Following Dave’s final joke at the monologue mark, Johnny Dark enters and gives Dave a patdown. After a quick inspection, he exclaims, “Wow, nice thighs.” But most of you already knew that.

Dave heads into the audience to take care of some pre-show business. He has a gift certificate for dinner for two for a newlywed couple to Remi. Dave asks is Remi’s is OK. He would like a bigger list to choose from than just a list of one. And he wonders if Tad’s Steakhouse is still open

Did you see the commercial tie-in for the new film, Snakes On A Plane? Whenever you have a blockbuster like Snakes you know somebody is going to hop on board and take advantage of the hype, and you can’t really blame them. Dominos Pizza wasted no time. Dave holds up their new campaign: It’s “Snakes On A Pizza.” Dave opens the pizza box to reveal a pizza swarming with snakes. Dave has the pizza delivered to the newlywed couple in the front row.

Pope Benedict spoke yesterday of the importance of laughter. Here is the full text of his message.
“In a wide-ranging interview with German television, Pope Benedict gave some insight into his personality by saying it is ‘important to see the funny side of life. That’s why he thinks you should check out tonight’s laugh-out-loud episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ when an old video tape causes Barney some side-splitting embarrassment.
Pope Benedict: Show me the buzz!”

And then our familiar diner waitress enters and refills Dave’s mug of coffee.

Dave gets more envelopes of Dinner-For-Two restaurants. But it’s only 3 more. Dave concludes there must be only 3 restaurants in New York City.

GEORGE W. BUSH PRETENDS TO BE INTERESTED – in a recent sit-and-chat, our President finds himself stuck with a gentleman who is telling all about his irrigation system company in California. Yikes. What a yawner.

When you’re in a position like Mr. Letterman, you influence a lot of people whether you realize that or not. One population that Dave has touched is the prison population; probably those doing hard time as part of their sentence. Dave often receives letters from the men and women doing time and who watch the show. I guess it’s better than busting rocks. Dave reads some of the letters.

Hey Dave,
I just got TV privileges for the first time in 12 years. When did your show stop being funny?
Disappointed,
Todd Linnelli
Brushy Mountain Correctional Complex,
Petros, Tennessee

Dear Mr. Letterman,
You should have our warden as a guest. He’s got lots of funny stories about beatdowns.
Yours truly,
Rich Cooper
Everglades Correctional Institution, Florida.

Quick tattoo question --- can you ask Paul if ‘Shaffer’ has a ‘C’ in it?
Frank Byrd
Bay State Correctional Facility

Dear Dave, Nice to see I’m not the only one who gets his hair cut by a prison barber.
Sincerely,
Larry Waxman
Eastern Pennsylvania Penitentiary, Philadelphia

Dear Dave,
I made you a special license plate. Hope you like it. Roy Lieb
Lakewood Federal Correctional Institution, Colorado
Dave holds up a license plate which reads, “Dave Sux”

Dear Dave,
You’ll be happy to know, I broke it off with my bitch because he prefers Leno.
Your fan forever,
Monty Rivers
Rikers Island, New York

DL,
The mind-numbing silence of solitary confinement reminds me of your audience.
Sincerely,
Ed McNeil
Kilby Correctional Facility, Alabama

Dave,
I think of you during all my strip searches.
Ernest Glanzer
Georgia Stage Prison,
Reidsville, Georgia

Dave,
I made you this from cigarettes I smoked this morning.
Grady Halen,
Alabama Department of Corrections.
Dave holds up a necktie made from cigarettes butts.

Hey Dave,
I love how you’re always teasing Regis. If you really want to bug him, jam a spoon handle between his ribs.
Lloyd Schneider
Santa Rosa Correctional Institution,
Milton, Florida

Dave,
Word of advice: don’t open your mouth when you’re being deloused.
Sal
Bolduc Correctional Facility, Maine

To give your show some free publicity, how about I stab a snitch with a “Late Show” pencil?
Your friend,
John O’Callaghan
Salinas Valley State Prison

Dear Dave,
If you ever find yourself in Goochland, Virginia, stop by for a conjugal.
Elaine Jeffers
Virginia Correctional Center for Women

And now it’s time to play "Will It Float?"
Tonight’s item: a one gallon bottle of Purex Fabric Softener What kind of container? Plastic.
Dave hears ‘plastic’ and says “float float float.”
And tonight, Dave, at the risk of flammination, decides to help out and do the dropping of the item into the Will It Float tank. He walks over to the WIF tank and takes the gallon of fabric softener and drops it into the tank.
And the gallon bottle of Purex Fabric Softener . . . . . . floats!

TOP TEN: Things Overheard Outside “Snakes On A Plane.”
#8. “Hi, two adults and one snake, please.”
#6. “Maybe we should just go to Times Square and see ‘Snake In My Pants.’”
#3. “I haven’t seen a snake that big since the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video.

Dave gets more restaurant envelopes, but they are all empty.

EDWARD NORTON: He’s starring in the new film The Illusionist which opened today. It’s been awhile since Edward Norton’s been on the show. Where’s he been. Was he burned out from making films? Edwards says he wasn’t burned out. “I didn’t want to get burned out” is how he explained it. But I’m glad he’s back. I like his work, which is lucky for me since he has 4 upcoming films coming out. I guess when it was mentioned he would have a kissing scene with Jessica Biel, he decided to get back into the business. He finds himself suddenly involved in romantic films, which reminded him of why he got into show business in the first place.
Edward recently got his pilot’s license and is enjoying the experience. He likes to tool around and look at things; flying over Vegas and Death Valley. Is he instrument-rated? Not yet, but he’s working at it. I think “instrument-rated” means you are able to fly while relying solely on the instruments and dials in the plane. Everything you need to know is right there on the dashboard.
Edward has also found himself riding horses in recent films. Is he good at it? Edward admits he’s at the worst stage of horse riding. He thinks he’s good at it but he isn’t quite yet. This is when you find yourself getting into trouble with anything; when you think you are better than you are. While working on a film, he got a bit cocky while riding a horse and the horse decided to remind him who’s boss. The horse raised up and sent Edward flying. He woke up minutes later flat on the ground with his back all in a twist. He broke his spine in 3 places but considers himself very very lucky.
We see a clip from The Illusionist. Also starring in the film is Jessica Biel and Paul Giammati. It’s in theaters now.

Back from commercial, we find Dave at the desk. He takes out a box of Cap’n Crunch. He takes out a napkin. He takes out a big bowl of Cap’n Crunch. And then he puts on a Cap’n Crunch hat.
“This portion of the Late Show is brought to you by the delicious taste of Cap’n Crunch cereal. Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, nothing starts your day like the wholesome goodness and delightful crunch of the Captain’s corn-and-oats clusters sweetened with a touch of brown sugar.”
Dave takes a big spoonful of Cap’n Crunch. Freeze.
Alan announce: “Cap’n Crunch, a tasty part of your nutritious breakfast, available at fine supermarkets everywhere! Back to you, buttface.”

ACT 5: “Hey, Late Show fans! Can you come up with new and creative ways to waste time? Five nights a week, the Late Show needs to squander approximately 30 seconds of valuable network airtime. So if you thing your idea’s got what it takes, send it to:
I Want To Waste Network Airtime
c/o The Late Show
1697 Broadway
New York, New York 10019
And if we use your idea on the show, we’ll send you this handsome ‘Late Show’ pencil.
You gotta be in it to win it, so get going and keep it real, bitches.”

GREG FITZSIMMONS: He’ll be appearing at the Improv Comedy Club in Tempe, Arizona from September 14-17th. I got a couple good laughs from him, such as the descendents of Jesus who do not quite have his powers. And I laughed out loud at the Green Bay Chuckle Hut reference and his wife’s suggestion to his son to go to bed but not to dream.

And that was our show for Friday, August 18, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

From Tuesday’s Wahoo: I was talking about my installation of a new faucet in the kitchen. I bunked my head during the job. I then wrote: “So I Googled ‘bunked my head.’ It had only 4 mentions. I looked up ‘bunk’ and ‘bunked’ in the dictionary. No mention of ‘bunked’ meaning ‘bumped.’ I remember using ‘bunked’ long long ago, but no more. Are you familiar with ‘bunked,’ as in ‘bunked my head’?

I was not happy to find so many of you had never heard of “bunked.” “Bonked” you heard of, but not “bunked.

Chrissy, down south:

“We have always said, ‘bonked’ rather than ‘bunked’ here in the South.

“We use ‘bonk; down here in Texas.”

“I've never heard ‘bunked’ before in reference to head bumping. I've always known the term as ‘bonked.’ And it looks like there are lots of hits on Google to back that up.”

“In my family, we say someone ‘bonked’ their head. A ‘bunk’ is a kind of bed, or a place to sleep.”

“Back where I grew up (Chicago and St Louis), we bonked our heads. Of course, as we got older, bonking meant something entirely different.”

“A bunk is something you sleep in. You bonked your head.”

“I'm used to your typos, so I didn't think anything the first time you used ‘bunked’, but you did it again and again. It obviously wasn't a typo, you used it on purpose.
I've never heard that word used before, but I knew what you meant to say.
On the subject of strange words:
My kids looked at like I had two heads when I said ‘that tub will tump over if you aren't careful’.”

“It's ‘bonked’ not ‘bunked.’ Maybe hitting your head while getting out of a bunk bed could be called ‘bunking your head,’ but hitting your head while under a sink is most definitely ‘bonking it’ where I come from.”

Mike, I think you mean ‘Bonked’ not bunked.

“How about ‘bonked my head’ instead of ‘bunked’?

“No, Mike. You ‘bonk’ your head. At least my three-year-old does.

“I've never bunked my head that I know of, but I've bonked it many times (103,000 Google hits), and several of those have left me thinking, ‘Man I'm glad I've got hair to cover this up.’”

“I've always called it ‘bonked’. I'm also bald and have had similar sink experiences...”

“You're the first person I have ever heard say ‘bunked my head’ and I'm older than you. And one thing I've learned about home repairs, I can either do it myself or hire someone and have it done right.”

“Where I come from, we don't ‘bunk’ our heads, we bonk them. I once bonked my head so hard that I was absolutely stunned, and had to sit on the floor for several minutes before I could get up.”

“I am also bald, and I bonk my head sometimes. I always heard it as bonk, not bunk. Not boink, either.”

"’Bunked’ must be an East Coast term of art. Or maybe even a New York/northern New Jersey term of art. We in the Midwest do not use ‘bunk’ to mean ‘bump.’ Sorry.”

And then I received this e-mail from Neal Mundle of Moncton, Canada who wrote to tell me that it is Saint John, New Brunswick and St. John’s, Newfoundland. And then in his e-mail he offhandedly threw in: “The sink story…been there, done it…couldn't agree more. 'Bunked my head'? Definitely, still use it often.”

WHAT! After so many “Bonks” I was beginning to doubt myself . . . and then one guy from Canada slips in “Bunked my head – still use it often” YES! Affirmation! Hey, Neal, write back with whatever you know about “bunked.” And ask your friends and family if they use it and what’s the origin! Yee Ha!

Another Canadian, staffer “C-Mo” Moloney told me he thought he was the only one to know of “bunked.” When he was just a child, his grandmother would sing him the ditty:

“It's raining, it's pouring;
The old man is snoring.
Bunked his head
And he went to bed
And he couldn't get up in the morning.
Rain, rain, go away;
Come again another day;
Little Johnny wants to play.”

My mother-in-law also used “bunked.”

And then I found this review of “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”, a kid’s show on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel:

“The Suite Life of Zack and Cody – episode 43; Season #2; 6/30/06
When Arwin bunked his head on the tree and fell, you can see a woman and man laugh and smile at the fall.”

MOVIE QUIZ
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: EASY
Question 14:
What did the monster do when he met the hermit in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN?
A. He bunked his head on the door.
B. He beat up on the hermit.
C. He burned his thumb.
D. He broke the window to get in.

(answer: C)

And then from the Wahoo Gazette, April 22, 2002.

“Dave bumped his head this weekend, seconds after being told ‘Watch your head.’ Whenever you bump your head, or in my house ‘bunkt your head,’ all you want to do is let out a scream and do a little dance.”