Tonight on the show, Paul “Pee Wee Herman” Reubens. Dave says Reubens was on the old show many many times and he never failed to be annoying . . . in an entertaining kind of way. And also, from Lost, Yunjin Kim. Dave prepared two things for the actress: “Onya ha-say-o” and “Gum sun nee dah.”

I think it means “hello” and “good bye”, or “hello” and “thank you.”

Have you seen the Pirates of the Caribbean movie yet? I hear it’s great. Hopefully, the movie is better than the performance given by the reviewers. We see a montage of a handful of serious news anchors.
- Joel Siegel of Good Morning America – he says “You know what it’s rated? It’s rated ‘arrrrrgghhh.’”
Headline News – Sophia Choy – Well, you could say the biggest movie opening of the weekend is rated ‘arrrrgghhh’ for really good fun.”
CNN – A.J. Hammer: “I bid you yo ho ho on this Friday.”
The local WCBS News – Joel Lamberty – “Ahoy, the pirates are back, matey.”
Gene Shalit of the Today show – responding to a talking skull, “Right, me hardies!”

Dave says, “If I would have behaved like any of those people, I would have been beaten.” In the shack, we admit that Dave avoids the obvious. Then we list a handful of Dave mannerisms and expressions that would get us beaten if we used them.

Tom Brokaw has a special on the Discovery Channel this Sunday entitled, “Global Warming: What You Need To Know.” He’s also put out a book to accompany the special. Dave holds up the book, which is called, “The Sweatiest Generation.” On the cover is 4 old guys sweating.

Today is July 11th. July is the 7th month. You know what that means? It’s 7/11, and Dave says we’ve got a special surprise for our viewers!
A “Late Show 7-Eleven Special Offer” graphic appears. Alan announces:
“The Late Show has partnered with 7-Eleven for an exciting promotion! All this week, just mention that Dave sent you and get a free Slurpee! Happy 7-11, everyone, from the Late Show and 7-Eleven!”
Paul is excited by a mite concerned. He asks, “Wow, have we really agreed to pay for millions of free Slurpees?”
Dave: “No, of course not.”

Great Moments In Presidential Speeches: We see and hear FDR. We see and hear JFK. We see and hear George W. Bush speaking of terrorist leaders, “ . . . and . . . and . . . Ramsey al-sheeb, or whatever the guy’s name was.”

WHO ASKED FOR IT? – it’s our way of giving back to our audience. We put up a microphone in the aisle and if anyone has a question for Dave, they are free to come up and ask.
1. John Reid: “I’ve attended talk show tapings before. At Oprah’s show, they occasionally have free gifts beneath the seat. Do you have anything like that?” Dave is pleased to have a talk show fan in the audience. When did he see Oprah? John says about 3 months ago when he was in Chicago. Dave reminds John that Oprah once gave away free cars to the entire audience. But we don’t do that here. If John would like, he could check under his seat and see what we have, if anything. John goes back to his seat and then returns to the microphone. He holds up what he found. It’s a live rat. He asks, “What’s the deal with this?” Ewwww.
Dave explains it is not what you think. It was nothing but a New York City squirrel. Yes, I saw the nuts, but I don’t think it was a squirrel.

2. Leona, from Easton, Pennsylvania – “My son Jeff is one of your summer interns. I haven’t seen him since he started at the show at the end of May. Would it be possible for him to come out and say a quick hello?”
Dave says we get this a lot. Dave looks off-stage and spots Jeff! Imagine that! Dave waves Jeff out to greet his mom. Jeff quickly runs out and it was heart-warming to see the love young Jeff had for his mom. He really did seem to miss her. Mom and Jeff hug. A very sweet moment. They continue to hug and Dave has to break it off since we have a show to put on. Jeff’s face drops immediately. He begins to plead to his mother. “Don’t let them take me back. Ma. Ma. Please. I made a terrible mistake! You don’t know what it’s like!”
Two plain-clothes security guards enter and haul the ungrateful intern away. As he is dragged off, Jeff cries out for his mom. You can hear his wail of, “I should have gone to Conan!” as he disappears behind the heavy doors at the back to the audience. Heaven knows the beating he must have received. I’m sure the report will read that he fell.

3. Dave greets the next questioner. The fellow is adjusting the microphone to a proper level.
Dave: “Hi, and what is your name?”
Pete: “Pete.”
Dave: “Do you have a question?”
Pete: “No, I don’t. I’m adjusting your microphone. I’ve been your audio technician for the last 13 years. Thanks for caring.” He then exits.

4. Jason of Passaic, New Jersey. He works here in the city in informational systems. He mentioned something about working “online” which I then soon lost interest. Dave asks if it is OK for him to go to work wearing what he is wearing. Wrinkles shorts and a summer shirt are OK. Oh, those kids. Jason: “I love that thing you do where you have the hose set up out on Broadway to squirt passersby. Do you have it today?” Dave says he does. Dave shows what Jason is talking about. Dave activates the hose cam at the corner of 53rd and Broadway and we see the squirted water hit a suspecting man pretending to be unsuspecting. The guy gets wet from the hose. He’s not too pleased, but he’s not all that upset either. It is hot and humid outside today. Dave then shows a new twist he’s been working on; something he likes to tinker with after the shows. He’s equipped the hose cam to shoot out hot, boiling water. Dave activates the super hot water hose and we see the same guy now being burned by the scalding water. He falls to the ground and cries out in incredible pain. If only he rolled out of the aim of the boiling water and not into it. What a shame. In the shack, I smiled at the fellow’s performance. It’s bad enough doing something like that out on the street with a writer and director and a camera guy a few feet away shooting the footage. In what we just saw, there was nobody . . . just our one guy screaming in pain on the sidewalk due to being hit by water from a hose.

5. Ron and Allison from Erie, Pennsylvania.
Ron: “My wife and I are here on our honeymoon. What do you recommend we see while we’re here?”
Dave: “First, I would like to know, what are you doing here?” Dave laughs at his own little joke. He is then interrupted by Alan.
Alan: “Dave! DL! Dave?! Uhhh, Dave!”
Dave: “What is it, Alan?”
Alan begins to read from his cue cards and notices Dave out the corner of his eye. Was something wrong? Alan stops and looks over at D.L. and asks, “Can I do this?”
Dave fires back, “I thought you’d wait for your cue, but if you want to do it now . . . “
Alan proceeds.
Alan: “With all apologies to Paris, no city is more romantic than New York.” (Alan gets up and slowly walks toward the newlywed couple in the audience.) “I recommend you begin with a carriage ride through Central Park. Cliché? Perhaps, but lovely just the same. Asks the drive to drop you off at Tavern on the Green and linger over a late lunch bathed in the Park’s late afternoon glow. Then take your young bride for a shopping spree on 5th Avenue.” (Alan is now moves behind the couple and edges in between them.) “Buy her that lacy, black item in the window. Yeah, that’s the one. Finally, when night falls, take her on a romantic helicopter ride . . .”
Alan moves in and begins to passionately kiss the beautiful young bride. Ron, the husband, looks on not at all pleased. He verbally tries to break up the embrace. No luck for Ron, and surely no luck for Allison. Dave finally intercedes from his desk and separates the two. Ron mutters a “Thanks, Dave.” Dave attempts to smooth out the awkward moment by assuring Ron, “Again, congratulations. The two of you seem very happy.”

And that was Who Asked For It?.

The highlight for me was the Alan piece. While he was performing, I thought back to rehearsal when I played Alan. I particularly enjoyed my embrace with “Allison” earlier in the day. Of course to get in the mood, I was thinking of my wife the whole time.

“Tony Mendez Gives Away the Ending to Movies in Spanish” – Once again, Tony Mendez ruins a summer blockbuster for the Spanish-speaking by his revealing the ending. For those who do not understand Spanish, I will translate and ruin the ending for you English-speakers.
Tony: “Hello. Today, I will be giving away the ending to ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.’ The film follows Johnny Depp’s character, Captain Jack Sparrow, on his quest to unlock the mysterious dead man’s chest and pay off a blood debt to the legendary pirate Davey Jones.
ALERT! Here comes the give-away ending!)
In the end, Johnny Depp unlocks the chest and Orlando Bloom dies.”
Paul plays the Tony Mendez theme. Tony is upset by the quick ending, and storms off the stage, throwing his cue cards into the air in ire.

TOP TEN: Chapter Titles in George W. Bush’s Memoirs – According to “U.S. News and World Reports,” for the past year President Bush has been preparing to write his memoirs.
#9. Why Mom and Dad Voted For Kerry
#8. The Best Memos I’ve Never Read
#7. The War in Iraq, a 6-foot hero, and Other Things I Started But Couldn’t Finish”

Right about here we see a pair of sunglasses flashing on the screen in the corner of the Top Ten graphic. Dave notices and becomes quickly excited. “Do you know what that is?” he cries with glee! “It’s time to put on the 3-D glasses!” Dave grabs a pair of nearby 3-D goggles and puts them on. The screen goes to that green/red fuzzy image. Dave begins to throw pencils at the screen and if you had the 3-D glasses on at home, you would swear the pencils were coming right out of your TV and right towards your noggin. After a few seconds of such fun, Dave puts the glasses away.
I knew we had the 3-D glasses but by the time we got to the Top Ten, I thought it was not going to be used tonight. When I saw the flashing glasses, uh oh, a malfunction in the control room, I thought. When Dave went to the 3-D glasses, it was met in the shack with relief and laughs.

#6. How To Lose an Election and Still Become President

PAUL REUBENS: What’s the deal with this guy? Dave wants to find out what happened in Paul’s childhood that led to his Pee Wee Herman character.
Paul was born in Peekskill just up the road and then moved to Oneonta, New York near Cooperstown. His dad was a car salesman; his mom a homemaker. Everything was fine until he hit the age of 6. While in kindergarten, we attended a 6th grade Indian Pageant and performance. A song sung in the pageant got into his brain and it became his dream to perform in the Indian Pageant when he got to the 6th grade. He couldn’t wait for the 6th grade. Unfortunately, the family moved. When told, he responded, “You mean AFTER the 6th grade, right?” Nope. They moved to Florida when Paul was in the 4th grade. After suffering through the cold winters of Central New York, Florida seemed like a Hawaiian paradise. On his first day of school, Paul dressed like a beachcomber. His classmates did not know what to make of him. On his second day of school, he again wore a beachcomber outfit; same thing; different color. And as I type this, I am left to wonder if Paul Reubens was influenced by Beachcomber Bill. I haven’t thought of Beachcomber Bill in at least 35 years. He was a real-life character in a children’s show back in the 60’s. I’m not even sure if I got the right name, so I’ll Google it and see what comes up. I’ll be right back.
DING! Check out Beachcomber Bill. Beachcomber Bill would feature the cartoons of Wally Gator, Touche Turtle, and Lippy the Lion.
http://www.tvparty.com/lostny2beach.html

You can see Paul Reubens and his Pee Wee's Playhouse on Adult Swim on the Comedy Channel Monday through Thursday at 11:00 PM. We see a clip from his show with Pee Wee having fun with giant underpants.

YUNJIN KIM: She’s one of the stars of the big ABC hit, Lost. Yunjin grew up on Staten Island, the borough just south of Manhattan. She then moved to a building on 53rd and 8th in view of the Ed Sullivan Theater. It was her dream to appear on the LATE SHOW, and now, here she is.
I remember in a drunken stupor back in ’83 I made a claim that I would one day be on LATE NIGHT with DAVID LETTERMAN. Jump ahead 12 years later or so and I found myself playing a mailman being grabbed by the neck by David Letterman. As Dave had me by the collar, I was thinking back to that claim. I was supposed to be scared and frightened in the scene, but I remember having a big smile on my face. I think we had to do a 2nd take. (February 8, 1995 – Memo Mate commercial) How has Yunjin’s celebrity changed her life? She says she can no longer go to bathhouses without being embarrassingly recognized.
What can we expect next on Lost? She has no idea.
Lost – on ABC, Wednesdays at 9:00 PM.

ACT 5: Over audience; Alan v.o.: “Uh oh, it’s 3-D glasses time. Grab your armrests and hold on!” We then see the monkey washing the cat in 3-D effect.

NELLY FURTADO: From her new CD, “Loose,” Nelly performed “Maneater.”

And that was our show for Tuesday July 11, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

As I wrote tonight’s Wahoo:
I was in my office studying the light from my one small window falling on my super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said I had my last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make me dig my own grave and lick the shovel clean.

The rest of that story I’ll save for another day.

When I went to see LATE NIGHT back in March of 1984 (?), Paul Reubens as Pee Wee Herman was a guest. Also on the show, Larry Bud Melman and Chaka Kahn.

I’m very afraid. This week, the NYPD found another 1,560 men and women who’ve agreed to be New York City Police Officers for $12.50 an hour. Maybe former NYPD Police Commissioner Bernie Kerik could figure out how to make $12.50 an hour enough to live on in the city, but your typical rookie can not.

I was flipping through the channels on Sunday afternoon. CBS had golf. NBC had golf. ABC had golf. It was the golf trifecta. I really appreciated all the golf on TV. It made me go outside and enjoy the summer sunshine.

The site of BostonBill’s shots of the LATE SHOW is quickly approaching 15,000. He’s got about another 250 to go. Who will be #15,000? Will it be you? Check it out at:
http://community-2.webtv.net/bostonbill41/MondayStillShots710/

OUCH! Not a very good day for the Wahoo Gazette yesterday. Lots of oops and errors. It’s the inspiration for the return of:
The Wahoo Gazette’s ‘You Were Wrong When You Wrote . . .”
Teresa of California:

“You made an error regarding the Great Moments in Presidential Speeches portion of your gazette. They did not show the ‘park in Botswana’ speech. It was the recent speech where G.W. is reading from the teleprompter and it obviously malfunctions, leaving him looking hapless and confused. Also, Zidane head-butted an Italian player, not a German player.”

Janet Morrison:

“I went on your website today to get the clam dip recipe and discovered that you had missed the bread crumbs in the recipe. Can you please let me know how much? Thanks very much.”

And here’s something that got past me. A good catch by Paul N. of Bridgeport, Ct.

“Yes, I noticed Dave mistakenly called Michael Douglas, Michael Jackson, but I also noticed why: Paul played MJ's song ‘Bad’ after the Top 10 list, putting Michael Jackson's name into Dave's head.”

Don’t forget to watch Tuesday’s Tony Mendez Show. Some are rating it the best ever since the show was guest-hosted.

Check out this month’s In Touch magazine. Look for Late Show Online producers Walter Kim and Jay Johnson.