Congratulations to LATE SHOW staffer Jeremy Weiner and his wife Christina on the birth of the first child, Anna Perry Weiner. All is good. All are healthy. Welcome to the world, Anna. Now get back to work, Jeremy.

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT IN RUPERT’S ICE CREAM CASE?” It’s hot and humid and sweaty outside in New York today. (Not really, but in order to make this bit work, he had to create the premise. Actually, the breeze made the 87 degree temperature quite pleasant.) Oh, it was sweltering. It is why we decided to play “Would You Like To Sit in Rupert’s Ice Cream Case?”

We find Rupert wearing an Oklahoma Sooner T-Shirt. Where in Oklahoma was Rupert born? Rupert says he wasn’t born in Oklahoma, he was born right here in New York. So what’s with the Oklahoma shirt? “Someone sent it to me,” explains Rupert.

“Did you send a Hello Deli T-shirt back?” “Uhh, no.” Send anything? “Nothing.”
How about a thank you note? “Nope, not enough time.”

Dave says on a hot day like this, Rupert should have one of those Slurpee machines. They cost about a nickel a day to rent and you can sell a $5 Slurpee without a problem All you need is three flavors: Grape. Cherry. Lemon-Lime.

Does Rupert have anything ice cold? Rupert points out his ice cream case. It’s a Circus Man freezer. Dave suggests to Rupert that he get in touch with his Circus Man guy and have him hook Rupert up with a Slurpee machine. Rupert mumbles he thinks that’s a good idea. I think all Rupert heard was “5 cents a day to rent” and “$5 a Slurpee.”

A MESSAGE FROM DICK CHENEY - We see the Vice President sitting alongside his wife, Lynne. The V.P. says, “I married her.” Cut to close up of V.P. Cheney as he continues, “We do it six days a week.” Yikes! I guess that would put anybody’s heart in arrest.

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT IN RUPERT’S ICE CREAM CASE?” Back to Rupert’s and we find him with a Sean Mesada of Allentown, Pennsylvania. What can Sean tell us about Allentown? “Uhhh, I’m from there.” With a bit of prodding, we learn that Sean is an art teacher for elementary grade kids. He’s currently on a two-week break and then he’s back to work. Dave thinks of the sweet work schedule school teachers live; Holidays off. Summers off. It’s true. You can’t beat the work schedule of school teachers. I always said the only drawback to being a school teacher is you can never go to Disney off-peak.

Before sitting in Rupert’s Ice Cream Case, Dave has Sean grab himself a bit of the confectionary. It looks like he grabbed a Strawberry Shortcake ice cream pop. Sean begins to eat, then prepares to sit in Rupert’s Ice Cream Case. Dave sees Sean is wearing audio equipment and is concerned that he may become electrocuted. Does Rupert think Sean is in danger? “I don’t think so,” says Rupert. I guess that’s good enough.

And what are we playing for tonight? Alan announces, “A Sharper Image Hot and Cold Beverage Holder for Cars and Desk Tops.”

Sean lowers himself into Rupert’s Ice Cream Case and completes the mission. And that’s how we play “Would You Like To Sit In Rupert’s Ice Cream Case?”

We later find Rupert sitting in the Ice Cream Case.

DWIGHT, THE TROUBLED TEEN: It’s been a while since we’ve seen Dwight (unless you’ve been watching Denis Leary’s Rescue Me). He pays Alan a visit once again.

ALAN: “Dwight, have you had any luck finding a summer job?”
DWIGHT: “Summer job? When all my friends are playing video games and hanging out at the mall? No way.”
ALAN: “A summer job means spending money, Dwight. And it teaches you responsibility.”
DWIGHT: “Oh, responsibility. Like when you brag to your golf buddies about how you cheat on your taxes? And when you hit that car in the parking lot and just drove away? You disgust me, you corrupt old fraud! I hate you! I hate all of you!”
Dwight exits. But soon returns in a much happier mood.
DWIGHT: “Hi, I’m Dwight the Troubled Teen. This summer, why not help make our nation’s highways and byways beautiful. Join a highway cleanup program in your area. You’ll be glad you did! This is Dwight the Troubled Teen saying, have a fun, safe summer, everyone.”
Dwight and Alan wave.

TOP TEN: Signs You Are Headed For Summer School.
#10. You failed the Pledge of Allegiance.
#7. Principal’s final words before summer break: “See you tomorrow.”
#6. For your Civics class project, you brought in several photos of Honda Civics.
#5. Whenever you enter the room, your family stops talking about Disneyland.

KRISTIN DAVIS: She’s one of the Sex and the City ladies who liked to “do it.” She was also a big supporter of bringing the 2012 Olympics to New York. It doesn’t look like we’re getting it. Many think it will go to Paris. In the battle between New York and Paris, Paris got the Olympics. New York got Carrie Bradshaw. I think we got the better deal. Though attractive, Carrie Bradshaw doesn’t create as much traffic as the Olympics.

Dave was curious about one of the ladies on Sex and the City. She was once married, had children, then became a lesbian. Is that correct? Kristin says it’s true. Cynthia Nixon, the red-headed one, is now a lesbian. Dave wonders, “Is she really a lesbian or is she just visiting?” Kristin says it’s the real thing.

Can this just . . . happen? Kristin thinks it can.
Was there ever any indication that Cynthia would . . . . go over? Nope.
What happened to the husband? As it turns out, there was no husband, but a boyfriend. And after the initial shock, he seems to be OK about it.
Did he also turn? No.
Could it happen to anybody? Could it happen to Kristin? Kristin says “I’ll never say never.”
All in all, when you think about it, it’s kind of HOT.

So, Mazel Tov to Kristin. Word is she is marrying Steve Martin. Kristin answers with a loud No No No. The tabloids got hold of this wild story and went with it. There is no truth to it whatsoever.

Kristin Davis stars in the Friday release of The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D. Taking yet another glimpse at Kristin’s lovely lack of a full dress, Dave says, “And speaking of 3-D, it looks like your dress is in 3-D tonight.” Yes, it was a lovely dress and Kristin wore it well.

The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D - it opens Friday. And you get to keep the glasses.

ROBERT KLEIN: he recently wrote his memoirs, The Amorous Busboy of Decatur Avenue covering his years from 7 to 25. Decatur Avenue is right up the road in the Bronx. Back in the day when he was starting out in the business, Robert would often escape to Riverside Park along the West Side Highway in Manhattan to feed the squirrels. After a while, he got to know the squirrels and the squirrels got to know him. Robert had them eating right out of his hand. One time, misfortune took hold and a squirrel bit a bit of his finger, breaking the skin. Trying his best not to panic so to not spread the dreaded rabies throughout his body, Robert slowly made it to the nearest hospital. Making his way past the gunshot victims and the beaten and bloodied, Robert showed his bitten finger to the emergency room doctor. Robert expected compassion and care. Instead he got a big laugh in the face from the doctor with a New York bedside manner. The doctor told him to beat it. There hadn’t been a case of rabies from a squirrel in New York City since 1938.

ACT 5: It’s Rupert still sitting in the Circus Man ice cream case, surrounded by Sean and the LATE SHOW models.

BEN LEE: From his current CD, Awake is the New Sleep, Ben Lee performed “Catch My Disease.”

And that was our show for Tuesday June 7, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I received something in the mail today that almost made me cry. I’ve been invited to my college reunion. That’s the good news. The sad news . . . . it’s my 25th College Reunion. My college days were a quarter century ago! What happened? 25 years gone in a finger snap. I was thinking of going but I don’t want to be surrounded by all those old people.

I was teasing my daughter Danielle the other day, pretending that her teacher called and said it looks like she’ll have to go to summer school. Danielle, without looking up, asks, “And what if I don’t go to summer school?” I tell her she’ll be left back and have to do the 3rd grade over again. Not a bit bothered, she says, “So I guess I’ll do 3rd grade over again.” I laughed and admired her “who cares” attitude. I need some of that. She has it at nine.

Since it’s after Memorial Day, many workers are off on a summer vacation and students are out of school. This makes traffic and the morning commute from now till Labor Day quite smooth. This morning was no different. Quick down the Palisades Parkway. Quick over the George Washington Bridge. Onto the West Side Highway no problem. And then things got sluggish for no reason. I sensed there may have been an accident up ahead but the traffic was moving too good for that. The stop and go was annoying, but not all that time consuming. Then it hit me. I knew the problem. And sure enough, I soon saw it up ahead. It was an attractive woman jogging along the path between the West Side Highway and the Hudson River. Every guy in his car had to slow down to ogle. And the woman jogging was no great shakes . . . literally. She was OK, but nothing to slow down for. Men are such weaklings for a woman jogging. It can be so frustrating.

On the May 26th episode of All My Children I hear a character say, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” Beggars can’t be choosers? Is that right? Isn’t it “Beggars can’t be choosey?” Choosey, not choosers. Or have I been wrong my whole life?

Sad news for music fans here in the New York metropolitan area. WCBS-FM 101.1 has changed format from Oldies to something else undefined. Instead of a lot of 50s and 60s and 70s, they now are playing the Hits You Want To Hear. They call themselves JACK. Not sure why. It was always nice to know WCBS-FM was sitting there waiting for you in the middle of the dial. I would often put it on and ask my 9-year-olds, “Who sings this?” It’s how they became familiar with Elvis, The Beatles, and Ray Charles. So last Friday around 5:00 PM, out of nowhere, WCBS makes the switchover without any hint. I was not an every day listener to the Oldies on WCBS-FM but I gave the new JACK a listen just to see what they had to offer. Playing was “Der Kommissar” by After The Fire. I scratched my head, sad that all I could feel was head, not hair. This instead of Elvis, Little Richard, Bo Diddley? Was there really a clamor for this? After a few more songs, mostly rock ballads of the 80s (yeeech), I turned off the JACK and picked up a satellite radio brochure. And then riding into work this morning, I decided to give JACK another try. Playing was “Der Kommissar” by After the Fire. Oh great. A new station with a song list of 16. Typical.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
June 7, 2004: The Tampa Bay Lightning defeat the Calgary Flames 2-1 in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals to become the NHL champions. It is the last NHL hockey game ever played.