It’s the fastest growing party sensation; it’s AUDIENCE SHOW AND TELL.
AS&T#1: Wendy Stewart of Baron Rouge, Louisiana:
She’s a stay-at-home mom with 2 children; Parker and Sloane. When Wendy was 8 years old, she met Elvis Presley. Her mom waited all night for front row seats in Jackson, Mississippi. They front row seats and were able to snap a photo of Wendy with the King. And that’s not all. Wendy got one of Elvis’ sweat-stained scarves. Now that’s cool.
Elvis is 71 years old. Some believe he died in 1977.

AS&T#2: John Beyer of Germantown, Maryland:
He’s a computer support specialist. I think what these guys do is program your computer to get a virus every 6 months or so. It guarantees repeat business. It’s sort of like those male nurses who make their patients sick and then miraculously race to their hospital bed to save their life. What does John have for us? He was an extra in the film, “Deep Impact.” We see a clip of the blockbuster film, and there for a split second is John Beyer running for his life.

And did you see Butch Patrick sitting behind John Beyer?

AS&T#3: Ruth Ann Thompson of the Bronx.
Ruth Ann is a bartender at the Red Rock Roadhouse at 92nd and 2nd on the Upper East Side. As a bartender she feels the customer needs to be entertained. The only entertainment I need at a bar is having the drinks keep on coming. If the bartender is doing tricks, it usually means I have to wait for my next drink. I don’t find anything entertaining about that. The most common mixed drink these days? The sour apple martini. Dave makes a face as if he just ate a sour apple. Dave’s idea of a martini if gin . . . . and that’s it. The vermouth you can forget about. The olive. You can take an olive out of the jar, but then you have to put it right back in. And there is no vodka in a martini. It’s gin. In fact, Dave’s perfect martini consists of nothing but a bottle of gin. Just leave the bottle, that’ll be fine.
What can Ruth Ann do for us tonight? She can balance a bottle of Corona on her head will doing a hula hoop. She performs her neat trick and I am very impressed . . . . . just don’t try that when I’m trying to order another.
I was very tempted to head over to the Red Rock Roadhouse Friday night to watch the LATE SHOW. It must have been some party for Ruth Ann and the regulars.

And that was Audience Show and Tell.

We later learn that Ruth Ann can also breathe fire but we could not get a fire permit. But the Red Rock Roadhouse can?

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR’s “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” speech. We see JFK’s “Ask not what your country can do for you” speech. We see Bush’s “Our position on prostitution . . . I’ll have to ask the Secretary on that. (looks for next question) Yeah?”

JOHNNY DARK: He’s been a CBS Page for 39 years now. He’s always got something on his mind. Dave asks Johnny if he is excited for Mother’s Day.
JOHNNY: “I haven’t met her, but I’m excited.” I really enjoyed that ad-lib.
Dave has heard that Johnny has something new tonight. The LATE SHOW has given Johnny his very own Andy Rooney-type segment. It’s called, “A Minute with Johnny Dark.” We see the premiere installment. It’s Johnny sitting at a cluttered desk.

JOHNNY: “You know, everything’s so expensive these days; housing prices are through the roof; it costs 4 dollars for a gallon of gas. You can go broke just cruising for whores. But you know what’s worse? All you people whining about it. SHUT UP, ALREADY! Grab a Red Bull and a handful of horse tranquilizers and get on with your day, you sorry losers.”
(Johnny takes a swig of the Red Bull)
JOHNNY: “Oooh, that’s gonna burn later. And what’s with all this junk mail?”
(Johnny goes through a stack of mail)
“Bill, bill, credit card application, subpoena, restraining order, bill, paternity test . . . . paternity test? ‘GIVL’ YOU! And no spam email either! Go pound sand!”
Johnny gets up and throws his computer off his desk.

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight’s item: a Web Oil Filter. Dave believes it will float and then sink later in the show. Paul agrees. Dave disqualifies himself because, according to Paul, they’re both staying at the same hotel. Paul disqualifies himself, too. The only reason he gives is he wants to hurry up and see the Grinder Girl. It’s time to play. The LATE SHOW models toss the Web Oil Filter into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . . FLOATS! We see a close-up of the Web Oil Filter floating in the water and he describes it looking like a submarine in a really inexpensive World War II movie.

EDIE FALCO: She’s Carmella in The Sopranos. A few years ago Denise and I decided to get the HBO for no other reason than to watch The Sopranos. Dave raves about the success of the program, then asks why everyone on the show is getting arrested. Edie can’t quite explain, but offers perhaps the success of the show has gone to the head of some of the cast. It’s sort of why I hope the LATE SHOW doesn’t get too successful. I could see LATE SHOW online producer Walter Kim getting arrested in a second.
Edie is the mom of a one-and-a-half year old. How’s that going? Edie admits to being completely wiped out and awe-struck. She’s not sure if it’s a competitive New York thing but she’s always hearing stuff like, “You mean he’s not walking yet?” Lots of comparative shopping going on. “Not talking yet? Oooohhh. Hmmmm.” She doesn’t like that. The way I avoided that was by pretending my girls were a year younger than they actually were. I liked to see the reaction of those measuring my girls’ development compared to their own tyke. I would say things like, “That’s my daughter skipping over there. She’s 6 months.”
Does Edie bring the baby on to the set? Edie says she did for a very short while but she has to wear too much jewelry and has the long fingernails on the show. She’s always afraid that when she picks him up she’ll puncture the baby. You never want to puncture the baby.
Ms. Falco is involved in an organization called “The 52nd Street Project.” It’s a program for underprivileged kids between the ages of 9 and 18. The kids write plays which are then performed by professional actors. Edie mentions Frances McDormand and Oliver Platt as two who help out. They perform the plays exactly as it is written. Edie once had to play a reindeer mechanic.

http://www.52project.org/

And what’s next for The Sopranos? It looks to be ending around the holidays, this time for real. And after that Edie doesn’t know. Dave says she shouldn’t have too much trouble finding a new project. Edie smiles and says, “Yeah, well I’m sure that’s what Gilligan said.”
The Sopranos – Sunday nights on the HBO.

PETE CORREALE: a comedian who will be performing at the Gotham Comedy Club next weekend. Tonight, Pete talked about going to a party that served no alcohol. “That’s not a party. That’s a meeting.”
The Bronx Zoo at $20 a head. For that price, the bears better be doing something besides sleeping under a tree.
We hear his views on birth control.
Jessica Simpson.
Gossip. When you’re married, gossip is all you have left. Pete had quite a few good lines that I’ll be pretending are my own.

ACT 5: This is a LATE SHOW Allergy Alert! As a result of the mild winter, this is shaping up to be the worst allergy season in years. If you spot a suspicious allergen, contact your local authorities immediately. The allergens must be stopped. This has been a LATE SHOW Allergy Alert. Be vigilant, America.

VAN HUNT: From his new CD, “On The Jungle Floor,” Van Hunt performed “Being a Girl.”

And that was our show for Friday May 12, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Did you see the shot of the oil filter in the "Will It Float?" tank at the end of the show? It was still afloat.
But you’re about to hear the rest of the story.
That shot of the floating oil filter was taken just before the Van Hunt music set-up for the ACT 6. I did not know this. Later during the music, I monkey-ed with the oil filter in the "Will It Float?" tank. I pushed it down a few times but it kept bouncing back up. I then held it on its side and the air inside the filter escaped and was replaced by the water from the tank. The oil filter then quickly sank. I was going to call the control room with this information but seconds before I got to the phone I saw the shot of the floating oil filter. I decided to leave it alone. So if you’re keeping score at home, did the oil filter sink or float? My vote goes for float, because it would have continued floating without my intrusion.

I heard something terrible the other day. Denise and I were watching The Sopranos. The real estate girl that was fooling around with Tony Soprano attended a local high school not too many miles from where we went to high school. Denise said, “But we wouldn’t know her. We’re way older than she is. She’s, like, 39.” OUCH! I’m way older than 39. How did that happen?

Big radio controversy here in New York. One DJ threatened to sexually assault the 4-year-old daughter of a DJ from another station. And he made the threat over the air. And he threatened other awful things directed at the little girl. It was uglier than you can imagine and was downright disgusting. It was dirty, filthy, disgusting, and cruel. But that’s the radio business. If it shocks, it rocks. After the mother of the daughter who threatened brought this to the attention of the authorities, the radio station finally did something. They fired the morning DJ and released a statement:

“Power 105 finds recent remarks broadcast by Troi Torain of the Star & Buc Wild Morning Show to be wholly unacceptable. As of late this afternoon, he is no longer with Power 105.1 or Clear Channel Radio. We sincerely apologize to those who may have been offended by his remarks."

“One Petticoat cast member went on to stardom after the series ended. His name was Higgins. You don't remember Higgins? One of Morty's most asked questions is: ‘What was the dog's name on Petticoat Junction?’ His name on the series was just plain ‘Dog’ and sometimes ‘Boy.’ There's one episode where Lori Saunders (Bobbie Jo) slips and calls him Higgins, but it was purely by accident.”

Could this be the start of something big? Scott Martyn of Toronto thinks so, and he may have a point.

“Hey Mike. As the box office returns for 'Mission: Impossible 3' plummet and Hollywood gathers protectively around it's zany star, Tom Cruise, it occurs to me that we may have the makings for a new expression: ‘Jump the Couch.’ Like the now famous expression Jump the Shark, Jump the Couch refers to a moment in a stars career where they do something that, in hind sight, marks the beginning of their decline into obscurity.
Spread the word, Mike, you have a larger readership than any two New York City dailies combined! I'll split any royalties with you 50:50!”