Big game this weekend. The Ball State Fighting Cardinals travel up to Ann Arbor, Michigan to take on the University of Michigan Wolverines. Now, the Wolverine is the most nasty, vicious, meanest animal alive; whereas the Cardinal is the fiercest robin-size bird known to man.
Before continuing, Dave asks if there is anybody from Muncie, Indiana in the audience. One guy responds. Dave looks in his direction and offers, "OK, so in that case I'll talk very slow." It's a favorite joke of Dave's.
The Wolverines are 9-0 and ranked #2 in the nation, only behind Ohio State. Ball State is 3-6 and a 34-point underdog in the Saturday game. Dave makes a prediction. He predicts a huge upset with the final score, 6-0, Ball State. I wonder aloud if Ball State will get two field goals or a touchdown and a missed extra point. There is no need for me to wait as Dave continues, "and Ball State will score a touchdown late in the game . . . and then miss the extra point.
The game will be played in Michigan Stadium, a stadium that holds 107,000 people. Ball State's home field is an old woman's backyard.
And if Dave's prediction is wrong? He promises to give every spectator in the huge Michigan Stadium for the game a shiny new nickel.

Senator John Kerry has stirred things up with some controversial remarks he made in a speech on Monday. To fix the damages, he released this message. Announcer:

"In a speech on Monday, John Kerry made a remark that he says was meant to disparage President Bush, but opponents claim it was an insult to Americans serving in the armed forces. That's why Senator Kerry is asking America to ignore the Republican smear campaign that's trying to portray him as a smug arrogant jerk who looks down on the troops, and instead see him for how he truly is . . . a smug, arrogant jerk who has the utmost respect for all our fighting men and women. John Kerry: An entirely different kind of prick."

Dave received a fan letter from a Late Show viewer the other day. It was from a Don Wheeler of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It reads:

Dear Dave,
Do you ever have any problems with the people on your staff?

After a quick calculation, Dave has figured that if every fan in the 107,501-seat Michigan Stadium writes in for their nickel, it'll cost Dave over $5,000. $5,000 . . . . . ha . . . . Dave says he spends that on cigarettes.

Now it's time for "George W. Bush Fakin' It."
We see the President sitting in the Oval Office with President Garcia of Peru. Garcia speaks in Spanish as Bush attempts to follow along. Garcia says a sentence in Spanish and then pauses. Bush lets out a big laugh. What did President Garcia say? Translated: "I am very happy to be here for the first time in the Oval Office."

I think Kerry's botched joke was funnier.

TOP TEN: John Kerry Excuses
#8 Remark was an ill-conceived, careless blunder, kind of like the war
#7. Just displaying that famous wit that cost him the 2004 election.
#6. Hoped saying something really stupid would make him seem more presidential

Uh oh, something came up. The rest of the recap is a fly-through.

GARY SINISE: From CBS "CSI: New York" - Wednesdays at 10:00 PM.

JOANNE CARSON: Johnny's 2nd wife - She is auctioning her Truman Capote collection November 9th at Bonhams New York. The auction is titled, "The Private World of Truman Capote."

Someone in the audience interrupts Dave. Seems he needs to go to the bathroom and wonders if he can go real quick and be right back. Dave, against his better judgment, let's the man go. The guy runs off, asking Dave not to do anything till he gets back.
The guy leaves . . . and Dave does nothing till he gets back. And that took up most of the time we had allotted for this ACT.

ACT 5: There's a recall on pumpkins. If your pumpkin looked anything like the one we showed, you may be in dangerous trouble.

JIM NORTON: Funny stuff. Topics included relationships, Global Positioning System; Race; and Gays. On November 10th, he'll be headlining the Hammerstein Ballroom as part of the New York Comedy Festival

And that was our show for Wednesday, November 1, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Sad news today: THE PINK FLAMINGO LAWN ORNAMENT
The plastic pink flamingo, a front-lawn icon that has been reviled as kitschy bad taste and revered as retro cool, is dead at age 49.
The pop culture symbol met its demise after its manufacturer, Union Products of Leominster, Mass., was socked with a triple economic threat — increases in costs of electricity and plastic resin combined with loss of financing. Production ended in June, and the plant is scheduled to close Nov. 1, according to the president and chief executive, Dennis Plante.

My girls Danielle and Dominique turned 11 years old today, November 1st. And searched my files to see my first mention of them. The Wahoo started in November of '96. They were a year old. 5 months later I brought them to work. From the April 22, 1997 Wahoo Gazette:

"I brought my twin girls in to work last Wednesday . . . 17 1/2 months old. All the women on the staff were saying, 'Adorable', 'Beautiful', and 'Gorgeous.' Even the guys were saying it. I later found out the guys were talking about the babysitter. They're accusing me of being another Joe Piscopo. I honestly never noticed the baby sitter's looks."

1. arts and crafts - make your own trick-or-treat bag - we gave each girl an orange pillow case with loads of glue, markers, paper cut-outs, and stuff. This went much better than I expected. They were into it.
2. toilet paper race - two teams - each team wraps up one of the party girls in toilet paper. The first to have their girl totally wrapped, wins. This went very well. When it was over, we released the rest of the toilet paper rolls and let the girls run wild.
3. balloon bust - two teams - one at a time, a girl had to bust a balloon without using their hands. When it was over, we released all the balloons left over. The girls went nuts popping the balloons.
4. Denise played some kind of Celebrity Charades. Three teams. A girl picked a name out of a hat and had to give hints as to the celebrity. Denise timed how long each team took.
5. Pumpkin pass - sort of like Time Bomb. Pass the pumpkin from girl to girl. When the music stops, whoever is left holding the pumpkin is out. While this was going on, I ran out to get the pizza.
6. I return: PIZZA. They were just finishing up the Pumpkin Game. I could see the end of the party up ahead, even though we were only half done.
7. After pizza, the shoe game. When the girls arrived, we had them take off their shoes. Now we put the shoes in a big pile. Two teams. One girl from each team had to rummage through the shoes, find theirs, put them on, and run back to the line. The next girl followed. First team with all their shoes, wins.
8. Ice cream sundaes. The girls went nuts making their own ice cream sundaes. I looked up at the clock . . . it was 20 to 10.
9. What to do to fill up the last 20 minutes? Earlier that day, just in case I was desperate, I purchased 2 whoopee cushions. Need I say more? The whoopee cushions became a quick hit with the girls, everyone wanting to give it a try. Each time someone sat on it, the laughter rang out. 100 times brought on 100 laughs.

And that was the Halloween/Birthday party.

I learned something. A Whoopee cushion is perfect at parties for pre-teens and volunteer firemen. My girls and their friends giggled endlessly. And years ago I brought a Whoopee cushion to a Hillcrest Volunteer Fire Department event. The fun lasted longer than the cushion. There were laughs all night long. The fun would have lasted till the sun came up but the Whoopee cushion eventually busted. It provided hours and hours of laughs for less than 2 bucks. Sure, it's silly and immature, but laughs are laughs.