Dave is feeling very good about himself today, having fulfilled his civic duty by reporting to jury duty up in Westchester County earlier in the day. Dave was called five or so years ago to serve and then too he wasn't chosen to sit, so this makes Dave 0-2. He proudly holds up his certificate for appearing for jury duty and he will not be called again for another 6 years. Dave has kind words for all involved in the jury selection system. He offers this bit of advice to the judge: "Wear something under the robe next time."

And then there was the Commissioner of Jurors who was quite the looker in Dave's estimation. Even though Dave was not chosen for a jury, he handed down this judgment concerning the commissioner: "This woman is guilty of being HOT!" Dave says he was hoping of being sequestered.
Of course, when called to serve jury duty you are bound to run into some people who try to get out of it. One complained of kidney stones. Another of dry scalp.
Anyway, Dave performed his duty, tried to serve, and is free for another 6 years. Dave suspects the law people don't like celebrities messing around with law business.

Did you watch the exciting Masters golf tournament at Augusta, Georgia? And what about that unbelievable shot by the Tiger on 16? His chip shot rolled and rolled and rolled and then slowed, slowed, slowed to the lip of the hole. And there the ball hung. Would it drop? We have a clip. Did the ball drop? It did once somebody knocked it in with his toe.

Hey, acting isn't all glamour. Sometimes you end up with a bad gig. For example, Dave brought in this clip he saw on the TV this weekend. It's a Bad Acting Gig. We see a commercial. A woman on a sofa says to the camera, "Living with genital herpes can be a hassle."

THOSE CRAZY, CRAZY TAX LAWS - it's tax season and here tonight to tell us some of those crazy crazy tax laws is Ernest Villany, President and CEO of Ernest J. Villany and Associates. After he recites one of those crazy crazy tax laws, Paul and Dave will discuss whether it is a fake one or a real one. Mr. Villany has a degree in Business Administration from Baruch College, City University of New York.

1. "Kansas requires that illegal drugs be taxed. The drug dealer must purchase tax stamps from the Department of Revenue and attach the stamp to the controlled substance."
Dave says it's real. Paul says it's fake. Most important, Dr. Ernest Villany says it's . . . . . . REAL.
Dave leads Paul, 1-0.

2. "Cat food is an allowable business expense in order to attract wild cats to deter snakes from a business such as a scrap yard."
Dave says it's fake. Paul says it's real. Ernie Villany says it's . . . . REAL.
Score tied, 1-1.
Dave wonders, "When do we get to the fake ones?" Paul, the comedic sage, answers, "Obviously, next." I howled with laughter. Ah, that Paul. He's right on it. Paul predicting the next one to be fake before hearing it made me think of a stock investor who purchases stocks based on the perceived cyclical flow of the charts.

3. "If you have been officially diagnosed as a hypochondriac, you can deduct up to 20% of your unnecessary medical expenses."
Dave is unsure about this and asks if we can come back to this one later.

4. "A clarinet and clarinet lessons as treatment for a child's overbite are an allowable medical deduction."
Dave and Paul both agree this one is real. They are both right.
Score: 2-2.

"If you have been officially diagnosed as a hypochondriac, you can deduct up to 20% of your unnecessary medical expenses."
Back to #3. Dave and Paul both agree this one is real. And they are both right.
Score 3-3.

5. "Accelerated farm loss depreciation may be claimed on schedule 36 it the total exemptions caused by dependent investment credits are less than the amortized gains realized by the adjusted gross deduction."
Dave goes with Real. Paul says Fake. And the answer is: It's fake. Paul wins, 4-3.

ROBIN WILLIAMS: in the film, "House of D." It opens Friday in New York and Los Angeles. (This is late so I'll rush through it.)
Robin's daughter is in the green room.
His son is in college majoring in linguistics.
Robin is a baseball fan, introduced to the sport by Billy Crystal. Robin roots for the San Francisco Giants.
Robin was a very close friend to Christopher Reeve, both going to Julliard together when just starting out. He spoke warm words about his wonderful friend.
"House of D" opens Friday in New York and L.A.

ACT 5: Coming up next, Dave's recipe for delicious lo-cal enchiladas. Stay with us.

MARTHA WAINWRIGHT: From her new debut CD, "Martha Wainwright," Martha Wainwright performed "When The Day Is Short."

And that was our show for April, 11, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

It was a weekend from heaven in New York. I can't remember two finer days of weather.

I came to work Monday morning fully expecting that Dave would be here for both shows, accepting the fact that he would be in and be out of jury duty in no time. When he was still not in just before rehearsal, doubt started to slip in. We made arrangements for Paul to guest host, with Dave in for the 2nd show we tape on Monday, the Friday show. And then, just at the end of rehearsal, Dave made it to the studio and he was back in the driver's seat. Since we rehearsed the Friday show (the 2nd show usually taped on Monday) with Dave in mind, we decided to do THIS one first, so the first show we taped on Monday from 4:30-5:30 was the Friday show. During the hour and a half break from 5:30 to 7:00, the Monday show was prepared. We taped Monday's show from 7:00 to 8:00 following the Friday's show taping.
And since the Monday's guests were scheduled to be here early for the 4:30 show, and since we did Friday's first, Monday's guests were moved to Friday's show and Friday's guests were put over to Monday. Most of us were running around so much, we're still not sure what happened or what day it is.

The Prince Charles/Camilla Parker Bowles wedding was postponed from Friday to Saturday so to not conflict with the Pope's funeral. Such a shame. And they were so hoping to save on the hall with the Friday booking.

Did you watch Pope John Paul II's funeral? I fell asleep with the TV on and woke around 3:00 AM right when the funeral was about to begin. I listened with my eyes shut for sleep for what seemed like the entire ceremony. I was impressed with the simplicity of the casket, appearing to be just a bit better than plywood. I then imagined every funeral director in the country now being worried that their customers will want the cheapest casket in the house. "If plywood is good enough for the Pope, it's good enough for me" will be the mantra. And that'll eat into their profits. And when you think of it, shouldn't all caskets be of simple plywood? I'm saying it now; when I go I want a plywood casket. And I don't mean I want a cheap casket that tries to look nice. No. I want it cheap, and I want it to look cheap. The money should be better spent. And then this got me to thinking some more. At funerals these days, do we see the casket being put into the ground? I'm not sure. Here's my theory: The griever pays big bucks for the best casket in the house. The casket looks pretty in the church and being put into the hearse. When the prayers are said and done at the cemetery and everyone heads over to the Olive Garden for dinner, the big switch is made. The deceased is moved to a cheap casket and the expensive one paid for by the griever is then resold to the next griever the next day. A little something for the grave digger, a little something for the funeral director. I know this isn't what I should have been thinking of during the Pope's funeral, but that's what was going through my head.

OK, OK. I thought I had put this to rest but something came up and now I'm spending sleepless nights trying to untangle this in my mind. It's that "Let's Make A Deal" thing again. I was very comfortable with my analysis, but now I got an e-mail that raises a good point. Doubts are seeping into my brain. I still think I'm right but I'm having a bit of trouble making sense out of this. The writer believes the final contestant switching curtains would not increase his chance of success - each curtain would have a 50/50 chance of being the big prize.
From Wahoo reader Nelson Shirota of Torrance, California -

"Think about it this way: Suppose there are three players and three curtains.
Player A chooses 1, B chooses 2 and C is left with 3. If player A is eliminated, will B and C trading curtains increase both of their probabilities of success?"

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
April 11, 1996 - The Detroit Red Wings become the 2nd NHL team to win 60 games in a season.