STUMP THE BAND - It's something we borrowed from Johnny Carson and forgot to return. Paul must have gotten the wrong memo because he was all set to play Carnac. Paul, in his bright red sombrero, holds a sealed envelope up to his head. He answers the question that is contained INSIDE the envelope. That's right, INSIDE! Paul hasn't seen the question but telepathically can give the answer. It's amazing.
Paul: Answer: "Silver Medal."
Question: "What do you find in your ass if you go hunting with Dick Cheney."

STB#1: Shannon Bleakly: from Florida, now lives in New York City working as a bartender at "515." Her favorite drink to make: Homeboys Naked. You make that with Captain, Amaretto, and Cranberry Juice. Sounds healthy, except for the Cranberry juice.
Song: "Heaven Help My Heart" from the Broadway show, "Chess."

(I once went to the Broadway show, "Chess." I got rooked. Maybe I went on a wrong knight. Thank you. Thank you very much.)
Paul and the band give a shot at "Heaven Help My Heart."
Will Lee: "Heaven help my aorta
For orderin' up some Type A
Heaven help the ventricle
To pump that blood away
Heaven help this muscle
For wrestlin' up some corpuscle
Heaven help my heart
Heaven help my heart."

Not the right song, but it was a lovely song. Shannon sings her version and gets gifts for her work.

STB#2: Susan Murray of Oakdale, Louisiana. Susan is a coroner investigator. Susan has her sister Kate along to help her sing. Dave is excited, "Ooh, singing coroners! Wait till CBS gets a hold of that!"
Susan's song: "Old Pipeliner"
Oooh, and old surfing tune. Paul and the band perform.
Paul:
"Old Pipeliner
He's such a decliner
His Woody's put up on blocks
Old Pipeliner
Stuck in his recliner
The only thing wet are his socks
His knees are jerkin'
He's channel surfin'
He surfs the web
Then goes to bed
And he dreams
Of the Old Pipeline."

Good song. Wrong song. Susan and her friend get gifts.

STB#3: Richard Hatch of Bountiful, Utah. Richard produces church videos. Dave tells Richard he's come to the wrong place.
Richard's Song: "I Love My Rabbit"
Felicia: To the tune of Alicia Bridges, "I Love the Nightlife."
"I love my rabbit
I like the bunny
How his fur goes flyin'
I like the bunny
He loves the honey
How they're multiplyin'"

Good song. Wrong song. Richard sings his song with a big of the choreography thrown in. After the song, Dave leans over and says to Richard's wife, "Get out. Run as fast as you can."

And that was Stump the Band.

He's the oldest CBS Page on record, he's 39-year-old Johnny Dark. Johnny enters, followed by 5 others. He's giving a tour.
DAVE: "Hi, Johnny, nice to see you again."
JOHNNY: "Talk to you later, Dave. I'm doin' a tour."
DAVE: "I didn't know CBS had tours."
JOHNNY: "Oh, yeah. Just like Disneyworld. Forty bucks, ten minutes, plus they can get to go to your dressing room and use the crapper."
DAVE: "I see. Is this gonna take long?"
JOHNNY: "Relax. Listen to this."
(Johnny talks to the group)
"So this is the Ed Sullivan Theater. If it seems cold, that's just the audience's reaction to grandpa suckbag at the desk."
(a woman in the group asks a question)
ANNETTE: "Excuse me, isn't this where the Beatles performed on 'The Ed Sullivan Show'?"
JOHNNY: (angry) "YOU! OUT!"
(she leaves)
"Anybody else got a friggin' problem?"
DAVE: "Johnny, that seems a little harsh."
JOHNNY: "Sit on it, Potsie. I got a schedule."
(Continues with tour)
"This is a camera. There's a camera. That's where I nailed Loni Anderson. And there. And under there. And there's the door. Have a nice day, losers."
(Johnny pushes them back through the door)
DAVE: "Johnny, that doesn't seem right."
JOHNNY: "You know what? It's not right. These people deserve better. But after 39 years in this hole, I couldn't care less. If you need me, I'll be giving a tour of my pants to a whore."
(Johnny exits)
DAVE: "Johnny Dark, ladies and gentlemen."

WILL IT FLOAT: TRAVEL EDITION: Tonight we travel to Trump Tower right here in New York City. We will be tossing in the item into the base of the 7-story waterfall which adorns the atrium of the Trump Tower on 5th Avenue. Tonight's item: 2 vendor dispenser-packs of breath savers. Not an inspirational item. Dave says it will float. Paul agrees. The LATE SHOW models up the block toss the breath savers into the pool at the bottom of the 7-story Trump Tower waterfall and it . . . . floats!

RICKY GERVAIS: most known for his work on the BBC's The Office. I always enjoy Ricky Gervais' visits. I like his style of conversation. You have to listen to what he says to know when to laugh. He doesn't resort to voice inflection followed by a pause after telling a joke. Ricky talks about a podcast. He lost me when he said that. I know I should know about podcasts but until my daughters are old enough to teach me about such things, I'll remain in the dark. He's involved in the #1 podcast in the world, setting a Guinness World Record. His podcasted show is like a radio talk show called "The Ricky Gervais Show" which includes Ricky, his writing partner Stephen Merchant, and radio producer Karl Pilkington. The genius of the show is Karl, whom Ricky describes as "the stupidest man alive." Ricky says Karl gets all his knowledge from Planet of the Apes and The Flintstones. And from this they put on a show, the #1 in the podcast world. Some day I will be able to figure all this out. So it's like a radio show that's not on the radio? And what is this "pod"?
Ricky also has a follow-up book to his very successful "Flanimals" called, "More Flanimals." It's a colorful picture book of created creatures with odd manners and traits. We see a few samples. The flanimals remind me of the odd characters from a Kool-Aid type drink I used to stick on my refrigerator; Goofy Grape is one I remember. Flanimals is something like that. Ricky can also be heard in an upcoming Simpsons. I think it airs March 27th. His character wife-swaps with Homer and gets Marge.

ACT 5: It's the breathsavers floating at Trump Towers.

THE SUBWAYS: From their CD, "Young For Eternity," this exciting trio performed "Rock and Roll Queen." A lot of sound from the three. And I enjoyed it. And I don't say that much about music performed by people less than half my age. I liked it.

And that was our show for Friday, March 3, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Hey, when I’m done with this I’m going on vacation! I hope you’re not expecting anything too long. (slmh)

The Academy Awards are this Sunday and the only movie I've seen in any of the top categories was Crash. I think Oprah recommended it and Denise went out and rented it. I watched it . . . and I hated it. There was nobody to root for in the film; nobody to like. And then about a half-hour into the film, I saw what the writer was getting at. So many twists, so much inter-tangling of the characters lives with profound domino-effect ramifications Hoo boy, did the film ever change real quick for me. Man! I wasn't expecting that at all. I hate the cliché but this film "stayed with me;" it stayed with me for days and days. And it frustrated me in that I couldn't quite place the film in to a nice and neat category in my mind. I'll be rooting for Crash to win everything it's in. Of course, if Crash and Chicken Little is in the same category for something, then I won't know what to do. Chicken Little is the other movie I've seen this year.

Next week's previously viewed programs
MONDAY: From 1/24/06; Show #2500:
Emma Thompson, Frank Caliendo and Beth Orton. PLUS: Fun with Pie; and Would You Like To Take A Pantsless Cab Ride?" featuring frequent contributor to the Letterman newsgroup, Sean Bradley.
TUESDAY: From 2/08/06; Show #2506:
Stupid Human Tricks, Rachel Weisz and Beastie Boys. PLUS: a toe-whistling woman.
WEDNESDAY: From 2/07/06; Show #2505:
Beyonce Knowles and Stephen A. Smith. PLUS: Robert Mundell recites the lyrics to Grammy award nominated songs; a detective in the skyline; and Rupert gets a billboard
THURSDAY: From 2/06/06; Show #2504:
Ben Roethlisberger and Harrison Ford. PLUS: Andy Kindler's Super Bowl report;
FRIDAY: From 2/16/06; Show #2512:
Hannah Teter, Jimmy Fallon and She Wants Revenge. PLUS: a situation goes down and the cops respond.