your "deck" into a complete remodeling of your home. Kate is now living in a rental while the work is being done. She is at their mercy. The bright side of the story is she got some free hats from the contractor. "Grey's Anatomy" - Thursday nights at 9:00 on ABC.

ACT 5: This is a Late Show Programming Note. On Wednesday November 29th, Richard Simmons makes his historic return to the Late Show with David Letterman. Set those VCRs. It's a Late Show you won't want to miss. This has been a Late Show Programming Note. Go back to sleep, losers.

CIARA: From her new CD, "Ciara: The Evolution," Ciara performed "Promise." She is one of my girls' favorites. Did somebody lose a contact?

And that was our show for Wednesday, November 29, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

I have to admit, I am not much of the "Grey's Anatomy" fan. My wife and daughters love it. In a recent episode, a patient had a tree lodged in his chest. He was teetering on the brink of life and death, but we were supposed to be more concerned about an adulterous relationship between a couple doctors.

Hey, baseball fans, I don't get this Boston Red Sox/Japanese pitcher thing. The BoSox paid $51 million to a Japan baseball team, or league, just to negotiate with one of its star pitchers. If the Sox don't sign him in a few weeks, they lose the rights to him and get their $51 million back. Does that mean the Japanese pitcher is available again for open bidding by other major league teams? Or does the pitcher wait another year to become available again? Or does the Japanese pitcher now become available to the 2nd highest bidder?
Pssst, from one report I've heard, he's not worth the price he's asking. I think the Yankees can spend their money better someplace else.

Here's something that bothered me way too much the other day. There's no reason why it should have bothered me, but it did. I don't know why. The temperature was about 40 degrees one morning. I see a guy of about 30 years old, neatly dressed, on his way to work carrying a briefcase. He's wearing a pair of those dorky earmuffs that wrap around the back of the head and come forward to cover the ears. These earmuffs look stupid even in the coldest of weather. This guy was wearing them and it was 40 degrees out. I wanted to jump out of my car and punch the guy. For one reason, for looking so dorky; and two, for wearing protective ear covering when it wasn't even cold out. What an idiot. I want to see this guy when it drops to 5 degrees and windy. Boy, I don't know why this bothered my so much.

I haven't yet started my research on the history of the Detroit Lions but I did forget to mention Alex Karras as one of the few Lions I remember. The other day I wondered why the NFL shows Detroit Lion games every Thanksgiving. One Wahoo reader said it was a way of saying thanks to Ford for their continued support and sponsorship of the NFL.
For more on the Detroit Lions and Thanksgiving, here's something from Wahoo fans, The Rineharts.

"You said that someone wrote you that the NFL features the Detroit Lions every Thanksgiving on national TV because the city's car-making industry is such a big and loyal sponsor to the NFL. Not true, and here's the real skinny in case you're in need of stuff to cut-and-paste for the next Gazette.
The game is an eighty-three year tradition started back in the days of radio -- it was the 1934 brainchild of G.A. ‘Dick' Richards, the first owner of the Detroit Lions. Richards had purchased the team that year and moved the club from Portsmouth, Ohio to the Motor City. The Lions were the new kids in town and took a backseat to the baseball Tigers. Despite the fact the Lions had lost only one game prior to Thanksgiving in 1934, the season's largest crowd had been just 15,000.
The opponent that day in 1934 was the undefeated, defending World Champion Chicago Bears of George Halas. The game would determine the champion of the Western Division. Richards convinced the NBC Radio Network to carry the game coast-to-coast (94 stations) and, additionally, an estimated 26,000 fans jammed into the University of Detroit Stadium while thousands more disappointed fans were turned away.
Despite two Ace Gutowsky touchdowns, the Bears won the inaugural game, 19-16, but the classic was born. Since 1934, 65 games have been played with the Lions holding a series record of 33-30-2 (.523)."

Do you have some information only you would find interesting that would fill up Wahoo space? If so, send it along. I'd love to cut and paste it.