Dave is having some difficulty with the monologue. Something is bothering him. He's finding it hard to keep on track. What's the problem? Dave has us take a look by the "blue doors" between where Ms. Gaines stands and the spiral staircase. We see a deluge of rain falling just behind the curtain. It's pouring. It's not a slow drip. Not a steady drip. But a full drenching of the area. It's our own Victoria Falls. Can Barbara Gaines do anything? She says we are doing the best we can to fix the problem, then gives her own personal weather report: "It's raining more inside than outside."

It's the end of the week. Let's see take a look back at what happened.
WEEK IN REVIEW:
1. The Passion of the Christ is now out on DVD, but with the following disclaimer: "Unauthorized duplications of this motion picture will result in eternal damnation in the unquenchable fires of Hell."
2. It's something new our stagehand has been working on, it's "Pat Farmer's 'Surprise! You're on TV!'"
-we see Pat with a nice young gentleman outside a clothing store.
-Pat: "Hi. I'm standing here with Steven Levy who's in town visiting. We're going to let Steve inside this clothing store right behind us and go on a shopping spree. Take anything you want. How's that sound?"
-Steve: "Sounds great!"
-Pat: "Well, then go ahead.
-Steve runs inside and starts grabbing all the clothing he can. Pat speaks to the camera
-Pat: "There is no shopping spree. There store has no idea what we're doing. Let's see what happens."
-We watch Steve grab an armful of clothes and start to make his way out of the store. Store security stops him and beats him to a pulp.

3. "American Idol" had some trouble last week with their voting and again this week. We have a clip.

Announcer: "For Bo Bice, text 'vote' to 5701. For Vonzell Solomon, text 'vote" to 5702. For Nikko Smith, text 'vote' to 570384920182764728728502302292111828374661."

4. It's a beautiful day today . . . . uhhh, I mean it was a beautiful day earlier this week. Everyone wanted to be outside. Take a look at what was going on outside of Flashdancers. We see two scantily clad curvaceous women dancing and gyrating on a poll. Yeeha! And no cover charge!

5. And "The Ring Two" continues to be a big hit at the box office. It's a taut psychological thriller about people who die after viewing a frightening video. We take a look.
-we see a young woman sitting on the sofa with her hands over her eyes. Her gentleman friends enters and asks with urgency, "What did you do?!" She says she turned on the video but didn't watch, only listened. They both slowly look towards the TV. On the TV is . . . . . . Larry King Live! The young woman screams with terror.

6. And have you been watching the "Blind Justice"? It's the police drama about a blind detective still working on the job. We see a clip from a recent episode.
Crook: "Don't come any closer! I swear I'll shoot!"
Detective Dunbar (blind): "Just put the gun down and we'll talk this out."
Crook: "No more talking! Drop the gun."
Detective Dunbar (blind): "You leave me no choice."
Detective Dunbar fires his weapon. Quick cut to a nearby hotdog vendor whose chest explodes from being shot.
Detective Dunbar (blind): "Did I get him? . . . . Anyone?"
Quick cut to wide shot of Detective Dunbar getting run over by a speeding taxi cab.
Credits.

And that was our week. I really enjoy how Paul and the band sings us out of Week in Review. It's from Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In's Look at the News.

Dave fears what the interior rain storm will bring. He lists:
1. standing water
2. which brings mosquitoes
3. which brings malaria and dengue fever
4. which will bring us all to gulping the quinine.

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item? A bowl of gum drops. What size gum drops? Alan says, "The writers described them as 'Big Ass' gum drops. Will the gum drops be dropped with the bowl or will they be poured into the tank? Alan says the gum drops will be poured into the Will It Float tank. Dave says it will float. We're ready to play Will It Float. The models drop the gum drops . . . . and the bowl into the Will It Float tank . . . . and it SINKS.
Dave looks for a do-over since the models dropped the gum drops with the bowl. A hectic show becomes a bit more hectic as we try to retrieve the gum drops and the bowl from the bottom of the Will It Float tank.

TOP TEN: Signs Your Baseball Team Isn't Ready for the Season. I type of a top ten info card for Dave for every top ten. Most times it's not necessary. Sometimes he just uses it as a quick reminder. For tonight's top ten, I had this:
-Major League Baseball's Opening Day is this Sunday night, April 3rd.
-Boston Red Sox vs. The New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium
-8:00 PM on ESPN2

Typing that up for Dave, I realized there were just so many things wrong with that.
1. Major League Baseball's Opening Day is Sunday Night.
-Opening Day should be during the day
-Opening Day should be mid-week, not on a Sunday.
-Opening Day is this Sunday, sandwiched between the Final Four and the Finals.

2. Boston Red Sox vs. the New York Yankees.
- why put the game's best rivalry on Opening Day? The day is festive and exciting as it is. The game is almost secondary. Save these games for later in the season when Major League Baseball needs a jolt of enthusiasm

3. 8:00 PM on ESPN2
-8:00 PM - 9-year-old Yankee and Red Sox fans on the east coast will miss most of the game, having to get to bed early for school the next day.

4. And while Sunday is opening day, earlier on Sunday there is still a bunch of spring training games being played. No no no! Major League Baseball is ruining everything! Opening Day is Opening Day! It's a special day. Major League Baseball is clouding up this special day with things they think are special. Just leave it alone! Please!

If I ruled the world - This year Opening Day would be Monday, April 4th; a day game in Cincinnati. The rest of the league would start on Tuesday.
The Cincinnati Reds were the first major league baseball team and when I was a lad, traditionally opened the season ahead of the other teams.

TOP TEN: Signs Your Baseball Team Isn't Ready for the Season
#9. Water cooler's filled with Tom Collins mix.
#7. The roof of your stadium is leaking. (Dave made this one up on the fly - we changed the chyron/wording on the screen during the post-editing)
#1. Canseco still hasn't shown up with the 'vitamins.'

LISA MARIE PRESLEY: She has a stylist who made her get all gussied up to look nice. Lisa says she would rather be wearing Converse. She recently performed at the House of Blues in Anaheim when a fight broke out. The problem? Some guy grabbed the wrong girl's butt. Happens all over America.
Does her mom Priscilla watch her perform? Does she give any advice? Lisa says her mom tells her to do less "snarling and growling." Lisa says she can't help it. When she's giving her all and the crowd gives nothing back, it makes her angry. Dave understands and agrees.
Last August, Lisa Marie was featured on the cover Vogue, a shot of 3 generations of Presleys. There is Lisa Marie, her 15-year-old daughter, and Lisa's mom Priscilla; all looking lovely. And in May, CBS is celebrating Elvis with a special, "Elvis by the Presleys." Elvis would have turned 70 this year.
Any stories about dad? Lisa says she was suddenly wakened in the middle of the night one time by an incredibly loud noise coming from her father's bedroom. When she went to investigate, she found these guys buzz-sawing down his door. They had to because Elvis got a hankering to play the piano and sing some Gospel at 4:00 in the morning and the only way to get the grand piano through was to widen the door. Lisa Marie has a new CD coming out next week entitled, "Now What." Her favorite song on the CD: "Idiot."

AHMED IBRAHIM: He's a cab driver. He's a matchmaker. He's a guest on the Late show. How did his matchmaking start? Ahmed says he once met a nice woman in his cab. He offered, "We have a lot in common. You take a cab. I drive a cab. . . . ." Before he could get much farther she shot him down. His first success was introducing a female lawyer who was a rider in his cab early in the week to a stock broker. He took HIS business card and when the woman lawyer was once again his passenger, he gave her his business card. A match was made. He's been driving a cab for 20 years but has only been in the matchmaking business for the past six. He has certain rules: you gotta have an e-mail; no old guys just looking for action; and no sugar daddies.
Is Ahmed married? Does he have a wife? Says Ahmed; "No wife. But I do have an agent."
Ahmed has been Paul's driver twice. Once drove him to Columbia University. Once a passenger with Will Lee. What kind of tipper? "He's was OK."
So if you're looking for a mate, make your first stop the taxi driver with the agent.

ACT 5: It's Tony Cue Card Mendez showering in our new shower stall just off stage. The rain continues to fall inside and out.

JAKE JOHNANNSEN: Very funny guy. Talks about TV; gay marriage, fights; civil unions, and gays in the military and Wal-Mart. He'll be at the Acme Comedy Store in Minneapolis, Minnesota April 6-9th.

Before saying goodnight, we play Will It Float one more time. This time, just gum drops, no bowl. The models drop the gum drops and . . . . . they sink.

And that was our show for Friday, April 1, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

HBO Question: Can anyone tell me the last time HBO did not show an episode of Deadwood or Carnivale? One show or the other, if not both, are on every night between 8:00 P.M. and 2::00 A.M.

Ted Koppel is leaving "Nightline" at the end of the year. At which time he will be replaced by Conan. Raise your hand if you thought of this one already.

Hey, Apple fans, check this out.

This Date in History:
APRIL 1, 1976
APPLE BOOTS UP
By Lev Grossman
They were two guys named Steve, so Steve Jobs was called Steve and Steve Wozniak went by Woz. At 25, Wozniak was the technical brains. Jobs, 21, was the dreamer with a knack for getting others to dream along with him. They had gone to the same high school, and in the hazy years after graduation -both were college dropouts-a shared interest in electronics brought them together. Jobs didn't yet have his own place, so when their formal partnership began, the decision was made in a bedroom at his parents' ranch house in Los Altos, Calif.
Most computers in 1976 were room-size machines with Defense Department-size price tags, but Wozniak had been tinkering with a new design, and his computer was different. It wasn't much to look at-just a bunch of chips screwed to a piece of plywood-but it was small, cheap and easy to use, and Jobs had noticed the stir it caused when they took it to a local computer club. "He said, 'We'll make it for 20 bucks, sell it for 40 bucks!'" Wozniak remembers. "I kind of didn't think we'd do it." Jobs came up with the name, inspired by an orchard in Oregon where he had worked with some friends: Apple Computer. "When we started the little partnership, it was just like, Oh, this will be fun," Wozniak says. "We won't make any money, but it'll be fun."
They didn't go out and celebrate that day. Woz wouldn't even quit his day job designing chips for calculators at Hewlett-Packard until months later, after Jobs had sold his Volkswagen bus for seed money. Nobody, not even Jobs, saw what was coming next: that Apple would create the look and feel of every desktop in the world and start our love affair with the personal computer.

And because of those two guys, we now have stuff like the Wahoo Gazette.

This weekend at my favorite movie theater, the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York, will be playing Stanley Kubrick's "DR. STRANGELOVE or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb."

Also, from their website:

"The Spring 2005 season of Big Screen Classics continues this Saturday at the Lafayette Theatre in Suffern, NY - showtime is 11:30am - doors open at 11 - so come early and hear Jeff Barker playing the Mighty Wurlitzer for your pre-show enjoyment.

Don't forget the upcoming silent film festival, THE SOUNDS OF SILENTS on April 8-9-10, 2005. We will be featuring nine incredible programs of silent features and short subjects, and all will show with live musical accompaniment.

Performers include DENNIS JAMES, ROBERT ISRAEL, THE MONT ALTO MOTION PICTURE ORCHESTRA, JEFF BARKER, MICHAEL HOLMES, DONALD SOSIN/JOANNA SEATON, JOHN BARATTA, and BEN MODEL. Advance multi-show tickets are on sale now at the Lafayette box office and on the internet at www.bigscreenclassics.com/indexlafayette.htm

Special offer - purchasers of the Full Festival Pass can get preferred seating in the Lafayette's Opera Boxes (if desired)!"

With the NCAA Basketball Championship game to be played Monday night, the Late Show won't be on until late. So late, in fact, that we'll be up against Sermonette. Therefore, a repeat is scheduled:
MONDAY: from March 23, 2005; Show #2338: Sean "P. Diddy" Combs; and Erika Christensen. PLUS: What's on Sale Now; and Pat and Kenny Read Oprah.

Check the Wahoo and make your plans accordingly.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
April 1, 1980 - Wayne Gretzky breaks Bobby Orr's record with his 103rd assist of the season.