Dave discovers at his desk a Production note about Father's Day. It reads: "Sunday is Father's Day.
You are a father.
Your son's name is Harry."
Dave appreciated the note, stating "Sometimes in the heat of the big show, the obvious slips your mind." Dave will be celebrated his 3rd Father's Day on Sunday, proudly claiming that being a father has brought him unimaginable joy. Dave realizes that the unimaginable joy he now feels will eventually change to unending "anxiety over arrest" during the teen years.

And speaking of Father's Day, Dave proudly shows off the gift he received last year. It's a mug with the inscription, "World's Oldest Dad."

The head of al-Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, is dead. They've already named a replacement: Abu Hamza Al-Muhajir. And we couldn't be more proud that Al-Muhajir is here tonight in our audience. The camera pans to the balcony where we see the head of al-Qaeda stand and wave. Dave congratulates him and his wife, Iris.

I was doing something right around here so I sort of missed what led up to it and exactly what was said. From what I picked up, Dave is driving a different car these days; a Dodge Hi-Ho. He can't find the right buttons to control the interior lights. He's tempted to call On-Star for some road-side assistance. "Hello, On-Star . . . yeah, I need help in turning off my interior dome light."

It's now time for the World Cup Highlight of the Night. Instead of the World Cup, we see a scene from Gilligan's Island. Ooops. Dave apologizes, explaining that we must have accidentally recorded the wrong channel.

Suddenly, drums from Anton. We hear our drummer Anton Fig banging on the skins. What's the deal? Anton explains, "Sorry, Dave, I thought it was time for my drum solo."

Hold on! Dave is receiving word from the Control Room . . . . yes . . . . we have LIVE footage of Patrick Kennedy . . . . out on his boat on the Potomac. Do we have a shot of that? Yes.
We see a high-speed boat racing along the water. It then becomes airborne and flips. Oooh, the Patrick Kennedy. Dave is receiving more information . . . .. "He's OK." That's a relief.

And now a Wahoo Gazette Peek Behind the Scenes at The Late Show. We have a small library of crash scenes ready for the Patrick Kennedy bits. We pick which one we will use early in the day. Sometimes, a change is made just before the show. That is what happened here. I came up to the dressing room before the show a little late and just as I arrived I was given the Patrick Kennedy blue card with a request for a re-write. On the blue card written in a black Sharpie for the re-write was "footage of Patrick Kennedy boating on the pot." I went to the shack to re-type the blue card. Instead of his driving a car, tonight we would have Patrick Kennedy operating a boat. All these jokes we've been doing about Patrick Kennedy stems from his recent DUI arrest. I took the written note handed to me and read it as us having footage of Patrick Kennedy out on his boat while under the influence of marijuana --- "footage of Patrick Kennedy boating on the pot." My new blue card was typed this way:
"I'M TOLD WE HAVE A LIVE SHOT OF PATRICK KENNEDY BOATING ON THE POT." I ran out and placed the blue card on Dave's desk with all the other blue cards. Dave was on stage for the pre-show Q&A. I went back to sit in the shack. As I sat, head writer Eric Stangel asked, "Did you get the change of Patrick Kennedy on the Potomac?" My moment of confusion was replaced with a moment of panic. I raced out on stage as Alan was beginning his opening announce. I searched for the blue card on Dave's desk, found it, and raced back to the shack. I quickly added "omac" to the end of "pot." I then returned the blue card to the desk. I got back to the shack greatly relieved. I was 99.999% grateful for the last second discovery. There was .001% of me that was curious as to how that would have played out if Eric didn't mention the aside, "Did you get the change of Patrick Kennedy on the Potomac?" "Patrick Kennedy boating on the pot" works, too.

LATE SHOW FUN FACTS - Dave met a guy at Paul's wedding who works at the Census Bureau. He sends some of the findings of the Bureau to Dave, knowing Dave enjoys little known facts of oddities.
-the human heart beats over 100,000 times a day
-like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
-a typical bed houses over 6 billion dust mites --- and that's just a "typical" bed.
-The Dutch language has no word for ‘shirt'
-Before the invention of the touch-tone phone, 900 Americans died each year in rotary dialing accidents
-The polar bear has no natural enemies, nor does it have any friends (my favorite)
-The largest carrot ever recorded was just under a mile long
-18% of dentures are sold as party gags
-the Dalai Lama spent his teenage years working a an Arby's
-Three out of four men feel vaguely uncomfortable eating bananas in public
-The most frequently stolen book from public libraries: The Autobiography of Fran Tarkenton
-Despite years of trial and error, Thomas Edison could never perfect a five-blade razor
-The invention that later became silly putty was originally intended as a contraceptive device
-The watermelon is technically a nut
-Every 12 seconds someone chokes to death on a postage stamp
-Scientists at Bell Labs have now identified nearly 70 ways to leave your lover.
-Mamie Eisenhowser liked it rough

The first three fun facts are real.

Back from commercial, Dave had some more Late Show Fun Facts -in foreign television markets, the American show "Who's The Boss?" was titled "Unknown Supervisor."
-Julius Caesar's middle name: Zip
-No heterosexual man has ever bought himself an umbrella

WILL IT FLOAT: tonight's item: an inflatable pool in its original packing. According to Alan, it comes with a DVD player. Really!? Not until after the show when he read the box more closely did he realize it came with a DVD instructional video. Dave says it will float. Paul sides with sink. The Late Show models drop the inflatable pool into the Will It Float tanks and it . . . . FLOATS!

Admiring the whole Will It Float ensemble, Dave announces the entire Will It Float team will be invited to the house on Father's Day.

Just as Dave is about to open the Top Ten list our costume designer Sue Hum walks out with a bowl of trail mix. She says to Dave, "I have trail mix." Dave smiles her way and says, "That's nice."

TOP TEN: Things You Don't Want To Hear on Father's Day
Father's Day Fun Fact: More collect calls are made on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.
#7. "The gift I'd most like to share is the joy of Scientology"
#2. "I should really be giving something to the television, since it raised me."

Dave looks over at Sue Hum and tells her that he really doesn't want any trail mix. Sue pauses, then says to her boss, "A**hole." She exits.

#1. "When I grow up I want to be just like you, minus the wrinkles, bad breath, and impotence."

ROBERT DUVALL: He's starring in the AMC mini-series "Broken Trail" June 25th and 26th. Robert is married to an Argentina woman born on the same day as him, but in different decades. He admits he doesn't know whether to call his father-in-law "father" or "son." How is Argentina? Robert describes it as "Very civil. Very corrupt, but very civil." Also, Argentina makes better pizza, but we make better beef. How about that. And later we learn that Indiana has more horses than you would think (I forgot the exact wording of the horses and Indiana thing.)
The American Film Institute came out with the 100 greatest movies of all time. Robert Duvall was in 6 of those movies; more than any other actor.
-"To Kill A Mockingbird" - 1962 - this was his very first movie. Nice start.
- "The Godfather" - 1972
-"The Godfather: Part II" - 1974
-"MASH" - 1970
-"Apocalypse Now" - 1979
-"Network" - 1976
Dave mentions that Robert Duvall won an Academy Award for "Tender Mercies" and there is a scene with Duvall and Wilford Brimley that may have been the best scene Dave has ever witnessed on the screen. "Tender Mercies" is one of those movies on my list I've been meaning to see. It's now at the top of my list.
"Broken Trail" - a mini-series on the AMC, June 25-26. If Duvall is in it, you know it has to be good.

TOMMY TIERNAN: the comedian touched on his Irish heritage and their appetite for self destruction.
-he's a child of beer.
-A fire alarm at the bar
-Olympic bid
-Drug and steroids at the Olympics
-A gold medal for Ireland, with the help of a horse
-Life on a stud farm - "Back her into me, PJ!"
Tommy Tiernan's one-man show "Loose" opens June 20th at the Actor's Playhouse in New York City.

ACT 5: It's Alan Kalter screaming "Goooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll"

SONIC YOUTH: From their CD, "Rather Ripped," Sonic Youth performed "Incinerate."

And that was our show for Friday, June 16, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Today's morning commute traffic jam was brought to you by. . . . Friday morning drives into work are the best of the week. It's always very light. The drive home is just the opposite in the summer; it's always the worst. So what happened this morning that created a traffic jam? The first half of my trip was smooth and moving. The slower cars remained to the right; those wishing to pass drove on the left. Everything was fine. The line at the toll of the George Washington Bridge was very short. It was your typical Friday morning commute. And then I hit the bridge. It was stopped solid. This was strange because the ride up to this point was light and there was nothing on the radio to tip me off of an accident ahead. What was up? I creep along the bridge; lots of stop and go. And then on the walkway coming my way I see the problem. A 20-something female in a half-shirt and tights is jogging. Every dumb male feels the need to ogle at the female. As soon as she jogs past, the road opens up. No more traffic. Men, please, buy a magazine or something. Just don't screw up the traffic with your voyeuristic sexual needs. Men are so . . . . . weak.

My neighbor's son just finished his freshman year in college. He's a normal kid; likes sports, likes fun, and got a 4.0. How anyone can get a 4.0 the first time away from home without parental rules and guidelines is beyond me. Congratulations, John.

Paul McCartney turns 64 on Sunday. Guess what song you'll hear 64 times on the radio on Sunday, that is, if radio still plays Beatles music.

More of the WAHOO GAZETTE CUT AND PASTE SPECIAL. How did you get your nickname?
Aaron Kleeman of Adelaide, Australia:

My nickname is Thongs (the feet kind). I wear them all the time to school. I even got suspended once for wearing them (not allowed to, uniform policy). But shoes in the Aussie weather? Come on."

"In my final year at high school, our yearbook had celebrity look-a-likes for everyone in my class. For some reason, my celebrity look-a-like was a children's TV character, Postman Pat (see http://www.postmanpat.com/ if you've never heard of him). I have no idea why this is, as I share none of the distinguishing features of Pat: not the hair, nor the glasses, nor (I hope) the nose.
The next year, I was at university and living in a hall of residence. One night I found myself in a conversation with these people I had never met. When the conversation got onto our yearbooks, I mentioned the "Postman Pat" thing. We became friends, and my nickname was predictably "Postman Matt", eventually (and thankfully) abbreviated to just "Postman".
I'm sure there's a moral somewhere in that story - something about being careful who you tell things to - but I haven't quite worked it out yet."

I feel kind of guilty for cutting and pasting stuff into the Wahoo Gazette. I feel as if I'm cheating, letting the readers provide the content while I get the credit for writing the Wahoo Gazette. And then I think of one thing: Tim Russert. His New York Times list bestseller "Wisdom of Our Fathers" about lessons and letters from daughters and sons is nothing but cutting and pasting. And he's making huge money off this. What a gimmick! Heck, if Russert can cut and paste, so can I.
By the way, I'm reading "Wisdom of Our Fathers" here and there and am enjoying the heck out of it.

Hey, Big Red McIntee . . . . Happy Father's Day, Dad!
My father's nickname while he worked at Con Edison was Red, or Big Red. His mom's maiden name was Hickey. With the nickname he had, I always wondered what my dad's life would be like if his last name was Hickey and not McIntee.