Cold Open: We find Dave and Jude in the Green Room.
Dave: "Hey, Jude, what are you doing?"
Jude: "Sending notes of apology to the members of the audience."
Dave: "Why are you apologizing to tonight's audience?"
Jude: "I apologize to every audience."

Former Vice President Al Gore's documentary is doing so well, a sequel is already in the works and it's even more frightening than the original, "An Inconvenient Truth." Dave has a clip of the promo for the sequel.
Announcer:

"In 'An Inconvenient Truth', former Vice President Al ore showed us how carbon emissions are wreaking havoc on our planet. Now in his highly-anticipated follow-up film, Al Gore takes an in-depth look at an even more petrifying and unbelievable phenomenon: Gore's now fatter than Clinton. 'An Inconvenient Truth II: Gore's Fatter Than Clinton.'

Immediately after "Cotorreando," our costume designer Susan Hum enters and starts working her lint roller over Dave's jacket. Such a perfectionist, she must have seen a piece of lint on Dave's jacket during the monologue. She couldn't help herself but make the fix.

LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
-There are more chickens than people in the world (real)
-Maine is America's only one-syllable state (real)
-Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th. (real)
-Gerald Ford was our only homosexual President (not known if real or not)
-Gandhi kept a trampoline in his office
-When Americans are asked to name their favorite food on a cob, nearly 60% reply 'corn.'
-Charles M. Schultz drew his first Peanuts cartoon while serving a 12-year sentence for manslaughter
-The apple that hit Isaac Newton in the head was actually thrown by some neighborhood punks
-There are 4 misspelled words in the Declaration of Independence
-Al Gore spent the money he made from 'An Inconvenient Truth' on a new Humvee
-Every meal Ronald Reagan ate during his Presidency was prepared in gravy.
-The first television remote control weighed 190 pounds
-During the final days of his Presidency, Richard Nixon went out to Pennsylvania Avenue and threw rocks at cars.
-At the Last Supper, 5 Apostles ordered dessert
-In addition to his famous violins, Stradivarius also made salad tongs
-At his inauguration while being sworn in, Eisenhowser was chewing gum
-The original set of "Hollywood Squares" was modeled after a Danish prison
-Very few paper cuts are fatal
-The FDA does not consider Steak-Ums to be food.
-Scientists believe that by 2012, we will run out of signs that you may be a redneck

JOHNNY DARK: Dave met this guy some years back. He's been a CBS Page now for 39 years. Dave likes to check in with him every now and then to keep his knowledge of what's going on on going. Dave introduces Johnny Dark.
Johnny enters.
DAVE: "How's your summer going, Johnny?"
JOHNNY: "Let's see. Today on the tour some kid urped up Yoo-Hoo all over the Evening News desk. So I guess the word I'd use to describe my summer is . . . . magical."
DAVE: "Johnny, I know you're a page, but I'm not quite sure what that means? What do you do all day?"
JOHNNY: "Here, take a look."
Cut to videotape:
We see Johnny sitting on the steps in the lobby smoking a cigarette. A woman approaches and asks, "Excuse me, who's on the David Letterman show tonight?" Johnny: "I dunno, lady. What am I, TV Guide?"
Back LIVE.
DAVE: "Johnny, you drove that woman away. Because of you she doesn't get to see the show."
JOHNNY: "Hey, lady, you owe me! I saved you from this train wreck." (to Paul) "Drive me home, Shaffer!"
Paul plays "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and off goes Johnny.

WILL IT FLOAT: Tonight's item: a roll of grass carpet. Is it plastic? Alan pretends to know that it is synthetic. Paul says it will sink. Dave says it will float. The Late Show models drop the grass carpet into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . floats.
The best part of Will It Float? According to Dave, it's the smell left behind by the Grinder Girl.

TOP TEN: Questions Received By the Coppertone Hotline
#10. "How much longer do I have to drink this stuff before I start getting tan?"
#2. "This is Larry King . . . can you do my back?"

E-MAIL Dave received during the break:

"Dear Dave,
Every Friday night the kids and I look forward to playing 'Will It Float.'
Tonight, your announcer gave bad information and caused my young children to guess incorrectly. Now they're in their room crying.
Damn you, David Letterman.
Alex Fuller,
Hartford, Connecticut"

Anderson is just back from a vacation in Morocco, a place in which he's always been interested. By Day 4, he was desperate for things to do. He decided to go on an 8-hour camel safari. He soon found that he would ride the camel while being led by a guy. It was nothing more than a glorified pony ride. And then the guy started talking on his cell phone. It was nothing like the Laurence of Arabia image he had built for himself.

In Anderson's new book, "Dispatches From The Edge: A Memoir of War, Disasters, and Survival," he covers a lot of what he saw in the Hurricane Katrina aftermath. A week into it, he sees a New Orleans police officer who looked a lot like Steven Seagal. And when he took a closer look, he saw that it WAS Steven Seagal in a policeman's uniform! Anderson learned that Seagal is a friend of the local sheriff and often rides around with the SWAT team. Anderson, covering the story, felt he should talk to Steven Seagal but had nothing to say to Steven Seagal except maybe, "What are you doing here?" So he asked him, "What are you doing here?" Seagal responded in a low whisper, "Hey, man. I'm not even here. I'm no Sean Penn out here with a rifle. I'm just doing the work, man, just doing the work." Anderson had no follow-up questions. They soon departed.
Anderson later told some cops that he saw Steven Seagal. They told him they see him all the time. And he also heard about Seagal visiting a bar frequented by the PD. He brought with him a framed 8X10 photo of himself and hung it up on the wall. Later, after he left, two cops shot it full of holes.

Before introducing John Witherspoon, Dave reads from another E-Mail.

"Dear Dave,
I love your Late Show Fun Facts.
Here's a fun fact . . . I served 25 years in a Danish prison. My nickname was 'Paul Lynde.'
Sincerely,
Art Walters
Knoxville, Kentucky"

ACT 5: It's Alan reading L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics." He seems impressed with what he's learning. He must have been reading the chapter about getting engaged to Katie Holmes.

And that was our show for Friday, July 14, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

I forgot to add this yesterday . . . during the show I was looking for a shot of Dave as a pizza delivery guy. I figured he must have been dressed like that at least once back in the 90s. Pressed for time last night, I couldn't come up with one. A quick check today and again came up with nothing. I can picture it clearly, but I don't know how I labeled it in my database. It was probably before I kept the excellent logs I keep now.

I was asked why I skimp on the recaps of our musical guests. To tell you the truth, I do not know enough about music to comment on it. When a band is on, I usually turn to someone and ask, "Are these guys good?" Most music today sounds all the same to me . . . . . . OH, NO! I've turned into my dad! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
The music I like to listen to are by people who are now prematurely dead. Those alive are usually playing in a band with the word "Revue" in the name. I find the radio stations that play the "Classics" are playing songs too new for me. Plus, when it comes time to recap the music . . . . I'm too close to done to care anymore.

Happy Bastille Day - what is Bastille Day?- from bry-back manor website:

Bastille Day is a National holiday in France. It is very much like Independence Day in the United States because it is a celebration of the beginning of a new form of government.
At one time in France, kings and queens ruled. Many people were very angry with the decisions made by the kings and queens.
The Bastille was a prison in France that the kings and queens often used to lock up the people that did not agree with their decisions. To many, it was a symbol of all the bad things done by the kings and queens. So, on July 14, 1789, a large number of French citizens gathered together and stormed the Bastille.
Just as the people in the United States celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence as the beginning of the American Revolution, so the people in France celebrate the storming of the Bastille as the beginning of the French Revolution. Both Revolutions brought great changes. Kings and queens no longer rule. The people rule themselves and make their own decisions.

Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love
(Felix wrote this song in episode 78, "The Songwriter")
Happy and peppy and bursting with love,
Dancing and singing to heavens above,
Jumping and rolling like a little pup,
If they knock me down, I'm gonna bounce back up.
Happy and peppy and feeling so swell,
I'm gonna answer when I hear the bell,
I'll knock down defeat with fury ferocious
Happy, precocious and swell.

"As a devoted reader of The Wahoo Gazette, this phrase jumped out at me in regard to David Wright (NY Mets 3rd baseman):
"The kid's got a real bright future ahead of him."
In my opinion, that's the best place for a future to be...