During the taping of the show, I sit about 20 feet away from Dave in a small room called "the shack." You would think being so close to the center of the show that I would see and hear every little nuance of the night's episode. If you think this, you would be wrong. Even though I was less than a first down away from Mr. Letterman, I saw and heard nothing last night. Lots of stuff was done on the fly during the show. Lots of tinkering. Plus, the copier in the shack was busted. Lots of changes, plus a busted copier makes for a dangerous mix. I decided I would have to watch the show at home that night. After watching some of the Grammy Awards, it was time to put my girls to bed. As a bedtime story, I told them about growing up listening to Sly and the Family Stone. I went to the basement and found an old cassette tape of their greatest hits. I put it in a cassette player on low. Minutes later I was snoozing away. I didn't wake up till 4:55 AM. So for the Wahoo Gazette sake, I'm going to pretend I saw the show last night and write all about it. It'll be our little secret.

On the show tonight, Rachel Weisz, Stupid Human Tricks, and the Beastie Boys. Beastie Boys have a new CD, "Solid Gold Hits," and a concert-film which will be released March 31st. The film was shot entirely by their fans. At a 2004 concert at Madison Square Garden, 50 video cameras were given to fans before the show and THEY shot the performance. The footage they got was used in the movie. Their instructions were to start shooting at the top of the show and not to stop until the tape ran out or the show ran out. And tonight, some of our audience members will have a camera, including Dave and Paul, and they will shoot the Beastie Boy performance. Dave has his camera at the top of the show and he shows what it will look like when he is taping. You know, I bet three years ago Dave didn't know how to use a video camera, but now that he has a little one at home, daddy had to learn. I went through the same thing.

The Grammy Awards are at the Staples Center in Los Angeles tonight and we sent our own Biff Henderson out there to cover the event. Dave talks to him LIVE.
How's it going? "Biff says it's still early."
Has he seen anyone famous? "Not yet."
See any stars? "It's not dark yet."
How's the weather? "eh"
Is it nice weather? "It's . . . weather."
Where you staying? "At the Red Roof Inn."
We'll check in again later.
Paul is baffled by all this, claiming he saw Biff earlier in the day. How could he be in Los Angeles?

Actually, by the time our show aired for broadcast, the Grammy Awards were already held. Dave was amused at one announcement they made before the show that was to benefit the older audience members. We had a clip of that announcement. Announcer:

"Good evening and welcome to the 48th Annual Grammy Awards. Please keep all acceptance speeches brief and kindly limit uses of the phrases: 'off the chains', 'she's a dime-piece shorty with a bangin' booty, yo', 'my flow be bumpin, beyotch', and 'pass me the strap, I'm about to murk this foo.' Thank you and enjoy the show."

Dave says people have been noticing the big diamond ring Hillary is wearing, an apparent gift from husband Bill. Everyone is talking. And Zales jewelry story didn't miss a beat.
Zales commercial:

"Hillary Clinton has been catching a lot of eyes with her dazzling new 3-carat diamond ring. It's the perfect stone for the man who wants to say, 'Sorry I nailed that 22-year-old whore.' It's a diamond we here at Zales call, 'The Kobe.' Zales: We'll keep you getting' laid."

And since it's Grammy night, how about a Grammy Timeline.
7:00 PM: With no Federal Reserve obligations, Alan Greenspan arrives as a member of 50 Cent's entourage.
7:15 PM: Rolling Stones call to make sure they haven't been put in the dead artists tribute again.
7:30 PM: Courtney Love rehearses her incoherent ranting and flashing.
7:45 PM: Jessica Simpson finishes giving interview on red carpet.
8:00 PM: Nick Lachey finishes shift as a parking valet
8:15 PM: Osama wins Best Spoken Word Grammy for latest audio tape.
8:30 PM: After a costly battle and occupation, the Foo Fighters apologize for failing to locate weapons of mass Foo.
8:45 PM: Humanitarian Bono begs Regis Philbin to never release another Christmas album.
9:00 PM: On behalf of entire recording industry, Kanye West thanks Michael Jackson for moving to Bahran.
9:15 PM: Special tribute to the 14 different iPod models introduced in the past two hours.
9:30 PM: The Broadway show "Stomp" performs a musical number using torture devices from Gitmo.
9:40 PM: Coldplay wins the Grammy for "Hardest to Open CD Case"
10:00 PM: Black Eyed Peas win Best Performance by a Duo or Group with Humps-related Vocals.
10:30 PM: Always one to shock, Madonna stuns the audience by breaking hip onstage.
11:00 PM: Brooks and Dunn shock viewers with a graphic tribute to "Brokeback Mountain."
And finally,
Midnight: Britney Spears throws her baby in the trunk and drives home.

Back from commercial, let's see how Biff is doing in Los Angeles.
Are we having a problem with the satellite delay? "no"
Been to the buffet? "no"
We'll check in later.

STUPID HUMAN TRICKS
SHT#1: James Berggren of Houston, Texas. He's a senior pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church. The pastor is wearing his collar. What can he do? James Berggren can drink a glass of beer while doing a handstand upside down. Hey, how about that? A priest who can drink a beer while upside down. We watch, or most of us do, as James Berggren, the senior pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church, drinks a glass of beer while standing on his head. Congratulations, James.

After James the pastor in his collar exits, Dave exclaims, "Jesus Christ, did you see that!?" Very funny. But Dave's not allowed to say that on TV. Those in the audience did get to hear it. I have a feeling it was taken out. Hey, it's not Dave's fault. It's the rules. I don't know, maybe he can say it on TV but people higher up won't allow it . . . and when I say "higher up," I don't mean way way higher up, I mean TV people higher up. To tell you the truth, I didn't hear Dave say it either. I was running here and there and sensed the first trick was over. I then heard a big laugh. Someone had to tell me what Dave said.

SHT#2: Mark Alexander of Charlotte, North Carolina. How does Mark like New York City? Mark describes it as "big and noisy." Sounds like my first wife.
Buh-dum-bum.
What does Mark have for us? He can hop around Dave on one stilt. Mark gets up on his stilts, using two of them to get started. I again wasn't watching but he may have fallen once. Mark is up on his two stilts and asks Dave to hold one. Mark then balances himself on the lone stilt and hops around Dave. He returns from where he started and completes the journey. Nice job, Mark.

SHT#3: Betty Bell of Tulsa, Oklahoma. She's currently going to real estate school and will be getting her license in another month. What can Betty do? She can make music with her toes. Hmm. Tonight, she'll perform the theme song to the Andy Griffith Show.
Betty sits and removes her shoe. She sticks her toes in her mouth and whistles the Andy Griffith Show theme. Close your eyes (like many people did) and you can almost see Andy and Opie skipping rocks on a lake.

As Betty leaves, Dave suggests, "And that answers the question, 'Is there a lot to do in Tulsa?"

Hearing Betty perform the Andy Griffith theme, it made me think of that lake in the opening to the show where Andy and Opie skip a rock. So where is that lake? In California? In Mayberry, North Carolina? (or is it South Carolina?) How come that lake has never been revisited, or have I just missed it in one of those Mayberry reunion shows? Doesn't every Marberry fan want to skip a rock in that lake? It could be like one of those baseball fantasy camps, you know, like, "want to spend a day in Mayberry?"
You could skip a rock in the lake, get a haircut at Floyd's, get your toaster fixed by Emmit, talk local politics with Howard Sprague, sit down to a meal with Aunt Bee, let Barney drive you around in his squad car. I wouldn't pay, but I'm sure others would.

RACHEL WEISZ: She's nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Academy Award for her work in "The Constant Gardener." I did not see a bit of this interview.
We were trying to lock down an ACT 4 with Biff. Some of what Ms. Weisz talked about:
-she's with child
-enjoys being pregnant
-taking classes on how to breathe
-she's engaged; not married
-won a Golden Globe
-others also nominated in the Supporting Actress category:
Amy Adams: "Junebug"
Catherine Keener: "Capote"
Frances McDormand: "North Country"
Michelle Williams: "Brokeback Mountain"
-"The Constant Gardener" was shot in Kenya
-we see a clip
-"The Constant Gardener" - now out on DVD

Back from commercial, we visit with Biff once again at the Grammy Awards. Going to the 'After Party'? "No"
Got anything for us? - "Yes, I have a very special musical guest." The camera widens to reveal the woman playing the Andy Griffith theme on her toes. Paul exclaims, "See, that's what I'm talking about!"

ACT 5: It's Dave working the camera. This is what he sees when he is doing the show.

BEASTIE BOYS: From their "Super Gold Hits" CD, Beastie Boys performed "So What'cha Want." Catchy tune. Dave's future as a cameraman is . . . . suspect.

And that was our show for Wednesday, February 8, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

In addition to the late changes during tonight's show and the copier not working, I was dressed as a police officer for an ACT 4 bit. Unfortunately, I was bumped for a woman whistling with her toes. Can my career sink any lower? Hopefully the police bit will make a return.

From Eitan Kensky of Chicago, Illinois writes:

"If you check the OED, the first reference to Bootylicious is from 1992, and the first for the definition Beyonce uses is from 1994. Beyonce is mentioned, but not until 2001."

Wahoo Filler: It's a lot but I love the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York and their Big Screen Classics.

It's back. The 4th season of Big Screen Classics at the Lafayette Theater in Suffern New York. It's a great old theater which features old time classics every Saturday morning at 11:30. Get there early and enjoy the playing of the Wurlitzer Organ.
I'm not all that knowledgeable in movies. Any suggestions for this season's lineup?

Saturday Morning Classic Matinees, 11:30am
2/25 THE BAND WAGON
(1953, directed by Vincente Minnelli) - starring Fred Astaire
3/4 REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE
(1955, directed by Nicholas Ray) - starring James Dean, presented in Panavision and Dolby Stereo sound
3/18 ANIMAL CRACKERS
(1930, directed by Victor Heerman) - starring The Four Marx Brothers
3/25 SERGEANT YORK
(1941, directed by Howard Hawks) - starring Gary Cooper
4/1 THE MALTESE FALCON
(1941, directed by John Huston) - starring Humphrey Bogart
4/15 THE THIN MAN
(1934, directed by W.S. Van Dyke) - starring William Powell and Myrna Loy
4/22 GASLIGHT
(1944, directed by George Cukor) - starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer
4/29 DARK VICTORY
(1939, directed by Edmund Goulding) - starring Bette Davis
5/6 THE BIRDS
(1963, directed by Alfred Hitchcock) - starring Rod Taylor and Tippi Hedren
5/13 THE SHEIK
(1921, silent movie, directed by George Melford) - starring Rudolph Valentino and presented with live accompaniment by Jeff Barker on the Mighty Wurlitzer Theatre Pipe Organ
5/20 TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
(1962, directed by Robert Mulligan) - starring Gregory Peck
5/27 THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER
(1937, directed by William Keighley) - starring Errol Flynn
6/3 HARVEY
(1950, directed by Henry Koster) - starring James Stewart
6/10 BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S
(1961 - directed by Blake Edwards) - starring Audrey Hepburn
6/17 THE TIME MACHINE
(1960 - directed by George Pal) - starring Rod Taylor and Yvette Mimieux

I'm hoping to introduce my 10-year-old girls "The Birds" this year on May 6th. The only two above I've seen are "The Birds" and "To Kill a Mockingbird."

And that's not all; also featured at the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York:
The SALUTE TO GREAT MOVIE MUSICALS Weekend - March 10-11-12
FRIDAY, MARCH 10
7:45 pm KISS ME KATE
(1953, directed by George Sidney) starring Kathryn Grayson and Howard Keel - presented in the miracle of double-system polarized 3-D and Dolby Stereo sound

SATURDAY, MARCH 11
1:15 pm 42nd STREET
(1933, directed by Lloyd Bacon) starring Warner Baxter, Ruby Keeler
3:45 pm SWING TIME
(1936, directed by George Stevens) - starring Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers
8:00 pm SINGIN' IN THE RAIN
(1952, directed by Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly) - starring Gene Kelly

Never seen any of those.

SUNDAY, MARCH 12
1:15 pm GIGI
(1958, directed by Vincente Minnelli) starring Leslie Caron, Louis Jourdan - presented in Panavision
3:45 pm LOVING YOU
(1957, directed by Hal Kanter) starring Elvis Presley - presented in dye-transfer IB Technicolor
7:30 pm GREASE
(1978, directed by Randal Kleiser) starring John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John - presented in Panavison and DTS stereo sound

April 7 - 7:45 pm
"BEN-HUR"
- the 1925 silent version with live pipe organ accompaniment by guest artist Robert Israel (who wowed the Lafayette audience last year with his playing of Thief of Bagdad).

I've seen "Loving You." I hope to take the girls to see "Grease."

The FILM NOIR Festival - April 8 & 9
SATURDAY, APRIL 8
12:45 pm THE BIG SLEEP
(1946, directed by Howard Hawks) starring Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall
3:30 pm ON DANGEROUS GROUND
(1952, directed by Nicholas Ray) - starring Robert Ryan, Ida Lupino
7:15 pm OUT OF THE PAST
(1947, directed by Jacques Tourneur) - starring Robert Mitchum, Jane Greer
9:45 pm MURDER, MY SWEET
(1944, directed by Edward Dmytryk) - starring Dick Powell, Claire Trevor

SUNDAY, APRIL 9
12:45 pm THE ASPHALT JUNGLE
(1950, directed by John Huston) starring Sterling Hayden, Jean Hagen
3:30 pm WHITE HEAT
(1949, directed by Raoul Walsh) starring James Cagney, Virginia Mayo, Edmond O'Brien
7:15 pm DOUBLE INDEMNITY
(1944, directed by Billy Wilder) starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck

April 10-11-12, 7pm
James Cameron's TITANIC
- special 3-day Roadshow engagement.

I've seen "White Heat."
I often mistake "The Asphalt Jungle" with "The Blackboard Jungle" (1955) starring Sidney Poitier and Glenn Ford. I saw the beginning of "The Blackboard Jungle" and a scene really made me smile. Glenn Ford confronts a bunch of ruffians in the school bathroom. One of the young thugs kept calling Glenn Ford "Chief." After numerous mentions, Glenn Ford finally says, "And stop calling me 'Chief.'" It reminded me of an old bit we did here at the Late Show. I don't know if this is where we got the idea.
More information here: www.bigscreenclassics.com/indexlafayette.htm

The Suffern Lafayette Theater has ruined movie-going for me. Now I can't go anywhere else. The Lafayette - cinema as it should be.