While Dave is billboarding tonight's show, a guy runs out on stage screaming and yelling in pain. He runs left, runs right, runs in front of the cameras, and runs out the guest entrance. He is then is quickly fired upon with a fire extinguisher. Dave explains that we usually have a guy doing that but he is always on fire. Unfortunately, tonight we weren't able to get a permit.

Seconds later, another guy comes running out just like the first guy, but this time he IS on fire. He runs here and there and back to here and then out through the guest entrance. He is quickly extinguished. Who was that? Dave has no idea.

Dave started something that I had no idea where he was going. He mentions that The Hague distributed a questionnaire asking what is the single most important thing in the world that has changed your life. The most popular answer: Bloopers. And we have them tonight with Marv Albert's "The Best of 2005 Sports Bloopers."

It’s the time of year when many people make resolutions. Take a look at what Dave saw on television earlier today.

Announcer: “The New Year is upon us and that means the opportunity for a fresh start, eating right, working out, and living better. We wish Americans embarking on this exciting journey all the best. And when you decide it’s time to give up and return to your pathetic, gluttonous ways . . . we’ll be there. (photo of bag of Doritos) Doritos – the cheesiest!”

Announcer: “Last night, disgraced former Washington, D.C. Mayor Marion Barry was robbed by two gun-wielding thugs. In response, Mayor Barry would like to ask, ‘Remember when a man could buy crack on a street corner and not worry about getting jacked?’
Marion Barry. Still chasing the dragon.”

GEORGE W. BUSH AND THE NAME HE REALLY SHOULD KNOW: From a November 29th speech in Denver.

Bush: “We sat around the table talking about helping Iraq develop a democracy, and what do we do about . . . . the person . . . in North Korea that is developing a nuclear weapons program.”

"Time on the round-up, 6 past the hour."

LATE SHOW EQUATIONS - Dave holds up a 30-inch by 24-inch card. On the card are two photos, possibly three, arranged like a mathematical equation. It is up to us to try to guess the sum.
My attention was elsewhere during the Equations so I may add some that weren't used and may skip some that were.

Reality star Nick Lachey - marriage to Jessica Simpson = Office Max Employee Nick Lachey.
George W. Bush - 3 IQ points = Barney the dog
Merv Griffin + a monkey + 12 cups of coffee = Regis Show Green Room
A Port Authority rest room + Ritz crackers = The Late Show Green Room
Dr. Phil - a six-week correspondence course = Hoss from Bonanza
LATE SHOW Equations + Remote Control = "Let's see what's on Leno"
Dave + rock-hard abs + tap dancing = Tony Danza
Marlboro Man + eye-liner = Brokeback Mountain.

And that was LATE SHOW Equations.

IT SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE: It's something new, featuring stagehands Pat Farmer and Gene Szymanski.
Pat: "So, Gene, have you seen 'King Kong'?"
Gene: "Nah, if I wanted to spend 3 hours staring at a fat, hairy ass, I'd go see your wife."
BOING!
Pat: "What the 'givl' is that supposed to mean? That's my wife, man!"
Pat and Gene begin to wrestle.
Announce: "'It Sort of Sounds Like a Joke' brought to you by your friends at Havoline. Havoline - Be There!" $$$

Critiquing what we just saw, Dave says, “It’s hard to believe there was a time when this show won awards.”

TOP TEN: Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Free Surgery.
On my informational blue card which Dave: "To help in their New Year's resolution to lose weight, a New York doctor is offering free gastric-bypass surgery to ten worthy candidates."
I skipped a couple lines on the card and added the following actual fact, which Dave did not read: "The doctor interviewed the candidates yesterday in a bar in Times Square." I think that should have been one of the items on the Top Ten.
#10. "Hey, doesn't that guy work at Benihana?"
#7. "Didn't I see this guy on '60 Minutes'?"
#3. "Isn't this how Bob Denver died?"

PIERCE BROSNAN: He’s sporting a long salt-and-pepper beard. He says he’s been compared to Saddam Hussein and KFC’s Colonel Sanders. I suggested we get another LATE SHOW Equation together: "Saddam Hussein + Colonel Sanders = Pierce Brosnan." The beard is for a new Civil War movie he’s working on.
Pierce enjoys his home in Hawaii and has recently done some golfing with the former President, Bill Clinton. That’s a bit intimidating. Lots of Secret Service following around. (Yeah, but I bet you get a good tee time.) How was it golfing with Clinton? Pierce enjoyed it, up until Bill tried to show him the correct way to swing the club. Pierce felt a bit awkward when Clinton put his hands on his hips. I seem to recall Billy Crystal having a similar story about Clinton getting too involved in someone else’s golf game.
Of course, Pierce is probably best known for being one of the few to play the secret agent James Bonds. Dave has a stack of photos of past James Bonds.
- Sean Connery
- Kenny Lazenby (I know it’s not Kenny but I’m too pooped to look up the right name).
- Roger Moore
- Timothy Dalton
- Alex Trebek - What?! Alex Trebek?

The Matador – in theaters now. I enjoyed the clip. Looks oddly funny.

MARV ALBERT: The Voice of the NBA on TNT and of the local New Jersey Nets. Dave and Marv recreate some of Marv’s great signature calls. Anyone in New York who grew up with Marv back in the 70s has undoubtedly done the same: “YES!”; “Kick save and a beauty!” and “Yes, and it counts!” Come to think of it, when I think back to the old New York Giants, Knicks, and Yankees, I think of my sitting by the radio listening to the games; not in front of the TV. Hmm.
Dave is concerned about this year’s Super Bowl, very nervous for his Indianapolis Colts. Marv feels confident that it will be the Colts in the Big Bowl this year. Dave offers this about this year’s Super Bowl, something that Marv Albert was unaware of: “Players have said, ‘if you’re only in 1 Super Bowl in your life, hopefully it’s in Detroit.’”
Dave touches upon the Vikings fiasco on the Love Boat; Doug Flutie; and his 2-Football idea to liven up the game. Dave wants Marv to suggest it to NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue. Perhaps it would be better suited for pre-season, or maybe even the Pro Bowl. C’mon, Marv, you got influence! Use it! (And while you’re at it, move the Super Bowl to Saturday.)

ACT 5: It’s time once again for Dwight, the Troubled Teen.
Alan: “It’s a new year, Dwight, a good time to make some resolutions, like maybe studying harder, or keeping your room clean.
Dwight: “I knew you’d start in with this crap again! As a matter of fact, my life is awesome the way it is! My only New Year’s Resolution is to never turn into a dried-up old freak like you. I hate you! I hate all of you!”
(Dwight exits angrily . . . . then returns with a smile)
Dwight: (to camera) “Hi, I’m Dwight the Troubled Teen. In real life, I know how important a fresh start can be.
Alan: “Why not make 2006 a year of positive change. Eat better, exercise, mend a broken relationship. It’s up to you, right, Dwight?” (putting arm around Dwight)
Dwight: “Don’t touch me, you old creep!”
Dwight and Alan: “Happy New Year, everyone!”
“This has been Dwight, the Troubled Teen! Thanks for watching and drive safely.”

MARV ALBERT: We finish the night with Marv’s “Best of 2005 Sports Bloopers.” Always enjoyable. I was surprised at how few I’ve seen before.

And that was our show for Wednesday January 4, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

"Time on the Roundup, 6 after the hour." So what does that mean? Dave's been saying it the past few days. What's it mean? Where does it come from?
From Wahoo reader, Chris Schukei:

Since it's extremely rare that I have any insight into anything, I was moved to write when I felt like I did.
The line comes from the CBS Radio "World News Roundup" heard weekday mornings at 8 AM eastern time and I believe at 7 PM. In New York obviously, the CBS Radio network news feed is heard on WCBS 880 AM.
The 'Roundup' is actually a 10 minute newscast without commercials. However, local stations are allowed to insert 60 seconds of their commercials within the cast and some stations also dump out early. (WCBS goes local at 8 minutes.) So because of all these local stations coming in and out of the newscast, the anchor has to give audio cues throughout the cast to keep everybody in sync. Thus every couple of minutes the anchor says 'time on the Roundup is 6 after the hour' or 'time on the Roundup is 8 after the hour', etc.
It's rare that my geekiness has any value, and I'm not sure that it does in this case, but I thought I would give it a try.

OK, folks, so there you have it, the origin of "time on the roundup, 6 after the hour."
I don't know much about this, but here goes:
Jack Abramoff - he's a lobbyist. He's supposed to influence congressmen. It's his job to do it however he can, slimy as that may be, illegal as it may be. But it's up to our fine, upstanding congressmen to avoid the temptations offered by the lobbyist. It is our politicians in whom we put our trust, not the lobbyists, so I look forward for the guilty, gimme gimme gimme politicians to get what's coming to them. I'm hoping for heads to shake, rattle, and roll over this.

Here's something I overheard on the CNN today while going about my daily business:
"Half of all outgoing congressmen sign up to become lobbyists."

And do you know why there are so many lobbyists?
Because it works.

I have a new favorite New York Giant. It's wide receiver Plaxico Burress. No, he's not my favorite because of his big-play capability. It's because every time running back Tiki Barber runs off a big gain, it's Plaxico who is throwing the often overlooked downfield block. A couple weeks ago, Tiki ran for a long touchdown against the Kansas City Chiefs. Plaxico got in the way of 4 would-be tacklers enabling Tiki the room to scamper 60+ yards all the way to the end zone. And last week when he set a team record 90+ yard touchdown run, it was Plaxico leading the way. And a wide receiver doesn't have to do much to make a successful downfield block . . . all he has to do is get in the way. Plaxico is the best I've seen. Watch him this weekend against the Carolina Panthers. If Tiki runs for 30 yards on a play, I'm sure you'll see Plaxico right in the middle of it downfield.

I'm scheduled for a . . . . colonoscopy this Friday. . . . always a pleasure. I'll be writing Thursday's and Friday's Wahoo from home. I need to take some "medicine" on Thursday to . . . prepare . . . for the procedure. If the Thursday and Friday Wahoo seems to have a lot of . . . sudden stops . . . I hope you understand. Think of me. Keep me in your thoughts Thursday night after I take my medicine. I'll be thinking of you . . . each and every time.