Dave tells his friends watching on KYW-Channel 3 in Philadelphia, regarding Terrell Owens: "I'll get to the bottom of this." There's been much talk about T.O. and his contract problems. Actually, it's Owens with the problem. He signed a long contract and now wants to renegotiate. The Eagles are happy with the contract. Dave promises to straighten it all out. Dave later gives the Robert DeNiro-two-fingers-to-the-eyes-then-points-at-you sign from "Meet the Parents." I watched "Meet the Fockers" this weekend so I'm hip to the move.

It's Tuesday night. It's over to Rupert's. Dave makes some small talk to the Hello Deli proprietor. It's too bad about the New York Jets, Rupert's favorite team. Not only did they lose their starting quarterback for the year last week, but they lost their backup QB as well. Now at the helm is 3rd stringer Brooks Bollinger until the ancient Vinnie Testaverde takes over.
Rupert gets a lot of business at the Hello Deli. Dave wonders if he gets any, you know . . . . from some wide-eyed naïve impressed with Rupert's celebrity status . . . you know, some "yee-ha" . . . . a love connection. Rupert says nothing's happening. Lots of babes come into the store but no "yee-ha" yet.
Tonight we're playing "What's Under the Robe." Rupert is wearing the robe of a Supreme Court judge. Under the robe you can see a bulge. The question is what is the bulge under the robe? Dave asks if the contestant will "be able to palpate the mass under the robe?" When the answer is "Yes, the contestant WILL be able to palpate the mass," I decide to stick around for the rest of the show. Dave sends Rupert out to get a contestant. Meanwhile, we have a show to put on.

Sad news in show business. Sunday, the beloved comedian Nipsey Russell died at a hospital here in New York at the age of 80 years old. He was known as the "Poet Laureate of Television." I was shocked when I heard the following: We were able to get exclusive footage of Nipsey Russell going to heaven. How about that! We look at the clip. We see a beautiful blue sky. We hear the noise of some kind of engine. Soon, Nipsey Russell appears flying a jetpack. He says,

"People say a mermaid is beautiful,
I don't understand the reason why.
It's not enough woman to make love to,
And too much fish to fry."

GEORGE W. BUSH SUMS UP HIS ADMINISTRATION: From his press conference earlier today: "It gets worse over time; not better."

Back to Rupert. With him is Jessica, from Toronto. She works as a producer/writer in music-television. Huh? So what does she write, stuff like "This next song is 'Crocodile Rock' by Elton John"? I guess people need stuff like that written for them.
Time to play "Guess What's Under the Robe." 30 seconds go up on the clock and we begin. Jessica feels the bulge under Rupert's robe on his chest. She squeezes and massages and fondles the bulge. After 30 seconds she has her guess. Jessica guesses, "Gelatin Octopus." Oohhhh, no, so close. Dave gives her another guess. This time she answers, "Luncheon meat." Ahhh, a fan of the show. Close, but not a match. What is under the robe? It is 4 pounds of raw bacon! The models enter and we are treated to a lovely scene of Rupert with 4 pounds of bacon on his chest, the two models and Jessica with a Hello Deli deli platter.

Dave reminds those in Philadelphia watching KYW channel 3, he'll take care of business.

It's time for "ALAN KALTER'S 200 YEARS AGO TODAY"
ALAN: V.O.: "Alan Kalter's 200 Years Ago Today" brought to you by Cozy Kitty, the amazing new heated neck wrap that helps relieve aches and pains from tension and fatigue. A $60 value, just $14.99! Here's how it works…(ALAN PUTS COZY KITTY AROUND HIS NECK) just heat the Cozy Kitty in the microwave for sixty seconds. Then wrap around your neck. It's filled with all-natural buckwheat hulls, so heat radiates gently through your neck and shoulders to help reduce neck pain. Cozy kitty: The first name in kitty-shaped items you heat in a microwave and wrap around your neck." Alan continues: "Two hundred years ago today, President Ronald Reagan prepared for a historic Geneva summit with Soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev. TWA became the first airline to operate a twin-engine jet on scheduled trans-Atlantic services, with the Boeing 767. And British scientists report the opening of an enormous hole in the earth's ozone layer over Antarctica.
DAVE interrupts: "Alan, are you sure you have that right?"
ALAN: "Oh, yeah, I'm sure. 200 years ago today."
DAVE: "Are you really sure?"
ALAN looks at his notes, realizes Dave is right: "Hmm, oh I'm sorry, you're right. That was 20 years ago. (BEAT) This has been ‘Alan Kalter's 200 Years Ago Today', brought to you by Cozy Kitty. And hey, kids - why not try one in your pants?"
Alan stands to reveal a Cozy Kitty is sticking out of his pants.
Dave: "Thanks, Alan. Alan Kalter, ladies and gentlemen."

TOP TEN: Signs Bush is Drinking Again - rumors are out there that after 19 years of being on the wagon, the President is drinking once again.
Ahhh, drinking. Dave hasn't had a taste in 20 years or so and he misses it every day. At the time, his liver was twice the size of the phone on his desk. He loved drinking, even the hangovers. He loved waking up with his face numb. But that is all behind him now.
Signs Bush Is Drinking Again.
#8. During recent speech, coughed up a swizzle stick.
#6. Appointed Michael Brown Head of Zima.
#3. He's been asking Clinton for "That hefty girl's telephone number."

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: In the film, "Two for the Money" which opens this Friday.
Matthew's love for travel is well known. He's constantly looking for new adventures, having recently gone to Africa and South America. While in the Amazon, he dined on a cow heart. I'm hoping the cow was done with it. Matthew says it was something he had to do so he did it early in his visit, just to get it out of the way and his following illness over with. Did he stay in the finest of hotels? No. He stayed in the wild with the animals.
His new film "Two for the Money" stars Matthew, Al Pacino, and Rene Russo. It is based on a true story of an injured football player who went into the sports gambling business. The guy the movie is based on wanted to sell his story to Hollywood and decided to become a caddy at an expensive golf club in California, figuring that's where he'd be able to best pitch his story to entertainment big shots. And it worked. And it opens on Friday.

TERRELL OWENS: Wide Receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles. Dave had a lot of questions about the Super Bowl, covering T.O.'s ankle injury and his rush to get back after 6 weeks of missing in action. And when Terrell did make it back to the surprise of many, he had one of the greatest Super Bowl games by a wide receiver in history. Other questions about the Super Bowl:
(Don't quote the Wahoo exactly. . . .)
Dave: "Is it true you said after the game that you though Donovan McNabb was out of gas?"
Dave: "Did Donovan McNabb throw up in the huddle?"
Dave: "Did he look fatigued?"
Dave: "Did he look confused?"
Dave: "So it wasn't you who said Donovan McNabb was out of gas?"
Terrell Owens says all of the above did not come from him and denies any of it took place.

About now Dave put on his Columbo private investigator raincoat, describing himself as a casual sports fan. He asks Terrell what kind of contract did he sign with the Eagles? Terrell says he signed a 7-year contract with the team. Dave responds, "A 7-year contract! Well, that's tremendous news for Eagle fans." And he pauses a beat. It is well known that Terrell wants to renegotiate his Eagle contract after only one year on the team. We had Terrell's agent on a few months ago, Drew Rosenhaus, who explained his argument for wanting to renegotiate. Before that interview, I was all against renegotiating contracts. After the interview, I was able to see his point. I hated Rosenhaus for that. I was really comfortable with my one-sided view, and then Rosenhaus fuddled up my thinking. His argument is if a team signs a player to a long-term contract and the player does NOT perform up to that signed contract, the team can cut the player and end the contract. If the team can do that, then why can't a player renegotiate the contract if his performance exceeds what the contract calls for? To me this makes sense. If a team can end a signed contract because the player doesn't perform as well as expected, then a player should be able to "end" the signed contract and renegotiate a new one. A guaranteed contract is different. I am against a player renegotiating if the contract is guaranteed, as it is in baseball. In baseball, if a player doesn't meet the expectations of his 5-year contract, the team still has to pay him for the entire length of the contract --- 5 years. If the player out-performs the guaranteed contract, he shouldn't be able to renegotiate.
Dave asks, "If you didn't live up to your contract, would you give some of your money back?" T.O. says he doesn't plan on not living up to his contract. He will exceed expectations. There will be no need for give backs. He doesn't answer the question. Any quarterbacks in the league he sometimes daydreams about playing for . . . . other than Donovan McNabb of course. Owens mentions Peyton Manning of the Colts. Dave asks about Peyton's brother Eli and T.O. gives the younger Manning his props. Dave then asks, "What about Brooks Bollinger?" Big laugh from me. Dave never throws anything out. He keeps everything in his back pocket for possible future use. You should see his back pockets after a show. They're packed.

TERRELL OWENS: Dave and T.O. are outside on 53rd Street to enjoy a few catches with the football. Dave brought his buddy along, the Jugs Football Gun. Dave feeds the machine with footballs as T.O. goes out for a pass. Uh oh. Terrell catches one ball and when he looks up, a New York City taxi cab mows him down. I am in shock. It looks like T.O. may miss his next game. I then quickly check this week's schedule hoping the Eagles are playing the Giants. Darn the luck. The Giants have a bye week and the Eagles are playing the Cowboys. Well, it's good news for the 'Boys, I guess. But then I see Terrell getting up. He is OK. He'll be ready for Sunday's game against Dallas.

And that was our show for Tuesday, October 4, 2005 Wahoo EXTRA!

I was only able to see some of the post-game coverage of the Boston Red Sox/Chicago White Sox Game 1 Playoff Game. One question: What the heck is Mike Piazza doing in the announce booth? What does he know about the American League? If FOX wants star power in the booth, couldn't they find an American League player to fill the spot? I'm against any "amateur" (active major league baseball player) in the announce booth for a high-profile playoff game, but if FOX feels they need one, use Piazza in the National League games. Gee whiz. How did Piazza do?

Happy Ten-Four Day: a day that recognizes radio operators who use "Ten-four" to mean 'yes." This got me to thinking. I used to watch the Dick Tracy cartoons many years ago. A scene in every episode has Dick at his desk speaking into his wrist radio. He would conclude his conversation with "6-2-and even, over and out." I throw that line out there every now and then but never get any takers. Nobody brightens and says, "Dick Tracy!" This has made me think that maybe I've got it wrong. A quick Google check verifies my memory: it is indeed "Six-Two-and-Even, over and out." But what does that mean? Is it like "1-Adam-12"? I know police lingo, such as car "19-Heny" (19th precinct car covering sector H) or "2-3 Charlie" (23rd precinct, sector Charlie), but what id "6-2-and even"? And Tracy-philes or Dick-heads out there?

Something very weird happened to me the other night. I have a radio/alarm clock downstairs from my bedroom. We never use the alarm; we use it strictly for the radio. One night at 1:45 AM I hear voices coming from downstairs. Since Denise was sleeping, I decided I would be the one to go down and investigate. It turned out to be the radio. I figured one of us forgot to turn it off. The next night I fell asleep watching TV. Denise turned off the TV and went to sleep upstairs, leaving me on the couch. Again at 1:45 AM, the radio wakes me from my slumber. I realize it is once again the radio and figure the alarm button must have been mistakenly set which caused me to get up the night before as well. I get up to turn it off the alarm and while making my way to the radio, I hear the talk show guy saying to a caller, "And the last thing you want is for an alarm clock to wake you in the middle of the night for no reason." Whoa! What are the odds of that? I was so weirded out that I wrote it down on a piece of paper so I would remember it in the morning. The next morning I remembered what happened, but to make sure I check the note I wrote to myself. Sure enough, it happened exactly the way I remembered it. The radio alarm clock woke me up and when I went to turn it off, the talk show guy said, "And the last thing you want is for an alarm clock to wake you in the middle of the night for no reason." Eerie. But look how much Wahoo space it filled up!

SPORTS TALK, BUT NOT REALLY SPORTS TALK:
I've been sitting on this for over a week now but it's been chewing at me and chewing at me to the point I want to scream. I sit down a week ago Sunday to watch the Giants/Chargers football game. The big story in the New York papers all week, and I'm sure more so in San Diego, was the "return" of the Giants quarterback Eli Manning to southern California. Back in 2004, the San Diego Chargers had the very first pick in the NFL draft. They selected Eli Manning, even though Eli let it be known he did not want to play for the Chargers. Soon after the pick, The Chargers relented and traded him to the Giants. "Eli" became a bad word in San Diego. The Charger fans were thinking, "How dare Eli Manning not want to play for our team." Now a year and a half later, the New York Giants were traveling to San Diego to play a nationally televised Sunday night game on ESPN. Eli's return was the BIG story in both towns and ESPN was all over it during the pre-game. The San Diego fans were itching to let Eli have it for spurning their beloved Chargers. They promised to be vocal; they promised to let their feelings known. ESPN left nothing on the table drumming up this angle. Eli the Enemy was back in San Diego.
It's now game time. The Giants win the toss and elect to receive. This is perfect. Eli will be taking the field to start the game. The fan reaction will be wild. San Diego kicks off. Giants ball. AND ELI MANNING TAKES THE FIELD! AND ESPN GOES AWAY FROM THE LIVE ACTION TO SHOW US A GRAPHIC!!! At this moment of Eli taking the field, ESPN decides to show us a graphic of the starting offensive lineup for the New York Giants. In the background you can hear the fans booing Eli. They are booing loudly. But we don't see that. We see a graphic of the Giants starting offensive line-up. The story that's been a year-and-a-half in the making is missed to show us a graphic nobody is interested in. ARE THE PEOPLE AT ESPN THAT STUPID!!!! What could they have been thinking? What was discussed at the morning meeting? It had to be about Eli. Eli taking the field was the BIG story! And we missed it! Am I the only one who is bothered by this? The camera at that moment should have been on Eli! And although I hate crowd shots, this moment called for a crowd shot! Eli was the story. The San Diego fans were the story. A graphic of the Giants offensive line was NOT the story at the time. STUPID STUPD STUPID!!!
Again, I know many of you are not interested in my sports talk but the above isn't about sports or football, it is about the broadcast production of the game.