It's the opening night of Impressionist Week. Tonight on our show, the king of them all, Rich Little. The rest of the week:
Tuesday: Fred Travalena
Wednesday: Gordie Brown
Thursday: Frank Caliendo
Friday: Kevin Pollak

Tonight, we have quite a treat. It's New York Jets field goal kicker Mike Nugent.
Yesterday: Jets (5-4): 17 New England Patriots: 14.
Mike is a graduate of Ohio State. This Saturday the 10-0 Ohio State Buckeyes battle the 10-0 Michigan Wolverines.
What will Mike be doing for us tonight? He will be kicking a football through the window of a 12th floor office. And not just anybody's office . . . but the office of executive producer Barbara Gaines. We visit with the chatty New York Jet kicker who is eager to do the business. While he warms up, we'll get busy with the rest of the show.

There is no bigger fan of Regis Philbin than Dave, but what Dave saw on Celebrity Jeopardy the other day concerned him. Regis was obviously not on his game. We see a clip from that Jeopardy program.
Alex: "In May 1844, he sent a telegraph message using the code he's also invented."
Regis: "Who is Dean Martin?"
Alex: "No, sorry."
And then another clip.
Alex: "On December 16, 1773, American patriots dumped 342 chests of tea into this city's harbor?"
Regis: "Who is Dean Martin?"
Alex: "No, sorry."
And another.
Alex: "You can prepare mini pizzas on this product, made famous by Samuel B. Thomas."
Regis: "Who is Dean Martin?"
Alex: "No, sorry."
And one more.
Alex: "The second planet from the sun."
Regis: "Who is Dean Martin?"
Alex: "No, sorry."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "Uh . . . uh . . .uh uh . . . . uhhhhh." The fella seemed a bit anxious.

SMALL TOWN NEWS
-Feather River (California) Bulletin: "Sheriff's Blotter: In Canyon Dam on Highway 99, a man was reported sitting on the white line flipping off passengers."
Dave says, "I had no idea that was illegal"

-Greenville (Kentucky) Leader News: I'm no math expert, but I think I spotted a problem here. Dave holds up the ad. "Dove Brothers Quartet". There are 5 people in the quartet.
Dave says, "Don't get me wrong, I'm still going . . . ."

- Brampton (Ontario) Guardian: "Old-fashioned hookers keep tradition alive." It's a newspaper photo of a bunch of old woman doing crochet.
Says Dave, "Don't get me wrong . . . . I'm going . . ."

-The Tremonton (Utah) Leader: "Getting to know Cheerleader Tayler Williams." There is a long list of her favorite things. "Motto or favorite saying: ‘I love beef stew.'"

-The Westmoreland (Virginia) Journal: "Christian movers --- Providing in-town and long distance moves. And blessed by God."
Dave says, "Cancel the insurance. This baby's blessed by God."

-The Quoddy Tides (Maine): "Eastport Fourth of July winners of the Frisbee throw: #1. Tim Mitton. #2. Bill Fuentes. #3. Bill Craig. Apologies to the real first-place winner whose Frisbee was later found out on Dana Street."
Dave had trouble pronouncing the word Quoddy. We thought might so we spelled it phonetically: Kwaddy. When Dave read the name, he spelled it out the way we had put it on his card.

-Portola (California) Reporter: This sounds like it could be trouble: "Monday, October 2nd: AA Meeting, Grey-Eagle Community Center, side entrance over Knotty Tavern."

-The Princeton (Missouri) Pony Express: "Please join us for the Gallatin Men's Club Testicle Festival. All You Can Eat. Come and have a ball with us."
Says Dave, "Oh, sure, but don't get me wrong . . . I'm going. . ."

-The Northwood (Iowa) Anchor: Here's an advertising insert for add-on sunrooms. This detail is a bit disturbing. Dave holds up the full-page colorful advertisement of a couple sitting comfortably in their new sunroom. Flying over head is their child. For some reason, they sunroom people added a flying kid to their advertisement.

-The Wierton (West Virginia) Daily Times: Here's something unusual in the Sparkle Supermarket ad: "Jumbo Dole ripe fresh ‘givl'ing pineapples."

Back to Mike Nugent on the 12th floor. Ohio State vs. Michigan for the top spot in NCAA football this Saturday. It's all about the Big Ten. And we are ready to go. Nugent lines up his kick . . . . approaches the ball and boots it right through the window. Smash! The former Lou Groza Award winning kicker gets the job done. Nice job, Mike Nugent.
You can read more about Mike on his website: www.mikenugent1.com.

RICH LITTLE: kicking off Impressionist Week. Mr. Little performs:
Dr. Phil: "I know that, that, that you know that I know that you know . . . .and if you knew that I knew that . . . then then we both would know."
Bill Clinton
George W. Bush
Ronald Reagan: "Mr. President, are you a drop out?" Reagan: "No, I was a Caesarean."
Andy Rooney: sterilize needles for lethal injections?
-if an asp in the grass is a snake; then why is a grasp in the ass a goose.
-if you choke a Smurf, what color would it turn?
-if you OD on Viagra, how would you get the lid of the coffin closed?
-why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Johnny Carson: to do Johnny, you need to think of an ostrich. "A home run and a triple; a first baseman's glove and a catcher's glove; and Dolly Parton --- name two big hits . . . two big mitts . . . ."

Rich Little will be appearing at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut later this week.

ROBIN WILLIAMS: Although he's not a featured artist, Robin Williams is excited to be here for Impressionist Week. Oh, and he was enjoying some . . . . really good pineapple backstage. What does Robin think of last week's elections? "Well, it now ‘W' has to learn to play with others."
Robin Williams then does Condoleezza Rice and Arnold Schwarzenegger. He then did an Italian, an Irishman, a German, a guy from China, a Kenyan, a Mexican and a guy from Jersey. Yes, it's spanning the globe with Robin Williams.
Dave asks about Robin's good friend Lance Armstrong who recently ran the New York City marathon. Says Dave, "And you friend Lance Armstrong just ran the New York City marathon in under 4 miles . . . I mean, 4 hours." And of course, that little mis-speak was all Robin needed to go off on a 3 minute rant. Robin still goes bicycling with "the unaballer" and finds it very hard to keep up. Lance doesn't know the art of gliding.
Robin Williams is featured in the animated feature film, "Happy Feet," opening this Friday. He plays 3 different penguins in the film.

ACT 5: "Tomorrow on the ‘Late Show,' Impressionist Week continues with Fred Travalena. Be sure to also catch Gordie Brown, Frank Caliendo, and Kevin Pollak. It's all happening on Impressionist Week."

GEORGE JONES: His new CD is entitled, "Kickin' Out the Footlights . . . Again." Tonight, George Jones sang what many consider the greatest country western song of all time, "He Stopped Loving Her Today." It's his signature song. Boy oh boy, if you're sitting along at a bar deep in thought and this song comes on at just the right time . . . . hoowee . . . . it can just about wreck you.

He said I'll love you 'til I die
She told him you'll forget in time
As the years went slowly by
She still preyed upon his mind.

He kept her picture on his wall
Went half crazy now and then
He still loved her through it all
Hoping she'd come back again.

Found love letters by his bed
Dated 19 and 62
He had underlined in red
Every single, I love you.

I went to see my friend today
Oh, but I didn't see no tears
All dressed up to go away
First time I'd seen him smile in years.

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today.

(Spoken)
Ya' know she came to see him one last time
Oh, we all wondered if she would
And it kept running through my mind
This time he's over her for good.

(Sang)
He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today...

I go out into the audience about 3 times a year to watch the music performance. This was one of those times.

And that was our show for Monday, November 13, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Here's something you'll only get at the Wahoo Gazette . . .
Tonight's show:
Robin Williams: promoting "Happy FEET"
George Jones: promoting his CD, "KICKIN' Out the FOOTlights . . . Again."
Rich Little: KICKing off "Impressionist Week"
Mike Nugent: New York Jets field goal KICKER; KICKING FOOTballs out a 12th floor window

I am very disappointed in the New York tabloids this week. The other day it was announced that New York Yankee power-hitting Gary Sheffied was traded to the Detroit Tigers for 3 minor leaguers. I fully expected a headline: "Shef For The Future." No dice.
And when will radio and TV sports reporters realize that when reporting a trade for minor leaguers, the story is empty if you don't give the ages of the players involved. I don't get too excited about a 24-year-old minor leaguer in Double-A no matter what his numbers are. A 24-year-old Double-A ballplayer is a thousand miles away from a 22-year-old and a million miles away from a 20-year-old. Without age, the story is worthless to me.

Did you check the Google Logo on Saturday, Veterans Day? If not, check the Google Logo today because they are identical. I often look forward to the Google logo on holidays, wondering how they will commemorate the special day with a creative design on their logo. But for some reason, Google does nothing for Veterans Day or Memorial Day. I wonder why? From Wahoo reader, Dee Olson:

"I didn't notice any changes to the google.com logo for Veteran's Day, but I thought I'd mention that the google.ca logo featured poppies on November 11th for Remembrance Day (our name for the holiday here in Canada). Poppies are used as a symbol for Remembrance Day/Armistice Day in Canada, the UK, and a few other Commonwealth countries."

David England of Liverpool:

"Not sure about google.com but google.co.uk replaced the second 'g' with poppies to mark the 11th hour of the 11th day. Our Remembrance Sunday is tomorrow."

"Today, recognized as Remembrance Day in Australia, Canada, United Kingdom and Ireland to honor war dead, Google's stylized logo features three poppies."

To view some of the Google logos for the holidays, check out: http://www.google.com/holidaylogos.html

I know . . . I know . . . You're here for Donz Week. OK, then, let's get to it.

Buckle your seat belt, kids, it's THE WAHOO GAZETTE "DONZ WEEK"

Monday, November, 13, 2006.
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen! It's Donz Week in the Wahoo Gazette. The Donz is very familiar to those who know the Late Show. He lives somewhere in your computer and knows anything and everything about the Late Show. I myself have used him as a reference. I will e-mail the Donz with a query such as, "How many times have Muriijul and Sujibar been on the Late Show? I have a number but I want to check if it matches yours." The Donz will e-mail me back explaining that it is "Mujibur and Sirajul" and he will then give me the number of times they have appeared. I will e-mail him back with, "Yup, that's what I have, too" when I really had no idea in the first place. The man is a great reference with a wealth of knowledge about many things. So here it is; the first installment of the Wahoo Gazette's "Donz Week!" written by the Donz himself. Who is this Donz and what is he up to?

DONZ WEEK!
Every week someone approaches me on the street (or worse, e-mails me) and asks, "Dan, what's your day like?" After correcting the name (two "n"'s), I sit them by a park bench (or block them from further e-mails), promote Tad Lathrop's and my new CD, "Red Horizon" (http://tadlathrop.com/LathropGiller.html), and regale them with my life. Let's share.

Part I of V:
The day actually begins the night before, when I climb into bed at around 2 AM and watch a DVD on a portable player. I've been on an Owen Wilson kick lately, collecting every commercial film he's been in, from the quirky "Bottle Rocket" to the embarrassing "The Haunting," from the intriguing "The Minus Man" to his buddy flicks with Jackie Chan ("Shanghai Noon" and "Shanghai Knights"), Ben Stiller ("Permanent Midnight," "Zoolander" and "Starsky & Hutch"), Eddie Murphy ("I Spy"), and Vince Vaughn ("Wedding Crashers"), and to his relatively unknown co-screenwriting efforts in "Rushmore" and "The Royal Tenenbaums."

There's one scene in "Wedding Crashers" that first caught my eye about this guy -- near the beginning, during the wedding montage, Owen is trying to eat a slice from a wedding cake, and Vince, sitting next to him, nibbles away at Owen's plate with his own fork. All over montage music, no dialogue. A second nibble brings an expression of quiet exasperation on Owen's face. It's very quick, and you might miss it if you don't watch it carefully. In the DVD commentary, Vince says that this is the first time he's seen Owen's expression, and he declares that it's the greatest, funniest thing he's ever seen. That's when I became an OW fan.

Then there's Owen's character's live breakdown during a Charlie Rose-like talk show that's broadcast in "The Royal Tenenbaums." The character, confronted with the dismal sales of his latest book, is reduced to tongue clicks before he walks off the set.
For some reason I found that riveting.
Bedtime at around 4:30 am.

Thank you, Donz. Bedtime for you may have been 4:30 AM. Bedtime for me was halfway through reading Part I of V of Donz Week. Great job, Donz, I'm really looking forward to Friday's.

This week's California University of Pennsylvania Vulcans football game.
Indiana University of Pennsylvania Indians: 21
California University of Pennsylvania Vulcans: 17

In Hal Bodley's Friday's USA Today "On Baseball" column:

"Much was made of the fact when the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series they were the seventh different team in as many years to win the title. Almost lost is that in the past six years, each of baseball's six divisions has won a World Series."

I still can't believe the Wahoo Gazette is free.

Don't forget: The Ball State Fighting Football Cardinals vs. the Toledo Rockets on the ESPN2 Tuesday night.