Impressionist week continues. Rich Little last night; Fred Travalena tonight. The rest of the week:
Wednesday: Gordie Brown
Thursday: Frank Caliendo
Friday: Kevin Pollak.

And of course all this week at the Wahoo Gazette, it’s Donz Week.

Dave needs to make a call. On the other end is his assistant, Amanda. Dave asks, “Where’s Stephanie?” Amanda isn’t sure, but then Dave remembers. He says, “It’s Tuesday night, right? Today’s her Jenny Craig day.”
Earlier today, Dave heard a story about Amanda and wants her to tell it again. Amanda says she went to a recent taping of the Rachael Ray Show. She went because she likes Rachael Ray but more importantly, she likes to support the TV stars. Dave invites her down to sit in our audience anytime she wants. Amanda replies, “No, that’s OK.”
So, Amanda went to a Rachael Ray taping and they were preparing to make some ziti. From the audience, someone yells, “Ziti, my ass!” Turns out, it was Tony Danza. Rachael got scared and said, “Oh, my God! It’s Tony Danza.” Amanda says it looked like he was drinking a bit. Says Tony, “Damn right, it’s Tony Danza” and then adds, “You took my show, bitch!” He then began chasing her around the studio with a Hefty bag filled with something wet. Later, Air Force guys came in and tasered the bastard. It was obvious that Rachael was shaken up, but afterwards she was claiming “It was just a skit. It was just a skit.” Amanda didn’t believe her.
Is Amanda planning to go back to the Rachael Ray Show? Amanda says, “Probably not. The ziti wasn’t that good.” And that was Amanda’s visit to the Rachael Ray Show.

We’re going to hang Saddam any day now but you know, the guy isn’t ALL bad. That’s why we put together this segment, GOOD THINGS ABOUT SADDAM HUSSEIN.
We hear pleasant music and see an art card: Good Things About Saddam Hussein.
Announce: “Saddam Hussein exhales carbon dioxide, which is needed by plants.”
Good Things About Saddam Hussein.

Today was Condoleezza Rice’s 52nd birthday. For those of you who still need to get her a gift, it looks like there’s a valuable resource out there.
Announcer: (Throughout the announce, we see photos of an angry and perturbed Condoleezza) “Need a birthday gift for the irritable cabinet member in your life? Then come to J.C. Penney and check out our ‘Pissed-Off Secretary of State Department.’ Whether our pissed-off Secretary of State is on the town, or on the go, you’ll find something that’s sure to put a look of ‘moderate to severe disgust’ on her face. We even offer escorts to get her laid, whichever team she plays for. J.C. Penney’s Pissed-Off Secretary of State Department: It’s all inside.”

Back from that piece, we see a camera acting all funky-like. It zooms in and out and is a bit out of focus. What gives? We get a shot of the camera guy. He is unfamiliar to Dave. Dave asks if the guy is even on the staff; if he even works here. The guy working the camera suddenly turns a scared. He’s been discovered. The guy drops the camera and runs away.
Dave says many staffers react that way.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see the President of the United States of America, George W. Bush: “I can’t spend too much time because I gotta get my limousine filled up by hydrogen.”

“Filled up by hydrogen.”

TOP TEN: Slogans for the Wal-Mart Wine. Wal-Mart has come out with their own line of wine.
#10. “When Kmart wine just won’t do.”
#8. “Show your friends how little you care.”
#6. “Recommended by 4 out of 5 drifters.”
#5. “Crack open a can today”

FRED TRAVALENA: He’s Mr. Everybody. Tonight, Fred Travalena does Jack Nicholson as President; Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci hailing a cab; the voice fits the face – as an example, Clint Eastwood’s face to Richard Simmons voice – it doesn’t work; Donald Rumsfeld speaking his mind, but is unfortunately bleeped; and the morphing of the Presidents from Kennedy to Bush 43.

JACK BLACK and KYLE GASS: the team makes up Tenacious D. Does Jack do impressions? He can do only one . . . Paul Lynde. Well, if you can only do one impression, Paul Lynde is a pretty good choice.
Jack, as Lynde: “Hi, how are you?” As a reflex, I said “I’ll take the center to block.”
Kyle? He does an Irish guy. Kyle is dressed in a relaxed style, a style he calls “the lazy look.” Kyle is dressed in a t-shirt of a big gorilla; shorts; white socks, and sandals. I think that’s the dress code for Disney’s Animal Kingdom. 60% of the men over 45 wear the “lazy look” at the Kingdom.
Jack is the dad of a 5-month old boy. He admits his wife does the brunt of the work. He met Tanya back in high school and always had a crush on her. She admits now that she liked him back then, too. Ahem. Jack finally mentioned his crush to Tanya in front of thousands at a concert. She was in the audience and he was up on stage and he figured, “Hey, I’m a big time movie star! Why should I be scared to tell her how I feel?” And things went on from there. And now they’re married with a 5-month-old boy.
Jack and Kyle’s new film, Tenacious D in ‘The Pick of Destiny.’ It’s a story the two have been wanting to write for years about how they got to know each other and form the musical duo, Tenacious D. It’s a true story. But they quickly found out that if they wanted to make it interesting, they would have to make a lot of stuff up. The result is The Pick of Destiny, opening November 22nd.

Earlier tonight, our announcer Alan Kalter asked if he could have a moment on the show to talk about something. Dave allowed Alan the time.
Alan: “Thanks, Dave. There’s been a lot of talk lately about Britney Spears’ divorce. Obviously, Britney is preoccupied with the well-being of her two kids right now. After all, those babies need a daddy. . . . but so do you, Britney.” Lights dim. Alan turns to another camera. Soft, sexy music is heard.
Alan: “That’s right. I know what it’s like. You grew up too fast, always in the spotlight. Maybe you didn’t have a father figure around to reassure you that you were good . . . or to discipline you when you were bad. Maybe you need someone who can fill that void from your past, while also filling the aching void that dwells deep within your womanhood. Sure, it’s hard to replace Kevin, with his bad-boy looks and that baseball cap always cocked to one side. But Big Red also has something that cocks to one side, and you’re just the lady to straighten it out.” Dave interrupts Alan, putting a stop to any more. Alan looks into the camera and mouths to Britney, “Call me.”
It was ugly.

ACT 5: Tomorrow on the ‘Late Show’, “Impressionist Week” continues with Gordie Brown. Be sure to also catch Frank Caliendo and Kevin Pollak. It’s all happening on “Impressionist Week.”

TENACIOUS D: From the CD, “The Pick of Destiny,” Jack Black and Kyle Gass perform “The Pick of Destiny.” It’s in stores now.

And that was our show for Tuesday November 14, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

The new CBS hospital drama 3 Lbs . . . . what does “3 Lbs.” mean? I just found out while watching Martha this morning. It’s the approximate weight of a human brain.

Texas Tech basketball coach Bobby Knight “slaps” a player. I haven’t heard this much ruckus over a slap since Patton. And then when I saw the clip of Knight’s slap, I knew it was much ado about nothing. What has become of America if a coach can’t slap around a youth?

College football better not blow it. I’m talking about Rutgers. If they go undefeated through the season, they HAVE to be in the championship game . . . . HAVE TO! I figure either Notre Dame or USC will be eliminated when they play each other, and this week’s Ohio State/Michigan game will result in one of the teams ending up with one loss. Then you have Florida which already has a loss. But this is the real reason why Rutgers needs to be in the BCS championship game . . . it’s the chance for a “Hoosiers”; it’s the chance for this generation’s 1980 USA Olympic Hockey Team; this generation’s Villanova vs. Georgetown; this generation’s 1969 Mets. The opportunity is right there. . . . the BCS has to take advantage of it. And if Rutgers defeats Ohio State or Michigan, it will be remembered for years and years to come. Will anybody remember Ohio State/Florida in two years? And if Michigan defeats Ohio State and Notre Dame defeats USC, would anybody want to see the Irish play the Wolverines after Michigan pummeled them already earlier this year? Of course not. And Texas and USC? We saw them last year.
BCS . . . do the right thing. Rutgers.

Oh, and the real reason Rutgers should be invited to the big game . . . think of all the New York money that would roll in. Right now, college football in the New York metropolitan area is not a big deal. Bring in Rutgers . . . and BANG! Even bigger bucks will be thrown under the table than ever before!

The other day I mentioned that the Indiana University of Pennsylvania has the nickname “Indians” but their logo has a cougar or a bear. There are no Indians in their logo. I wondered why.
Jay Smith of Spokane, Washington writes:

“Just thought you should know that the team your CUP Vulcans played last week are no longer the Indians. They are just Indiana University of Pennsylvania. They are playing this year with no nickname/Mascot as the student body decides on a new one.” How about the “Werenothoosiers.”

DONZ WEEK continues! Here is the second installation of the critically acclaimed Donz Week. I hope the Pulitzer people are reading this.

For Tuesday 11/14/06:
Part II of V:
The kitty manages to wake me up every sunrise by nibbling on my elbow/knee/arm/leg/toe/nose/ear. When I got her from an adoption organization in late October '05, I couldn't decide what to call her. It took me a week until I realized the name was screaming at me from events in DC that had dominated the news that week: Scooter!

So I get up, feed her, then back to bed. Up two hours later, do what all males have to do (and, at my age, do more often than once throughout the night).
Mr. Wahoo promised I'd mention my breakfast habits. Joy! One egg, hard-boiled; bowl of Shredded Wheat (milk, 1% fat); and, depending on how noisy my upstairs neighbors were the night before, a slice of Raspberry Danish Twist.

Before, during and after eating, I go online and, after checking daily sales and hits for Tad Lathrop's and my new CD, "Red Horizon," available for sale on CDBaby:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/lathropgiller
and Amazon:
http://makeashorterlink.com/?V597211EC
with good-sounding samples here:
http://tadlathrop.com/LathropGiller.html
I read the latest posts from alt.fan.letterman, then various newspapers and blogs -- ABC's "The Note," the left-leaning "Daily Kos," and the right-leaning "The Corner." Always interesting to see how any particular event can trigger opposite analyses.

Two hours later, I'm ready for work.

Are you readers doing what I’m doing? I read each installment of Donz Week while listening to "Red Horizon." I recommend it. If you listen real intently to the music, you almost forget what you’re reading.

And for those of you living in the Pacifica, California area, be sure to check out the holiday production of “Mrs. Bob Cratchit’s Wild Christmas Binge” at the Pacifica Spindrift Players Theater, November 17th through December 17th. It’s an utterly wacky play from one of America’s funniest playwrights, Christopher Durang. Directed by Dave Sikula.