Dave has the jury duty next week, and as far as he’s concerned, everybody is guilty.   Able to detect a man’s jib with immediacy, Dave claims, “You could tell usually just by looking at the guy.”

Jane Fonda is on the show, the first time since 1986.   Dave muses he must have said something that kept her from coming back.

And we have Bloc Party.  Holding up the CD, Dave points out the cut on his finger.   It happened around the house.   Dave proclaims, “I will never grate cheese again!”    We then see Dave miming grating cheese at the desk.  At least I think that was what he was doing.  I hope that’s what he was doing.

Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, has announced she will be writing her memoirs which will be released some time next year.   Already, rave reviews are coming in.

“All the Cheneys are great writers, and she’s no exception.”
– Mary Matalin

“I couldn’t be more proud”
– Dick Cheney

“Loaded with hot lesbian action!”
– Bill Clinton

The Mary Cheney Memoir:  Reserve your copy today!

SOAP OPERA CLIP OF THE NIGHT:  It’s more from NBC’s Passions and the adorable little monkey-nurse, Precious.   Poor Mrs. Wallace is being attacked until Precious joins the fray and leaps on the perpetrator.  The perp and Precious roll down the steps. Mrs. Wallace is safe  . . . . . at least for another episode.

AUTO SHOW QUIZ: The Auto Show was at the Jacob Javits Convention Center last week and we took a camera crew there to capture the excitement.   We then took the footage back to the comedy lab here at the Theater and coupled it with entertaining jokes.

A guy ogling one of the spokesmodels
“This man is thinking:
A)    “I’d like to look under her hood”
B)    “Nice rack and pinnion”
C)    “Mmm, air bags.”

Big van
“This luxury van costs:
A)    $450 a month to lease
B)    $36,000 to buy
C)    $60,000 to fill the gas tank

Jeep obstacle course
“Jeep’s new slogan is:
A)    “The Off-Roading Legend”
B)    “The New Breed of Toughness”
C)    “For When You Need To Drive Over A Fake Hill In A Convention Center”

Woman vacuuming
“Here we see:
A)    a Javits Center employee
B)    a worker from a private cleaning firm
C)    Martha Stewart at her work-release job

A strange man or woman
“A good title for this scene is:
A) “Automotive Journalist”
B) “Car Buff”
C) “Hybrid”

JANE FONDA: Jane hasn’t been on with Dave since 1986.   She dropped out of Hollywood limelight once she married Ted Turner.   She says on their second date, Ted told her, “You know, this isn’t going to work unless you give up your career.”    Jane says she was miserable and looking ! to get out of the business anyway so it wasn’t something Ted forced her to do.   She admits living with Ted was like a three-ring circus, and many of the things that make him fascinating also makes him hard to live with.   Plus, Ted is the only person she knows who had to apologize more than she has.  

She talks about her trip to Vietnam in 1972 and the circumstances and repercussions surrounding that trip.   At that time, the government had been lying to the American people for 8 years about the war, why we were there, and how it was progressing.  Meanwhile, thousands of our boys were losing their lives.   Her visit to Vietnam was met with a lot of anger back home by many people.   She doesn’t regret going, but does regret the photo taken of her sitting on the anti-aircraft weapon.   She knew how it would appear and how people would interpret it.   To this day, people react to that photo on not on what she achieved on the trip.  

Jane has finished her autobiography, My Life So Far, in stores now.   She’s also starring in Monster-In-Law with Jennifer Lopez opens May 6th.

ACT 5: Hey, everyone!  Want to be on the Late Show?   It’s easy!  Simply send in a post card with your name and address to the Late Show office. Then, get cast as the lead in a major motion picture or television program or get yourself elected President of the United States.  It’s just that simple!  See you in the guest chair!

BLOC PARTY: Making their network television debut, from Leeds, England, Bloc Party performed “Banquet” from their CD, Silent Alarm.

And that was our show for Wednesday, April 6, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I’m driving to work this morning, and I wonder, ‘Since November of 2000, have the Gores played any more touch football?”  

I watched Blind Justice last night on ABC.   It’s about at believable as NBC’s Passions.   Our spoofs on Blind Justice isn’t too far from what you see on the actual show.   What little I watched the other night twice had Detective Dunbar’s partner almost killed because of his inability to see.   AND HE CARRIES A GUN!   I was laughing through most of the show.   And there’s one detective on the show who keeps pressing Dunbar, “I’ll get you off this job if it’s the last thing I do.”   And this guy is made to look like a bad guy!   Oh, and the lawsuits the city would face when someone is injured or killed by Dunbar is mind boggling.   In one scene, someone Dunbar and his partner is questioning puts a gun up to his own head and threatens to kill himself.   Dunbar and partner try to talk him out of it.   Meanwhile, Dunbar is pointing his gun at 2:00 when the guy with the gun is sitting at 12:00.   It was all very funny.   The episode ends with Dunbar at the shrink hinting that he fears he may not be the cop he once was.  Good grief.  

Last week I wrote a “This Date In History” thing about Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak creating Apple Computer on April 1, 1976.   Or I should say, I copied a thing about it.   I copied it because I know nothing about computers and to write about it would be futile and make no sense.   I am somewhat aware of who they are but since many of my readers are computer-philes, I thought it would interest them.   I always imagined Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak were great friends and regular dudes who done good.   !  

From a Wahoo reader, Thom Stark:

“Just so you know, Apple did NOT ‘create the look and feel of every desktop in the world (This Date in History: Apple Boots Up).’ Jobs stole the idea for the Mac interface from the Xerox Alto, a desktop personal computer system complete with mice and resizable windows that he saw in operation when he toured the Xerox Palo Alto Research Center (PARC) in 1977.

The Alto was the brainchild of Robert W. Taylor, the man who, as much as anyone, was responsible for the development of the Internet - and the Alto's interface, in turn, owed a big, BIG debt to Douglas Engelbart's AUGMENT system, which debuted in all its windowed, mouse-driven glory in 1969.

For the story in a nutshell, see my Boardwatch magazine cover story from December, 2000, They Might Be Giants:
www.starkrealities.com/giants.html

“I read with interest your cute little story ‘Apple Boots up’ about Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. I was an Apple user until I learned what a jerk and evil person Steve Jobs is! Check out this excerpt from this article:
http://www.historyhouse.com/in_history/apple/

Excerpt:

‘Woz accepted a job at Hewlett-Packard, while Jobs lied his way into a position at Atari. Jobs hid his technical shortcomings with his used-car salesman charisma, once claiming he could submit a working demo for a new game in four days. Of course, he talked his friend Woz, who had already been sucked into the video game craze, into helping him, and agreed to split the bonus if Atari bought the design. Woz worked for four days straight, with Jobs cheerleading him along. The game was released as Breakout and was incredibly successful. True to his word, Jobs thanked his friend and gave him half of the $700 bonus -- never admitting that he had actually received $7000 for Woz's game design.’

I won't EVER use a Mac!! Macs are for kids and dumb adults who can't use a mouse with 2 or more buttons.  And now that I am a Microsoft Certified Professional, I LOVE Windows PCs. Steve Jobs is VERY bad person. Bill Gates is an angel compared to Steve Jobs.”

My guy to watch this year in Major League Baseball:
Middle Reliever Juan Cruz of the Oakland A’s.   I see him breaking into the starting rotation by June, or possibly the team’s closer if they decide to trade away a somewhat expensive Octavio Dotel.   Any Oakland A’s fans out there know of anything?  

And to win the World Series:  The Minnesota Twins.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
April 6, 1926 – The Montreal Maroons defeat the Vancouver Cougars (WHL) 3 games to 1 to win the Stanley Cup.

The Wahoo Gazette: David Manning of the Register Press calls it “The Best!”