I usually finish the Wahoo at home after the show. Sometimes I finish early the next morning from home. For this show, I forgot my notes at work. I couldn't do my usual work from home. Now, Tuesday morning, I'm squished for time in the office. I'll be hurrying through this.

Did you see the exciting Kentucky Derby on Saturday? Longshot Giacomo at 50-1 won to the surprise of all. But Dave questions the manner in which this thoroughbred won the race. Where's the inquiry? Dave shows a clip from the race at Churchill Downs. We see a pack of horses running like the wind. Suddenly, Giacomo flies over and overtakes the rest, thanks to the booster rockets up its ass. Heck, if I knew Giacomo was going to have booster rockets up its ass, I would have laid down a couple of quid.

Osama audio: If it weren't for Dave, you would never hear the name Osama bin Laden. Remember him? I sometimes wonder if the President remembers. My theory is he is keeping Osama out there like a carrot on a stick, enabling him to prolong the war as long as he sees fit.
We take a listen to the most recent Osama audio clip he has released:
Osama: "I swear to you that we will . . . (sniff, sneeze) . . . Excuse me. The infidels will . . . . (sneeze, sniff) . . . . Damn pollen! You know what, forget it. I'll talk to you in June."

I think the audience laughter from Osama's "Damn pollen" covered up the final line. Please, audience, hold your laughter until the entire joke has been told.

Pope Benedict XVI made a brief appearance from his window at St. Peter's Square this weekend. He spoke of the state of today's media. For those who missed it, the Vatican released this videotape announcement.

VATICAN: "Pope Benedict XVI says the media should utilize their important tools of communication to spread peace and that journalists should work diligently to ensure objectivity. He also says to rush right out and buy season one of 'Knight Rider,' now available on DVD. Includes bonus features such as commentary by David Hasselhoff. A message from Pope Benedict XVI."

I'd like to be a fly in the wall during that negotiation.

BIFF AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY
-Saturday at Churchill Downs was the 131st running of the Kentucky Derby.
-Results: Win - Giacomo at 50-1.
-Place: Closing Argument at 71-1
-Show: Afleet Alex
-George Steinbrenner's horse Bellamy Road, a big 5-2 favorite going in, came in 7th.
-We see a video package of Biff at the Kentucky Derby:
-Kentucky Derby: The most exciting 2 minutes in sports
-"Do you know I'm the most exciting 2 minutes in the bedroom?"
-To jockey: "Who's taller, you or Tom Cruise?"
-Which jockey has the gayest outfit?
-Biff tries on hats
-"So cute I'd like to put you in my pocket and take you home."
-"How many mint juleps did you drink today?"
-Biff bets Giacomo
-After the race, we see Biff thanking the jockey of Giacomo, Mike Smith, for the tip.
-Biff, holding a wad of money, looks to the camera and says, "Letterman, you can kiss my ass!"

TOP TEN: Tips For Winning The Kentucky Derby - and here to present tonight's Top Ten list, the winning jockey of the 131st Kentucky Derby, Mike Smith.
-Mike Smith: elected to the Racing Hall of Fame in 2003.
-Won the Eclipse Award as the nation's Top Jockey in both 1993 and 1994.
#7. Practice by riding a lot of Merry-Go-Rounds
#5. Every few strides I lean into the horse's ear and I yell, "Giddyup!"
#4. Two words: Vibrating saddle
#1. It helps if your trainer is Jose Canseco

WILL FERRELL: Will knows the New York ways. He slips Dave a $20 in hopes of getting a good seat.
Will and Dave have something in common --- sons around the same age. Will's is 15 months old and he has a few photos to share. Very cute. Will's little one is just beginning to talk, saying words like "ball" and "cat." It makes Will a bit uneasy how he says the word "Papa." It's almost a whisper, a scary sinister whisper, "Paahhhhhhh-pa. Paahhhhhh-pa." Will is sure he's just imaging it, though.
Will also had the good fortune to throwing out the first ball at a recent Chicago Cubs game. We see a clip. Instead of throwing the ball to the catcher, he attempts to pick someone off first base. The pickoff went astray and hit a photographer. Too bad Steve Bartman wasn't there to get in the way and deflect it.
Will Ferrell is starring in the upcoming "Kicking and Screaming." He plays a soccer coach for his son's soccer team. He could be described as a "Type A" coach. It opens this Friday and it's on my list of "go see" movies with the kids. Come to think of it, it sounds like a movie for our annual trip to the Drive-In. I already have it penciled in.
We see a clip from the movie with Will and Mike Ditka. Very funny scene. Also in the film; Robert Duvall.

Back from commercial . . .
What time is it? It's time to play "Let's Throw an Audience Member Out of the Ed Sullivan Theater!"
Alan announces the big "play "Let's Throw an Audience Member Out of the Ed Sullivan Theater!" The camera searches up and down the studio audience until it zeroes in on two burly security guards making their way down towards the front of the audience. A little more than halfway down, they grab a guy by the nape and politely escort him out of the theater.
And that's how we play, "Let's Throw an Audience Member Out of the Ed Sullivan Theater."

ACT 5: Just a reminder for you folks at home. This show is a repeat. It was originally videotaped in October 2004! The Late Show with David Letterman --- just phoning it in. We'll be right back.

ROBERT PLANT: From his new CD, "Mighty Rearranger," Mr. Plant and the Strange Sensations performed "Shine It All Around."
For those scoring at home (first of all "congratulations"), during the commercial break leading into the close of the show, Robert Plant and the Strange Sensations, with Paul and the CBS Orchestra, performed a rousing, "Treat Her Right" by Roy Head.

And that was our show for Monday, May 9, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

HEY HEY HEY HEY! If you read last Tuesday's Wahoo and took my advice, you're a rich person today.
From the Wahoo Gazette, Tuesday May 3rd:

"It's the Kentucky Derby this Saturday and after a quick scan of the horses, my eye immediately stopped on Giacomo, simply because it made me think of Steady Eddie Giacomin, former goalie of the New York Rangers. Giacomo is a long shot at 30-1 as of Tuesday. Bellamy Road is the favorite. Unfortunately, he is owned by Yankee owner George Steinbrenner and I hate to say it but I don't think this is going to be Steinbrenner's year."

As you know by now, Giacomo won the Derby at 50-1! That's right. If you read the Tuesday Wahoo and took my advice, congratulations!

Unfortunately, if you read the Wahoo on Thursday and Friday, you ended up with dust in your pockets. My final pick, Noble Causeway, is still running. My longshot, "Don't Get Mad" at 29-1, finished 4th.

The Exacta for the Kentucky Derby was 10-18. A $2 bet would have gotten you $9,800. Anybody out there born October 18th? DOH!!! I bet it hurts.

So why didn't I stick with Giacomo if he caught my eye on Tuesday? Dang it, I like the long shots but at 50-1, that's a long shot that's just too long. My brain took over my intuition. Why oh why couldn't I be more like Deborah Lynn and allow my intuitions to flow in freely without questioning.

By the way, the Place horse, Closing Argument, went off at 71-1 For the Preakness, I don't think I'll pay much attention to what the "experts" have to say.

Have I bored you enough yet?

This was my first time going to the local OTB to place my bets. The place looks like a lot of fun and I wouldn't mind spending some time there. I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

Saturday, Steinbrenner's Yankees were in 6th place. His horse was in 7th.

Uh oh. I'm reading where the Kentucky Derby did great ratings. How long before TV gets its mitts on the thing and put it on Sunday night primetime?

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
May 9, 1990: The NHL approves the sale of the Minnesota North Stars,