Dave is always happy to have Regis on the program, calling him and his show, "the single, most-entertaining hour on television." And now he has a new CD, "The Regis Philbin Christmas Album." It also features Donald Trump on one song. Dave surmises the two, Regis and Donald considering the CD, sat back talking one night and concluded "there's some money out there we still don't have our fingers on yet." The CD may get them the rest of the United States disposable income still not claimed.

It's Tuesday night and so we head over to Rupert's Hello Deli. Summer has turned to Autumn with Winter poking its nose through the door looking to come in. Asks Dave to Rupert, "Why do the customers come to your store in the winter?" Rupert says, "because of you?" Nice answer, but the wrong answer. Rupert tries again; "for the sandwiches?" Nope again. C'mon, Rupert. Dave talked about last year. Something must have sparked because Rupert next said, "Oh, for the hot chocolate!" YES! Dave suggests a give-away; a free mug of hot chocolate for every customer who walks in. Rupert's eyes widen with fear. "The mug, too?" worries Rupert. Dave calms the storm in Rupert's heart and tells him he doesn't have to give away a mug, offering he "simply use the Styrofoam cups you use over and over again." Dave sends Rupert outside to find a contestant while Dave continues with the show.

COUNTDOWN TO OPRAH: DAY 2 - In two days, Thursday December 1st, Oprah will be making her return to Dave's show for the first time in 16 years. Right after doing our show, Ms. Oprah will cross the street to opening night of "The Color Purple" at the Broadway Theater at the corner of 53rd and Broadway. It promises to be a magical night. But of course, I'm just concerned about the traffic. If the traffic isn't screwed up, Oprah can come here every night. If it becomes a nightmare, well, maybe her next visit could be done via satellite.
And then we see the portrait of Oprah and Dave. Artist Kerri Gibbs completed the portrait she started last night; the portrait of Oprah and Dave . . . and Regis. Very nice. To find out more about Kerri Gibbs, check out her website at:
http://www.portraitartist.com/gibbs/gibbs.htm

IDEAS FOR THE OPRAH SHOW: Dave is concerned he'll have nothing to say to Oprah after all these years. He's been looking for some ideas to that will make the Thursday show one of his best ever. Some suggestions he's listened to:
-have the entire audience made up of people named Oprah.
-Have Dr. Phil come on, pull down his pants, and fire a rocket. (I always think of Tommy Newsome when I hear that joke)
-bring on Nick and Jessica. Perhaps the reuniting of Dave and Oprah could do the same for them.
-detonate a ton of fireworks
-during the commercial break, Dave will ride a mechanical bull
-grow an awesome mustache
-do a show with a paternity test, like Maury.
-get Leno to host
-let Steadman be the cue card guy for the night
-cook something for the audience on a hibachi.
-margaritas for the entire audience
I scribbled down the above while Dave recited, jotting down just a word or two to help me remember. I'm not sure if I remembered them correctly, but it'll do.

Back to Rupert's. We find Rupert with Olivia. During the initial greeting, we can hear an obnoxious dog yapping just outside Rupert's. Does Rupert know who the dog belongs to? Does Olivia? Both deny any knowledge. Still, Dave wonders if the two are hiding something. As I listen to the cacophonic bark of the unseen dog, I can only think "Where is Alan Alda when you really need him?"
Olivia is a graduate of UC Irvine in California. Dave lets out an excited, "Yeah! Go, Anteaters!" Dave is familiar with the Irvine Anteaters, a mascot that strikes fear in no one but . . . . ants. If your team was playing a group of ants, perhaps an anteater mascot would be intimidating. Other than that, I don't quite see it. ZOT!

After a quick chit chat, Dave tells Olivia what we have in mind.
"Would You Like To Have Me In Your Holiday Card?" Olivia gladly says yes. Phew. Dave invites Rupert and Olivia into the Ed Sullivan Theater. As they enter, the scrim rises behind Dave. There we see a snow scene and a snowman on stage. Olivia joins Dave by the snowman and Rupert snaps the photo. It's a lovely picture. We can only we're on Olivia's mailing list. Happy Holidays, from Dave and Olivia.

REGIS PHIBLIN: Gee, I hope he has something to say. Regis is excited for Dave's having Oprah on the show Thursday night. Regis wants to know what Dave's first question will be. That's just the problem, says Dave, he doesn't know. Regis suggests a little role playing. He'll be Oprah. Dave will be Dave. OK, let's start. Regis sits there staring at Dave. "Ask me a question, any question" urges Regis as Oprah. Dave's got nothing. Dave mentions something about Steadman. Regis considers the question and says that's not a good opener. "Save that," says Regis. "Keep it about Oprah." Dave can't come up with anything. Regis helps out, suggesting this: "What do you think about Regis' Christmas album?" Dave doesn't like that question at all, realizing he'd put Oprah immediately in a position where she would have to lie. After some more banter, Regis takes the commercial cue meant for Dave and throws to commercial.

Back from commercial, Dave talks a bit about Regis' new Christmas album. Much to the delight of Regis, Dave suggests we listen to a bit of it. First song up: "Let It Snow." Uh oh. That's not Regis we're hearing. Sounds more like the Chief, William Delace with a throaty rasp. The throaty rasp may sound good on Brenda Vacarro, but not on a singing voice such as Delace. It sounds awful. Regis realizes that out of the vast numbers of viewers of the Late Show, many will believe that's really Regis we're hearing. And even if we mention it a thousand times that it wasn't Regis, there will always be some who will continue to think it's Regis. All Regis can do now is bury his head in his hands. The singing is awful. And then Regis gets mad. "I'm sick and tired of you desecrating my album," exclaims the Reege. Then he repeats a KYCE question told on the show a few weeks back that compared the dreaded bird flu with Regis' new Christmas Album. And then a monologue joke which went: "The Regis Philbin Christmas Album is so bad, shoplifters are returning it." But it's all in fun. We know that.
Dave rundowns Regis' busy schedule. He'll be doing the FOX New Year's Eve special. ABC and Dick Clark have an eye on the future, bringing aboard Ryan Seacrest to help out with the honors on their network. Dave mumbles about Seacrest, "He's a haircut." I laughed at the apt description. And Regis will be hosting the new "This Is Your Life." Regis is hoping to get Dave as one of his first to be in the hot seat. Dave says that's not possible. In order to get someone on "This Is Your Life," you have to get in touch with all of his friends, and Dave says, "I have no friends."

How's the daytime show. Dave heard there was trouble. Regis says Kelly couldn't be happier the way things are going. Without skipping a beat, Dave asks, "What about you?" Regis says everything is fine with him too. Doesn't matter who is there, he's fine with the show. And speaking of Kelly, she was on the Late Show a few weeks ago. Regis was part of a bit where he was out in a convertible on 53rd Street honking the car horn waiting to take Kelly home. Unfortunately, . . . for Regis . . . it started to rain. Regis heard Dave say to Kelly, "Let's see how long we can wait and make Regis mad." Regis now tells us he was getting soaked! I heard that story when it happened. . . . from the guy who was supposed to be holding the umbrella over Regis . . . who was also being told to get out of the shot. The umbrella guy went with the home team and left Regis in the rain.

COLIN HANKS: He's in the holiday blockbuster, "King Kong." It opens December 14th. His birthday was on Thanksgiving, which happens maybe once every 5-10 years or so. Leap Years can either make it happen more often or less often. It happened this year. Having a birthday on Thanksgiving isn't so great. You hear a lot of "Happy Birthday! When are we eating?" And then at the end of the dinner, you are given the choice, "Birthday cake . . . or pumpkin pie?" Few side with the birthday cake. And when it's gift opening time, the whole family is in an turkey-induced sleep. Colin says he was born on Thanksgiving, 1977. And I remember the day Colin was born. I was a freshman in college, and I was back home to play in the 2nd Annual Ramapo/Spring Valley High School Alumni football game. We lost, three touchdowns to two. I don't remember the extra points. Two things happened that day that I remember. One was my future sister-in-law and her friend got drunk on blackberry brandy. She and I just talked about that day this past Thanksgiving. The other thing I remember was this was the day I fell in love with beer. Before this, beer was only a means to an end. The taste was inconsequential. Beer was only there to get me to where I wanted to go. But after that alumni football game, a handful of us went to the nearby volunteer firehouse. Pulling a beer out of the 25-cent soda machine, I opened a Budweiser to quench a thirst. To this day, that was the best tasting beer I ever had. I'll never forget it. And it was the day Colin Hanks was born.
Colin is in the exciting remake of King Kong. I've already heard some great things about it. Colin sets up the clip we are about to see. Dave throws to the videotape and we see . . . a clip from the gorilla movie, "Conga." Ooooh, bad bad special effects. It's not the King Kong movie at all! But now that I've seen a little bit of "Conga," I want to see the rest of it. Then we see the real clip. "King Kong" - in theaters December 14th.

REGIS PHILBIN AND DONALD TRUMP: From Regis' new Christmas Album, Regis and the Donald perform "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

And that was our show for Tuesday, November 29, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I went to see "Chicken Little" this weekend. There was a little alien baby named Kirby who wanted to get back with its parents. Or was it Kirmie?

Oprah Fun Facts:
-She was named Oprah, after a biblical figure, but it was misspelled on her birth certificate.
-She has been reading since she was 3 years old.
-She skipped first grade following only two days of kindergarten. She wrote a note to her teacher telling her, "I don't think I belong here."
-Anthony Otey was Oprah's first serious boyfriend.
-She slimmed down to a size 8 to pose for photographer Annie Liebovitz for a 1998 Vogue magazine shoot.
-She's kept a personal journal since she was 15.
-Oprah starts her days with a prayer or meditation.
-Her first public speaking engagement was at 3, when she told the resurrection story in her church on Easter.
-She lost 67 pounds in 1988 in four months on a liquid diet, but regained the weight two years later.
-Her cocker spaniels are named Sophie and Solomon.

I got home Tuesday night right at 8:00. I was quickly shhhhhed, as "Felicity: An American Girl Adventure" was just starting. My girls were sitting on the floor in the living room with all their American Girl dolls. Two neighbor girls were also there with their American Girl dolls. Felicity lives in the year 1775 and although she is schooled on the finer points in life, she has a tomboy side to her that constantly shines through, much to the consternation of her mom. Oh, that Felicity. When I asked the girls if they wanted some popcorn, they all excitedly yelled out that they would. I did not make the popcorn until they answered in a lady-like manner. Each then said, "Why, yes, Mr. McIntee. Popcorn would be divine. Thank you, sir."

My question is this: if "Felicity: An American Girl Adventure" is designed for pre-teen girls, why does the WB put it on from 8:00-10:00 PM? Wouldn't 7:00-9:00 work out better?

And don't forget, tonight at 8:00 on CBS, it's "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"