Dave likes tonight's audience, calling them "sensitive and judgmental." Minutes into the show, following a short pre-shot Q&A, and Dave can already sense the type audience we have tonight. "Sensitive and judgmental." Sounds almost paranoid.

It seems like every few years you get one of those movies where a high school girl has to dress up like a boy. The latest installment is called, 'She's The Man.' We take a look at a commercial for the film.
Announcer:

"In the new movie, 'She's the Man,' Amanda Bynes stars as a girl who plays the guys." (See her playing soccer vs. the boys) "Meanwhile, if you want to see guys play like girls . . . . check out the Knicks!" (photo of Knicks Stephen Marbury.)
"Knicks basketball --- Be There."

"After conducting extensive studies, researchers have determined that the sleep aid Ambien causes some users to walk in their sleep, seek food and gorge themselves, all while remaining fully unconscious So, for Ambien users who are concerned about sleep-eating, doctors are now prescribing a different treatment that will induced drowsiness while also completely taking away your appetite. . . ."
(Cut to a shot of the Late Show; Dave at the monologue mark)
"The Late Show: Making people sleepy and nauseous since 1993."

"On the 3rd anniversary of the Iraq invasion, President Bush and Vice President Cheney said their strategy is working and that victory is near. We'd like to say thank you to the President and Vice President for what appears to be their continuing support of our product."
(cut to full screen graphic of Anheuser-Busch)
"A message from Anheuser-Busch."

LATE SHOW BRUSH WITH THE LAW - Last week, Thursday March 16th, there was a bit of a scuffle outside the Rupert's Hello Deli. Some guy took some fruit or something from around the corner, a chase ensued, and the alleged perpetrator was stopped and launched through Rupert's window. We visit Rupert to get this side of the story. His story pretty much matched how Dave described it. We included a simple re-enactment of a bad guy chasing after a deli worker. Rupert describes the crash through the window and Dave shows a photograph of the resulting smashed window. It cost $600 to replace the window. Dave has Rupert describe again the sights and sound of the window being smashed. When Dave is satisfied with Rupert's description, Dave asks, "Did it look anything like this?"
Our camera is outside to see Pat Farmer and fellow stagehand Tommy O'Brien throwing a heavy mannequin against Rupert's Hello Deli window. It bangs up against the window and falls to the street. The window is intact. They try it again and the window still remains in one piece. We get a shot of a bewildered Rupert not knowing what is going on. The third throw by Pat and Tommy of the heavy mannequin results in the desired outcome. The dummy goes through the window and the window comes smashing down. The forlorn look on Rupert's face was priceless . . . . well, maybe not 'priceless' . . . . more like, "worth $600" Dave says to Rupert, "You saw what was going on. Why didn't you stop it?!" Rupert repeats he had no idea what we were up to. You can almost see a still unhappy Rupert adding up the cost of a new window and realizing his daily profit just took a hit. But don't worry, Rupert. For your participation tonight, Rupert gets a Hello Deli deli platter . . . . AND a free window installation from this man. A window repairman steps into frame. An alarmed Dave exclaims, "Wait! Isn't that the guy they were chasing?!" Rupert is somewhat satisfied that the damage will be taking care of, but I think Rupert is mostly disappointed with the fact that he will have to stay at the deli until the window is replaced. We are cutting into his "home" time.
And that is how we play, "Late Show Brush with the Law."

So how much of this did Rupert know was coming? None of it. We told him he would tell his tale of what he knew about the incident last week, and then he would get someone to tell a story of how they once came in contact with the law. Rupert was fine with that, as he usually is. The rest was a complete surprise to him. And the rest was also a complete surprise to much of the staff. It was feared that what we had planned would somehow leak to Rupert so we kept the plan quiet from just about everyone. Perhaps a stagehand or a crew member or a staffer wanting to do good would accidentally tip off Rupert. We did not want that to happen. Only a few knew what was planned, therefore nothing was rehearsed. My concern was whether the dummy would be able to smash through the window. It's not something we could try out earlier in the day. I then figured that even if it couldn't break the glass, the attempts would fun to see. And it was. Rupert's reaction was genuine.

Back from commercial we see a slow motion replay of Rupert's reaction when he saw the dummy flying through his window. Not too happy. . . . but not totally surprised and what is to be expected from his friends at the Late Show.

We've tried this a few times before and we decided this would be a good time to try it again. It's something we call, "WHY THEY WON'T BE ON THE LATE SHOW." For some reason, a lot of celebrities do not like doing our show. Here are a few reasons why.
Paul opens the piece with an uninspired opening them song. Dave is a bit disappointed with the effort, mentioning it did not include enough verve. "It was a little 'slight', deemed Dave. Paul offers a half-hearted apology. Dave says it is OK, but feels that Paul and the band either don't care or are not trying. Paul chimes, "Oh, we are trying!" He says nothing about the "caring" part. Dave goes ahead with the piece. 1. Paris Hilton - why won't she do our show? Dave: "I never forgave her for releasing our sex tape." The audience reacts a big oddly, which Dave surmises that the audience is too sensitive and judgmental for their own good.

Dave is still a bit bothered with Paul's effort in the opening theme. Paul offers to come up with another one but Dave says it is not necessary.

2. Michael Jackson - Dave: "Claims he finds me 'creepy.'"

Paul says he thinks he's come up with a new and improved theme song. Dave doesn't want to be bothered and continues with the piece.

3. Larry Bird - Why won't he be on the Late Show? Dave: "We're not taking any chance on the bird flu."
4. Tony Danza - Dave: "Too Danza-ee."

Paul again interrupts, saying to Dave that he's prepared a new theme song for "Why They Won't Be On The Late Show." Dave takes a breath allows Paul to perform his new theme song to the piece.
Paul has a maraca in his hand. With a little shake and with the music building behind him, Paul introduces Mr. Martin Short. Marty enters with maracas of his own. To the tune of Barry Manilow's "Copacabana," Marty sings the opening theme to "Why They Won't Be On The Late Show."

"James Gandolfini - Tony Soprano
On one of TV's greatest shows, he's a good fella people know
Now take Dick Cheney, our nation's V.P.
He has a heart that tends to race, and shot his buddy in the face
Both men are millionaires, and they have lost some hair
But there's one other commonality
That they both share ---
(scrim rises to reveal a band and back-up singers)

It's that they won' be on the Late show
Nobody would pay them enough dough
Tiger Woods said Dave's game's a no-go
It stings quite a bit being spurned by Brad Pitt
Who shuns the Late Show . . . he hates Dave's guts.

His name is Arnold, runs California
As it turns out the Terminator is an ardent Late Show hater.
Katie Couric of the Today Show,
By CBS may be employed, yet Dave's B.S. show avoids
Jack Nicholson they've tried; Ben Affleck ran to hide
And Don Knotts even went so far to pretend he's died.

So he wouldn't be on the Late Show, he chose to lay low.
Got passed on by Robert DeNiro
Emeril Lagasse says on the down-low
He's rather eat glass than sit down with that a**hole
On the Late show . . .
They just say no . . .
They do 'Leno'
Won't ever know
Why they won't do the Late Show!
NO!"

Marty exits, and then is quickly played back on by Paul and the band. Marty returns, bows, and exits once again.
Wow! All that just for a lame piece. Dave says to Paul, "Now you're just showing off." And we have no more time for the rest of the "Why Won't They Be On The Late Show," so yes, you can call that song a "double plus."

Back from commercial, we see the progress being made on the new window at Rupert's. Dave believes the repairmen are called 'glaziers.' I looked up the word 'glazier' in the dictionary. It reads: "one who cuts and fits window glass." I never knew that . . . and now I do. This show is what you call, "Entermation - entertaining AND informational.

MARCIA CROSS: From ABC's big hit, "Desperate Housewives." How long has "Desperate" been on? Marcia laughs and says "14 years." I looked it up and was amazed it was only 2 years. I would have bet it was closer to 14. Marcia was married on "Desperate Housewives" but her husband was "poisoned" after being given phony heart pills by a pharmacist who had a thing for Marcia's character. The pharmacist then committed suicide. There needs to be a new love-interest for Marcia's character and Dave quickly volunteers.
And in real life, good news, Marcia is engaged. Her husband-to-be is from Wisconsin, a good Mid-Westerner, who now works in finance. She met her fiancé when he was shopping for flowers at a florist. She saw him and was quickly intrigued without even seeing his face. She liked how he ordered flowers; she liked how he treated the florist. She liked his style. So what happened? Marcia left the shop without introducing herself. She saw a woman outside the shop smoking a cigarette. She worked at the flower shop. She asked the woman, "Who is that man?" The woman said, "He's nobody," meaning he is not in the business. Marcia gave the woman smoking the cigarette her phone number, telling her to tell the man to give her a call if things "don't work out." Two weeks later, Marcia got a call from the guy. Went out on a date. And they are not engaged. It will be the first marriage for both. A late-summer wedding is planned.
Such a good story . . . there was no time left. Marcia Cross on "Desperate Housewives" - Sundays at 9:00 on ABC. My girls never miss an episode. They're ten. It's too racy for me.

The government is advising everyone to prepare for a possible bird-flu outbreak, but there's a lot of confusion over what people need to do. Our stagehand Pat Farmer prepared an instructional film about the bird flu.
We find Pat by the spiral staircase and he throws to his instructional film.
Pat narrates on the videotape: "While there's now way to tell whether the bird flu will become a serious threat to humans, it's better to be safe than sorry. So here are a few helpful tips to keep in mind in case the bird flu comes to the United States.
-Keep a ten-day supply of food and water for each person in your household.
-Don't rely on food that requires refrigeration or cooking.
-Make sure you first-aid kit is fully stocked.
-Don't go outside unless it's absolutely necessary.
-When the government announces that a vaccine is available, proceed immediately to the nearest public health facility.

In the videotape, we see Pat getting into his car to get the vaccine.
-Don't let your guard down.
He looks into his rearview mirror to find a pigeon sitting in the back seat. Pat only has time to say, "Aw, crap." We next see blood spurting onto the interior of the windows. Pat didn't have a chance.
We come back to a new "Pat" who says, "With these helpful tips, you and your family will come out of the bird-flu pandemic healthy and happy. Back to you, Dave."
Dave, a bit confused and skeptical, thanks "Pat."

ACT 5: We see the fine men replacing the broken window at Rupert's Hello Deli. It's nice to see men making a living using their hands and creating and producing something.

JENNY LEWIS WITH THE WATSON TWINS: From their new CD, "Rabbit Fur Coat," Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins performed "Run Devil Run / Big Guns." Did they perform two songs back to back? I'll have to watch again tonight.

Good show tonight. Before saying goodnight, Dave wants to take one more look at the new window at Rupert's. We see the window as Dave talks to Rupert who is off camera. Dave has Rupert stand in front of the window from the inside as we shoot the window from the outside. Dave then says, "OK, boys. Go ahead." Half the staff yelled, "Nooooo!" Rupert was standing in a dangerous spot. Dave then has Rupert take a step back as a stagehand whacks Rupert's window with a sledgehammer. On the second whack, the window smashes to pieces. Uhhh, what now? I guess we'll need to get another window. Rupert didn't know this was coming, either.

And that was our show for Tuesday, March 21, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

HEY! Where was I yesterday? No Wahoo! Denise had an important appointment in the city. My daughter Dominique had the stomach flu. I stayed home on what would be a slow day at work. (We taped Wednesday's show on Monday.) With Denise in the city and Dominique lying in bed with the TV on, I sat myself in front of my computer to do Tuesday's Wahoo. I would then e-mail it to the website boys here at the show. And then disaster struck. Something was wrong with my computer. I was getting nothing. It was near dead. The same message kept coming up, something about a file in Windows either missing or corrupted. I got on the phone with Dell. After working two hours with them I was informed that one of my files in Windows was either missing or corrupted. Not good, I guess. I know how to turn the computer on and how to turn it off. Everything in between makes no sense to me. Denise got home. She got on the phone with Dell. For an hour they worked on it. They finally told Denise that one of the files in Windows was either missing or corrupted. She got on the phone with another guy from Dell. We were paying for this call. After a half-hour or so, he told us that one of the files in Windows was either missing or corrupt. Dead end. Denise said she has a friend who knows "a guy" who is a computer doctor. The call was made. He came over in about an hour and took the computer away. He will have to work on it at his home. We are now without a computer in the house. The rest of the night we spent family time with the family.

Thursday morning and no word on the computer. We can only hope.
I'm too distraught to continue. This Wahoo for Tuesday March 21st will remain up until I am finished with Wednesday's Wahoo, so enjoy it while you can before it goes into the Archives.

Like to see some still-shots from Monday night's program? I don't know if it's legal, but check it out at:
http://community-2.webtv.net/bostonbill41/MondayStillShots320/
Good photos. I was visitor #8,878 Who will be #10,000?