CBS | Late Show with David Letterman :


	Tonight's Guests: Keira Knightley, Thomas L. Friedman

This Week's Show Recap:

Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri


			Wednesday, September 21, 2005 Show #2431
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	George Clooney; and Steve Martin. PLUS: NASA; the LATE SHOW Looks at Back To School; and a Top Ten List. COLD OPEN: George Clooney and Steve Martin. GEORGE: “So I hear you’re just going to be performing tonight? STEVE: “Yeah, I couldn’t bare the thought of actually having to suffer through another conversation with Letterman.” GEORGE: “I know. I’m just here to plug a movie. I hate talking to him.” STEVE: “Last time I was on, he called me ‘Chevy.’” GEORGE: “He’s always touching me.” STEVE: “He’s always touching me, too!” (camera widens to reveal Dave sitting near by) DAVE: “You guts know I’m right here, right?” And the show begins. During the monologue, Dave tells the joke: “Bush is very ambitious. By 2018 he wants a man on the moon, and by 2020 he wants a man on Condoleezza Rice.” A guy who wants his 3-seconds of fame, and a 15-minute beating, shouts out that we’ve already been to the moon. You know, he’s right! I forgot all about that! NASA says it will spend $104 billion to send astronauts back to the moon. Some people are saying the money would be better spent here on Earth, but NASA makes a convincing case in its latest announcement. Announcer: “In response to NASA’s plan for a $104 billion trip to the moon . . . some critics are asking whether space travel should be a priority in times like these. But like all NASA missions, the moon expedition will have practical applications here on Earth. And by developing technology to get a man to the moon in less than the three days currently required, we hope to find a way to get a man from Crawford, Texas to New Orleans in less than the five days currently required. NASA: Working for you.” LATE SHOW LOOKS AT BACK TO SCHOOL - Many kids enjoy taking their lunch to school. Good news --- there’s a new product just for them. Dave holds up a box of Carve-Your-Own Sushi Lunchables. Inside the happy lunchable box is a full size small fish. - Seeing a potentially valuable market in college students, publishers have begun releasing audiobook version of text books. We listen to one entitled, “Introduction to Calculus.” Dave holds up the DVD and we hear: “We see two big curly thinks and there’s a U under it. Then there’s a squiggly line, then there’s an F, then an x, then a y, then another squiggly line, then a dx, then a dy, then a tiny 2 . . “ - A new school year means new school books. Barnes & Noble is running a Back-To-School sale which you may want to take advantage of. We take a look. I lost the exact script but it had something to do with Shakespeare and those silly words. - Art class is always fun, but now it can be delicious as well. Dave holds up Elmer’s Glue with Lime. Dave opens the Elmers and squirts it in his mouth. Oh my. Dave, a bit unpleasant, says “They told me it was going to be yogurt.” - Students are buzzing about this hot, new school supply. We a commercial for the product. Announcer: “Tired of making those bothersome typos? Is writing a term paper getting to be a real hassle? Well, help is finally there! Try Liquid Paper’s brand new Computer Screen White-Out! Simply apply Liquid Paper’s Computer Screen White-Out directly to your monitor and say goodbye to those embarrassing typographical mistakes! it’s just that easy! Liquid Paper’s Computer Screen White-Out! In stores now!” - If you’ve got the kind of locker which requires you so supply your own combination lock, here’s an exciting commercial! I don’t have the script for this either, but the joke had the narrator droning on and on offering possible 4-digit combinations for this new school lock. - There’s no shortage of books that will help you teach your child to read, but I think this one takes an interesting angle. We see a commercial Announcer: “Is your child struggling to learn the alphabet? Don’t panic, because the incompetent former director of FEMA is here to help in ‘Learn the A-B-C’s with Michael Brown.' Let the disgraced former bureaucrat take your child on an alphabetical journey through the hurricanes he’s failed to act on, from the basics like Alex, Bill and Cindy, to tricky names like Edouard and Humberto. It’s the perfect book for beginning readers of all ages. (photo of children reading. Change to photo of President George Bush reading) ‘Learn the A-B-C’s with Michael Brown’, available at fine booksellers everywhere.” - Is that lock commercial still running? It is as we hear more 4-digit lock combinations. - Unfortunately, some schools are using extremely outdated materials to teach sex education. This vintage film is not going to be much help to students. TOP TEN: Signs You’re Not Going To Win A Genius Grant Yesterday, the MacArthur Foundation announced the recipients of their $500,000 “Genius Grants.” #10. You often hear things like, ‘Quit licking the jumper cables.’ #7. You are described as ‘Bush-esque.’ #2. Only thing you’ve had published is a letter to Penthouse Forum. GEORGE CLOONEY: director, co-writer, and star of the film, Good Night, and Good Luck. The story about Edward R. Murrow opens October 7th in select cities. George recently gained 30 pounds for a movie role, putting it on in a month. How does one do that, a pound a day? George has a villa in Italy and he sat around and ate. Uh oh, I better watch it. He also suffered a spinal cord injury that he is just now getting over. What was he doing that he thought he could do that caused the spinal injury? George won’t say exactly what he was doing but will say Matt Damon was there. He tore the lining around his spinal cord causing the spinal fluid to leak. It got so bad it would leak out of his nose. Headaches ensued, followed by lots of pain. He mentions painkillers. “Painkillers? Oh, those are good, real good. Rush Limbaugh got hooked on them. I can understand that.” Prognosis: on the road to being 100% . . . if he’s careful and takes care of himself. George is also involved in the casino business. A surprised Dave says, “I thought you had to be in the mob to be in the casino business?” George smiles and says, “I had to make some concessions.” Dave muses, “Maybe that’s how you got the holes in your spine.” Dave shows some computer renderings of the soon to be created Las Ramblas Casino, a beautiful structure to be built in Vegas. It’ll be a top class casino; dress code with an old time feel. Any money he makes will go towards the “Make Poverty History” campaign. To find out more about this organization: www.clooneystudio.com/makepovertyhistory.html The film, Good Night, and Good Luck opens October 7th. George grew up in Cincinnati and his father was a newsman. George spent hours and hours around the news room and watched firsthand the news being produced each day from a very early age. He has a very knowledgeable background. He points to the two most significant news reports in history: 1954 and the Joe McCarthy/Edward R. Murrow battle; and when Walter Cronkite came back from visiting the Viet Nam war and announcing it was a mistake and time to get out. Dave remembers Edward R. Murrow and says how every newscaster today borrows and molds their style if not from Murrow, then from someone who copied Murrow. The film is shot in black and white and Clooney says they kept as straight to the facts as possible. He understands if they wavered from actual history in the slightest for the entertainment angle, the whole project would come under question. Much research went into the film. Who played Joseph McCarthy in the film? Joseph McCarthy. They used actual McCarthy footage from the time. The film looks good; a keeper. It will be on my list of movies to see when it comes out. ACT 5: VCR ALERT! George Clooney is on tonight’s show. Be sure to set your VCR. MEN WITH BANJOS WHO KNOW HOW TO USE THEM: Performing “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.” Now that’s music! Fingers flying all over the place! Great stuff. Steve Martin: Banjo Earl Scruggs: Banjo Pete Wernick: Banjo Tony Ellis: Banjo Charles Wood: Banjo Joan Wernick: guitar Lee Ellis: guitar Will Wernick: mandolin And Paul Shaffer on the piano. Dave was very impressed with Paul’s playing of the keys. Tremendous job. My fingers hurt just watching. And that was our show for Wednesday September 21, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA! Buckwheat Sidecar? The other day I was tooting my admiration and enjoyment of Buckwheat Zydeco’s music. Afterwards, I did a spell check of that day’s Wahoo Gazette. Yes, I do a spell-check now and then. Anyway, I must have made a correction to a misspelled word and clicked on “change.” After I made the change, my cursor remained on change command. When the next “incorrect” spelled word came up, it was Zydeco. I looked at the spelling and saw it was correct, and pressed “enter” to continue with the spell check. Unfortunately I had forgotten my cursor was on “change” when I pressed “enter.” The first alternate spelling for Zydeco is “sidecar.” Check it out. So when I pressed “enter” for the highlighted Zydeco, I thought I was indicating “ignore” to my computer. Instead I was indicating “change.” Oops. Zydeco then changed to Sidecar. And that’s how that happened. I went to a fancy fundraiser last night. I was unsure what I was going to but I went straight from work and when I got there I found myself totally underdressed. Everyone in suits; me in jeans and a short-sleeved button shirt. I mingled a bit. Actually, I mingled only with my wife. I hate mingling. I would much rather stand in the corner and watch people . . . which is what I did. Much to my surprise, I did not care in the least that I was inappropriately dressed. I must be approaching that wonderful “old man” age where you stop worrying about what other people are thinking. I felt blue collar in a room full of blue bloods. To make the evening enjoyable, I watched how the gentlemen held their stemmed wine glasses. Me, I put the stem between my ring finger and middle finger with the bulb part of the glass resting on my curled middle finger. My index finger and thumb around the bulb give the hold stability. One aristocrat I saw held the base of the wine glass in the palm of his hand with the stem between his curled-up ring and middle finger, palm up. I tried it but didn’t like it. This manner offered little stability. Another guy held it with his palm down! He put the stem between his middle and ring finger and grabbed at bottom part of the glass. I never saw a wine glass held this way. I tried it and it offered no stability whatsoever. I think that guy was just being a jerk. A few placed the bulb part of the wine glass between the rind finger and the middle finger, palm up. This was a pretty good method and I walked around like that for a while. Holding it like this was pretty good, although drinking from this position was a little harder than my method, especially when you are trying to get the last sips from the bottom. One guy clutched the bulb part of the wine glass as if it were a beer bottle. How gauche! I quickly moved away from him. I was able to entertain myself for about an hour just by observing. The hors d’oeurves were tasty, though I would bet they stretched a pound of filet mignon and a pound of sword fish to feed the entire party. I made a quick grab for a passing appetizer, the last one on the platter, but was told by the waitress that it was a flower petal and not something to eat. Denise and I went home soon afterwards. How has the honor of receiving a Cameo Menton for being a Wahoo Reader changed your life? Bill Emswiler of Walpole, Maine: ”I got the Wahoo Mention awhile back and it was great until I noticed the Mention said I was from Walpole, Maine and not Walpole, Massachusetts.” George Lee of Austin, Texas: “I've had the good fortune of being a TWO-TIME Cameo Wahoo Reader! I excitedly told this to my 12 year old little brother and he called me an idiot.” George, I imagine your 12-year-old brother does not know of the Wahoo Gazette, though it sounds as if he knows you very well. Don’t forget this coming Friday, Wally Henneberry receives his second Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention. “Saskatchewan” Definition: The province of Saskatchewan is one of the ten provinces and three territories that make up Canada. Saskatchewan is one of three prairie provinces in Canada. The name for the province of Saskatchewan comes from the Cree, who called the Saskatchewan River "Kisiskatchewani Sipi," meaning swiftly flowing river. I forgot to copy who sent me the above. You know who you are. Thank you. Unfortunately, you’re the only one who knows who you are. George Clooney; and Steve Martin. PLUS: NASA; the LATE SHOW Looks at Back To School; and a Top Ten List. COLD OPEN: George Clooney and Steve Martin. GEORGE: “So I hear you’re just going to be performing tonight? STEVE: “Yeah, I couldn’t bare the thought of actually having to suffer through another conversation with Letterman.” GEORGE: “I know. I’m just here to plug a movie. I hate talking to him.” STEVE: “Last time I was on, he called me ‘Chevy.’” GEORGE: “He’s always touching me.” STEVE: “He’s always touching me, too!” (camera widens to reveal Dave sitting near by) DAVE: “You guts know I’m right here, right?” And the show begins. During the monologue, Dave tells the joke: “Bush is very ambitious. By 2018 he wants a man on the moon, and by 2020 he wants a man on Condoleezza Rice.” A guy who wants his 3-seconds of fame, and a 15-minute beating, shouts out that we’ve already been to the moon. You know, he’s right! I forgot all about that! NASA says it will spend $104 billion to send astronauts back to the moon. Some people are saying the money would be better spent here on Earth, but NASA makes a convincing case in its latest announcement. Announcer: “In response to NASA’s plan for a $104 billion trip to the moon . . . some critics are asking whether space travel should be a priority in times like these. But like all NASA missions, the moon expedition will have practical applications here on Earth. And by developing technology to get a man to the moon in less than the three days currently required, we hope to find a way to get a man from Crawford, Texas to New Orleans in less than the five days currently required. NASA: Working for you.” LATE SHOW LOOKS AT BACK TO SCHOOL - Many kids enjoy taking their lunch to school. Good news --- there’s a new product just for them. Dave holds up a box of Carve-Your-Own Sushi Lunchables. Inside the happy lunchable box is a full size small fish. - Seeing a potentially valuable market in college students, publishers have begun releasing audiobook version of text books. We listen to one entitled, “Introduction to Calculus.” Dave holds up the DVD and we hear: “We see two big curly thinks and there’s a U under it. Then there’s a squiggly line, then there’s an F, then an x, then a y, then another squiggly line, then a dx, then a dy, then a tiny 2 . . “ - A new school year means new school books. Barnes & Noble is running a Back-To-School sale which you may want to take advantage of. We take a look. I lost the exact script but it had something to do with Shakespeare and those silly words. - Art class is always fun, but now it can be delicious as well. Dave holds up Elmer’s Glue with Lime. Dave opens the Elmers and squirts it in his mouth. Oh my. Dave, a bit unpleasant, says “They told me it was going to be yogurt.” - Students are buzzing about this hot, new school supply. We a commercial for the product. Announcer: “Tired of making those bothersome typos? Is writing a term paper getting to be a real hassle? Well, help is finally there! Try Liquid Paper’s brand new Computer Screen White-Out! Simply apply Liquid Paper’s Computer Screen White-Out directly to your monitor and say goodbye to those embarrassing typographical mistakes! it’s just that easy! Liquid Paper’s Computer Screen White-Out! In stores now!” - If you’ve got the kind of locker which requires you so supply your own combination lock, here’s an exciting commercial! I don’t have the script for this either, but the joke had the narrator droning on and on offering possible 4-digit combinations for this new school lock. - There’s no shortage of books that will help you teach your child to read, but I think this one takes an interesting angle. We see a commercial Announcer: “Is your child struggling to learn the alphabet? Don’t panic, because the incompetent former director of FEMA is here to help in ‘Learn the A-B-C’s with Michael Brown.' Let the disgraced former bureaucrat take your child on an alphabetical journey through the hurricanes he’s failed to act on, from the basics like Alex, Bill and Cindy, to tricky names like Edouard and Humberto. It’s the perfect book for beginning readers of all ages. (photo of children reading. Change to photo of President George Bush reading) ‘Learn the A-B-C’s with Michael Brown’, available at fine booksellers everywhere.” - Is that lock commercial still running? It is as we hear more 4-digit lock combinations. - Unfortunately, some schools are using extremely outdated materials to teach sex education. This vintage film is not going to be much help to students. TOP TEN: Signs You’re Not Going To Win A Genius Grant Yesterday, the MacArthur Foundation announced the recipients of their $500,000 “Genius Grants.” #10. You often hear things like, ‘Quit licking the jumper cables.’ #7. You are described as ‘Bush-esque.’ #2. Only thing you’ve had published is a letter to Penthouse Forum. GEORGE CLOONEY: director, co-writer, and star of the film, Good Night, and Good Luck. The story about Edward R. Murrow opens October 7th in select cities. George recently gained 30 pounds for a movie role, putting it on in a month. How does one do that, a pound a day? George has a villa in Italy and he sat around and ate. Uh oh, I better watch it. He also suffered a spinal cord injury that he is just now getting over. What was he doing that he thought he could do that caused the spinal injury? George won’t say exactly what he was doing but will say Matt Damon was there. He tore the lining around his spinal cord causing the spinal fluid to leak. It got so bad it would leak out of his nose. Headaches ensued, followed by lots of pain. He mentions painkillers. “Painkillers? Oh, those are good, real good. Rush Limbaugh got hooked on them. I can understand that.” Prognosis: on the road to being 100% . . . if he’s careful and takes care of himself. George is also involved in the casino business. A surprised Dave says, “I thought you had to be in the mob to be in the casino business?” George smiles and says, “I had to make some concessions.” Dave muses, “Maybe that’s how you got the holes in your spine.” Dave shows some computer renderings of the soon to be created Las Ramblas Casino, a beautiful structure to be built in Vegas. It’ll be a top class casino; dress code with an old time feel. Any money he makes will go towards the “Make Poverty History” campaign. To find out more about this organization: www.clooneystudio.com/makepovertyhistory.html The film, Good Night, and Good Luck opens October 7th. George grew up in Cincinnati and his father was a newsman. George spent hours and hours around the news room and watched firsthand the news being produced each day from a very early age. He has a very knowledgeable background. He points to the two most significant news reports in history: 1954 and the Joe McCarthy/Edward R. Murrow battle; and when Walter Cronkite came back from visiting the Viet Nam war and announcing it was a mistake and time to get out. Dave remembers Edward R. Murrow and says how every newscaster today borrows and molds their style if not from Murrow, then from someone who copied Murrow. The film is shot in black and white and Clooney says they kept as straight to the facts as possible. He understands if they wavered from actual history in the slightest for the entertainment angle, the whole project would come under question. Much research went into the film. Who played Joseph McCarthy in the film? Joseph McCarthy. They used actual McCarthy footage from the time. The film looks good; a keeper. It will be on my list of movies to see when it comes out. ACT 5: VCR ALERT! George Clooney is on tonight’s show. Be sure to set your VCR. MEN WITH BANJOS WHO KNOW HOW TO USE THEM: Performing “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.” Now that’s music! Fingers flying all over the place! Great stuff. Steve Martin: Banjo Earl Scruggs: Banjo Pete Wernick: Banjo Tony Ellis: Banjo Charles Wood: Banjo Joan Wernick: guitar Lee Ellis: guitar Will Wernick: mandolin And Paul Shaffer on the piano. Dave was very impressed with Paul’s playing of the keys. Tremendous job. My fingers hurt just watching. And that was our show for Wednesday September 21, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA! Buckwheat Sidecar? The other day I was tooting my admiration and enjoyment of Buckwheat Zydeco’s music. Afterwards, I did a spell check of that day’s Wahoo Gazette. Yes, I do a spell-check now and then. Anyway, I must have made a correction to a misspelled word and clicked on “change.” After I made the change, my cursor remained on change command. When the next “incorrect” spelled word came up, it was Zydeco. I looked at the spelling and saw it was correct, and pressed “enter” to continue with the spell check. Unfortunately I had forgotten my cursor was on “change” when I pressed “enter.” The first alternate spelling for Zydeco is “sidecar.” Check it out. So when I pressed “enter” for the highlighted Zydeco, I thought I was indicating “ignore” to my computer. Instead I was indicating “change.” Oops. Zydeco then changed to Sidecar. And that’s how that happened. I went to a fancy fundraiser last night. I was unsure what I was going to but I went straight from work and when I got there I found myself totally underdressed. Everyone in suits; me in jeans and a short-sleeved button shirt. I mingled a bit. Actually, I mingled only with my wife. I hate mingling. I would much rather stand in the corner and watch people . . . which is what I did. Much to my surprise, I did not care in the least that I was inappropriately dressed. I must be approaching that wonderful “old man” age where you stop worrying about what other people are thinking. I felt blue collar in a room full of blue bloods. To make the evening enjoyable, I watched how the gentlemen held their stemmed wine glasses. Me, I put the stem between my ring finger and middle finger with the bulb part of the glass resting on my curled middle finger. My index finger and thumb around the bulb give the hold stability. One aristocrat I saw held the base of the wine glass in the palm of his hand with the stem between his curled-up ring and middle finger, palm up. I tried it but didn’t like it. This manner offered little stability. Another guy held it with his palm down! He put the stem between his middle and ring finger and grabbed at bottom part of the glass. I never saw a wine glass held this way. I tried it and it offered no stability whatsoever. I think that guy was just being a jerk. A few placed the bulb part of the wine glass between the rind finger and the middle finger, palm up. This was a pretty good method and I walked around like that for a while. Holding it like this was pretty good, although drinking from this position was a little harder than my method, especially when you are trying to get the last sips from the bottom. One guy clutched the bulb part of the wine glass as if it were a beer bottle. How gauche! I quickly moved away from him. I was able to entertain myself for about an hour just by observing. The hors d’oeurves were tasty, though I would bet they stretched a pound of filet mignon and a pound of sword fish to feed the entire party. I made a quick grab for a passing appetizer, the last one on the platter, but was told by the waitress that it was a flower petal and not something to eat. Denise and I went home soon afterwards. How has the honor of receiving a Cameo Menton for being a Wahoo Reader changed your life? Bill Emswiler of Walpole, Maine: ”I got the Wahoo Mention awhile back and it was great until I noticed the Mention said I was from Walpole, Maine and not Walpole, Massachusetts.” George Lee of Austin, Texas: “I've had the good fortune of being a TWO-TIME Cameo Wahoo Reader! I excitedly told this to my 12 year old little brother and he called me an idiot.” George, I imagine your 12-year-old brother does not know of the Wahoo Gazette, though it sounds as if he knows you very well. Don’t forget this coming Friday, Wally Henneberry receives his second Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention. “Saskatchewan” Definition: The province of Saskatchewan is one of the ten provinces and three territories that make up Canada. Saskatchewan is one of three prairie provinces in Canada. The name for the province of Saskatchewan comes from the Cree, who called the Saskatchewan River "Kisiskatchewani Sipi," meaning swiftly flowing river. I forgot to copy who sent me the above. You know who you are. Thank you. Unfortunately, you’re the only one who knows who you are.


			Contact Michael

Send to a friend

Advertisement