If you haven't done your taxes yet, according to Dave's buddy you'll be audited and you're going to prison.

WEEK IN REVIEW: -It's being reported that the iPod is becoming a favorite item for subway thieves to swipe. There have been many complaints made to the transit police department. That's why Apple has come out with this new IPod ---- it's the IPod/switchblade. Two great devices in one. Is it an IPod? Is it a switchblade? It sort of reminds me of the nature vs. nature debate; the approach/avoidance turmoil; the Razzles' gum vs. candy question.

-Record-high gas prices are being reported across the country this week. That's why we at the Late Show are doing something to help. We're giving some lucky motorist $100 worth of free gasoline. (one-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-thousand) We turn on the camera at a nearby gas station. (4-1000, 5-1000, 6-1000) We see a gas station attendant standing by a motorist and his car. Dave chats with the lucky driver. (7-1000, 8-1000) Dave then instructs the attendant to start pumping the first the free $100 worth of gas (9-1000, 10-1000, 11-1000) The gas attendant puts the pump in the gas tank, pumps for three seconds, then removes the pump. Flashing sign reads, "$100 of Free Gas!" Wow! Gas is so expensive, you can pump $100 of gas in about 3 seconds! At what point did you see this joke coming? My guess would be right around two-one thousand.

-American Online has launched a new service for customers who want to make phone calls over the internet. It looks like it could be a big hit. We see a commercial.

"The nation's number one internet service provider just jot even better. Introducing the new AOL internet phone service. For just $29.99 a month, you'll get unlimited local and long-distance service. And unlike you current phone company, AOL offers patented multi-line technology that makes it a snap to manage simultaneous calls - so you'll always be available for your family, your boss, and disturbing phone calls from Pat O'Brien. American Online internet phone service --- visit AOL.com today!

"With the current high pollen count, the Health Department would like to alert you to the signs of severe allergies. They include: coughing (vt of Bush coughing), dizziness (vt of Bush stumbling), lethargy (vt of Bush puffing cheeks with big exhale) and an unwillingness to work (vt of Bush playing golf). Maybe it's time for a checkup, sir. A message from the U.S. Health Department."

-Dave celebrated his birthday on Tuesday. He had a little party at the office and the staff was kind enough to have a special cake custom made. We see a clip.
We see a cake with Dave's face. One by one staffers walk up to the cake . . . . and violently stab a huge knife into the face of the host. Although the "party" festivity was on the hush-hush, word spread quickly and the line was soon out the door and down the hall.

-Dave can't get enough of the "Blind Justice" crime drama on ABC . . . or NBC. It's about a detective who insists on staying on the force even though he is sightless. This week's episode was a winner.
We see the blind Detective Dunbar in the driver's seat. His female partner sits next to him. Dunbar says, "My heightened senses tell me our perp has headed north. Time to serve up a steaming hot bowl of blind justice!" His partner says, "Uh, maybe I should drive . . ." Too late. Dunbar floors it. Seconds later we see him smash into the table of an illegal handbag vendor on the sidewalk.

-Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay was in the news again this week. He's in all sorts of trouble for allegedly accepting illegal trips and putting his relatives on the payroll. Here with his commentary is our own Alan Kalter.
Alan Kalter: (dressed like Michael Jackson. Alan is angry) "Tom DeLay?! I thought I was supposed to do my Jacko bit! When the hell did it change to a Tom DeLay bit?!! Did it occur to any of you 'givl'-nuts that that's a piece of information Big Red might like to know? At what point were you gonna tell the 'givl'-ing talent?! You 'sdd'-holes better learn to respect the 'givl'-ing talent! 'Givl' all y'all!" Alan throws down his microphone and head set and moon walks out as angrily as he can.

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: an 8 pound, 4 ounce can of Polaner's Mint Jelly. Dave says it will sink Paul believes it will float. The girls drop the 8 pound, 4 ounce can of mint jelly and it . . . . SINKS, like a can of jelly.

TOP TEN - Signs You're At A Bad Hospital
#10. Emergency Room closes at noon.
#8. In lieu of medical school, your doctor watched a lot of "General Hospital."
#6. The "heart monitor" is just some nurse saying, "Boop . . . boop . . . boop."

KRISTIN CHENOWITH: HEY! Va va va voom! Nice dress! Kristin enters with a flourish without even trying. Quite the vision she is in the revealing and plunging neckline.
This isn't Kristin's first time here, though it is her first time here with Dave. She says she was a guest when Nathan Lane was the host. Dave mumbles, "Oh, what a waste." Kristin heard about Dave's stint at jury duty and is surprised he hasn't heard of Celebrity Jury Duty. Dave is curious. Kristin says she's been able to avoid jury duty by speaking to young people about the importance of voting and performing public service. Like jury duty? Because of these speaking engagements, she's never had to serve. Dave wonders, "Let me guess. Does this take place in California?" I thought the same, but then realized it probably wasn't California since in California everyone wants to meet the celebrities . . . . even the judges. They're not going to throw away their opportunity.

Kristin is a big star on Broadway, having originated the role of Glinda in the musical, "Wicked." In that role, she suffered 2 herniated disks when she performed her signature hair flip. The pain lasted over a year. She finally went to a doctor, who prescribed the painkiller, Vicodin. Being of slight size and taking more than she should, Kristin took the Vicodin hit pretty hard. During a performance, she saw bubbles everywhere and started singing "The Wickity Wick is Wed."
And you can see her in "The West Wing" over on NBC. She plays short next to Allison Janney's tall.
Want more? She's in the big "Bewitched" movie coming out this summer, with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell.
And she has a new CD, "As I Am." She loves to sing and says she has been working on her Dolly Parton impression. Dave says, "I thought you were doing it." Big laugh. Kristin shows off her Dollys, singing "Here I Come Again." Kristin did a great impression. She looked just like her.

JOHNNY LECHNER: He has over a hundred more credits than he needs to graduate college. He's an 11th-year senior at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater. And he's our guest tonight. My only thought before his entrance: 11th year in college . . . why didn't I think of that?
Johnny started college in 1994. He's been holding off graduation because he isn't sure what he wants to do next, so he keeps signing up for more courses. Tuition at the state college is around $3,000 per semester, until recently, that is. The state has imposed a penalty on students who stay in the system well past the requirements needed to graduate, doubling the cost of tuition. It is called the "slacker tax," though some call it "The Johnny Lechner Rule." To make ends meet, Johnny works at the Olive Garden.
So how is it that he hasn't graduated yet? Johnny says he keeps switching majors, hides from his advisors, and things like that. He says he actually has a triple-major and a triple-minor and is planning his big graduation party for May 13, 2006. So he'll be graduating next year? Johnny says he didn't say that, he only said his party is scheduled for May 13, 2006.
What do his parents think of this? His mom is fine with it. She's happy if Johnny's happy. Dad wants him to graduate. He's even offered him a car if he graduates. How old is Johnny? "28."
And what will Johnny do once he graduates? I answered for Johnny: "Get my Masters." Instead, Johnny says "I have no idea what I'm going to do" and admits, "I fell into a comfort zone."
This isn't to say Johnny doesn't have goals. Next year at Wisconsin - Whitewater, he plans to run for President of the Student Government. He admits to not having much government experience, but he and his running mate have over 15 years college experience combined!

ACT 5: It's time for a Late Show Reminder. Still haven't gotten around to doing your taxes? Remember, April 18th is tax day . . . so you have only three days left to file. Or, if you need more time, be sure to request an extension no later than midnight on Monday to avoid serious penalties.
This has been a Late Show Reminder. We'll be right back.

LUDACRIS: The Grammy Award nominated rap artist has sold over 14 million albums. Tonight, from his new CD, "The Red Light District," Ludacris performed "#1 Spot."

And that was our show for Friday, April 15, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

My 9-year-old girls are playing softball for the first time. Like the rest of the league, they've got a lot of spirit and a lot to learn. A typical inning consists of 5 walks, 3 strike outs, and one hit ball which the girls in the field aren't ready for. I can't blame them, though. It's 15 minutes of pitch and catch, and then suddenly there's a hit. And the parents wonder why their little girl wasn't ready. My Dominique is the catcher for a few innings a game, which is good because it keeps her involved on every pitch and enables her to practice catching and throwing many times throughout the game. At this level, a catcher's job is to give the pitcher a target and when the ball is pitched, try to catch it. Then the catcher gets up and picks up the ball after it stops rolling. It can usually be found resting up against the backstop.
After a recent game, the coach says to me how Dominique seems to like catching. I tell him why I like that she's catching. Then he says, "Oh, starting in May, there will be stealing." Stealing! Good grief. Is there really a clamor for stealing in this league? Are the girls saying, "We want to steal! We want to steal!" They hardly know the difference between a ball and a strike! Stealing creates frustration. Stealing eliminates the easy force plays on the infield, and easy infield outs are in desperate need. The pitcher can't get it over the plate. The catcher can't catch it. And if the catcher can catch it, she certainly can't reach second base on a throw when somebody is trying to steal. And if the catcher can reach 2nd base, it won't be accurate. And if it is accurate, the 2nd baseman isn't likely to catch it. After watching 3 games this year, these are my ideas for 9-year-old girl softball games:
1. no stealing.
2. if you feel you have to have stealing, pretending it's a learning tool, then no more than 5 steals a game per team.
3. once a team bats around the order, the next out finishes their inning.
4. anything close to an out on the field should be called an out. Not only do ties go to the fielder, anything close goes to the fielder.

Stealing. These long games are about to get a lot longer.

The New York Giants, who play in New Jersey, are building a new football stadium for $750 million, just a short way from their current Meadowland home. They are selling the naming rights to the new field for $12 million. Meanwhile, the New York Jets, who also play in New Jersey, are looking to move into their own stadium and are hoping to build a $2 billion stadium on prime Manhattan real estate on the West Side. The two teams currently share the same stadium, called Giants Stadium. The Jets want their own stadium with their own name on it.

And now, THE WAHOO GAZETTE IDEA OF THE DAY! The Giants want a new stadium with a lot more luxury boxes and nicer bathrooms. The Jets want their own stadium. Together, they will pay nearly $3 billion to get what they want. Here's the WAHOO GAZETTE IDEA OF THE DAY. Let the Giants build their stadium. Share the stadium with the Jets. Let the Jets buy the naming rights. Ta da!

In yesterday's Wahoo Gazette in an attempt to fill space, I included some worthless trivial facts. One useless fact:
-No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times if folded in half repeatedly

This was met with an e-mail from John Hill of Groton, Massachusetts.

Useless Facts: "Not True. I just folded a standard sheet of paper in half eight times. I did it by not changing the fold direction until I was unable to fold anymore. I did 5 horizontal folds followed by 3 vertical folds.
I tried doing it again but this time I alternated the fold direction. This time I was only able to do 7 folds."

Hey, Jay Potashnick, call back. I didn't realize it was you until we were hanging up. DOH!!!

Something new!
If you would like a written transcript of the Wahoo Gazette, just click on http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/exclusives/wahoo/ All the fun of the Wahoo Gazette, now in written form! Don't wait. Order now. Operators standing by.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
April 15, 1992 - New York Islander coach Al Arbour sets the record for most games coached; 1,438