Just after Dave's monologue joke, he was interrupted by a trio called the Calypso Tumblers. Hopping and leaping and tumble-saulting all around Dave, they leave just as quickly as they arrived. The Calypso Tumblers. Is this the start of something? I honestly don't know.

An interesting story about Dave being interrupted after the last joke. We've done this in the past using all sorts of odd acts. One time was not so pleasant. Before the show, Dave and Tony Cue Cards go over a final list of monologue jokes. There may be 15 or so on the sheet, of which he'll use 8 perhaps.. Often times, the last joke on the sheet is the last joke of the monologue. Also quite often, the jokes are rearranged in the dressing room and the last joke on the sheet isn't the last joke Dave will tell at the monologue mark. This one time years ago, the last joke came from one of the jokes in the middle. No one told the Control Room which was the last joke. Backstage, we had one of these monologue-interrupting acts to come on stage after Dave's last joke. Dave and Tony got to the last joke and waited awkwardly for the circus act to be cued out. The Control Room was waiting for Dave to tell the last joke on the sheet. Both Dave and the Control Room waited. It was a bad case of non-communication. Now there are about ten people who ask, ".... And the Control Room has the last joke?" It's done every day, whether we have a monologue-interrupting act or not. It's a good habit to get into.

IS IT A HAIRPIECE: From The People's Court, Judge Marilyn asks the plaintiff, "So tell my about the tree that fell on your fence." Cut to the plaintiff. Uh, my money is on "Hairpiece." The elderly plaintiff sported a fine blonde hairpiece that made him look years younger . . . . years younger if he were actually 125.

The President of Iraq has requested that Saddam Hussein’s trial be moved to a more secure location. They haven’t yet decided on the new venue, but it looks like they’re working on it.

Announcer: “As judges and lawyers in the Saddam Hussein trial continue to face death threats, Iraqi president Jalal Talabani has suggested moving the proceedings to a safer location. Which is why Doritos is proud to announce the ‘Bring the Saddam Hussein Trial to My Home’ contest.
Look for specially marked bags of Doritos, and if your scratch-off card features three mustaches, we’ll bring the trial of the century right to your living room! Your kid will love kicking back with the Butcher of Baghdad. And if he’s found guilty, you can even throw the switch at his execution! Doritos: Crunch all you want, we’ll make more.”

GEORGE W. BUSH: WHAT?! - We did a piece with the same name last night. Tonight, we see the President giving a speech.

Bush: "And we have an obligation in order to keep the peace to work together to achieve the objective that we're trying to achieve through the current diplomatic process."

MS. PATRICK'S 3RD GRADE CLASS - there's a 3rd grade class in Newburgh, New York at Woodrow Wilson Elementary School who like to send Dave drawn pictures with a phrase involving one specific topic. Today they sent and small sampling of "If I Were President." Ms. Patrick, the teacher, gave the assignment and she had her student finish the open-ended sentence. It's always fun to see what they come up with. Todd: "If I were President, I would color all day with my crayons." Josh: "If I were President, I'd see Delaware to the Mexicans." Maya: "If I were President, I'd make it a Federal offense to say the word, 'Anyhoo.'
Brendan: "If I were President, I'd allocate more government land for casino construction."
Right around at this point, Paul becomes a bit suspicious of these submissions.
Allie: "If I were President, I'd ask Condoleezza to changer her name to something simple like 'Denise.'"
Morgan: ""If I were President, I’d invade a country that doesn't expect it, like Iceland."
Michelle: "If I were President, I'd administer mild electric shocks to Larry King at random intervals during his show."
Gabe: "If I were President, I'd offer amnesty to all former child stars who've been convicted of a crime."
Lucas: "If I were President, I'd drive a stake in Kim Jong Il's heart 'til I was sure he was dead."
Harrison: "If I were President, I'd install hydraulics on the Presidential limousine to make it hop up and down."
Tiffany: "If I were President, I'd jump out behind a door and yell 'BOO' at Cheney to see if he'd have a heart attack."
Jessica: "If I were President, I'd go to the U.S. Treasury and get back the money daddy lost on the Colts."
Ethan: "If I were President, I'd make the Oklahoma Panhandle into its own state, called 'Funkytown'"

And that's the kids from Ms. Patrick's 3rd grade class.

I laughed when Dave pointed out Ethan's drawing of Oklahoma and the panhandle he'd name "Funkytown." Funkytown was labeled right smack-dab in the middle of the state. Dave says the panhandle is in the northwest corner of the state, not the central. Dave wasn't being critical of young Ethan, simply trying to educate the lad in a little geography.

Back from commercial, Dave explains a bit of Kate Beckinsale's film, Underworld: Evolution, and what it takes to become a vampire. While Dave is explaining vampires and then Bob Saget, a woman suddenly walks out on stage and gushes:

"Oh my God! I can't believe I'm really here. My name is Lori and I'm going to sing, "One Moment in Time.'"

"Give me one moment in time
When I'm more that I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me . . . ."

Young Lori is terribly embarrassed and runs off stage. A camera picks her up as she flees. Backstage, the distraught singer offers this warning in anger, "Dave doesn't know what he's talking about! I know how to sing! I'm gonna be famous one day and then I'm going to be really mean to everyone who didn't believe in me! David Letterman, 'Givl' You!"

A stunned Dave doesn't quite no what to say, simply offering a feeble, "We'll have to have her back."

TOP TEN: Signs the Guy in the Cubicle Next To You is Michael Jackson
#6. Asks if office has a third option besides “Men’s room” and “Ladies’ room”
#5. Borrows your wite-out to touch up his face
#3. They canceled “Bring Your Child To Work Day”
#1. Everyone around the office is asking who the new white chick is

KATE BECKINSALE: She’s in the film, Underworld: Evolution. It opens Friday. Back on our show on May 5, 2004, Kate Beckinsale drove around the block with Vicki. After the show, Vicki remarked how nice Kate was. I always like to hear that.
And that’s all I got today. I’m running way late!
Notes included:
Tight dress – didn’t practice sitting
Just back from London
Christmas show in England: “Pantomine”
Worldwide Trousers
Underworld: Evolution clip -- Shecky clip
Underworld: Evolution actual clip

Back from commercial, Dave gives Paul a little vampire true/false quiz: some or all of these were used.
Ultra sensitive to sunlight: true
Lust for blood: true
Allergic to nuts: false
Immortal: true
Enjoys cuddling: false
Pale complexion: true
Will never stop to ask for directions: false
Canine teeth: true
Only drinks decaf: false

A few months ago we began broadcasting in HD, or high-definition. That means people with high-definition televisions see a wider view of the show. They can see things on the outer parts of the frame that people with standard televisions cannot. That is the starting point for a brand new segment, entitled, ‘Late Show HD Mystery.’”
We find Harold kneeling over a dead body – center stage.
Harold: Taking into consideration the approximate time of death, the angle of entry and who has the motive to commit such a dastardly deed, it’s quite clear who murdered the man. It was . . . . (pointing to the guest entrance) . . . him!”
Cut to guest entrance. We can see bit of a shadow from the guest entrance, but on my TV I couldn’t see who the killer is. Freeze on the empty shot; announce from Alan.
Alan: “File his HD mystery under ‘solved.’ This has been a ‘Late Show HD Mystery.’”

Who was the accused felon? I don’t know. I don’t have the HD either.

ACT 5: Announce: "And now it's time for 'Items Confiscated by Late Show Security"
Dominic in the Lobby: "Can you believe some idiot tried to bring in a table saw?" Camera widens to reveal a table saw in the lobby.
Announce: "Nice work, Dom! Thanks for keeping us safe. This has been 'Items Confiscated by Late Show Security.' Happy Motoring!"

BOB SAGET: He’s one of the featured comedians in the film, The Aristocrats, which comes out on DVD this Tuesday. He’s also the narrator on the new CBS program, How I Met Your Mother. He can also be seen on the HBO series Entourage and is currently making a parody based on the hugely successful March of the Penguins documentary. It is due out in March.
But of course, and much to his chagrin I imagine, he’ll always be Danny Tanner, the dad on Full House. My girls were so jealous when I told them I met Danny Tanner. I didn’t really meet him, but I told the girls I did. It makes me look important in their eyes.

And that was the LATE SHOW for Wednesday, January 18, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Tuesday's winds:
- winds gusting to 68 mph
- tens of thousands without power
- the George Washington Bridge and the Tappan Zee Bridge were closed to traffic
- a fallen tree blocked the morning-commuter trains in and out of the city
- airports reported up to 3-hour delays
- a ferry traveling across New York harbor took on water and the Coast Guard was called
- and my sister-in-law Eileen (remember her from Monday's Wahoo?) had an 18-wheeler tractor-trailer blown over onto her car on the Tappan Zee Bridge. This was the eventual cause of the closing of the bridge. Happy Birthday, Eileen!

And now my Bob Saget story: June 20, 1995, LATE SHOW #401. It was a hot day in New York City. How hot? The show had me dress up as a cop and as I passed an open fire hydrant, I started to gleefully jump in the spray of water, tossing my hat into the air and taking off my shirt. On that same show, we had stand-by audience members jump into a pool on the roof of a hotel a few blocks away. We were able to get a shot of the pool from the roof of our building. Then it dawned on the writers to send over the cops (Matt Roberts was the other) to jump into the pool. . . . fully dressed, of course. We raced over in a cab and then jumped out of the cab about 100 yards from the hotel and ran the rest of the way. We got some odd and concerned looks from people seeing two soaking wet cops running up the street. And also on the show that night was Bob Saget. And after his segment, it dawned on the writers and the producers to send Bob Saget over to the pool on the roof and jump in. So my Bob Saget story is this: I once went swimming with Bob Saget.
Oh, and one more thing about that show. I was fully dressed in a police uniform when I jumped in the pool. My hat was on securely. When I jumped in feet first, the pressure and impact of the water made my hat pop up at least 20 feet into the air.

Here's an idea. This August, instead of the President spending his 5-week vacation at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, how about he spends it in New Orleans and Biloxi? That would pretty much guarantee things down there would get fixed up real quick. The symbolism would be greatly appreciated. And isn't that what a leader is all about. . . . providing good symbolism? Get working on it, Republican Party. If you do a good enough job, maybe he won't even know he's in New Orleans!

To really get this idea to the Republicans, maybe I should say the above over the phone.

Copiers don't work. Typewriter ribbon cartridges are of poor quality. If things aren't fixed real soon, I'll by naming names.