Following Dave’s last joke during the monologue, stage manager Biff Henderson walked out and looked directly into the camera and mutters, “Oh, brother.” He then exits. It made no sense, but it’s one of those things that we usually continue for a couple weeks. Stay tuned.

And this past Saturday up in Toronto, Paul received a star on Canada’s Walk of Fame, honoring his career and contribution to the arts. Congratulations, Mr. Shaffer.

Al Gore’s film, An Inconvenient Truth is now playing in theaters. He’s succeeded in making a dry subject seem interesting and accessible. Dave thinks he may have gone too far, though. We take a look at a promo.

Announcer: “It’s the movie everyone is talking about. Al Gore presents ‘An Inconvenient Truth,’ a shocking look at the perils of global warming. Find out how carbon dioxide buildup is contributing to the melting of the polar ice caps. See how increased temperatures are negatively affecting endangered species. And if you want some real heat, check out the unedited 12-minute clip of Al and Tipper getting’ freaky at the 2000 Democratic National Convention. Ohhh, yeah. ‘An Inconvenient Truth’: Now playing at theaters everywhere.”

And now, The Larry King Live Highlight of the Night. We see Larry interviewing Liz Taylor.
Larry: “Are your eyes purple?”
Liz: “I think they’re red.”
Larry: “They’re purple, they’re purple. Red?”
Liz: “Yes, aren’t they?”
Larry: (beat) “They’re pretty.”

Liz Taylor . . . . she looked like Elvis Presley, 1976-77.

I got to start watching the Larry King. It’s riveting stuff. After this bit, I typed up a question for Dave to ask Lindsay Lohan: “Are your eyes purple?”

The World Cup get underway in just a few days and soccer fans everywhere are tremendously excited. Tonight, we presented a segment called “The LATE SHOW World Cup Preview.”
We see wonderful World Cup graphics fly in with triumphant trumpets blaring. More graphics fly in. After 10 seconds of graphics and music, we cut back to Dave. He explains that’s all we have so far.

And did you watch the Scripps Spelling Bee on the ABC the other night. That’s right, it was on a major network in primetime. And that’s a sure sign that the once suspenseful and entertaining competition will soon be ruined. Someone is now getting a lot of money for this. Is it the kids?
We see the final competitor spelling out her winning word. Katharine “Kerry” Close of Spring Lake, New Jersey spells out a very difficult word . . . and goes on and on and on. It was nearly 4 score and 7 words!
Of course, we took shots of Kerry spelling different words during the competition and put them all together to make it look like she was spelling one word.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: It’s the President giving his speech in the Oval Office, then stops suddenly and stares off into space.
Of course, this was during the time he was rehearsing his speech. CNN jumped in too early.

Back from commercial, Dave talks about attending the Indianapolis 500 and how exciting it was. Meanwhile, out costume designer Sue Hum is standing just to Dave’s left holding a 4-foot hero. She says nothing. She simply stands there with the hero saying nothing. Finally a confused Dave sends her away, telling her thank you but no thanks. Sue exits.
This made no sense, but it’s one of those things that we usually continue for a couple weeks. Stay tuned. I hope we continue the 4-foot hero joke. There was some good eating in the neighborhood last night.

TOP TEN: Surprises in Al Gore’s Global Warming Movie
#10. The role of Al Gore is played by Bruce Willis
#8. Hilarious outtake of Al Gore saying, “Wobal Glarming.”
#5. Refers to Arizona as being “hotter than Tipper’s ass.”

The only reason the audience laughed was because Dave said, ‘Ass.’ Let that be a comedy lesson to you. Need a laugh? Say “ass.”

And to show our appreciation for our audience, we decided to give something back to our loyal fans. Tonight, one lucky audience member will win a fabulous prize. Our announcer Alan Kalter will spin the Raffle Bonanza prize drum and pick out the name of tonight’s winning audience member. Tonight’s winning prize: A Jet Ski!
Alan begins to spin the drum. Around and around goes the drum of names. We’re just about ready. Around and around and around. And around. OK, Alan, pick a name. Alan continues to spin the drum. Dave, growing impatient, tells Alan to stop spinning the drum and to pick a name. Alan grinning widely continues to spin the drum. And spinning, and spinning, and spinning.
Dave is baffled. He decides to cancel tonight’s raffle, much to the chagrin of the Late Show audience.

LINDSAY LOHAN: She’s starring in the Friday release of the film A Prairie Home Companion. The director, Robert Altman, told Lindsay the day they met that there was a good chance he could croak at any moment. Dave says the same could happen tonight with him. Also in the film: Garrison Keillor, Meryl Streep, and Lily Tomlin. And Lindsay has recently worked with Jane Fonda, a favorite of Lindsay’s. Dave is fond of Jane, but realizes he is out of her money league. According to Dave, she likes the Ted Turner-money types. Is there anyone in Lindsay’s life right now? She avoids the question, and says even if there was she wouldn’t say. Dave presses on. “Is there an important guy in her life?” Dave wonders, “Could a guy ask you to dinner?” Lindsay says of course. “And how would one go about that? Would they have to go through your publicist?” Lindsay remains tight-lipped, but it doesn’t slow down Dave. “If you were to go out with someone after the show tonight, would it be with the same person you went out with after the show the last time you were on the show?” Lindsay wants to know why Dave is so interested in her private life. Dave explains that at his age, he lives his social life through his guests on the show. Paul jumps in and concurs, lamenting their advanced age into old-manhood.
We see a clip of Lindsay from A Prairie Home Companion. She sings. It opens Friday.

Back from commercial:
Hey, how about them gas prices? Dave’s paying, like, $40 a gallon. We thought we’d lend a helping hand to battle the gas gouge in this piece we call, “Pat Farmer’s Gas Saving Tips.” We cut to Pat Farmer standing in front of his car.

Pat: “Hi, everyone. With gas prices approaching $3 a gallon, filling up the family car can really put a dent in your wallet. Follow these simple tips and you’ll get through the gas crisis just fine.
First, did you know air conditioners can reduce fuel economy by up to 20%? So when you’re behind the wheel, cut back on the A/C.
Did you know that heavy objects left in the trunk can reduce mileage? So the next time you go for a spin, get rid of that set of golf clubs you’ve had lying in your trunk.
Did you know 77% of Americans drive to work alone? So, do what Pat does . . . offer a ride to anyone who needs one, like these three guys I met this morning. (see three guys; one pumping gas into Pat’s car)
Follow these simple steps and . . .”
The guy pumping gas suddenly sprays the gas into Pat’s eyes. Pay falls to the ground in pain, holding his face, screaming just as was written in the script. The 3 thugs hop in Pat’s car and drive away.

ACT 5: It’s our favorite announcer still spinning the LATE SHOW Raffle Bonanza drum.

SAM HORNISH, JR.: He’s the 2006 Indianapolis 500 Champion, winning in the 2nd closest finish in Indianapolis 500 history. As with just about everyone who puts on a racing helmet, winning the Indianapolis 500 was a dream come true. At what point did Sam think he was going to win? Well, there was a point near the end when Michael Andretti was winning the race and Sam thought, “Hey, Michael can win this race. That’ll be a nice story if Michael wins.” And then Michael’s son, Marco, took the lead and Sam thought, “Hey, Marco can win this race. That’ll be some story.” And then a little later when Sam was catching up he thought, “Hey, I might win this thing!” Sam planned his last rush, figuring to go one way if Marco went another way, and if Marco went the other way, Sam would just to lower on the turn. And if Marco wouldn’t let him pass, then he would go over him. He planned to do whatever was necessary. Sam finally passed Marco Andretti about 250 yards from the finish. . . . . 250 yards in a 500 mile race.
On Dave’s drive in to work this morning, he experienced some back pain which he knew he could shake off as soon as he got to work in 40 minutes or so. But what’s it like going for 500 miles knowing you can’t “right” yourself until the race is finished? Has Sam ever had a problem like that? Sam says in this Indianapolis 500, at around lap 50 of the 200-lap race, he felt the need to go to the bathroom. Yikes. He admits some drivers will just go right in their suit but he hasn’t been able to do that yet. He fought off the urge. With so much going on and with the heat, Sam says the body absorbed the available fluids and the urge to go left. . . . . and how history would be different if Sam decided to take a break in the Port-a-john at lap 50. And that probably explains why he only took a sip from the traditional bottle of milk at the end of the race and poured the rest over his head. This past Sunday, Sam finished 12th in the Watkins Glen Indy Grand Prix. His next race is this Saturday night at the Texas Motor Speedway in the Bombardier Learjet 500K.

And that was our show for June 5, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

I did some camping over the break. There was a group of us at a camp site in the Catskills. They all had pop-up campers. I had a tent. My girls don’t mind the tent . . . yet. We did a bit of the hiking, a bit of the . . . . well, that was about it for me. The rest of the weekend was eating and drinking. When camping, I always like to bring along a throw-back beer, a beer from years past; not one of today’s more popular brands such as Budweiser or Coors or Miller Lite. This year I brought along a case of Schaeffer. My dad used to drink the stuff back in the 60’s and early 70’s until they changed the water. I was very happy with the taste. I’ll be having more of the Schaeffer this year. Last year, Rheingold was my brand. Next year: Ballentine.

I went to Jersey this morning to get a fill-up of gas. It’s cheaper there than in New York, plus they pump it for you. It’s a win-win. On my way to the Parkway, I passed the Stuckey Bowl bowling alley used to shoot the TV show Ed. How does Stuckey Bowl look today? It’s been leveled flat. It’s no more. There’s no more Stuckey Bowl. They must have done it in the past month or so. I have no idea what they’ll use in 10 years for the big Ed reunion show on NBC.

Pitcher Aaron Small was 10-0 for the Yankees last year. Many Yankee fans, and management, had big hopes for him this year. Not me. Aaron Small had a fantastic season but he is no more than a .500 pitcher, as history shows. My thought is he has 10 losses coming his way. So far this year he is 0-3 with a 9.67 ERA. I have nothing against Aaron Small, but he is what he is. Without him last year, the Yankees wouldn’t have made the playoffs. But he’s a .500 pitcher.

Went to see the Jimmy Stewart movie Harvey this weekend at the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York. Before the show, I got to enjoy music on the Wurlitzer organ. It made for a very nice rainy Saturday afternoon.
http://www.bigscreenclassics.com/gallery.htm

Hope you’re not a hexakosioihexekontahexaphobic.