GAVIN MACLEOD PIGSKIN PICKS OF THE WEEK: It’s something new, it’s Gavin MacLeod’s Pigskin Picks of the Week. Gavin enters wearing his famous Captain Steuben Love Boat uniform.

GAVIN: “First up, the Washington Redskins host the San Francisco 49ers. The 49ers don’t stand a chance, even with the points. Skins all the way.
Next, the Philadelphia Eagles are 4 point favorites over the San Diego Chargers. The bye week has given Donovan McNabb a chance to heal. They’ll cover.
And out final game, the Arizona Cardinals vs. the Tennessee Titans. The Titans are three point underdogs on the road.”
(sniff sniff sniff)
The Captain smells an upset. Tennessee by a touchdown. This is Gavin’s ‘Smooth Sail’ of the week. Good luck, everyone! And remember, bet with your head; not over it.”

To recap:
The Redskins over the 49ers, giving 11 points.
The Eagles over the Chargers, giving 4.
Go with Tennessee over the Cards, getting 5 points.

WEEK IN REVIEW
- Steven Spielberg claims to have invented a new form of technology he calls “The Future of Cinema” and he promises the new film experience will suck audiences into the heart of the action. Dave has an example of this new cinema technology. Dave holds up a Deluxe Wide-Screen Milk Duds box. Inside is one huge giant Milk Dud. Dave eats. What was it? I think it was whole wheat bread rolled into a ball and covered with chocolate.
- The Bush Administration is preparing for a possible bird flu pandemic, but they’re not filling Dave with a great deal of confidence. Dave saw this announcement this week.

Announcer: “As a result of the latest bird flu scare, we here at the White House want the American public to be fully prepared in case of an outbreak. Contact local authorities immediately if you spot a bird which looks like this . . . (shot of two pigeons sitting on a sill) . . . The Department of Health and Human Services. Protecting You From Us.”

Audio from book: “. . . but in my darkest hours, I always made sure I had something to keep my spirits up. So every day of my prison sentence, I eagerly awaited the conjugal visits from Dave. He was my refuge. How I yearned to feel his body pressed against mine, to let his warmth shelter me from the chill of the cell block, to hear those tender whispers that made up for his inadequacies as a lover. . .”

- People are starting to worry about how much heating oil and natural gas will cost this winter. This week, the government put out this reassuring message.

Announcer: “As winter approaches, Americans are concerned about skyrocketing heating oil and natural gas prices, but don’t worry. The Bush Administration has good news. Due to the rapid acceleration of Global Warming, the average temperature across the northern U.S. this winter will be a toasty 86 degrees!”
(quick disclaimer)
“Some coast areas may be destroyed by rising sea levels. The Bush Administration – Working For You!”

Announcer: “As the debate over Harriet Miers continues, even many of President Bush’s supporters doubt her qualifications for the Supreme Court. Which is why several key Republicans urge the president to withdraw her nomination and appoint someone who is less likely to undermine America’s faith in the judicial system: the preserved corpse of William Rehnquist. Rehnquist: Don’t call it a comeback.”

Announcer: “Good news, subway passengers: the recent terror scare has passed, and while authorities remain vigilant, he intense security measures have been scaled back. So ladies, don’t be fooled --- this man is not allowed to frisk you.”
(photo of a randy Bill Clinton)
“An update from the Metropolitan Transit Authority.”

WILL IT FLOAT: Dave admits that he is sick and tired of "Will It Float?" but our Executive Producer Barbara Gaines assured Dave, “Oh, no, everyone loves it!” So we will continue with "Will It Float?" Unfortunately, Kiva the Grinder Girl is not with us tonight as she is in Albuquerque, New Mexico at a bartenders promotional party. A perplexed Dave exclaims, “A bartender party in Albuquerque is a better gig than this?” Paul suspects the the bartender party will let the Grinder Girl do her whole act there. Dave smiles and thinks that is probably true.

Tonight’s item: 2000 paintballs in a plastic tub. In a plastic tub? That’s easy. It’ll float. The LATE SHOW models drop the item into the "Will It Float?" tank and it does float.

Dave is advised that Kiva had promised to be here 6 months straight if given permission to be off tonight.

TOP TEN: Rides at the New Sex Theme Park – a new sex theme park is opening this spring in London near Piccadilly Circus.
10. The Humper Cars
9. The Cindy-and-Debbie-and-Mary-Go-Round
8. Pamela Anderson’s Lace Mountains
7. Paris Hilton: The Ride
6. The Tilt-A-Whore
5. It’s Not Such a Small World After Viagra
4. Wonderland in Alice
3. The Log Flume
2. Pascual, the Mexican Pearl Diver (roll Les: “My name is Pascual”)
1. Mr. Clinton’s Wild Ride.

Some mail lauding "Will It Float?":

“Dear Dave, ‘Will It Float’ is my favorite thing on television. In fact, next to the moon landing, this is the most important thing our country has seen in decades. P.S. What the hell was the Gavin MacLeod thing?”

“Dear Dave, I love watching your program for ‘Will It Float.’ I am a bartender and don’t appreciate the comments you made. Screw you and screw ‘Will It Float.’ I’ll be waiting for you in the parking garage, bitch.”

Dave asks Al to tell the story about appearing on the old show at NBC, LATE NIGHT. Al says he suggested to his comedy partner Tom Davis that they should bill themselves as “The Comedy Team That Weighs the Same.” At the time, Tom weighed 165. Al weighed 180. Al figured if Tom gained some weight and Al lost some weight, they could go on Letterman as “The Comedy Team That Weighs the Same.” They were booked and a few days before the appearance, Al checked with Tom to find out how his weight gain was going. Tom weighed in at 162. It became obvious to Al that the responsibility to make this team work would rest on his shoulders. Al immediately went bulimic and started exercising and running in the shower. I laughed at the “running in the shower” line. Al did some wrestling in high school and this was a common last-second practice by wrestlers to make weight for a match. The hot showers could really create a sweat. I think that’s why I like Al Franken as much as I do. Anybody who would subject themselves to the sport of wrestling in high school deserves a lot of credit and admiration. There is no harder sport than high school wrestling. Anyway, the day of their Late Night appearance, Franken and Davis did weigh the same. They weighed themselves on the show and clicked in at precisely the same weight. Did “The Comedy Team That Weighs The Same” become successful? No. It was only a one-time deal.

So Al has a radio show and he wrote a book. How does he find the time to do all that he does? Al admits, “I’m amazed at what I do.”

Al describes his new book, “The Truth . . . with Jokes” as ‘Nutritional Candy.’ The Nutritional part is the Truth. The Candy part is the jokes. He says the book has actually turned out to be quite prescient. When he was writing it, many in America thought the President to be competent. Now we know better, and you’ll find examples of the President’s incompetence and corruption in the book. Dave asks if the book, in addition to being ‘Nutritional Candy’ could be labeled “Infotainment” as well. Al thinks, and says “ . . . . no.” Dave presses on for the “infotainment” label until Al acquiesces, even though Al believes “infotainment” cheapens the book’s “nutritional candy” tag.

Dave asks what’s happening with this Judith Miller thing. Dave thought he understood it, then not, then he did, now he doesn’t again. Al explains it the best he can, but in the end, I’m not sure he fully understands it either. It seems Scooter Libby (Cheney’s Chief of Staff) and/or Karl Rove outed a CIA agent and according to George Bush Sr., that’s an act of treason. Franken suspects that this means that either one of them, or both, will likely be executed. Dave believes the real crime in the whole matter is that we have a grown man walking around the White House with the name “Scooter.”

Harriet Miers? What Al knows about Harriet Miers is this: she once called George W. Bush “the most brilliant man” she ever met. Says Al: “That’s a disqualifier right there!” He adds, “The job is . . . ‘judge.’ I mean, that is certainly a disqualifier.”

Nutritional candy vs. infotainment. May I offer, “Entermation”?

The book goes on sale Tuesday November 25th.

ACT 5: “Hey, it’s time once again for LATE SHOW’s ‘Name That Tune.’ Correctly name this tune and you win $500,000! Ready? Here it is.”
(we hear an audio clip from “Welcome to the Hotel California” which includes the line, “Welcome to the Hotel California.”)
“Do you think you know the title of this song? Call us at 694-245-5825 right now and you could win $500,000”

AL GREEN: From his CD, Everything’s OK, Al Green performed “Everything is OK.”

And that was our show for Friday October 21, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

If Al Franken’s book, “The Truth . . . with Jokes” turns out to be successful, I hear Dave may consider doing “The Late Show . . . with Jokes.”

I laughed when Al Franken claimed the Harriet Miers should be immediately disqualified for her assessment of George W. Bush as being the most brilliant man she has ever met. It reminded me of a case in my hometown a few years ago. Back in March of 2000, a judge was arrested for firing a gun several times near a very busy intersection in order to scare off a wild turkey. I am very familiar with this intersection and yes, it is a very busy intersection. He fired his gun into the air several times. His actions were reported to the police by telephone company workers who observed this. I still scratch my head whenever I pass this judge’s office, wondering how a person showing such poor judgment could be a judge. I can’t imagine being in his courtroom and having him cast his judgment on my behavior.

Oh, the outcome of the judge shooting his gun several times in a residential area:
“the Commission determines that the appropriate sanction is admonition.”
Admonition – I think that means the Commission waved their finger at him and said, “Bad bad bad.”
The Commission consisted of many people with the title “Honorable” in front of their name.
You can check out the case here:
http://www.scjc.state.ny.us/Determinations/C/ciganek.htm

From Andrew Hoenig of Rockville, Maryland:

“OK, Mike, I have had enough of this. What Les Moonves was in that clip was not a Mexican Pearl Diver but a Mexican Cliff Diver. Big difference.
Pearl divers operate off a boat and swim down to where the oysters are. Cliff divers really only exist in Acapulco. They must carefully time their dives so that they hit the water when the wave is rolling in. Otherwise, the diver will hit the rocks on the bottom and be injured or killed. That is why Les/Pascual tells Robert Hays that he could be killed if he jumps. Cliff divers jump, pearl divers don't.
I know that Les called himself a pearl diver, but he was mistaken.”

PLAYBOY: “What was your most embarrassing television performance?”
MOONVES: “I played a Mexican pearl diver on an episode of ‘Cannon.’ This was back when you didn’t have to be politically correct – you didn’t have to be Hispanic to play a Hispanic. I was in a Speedo, talking with a Spanish accent, saying, ‘No, senor, my name is not Paco’ or something like that. No, my acting career was not terribly illustrious. All the time I was acting, I was thinking I was probably better at other things. I’m a control freak, and it bugged me that actors aren’t in total control of their lives. It was a logical shift to producing, which I loved. I began producing theater and then television.”

Enjoy the weekend, everybody. It looks like more rain here in NYC.