There's a rumor circulating that Osama bin Laden is now broke. His evil activities get costly after awhile. Dave isn't sure if it's true, but he saw something that suggests that Osama may have found a new revenue system.

Osama: "You've probably heard talk al Qaeda has had some budget problems lately. Expenses are up, profits are down. But don't worry. Now that the NFL has ditched them as a sponsor, I'm proud to announce al Qaeda has signed a five-year deal with Levitra, the official erectile-dysfunction drug of the insurgency. It will really put the hump back in your camel, if you know what I'm saying, so ask your tabib or pharmacist if Levitra is right for you. Oh, and death to America."

The Ted Kennedy & Arlen Specter Comedy Classic - The Samuel Alito confirmation hearings continue. Did you see the "back and forth" between Massachusetts U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy and the U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania, Arlen Specter?

Specter: "We actually never got a letter."
Kennedy: "You did get a letter."
Specter: "Now wait a minute. You don't know what I got."
Kennedy: "Of course I do, Senator, since I sent it."
Specter: "Well, the sender does not necessarily know what the recipient gets, Senator Kennedy. "You are not in a position to say what I receive."

Announcer: "Scientists in Taiwan have successfully bred three pigs which glow fluorescent green in the dark. This new ability to trace the development of living tissue represents a significant breakthrough for stem cell research and a proud moment . . . for Ball Park Franks. Way to go."
(see a shot of hot dogs glowing a fluorescent green)

The financial heads of Worldwide Pants make us take roll call every now and then to make sure their employees are showing up when they are supposed to. Tonight, that's exactly what we did.
1. Dave? Here.
2. Paul? Here.
3. Biff? Here.
4. Our announcer, Alan Kalter? "Present and accounted for, D-Train."
5. Is Alan's hairdresser here? We see a guy with a paint roller applying red dye to Alan's hair. "Here."
6. The guy who answers Dave's hate mail? We see a lone guy flipping letters into the hate-mail bin.
7. But now in this computer age, we've had to expand our Hate E-mail Department. Are they here? We see a team of 8 working feverishly at their computer. In unison they chime, "Here."
8. Our photocopier Toner Tester? A guy covered in black toner answers "Here."
9. Are the gay cowboys here? Two handsome and studly cowboys answer "Here."
10. And what about the fat cowboys? Two heavy cowboys answer, "Here."
11. Is Tom Herrmann the audio guy here? We see Tom at the audio controls pressing buttons. He turns to the camera and mouths the word, "Here," but all we hear is static. I was very impressed with Tom's acting. Did you notice his mindless tapping at a button as if he were working? Fabulous. Kudos, Tom.
12. "How about my personal security guard? Is he here?" A camera comes around to behind Dave's desk. Sitting underneath is a security guard. He peers up around Dave's legs and says, "Right here, Dave." That was me. Did you notice my acting? I pretended I was bald. Pretty good, huh? Not everyone can pull off acting like that.
(I’ll never get used to seeing my head from that angle. What the hell happened?)
13. "Is our backstage security quartet here?" Four security guards singingly toss out an intruder with a barbershop quartet sound of "Get the hell out of here."
14. "What about the guy who we don't know what he does, but we're afraid to fire? Is he here?" We see a ruffian standing backstage with a snarl. "Here," he grunts.
15. Is the guy up there in the cat walk? The camera pans above to find . . . a guy in a cat suit. "Meow, Dave."
16. "Our vice president in charge of apologizing to guests I've pissed off --- Bill Cohen, is he here?" A bloodied and bruised V.P. responds, "I'm here each and every day, Dave."
17. "How about the clerk who catalogs my old hearts?" We see a clerk with a bunch of bloody hearts. One by one he tosses them in a filing cabinet.
18. "And what about our new cameraman, Al Cialino?" Al, the cameraman, says "Here." He then adds, "And by the way, I've been here for 12 years, jerk." "Welcome aboard," a happy Dave retorts.
19. And finally, the ghost of Nipsey Russell. Is he here? We see Nipsey in a jetpack, offering one of his more popular limericks.

"They made a movie about a mermaid
I really don't know why
It's not enough woman to make love to
And too much fish to fry."

Back from commercial, Dave mentions that Martha Stewart, for some reason, is under the impression that Dave loves cake. Dave likes cake, but doesn't necessarily love cakes. So now she's sending Dave a cake each day. She's gone nuts! Today, Martha sent some kind of Cardamon coffee cake. Dave has to admit, "Between you and me, it was barely edible." Dave thinks that Martha received too many beatings while in prison. And then she sent a coconut cake. Dave had to send guys over there to tell her to knock it off.

BIFF HENDERSON'S NAME THAT WAX CELEBRITY: How we play. Biff is blindfolded. He stands near a wax figure from Madame Tussaud's in Times Square which is draped with a cloth. Using only his sense of touch and smell, Biff will guess the identity of the wax celebrity. Two strapping stagehands enter and remove the covering of the wax figure. It is Donald Trump. Biff touches the statue. He feels the head. He feels the shoulders. He feels the abdomen and the arms. He travels farther down the wax figure and feels the . . . . crotch area. Yikes. I was hoping for a blue dot. Does Biff have any idea? Says Biff, "I know it's a man." Then adds, "He's tall." Touching the hair, Biff says, "He's got a bad wig. I don't think it's Conan O'Brien. . . . . Donald Trump?" TA DA! Biff got it! Wow, pretty good! We made sure the figure was covered all day long. Very few people knew the identity before hand. I didn't know. Others asked not to be told because they didn't want to slip up by accident. I think the only people who knew were the stage designers and maybe a stagehand or two. In fact, during rehearsal we kept the figure covered (we had two during rehearsal. The other being a woman) and the heads were removed just in case. Biff had no idea of the identity of the wax figures, and neither did the LATE SHOW staff. Wow. Biff figured it out using only his sense of touch and smell. The new Donald fragrance must have given it away.

TOP TEN: Signs You're in a Bad Sex Video - copies of a sex tape with Colin Farrell and his ex-Playmate girlfriend were up for sale on the internet last night. These are signs you are in a bad sex video.
#10. First 20 minutes shows you inflating your 'co-star.'
#6. Plumber shows up to fix your leaky faucet . . . and then leaves.
#1. You're the only person in it.

I didn't hear the Top Ten after #10. I was busy trying to track down today's cake from Martha. I worked the phones and soon found that two cakes arrived today and were already being delivered to the stage area.

Back from commercial, Dave says, "Two more cakes just arrived. Some kind of chocolate cake, and a chocolate cake with twigs coming out the top of it." Dave believes this is bordering on harassment. "She's stalking!" Dave exclaims. Paul wonders aloud, "What's going on?" A baffled Dave responds, "I don't know. She's nuts!"

KIEFER SUTHERLAND: He’s that 24 guy, the mega-hit for FOX. He’s also become a road manager for a band his new record company, Iron Works, is trying to launch. Over the holidays, the band traveled to Iceland, London, Dublin, and Berlin. For the first 4-5 days, it was fantastic. But living the life of a road manager on the road with a Rock & Roll band quickly takes its toll. In London during a belated Christmas party in a hotel lobby, Kiefer decided to take a running leap into the huge 16-foot Christmas tree. His decision to tackle the tree came off a dare. He ran as fast as he could and dove head first into the pine. He made the band laugh, which is one of the many responsibilities of a road manager. Both Kiefer and the Christmas tree survived. It reminded me of my college days. Do no harm but come away with a story. I think that was the goal of most of my college antics . . . . simply to create a story to tell.
Thank goodness I went to college before the video camera craze. At least now I can deny most of those stories, true that they may be.
Kiefer has a daughter who is 18 and driving. This is never a good time in a parent’s life. I’ve heard the same from friends. The fear of an accident is tremendous. And not only that, but your child may get hurt, too. Dave says when he was 16, he couldn’t wait to get his license. He knew he was ready. Now that he is older, he thinks no one should drive till they turn 30. And your driving skills diminish after 40 so the only people on the road should be between the ages of 30 and 40. My girls will be driving in 6 years. Yeesh.
I hear this season’s plot line on 24 is Kiefer trying to keep his daughter safe on her drive to the beauty parlor.
24 – the 4-hour premiere begins this Sunday at 8:00. Part 2 follows on Monday at 8:00 on the FOX.

I didn't know this. At the end of each season of 24, Kiefer's character sits back in a chair, cracks open a beer, and sighs, "Man, what a day I had."

ANDY SAMBERG: He’s a new guy from Saturday Night Live. Andy grew up in Berkeley, California. For years, he and his buddies made short films and then posted them on their own website. Their work caught the eye of the people at Saturday Night Live and the three were soon hired. During Dave’s intro, we see a clip of the group doing a rap song about their decision to go for some doughnuts. When it was shown on SNL, entitled “Lazy Sunday,” the bloggers responded almost immediately. It was an instant success. Andy googled the piece and found that it was seen by millions on the internet. Isn’t this 21st Century something!
A few years back, the subject of one of their short films included an elderly woman being mugged on the street. Across the street was their cameraman. During the robbery in broad daylight, a concerned citizen driving by slammed on his brakes to assist the elderly woman. And who was the concerned citizen? This is how I reported the tale as told by a guest on the LATE SHOW.

October 27, 2003 – Wahoo Gazette:

“Kiefer also was an action hero in Los Angeles recently. While driving, he noticed two thugs throw down an elderly woman and take her purse. Kiefer leapt out of his car and tackled one on the attackers. The elderly woman ran over to break it up. Turns out it was a student film. Oh, those kids!”

ACT 5: Alan announce: "Are you watching the 'Late Show' in your underpants? Dave wants to know. Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope and a photo of yourself watching the Late Show in your underpants to . . . . (turns angry) Oh, I can't go on with this! Why do I always have to deal with the crazies? I'm not doing it anymore. We'll be right back with more crap."

ALICIA KEYS: Alicia is featured on the soundtrack to the new film, Glory Road. Tonight she performed, "Sweet Music," not found on the CD.

And that was our show for Thursday January 12, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was declared an “Honorary Lesbian” by a supportive former City Council member following his announcement of the sale of 6 buildings in the East Village for $6 to a group of artists. He was then presented with a flannel shirt.

Want to see some still shots of the LATE SHOW? Click on this:
http://community-2.webtv.net/bostonbill41/WednesdayStillShots/

Visitor number 5000 is quickly approaching. The hit doesn't count until after you click off so if you click on and find #4999 at the bottom, you are #5000. Good luck, and get going.

It looks like author James Fey, the scribbler of “A Million Little Pieces” about his life as an addict and his fight through recovery, was all just a piece of creative writing. Lots was made up to heighten and brighten the story. This book was raved by Oprah and quickly became a big seller. But now it appears that not all is what it seemed. The autobiography turned out to be a fictional autobiography. But if you want to hear real stories about addiction, check out www.steppingoutradio.com and the “Steppin’ Out” radio show, the only 12-step show on the radio. It’s reality radio. Check out the website to see if it’s playing in your neighborhood. And you can also find it on the XM and Sirius satellite radio network. That’s Steppin’ Out – Fascinating stories without the fiction.

I'm interested in seeing the Glory Road film, about the first all-black starting-five NCAA basketball team to win the college championship. Texas Western defeated the all-white Kentucky Wildcats team in 1966. My interest is mainly because one of the players on Texas Western's is a guy I briefly worked with, Will Worsley. I met him just a few times and he is now coaching one of the local high school basketball teams. 1966 is the last year of not remembering much about sports. Come 1967, something clicked and I still recall the Red Sox/Cardinals World Series and the Packers/Chiefs Super Bowl. And I was aware of Lew Alcindor at UCLA. But 1966? Nope. Nothing.

January 1, 1969: Today is the anniversary of the New York Jets Super Bowl win over the Baltimore Colts. I'm watching an ESPN Sports special on 1969's Super Bowl 3 between the New York Jets and the Baltimore Colts. The Jets pulled off the amazing upset, 16-7, going in as a 20-point underdog. What I noticed during the game, and then again after the upset was complete, was the total lack of over-the-top celebration by the Jets and Colts. First downs were followed by the player getting up and going back to work. Hard tackles resulted in the same. Sacks were met by the lineman walking back to the huddle. No "in-your-face" antics. It was nice to watch. I was able to appreciate the players on both teams. It was just men going about their business. Even when the clock ticked to zero following an incomplete Johnny Unitas pass, the New York Jets' reaction was minimal. And if you ever saw the overtime touchdown by Alan Ameche in the 1958 title game between the New York Giants and the victorious Baltimore Colts you would see the same. The championship-winning TD in overtime was followed by a slight raising of the arms in celebration. Imagine the players' reaction after an overtime touchdown in the Super Bowl. What happened to bring us today's nonsense? The 24-hour, around-the-clock sport shows on the TV that celebrate the celebration could be a source. But I blame it all on #45, New York Giants wide receiver Homer Jones of the 1960s, the creator of the spike following a touchdown. He got a lot of publicity out of that spike. And everyone that followed followed.